February 5, 2004

11:59 PM

With Valentine's Day approaching . . . do men and women want and/or need the same things from a relationship? What do men really want? What do women really want? Do we define love the same way?
posted by onlyconnect to (12 comments total)

What do men really want?
What do women really want?
Go nuts.
posted by Galvatron at 6:28 AM on February 6, 2004

Actually, I *have* googled this before, thanks, but came here because I feel like I know this community and trust its opinions. If you look at the google results above for men, for example, they often seem to conclude that what men really want is sex, which is not, I think, what most of the men at MetaFilter would say.

But if people aren't into this question, that's okay, too. I asked because it's something I've been thinking about for a long time.
posted by onlyconnect at 6:44 AM on February 6, 2004

Onlyconnect, why would you ask individuals what they think men and women, presumably aggregated and averaged somehow, want from a relationship? You need social research, not gallery opinions.

Not only that, but if you were to be supplied with social research links, what good would such abstract answers do you? After all, you're dealing with individuals in your daily life, and they may or may not reflect particular social trends.

I'm with Galvatron on this one. Google it if you're only casually interested, and get a research grant if it's really something you must pursue.
posted by clever sheep at 7:52 AM on February 6, 2004

This man really wants this post to be deleted.
posted by mkultra at 8:53 AM on February 6, 2004

I want someone to do my laundry.
posted by bondcliff at 9:21 AM on February 6, 2004

because I feel like I know this community and trust its opinions.

asking for love advice on MetaFilter is... is... is...

*brain explodes*
posted by matteo at 10:05 AM on February 6, 2004

i don't think that you can honestly say what men as a group want or what women as a group want. you can only ask individuals what it is they want. that's like asking one african american to speak for the race. what's the point in that? some people want one thing, some people want another.

plus just because someone wants something one day, they may not still want that the next day, month, or year.
posted by alicila at 10:17 AM on February 6, 2004

Speaking for myself….

A man wants to be appreciated. No matter how weird, stinky, temperamental, poor he is, he wants a woman who will love and celebrate his ways, not try to change them, not simply tolerate them. I’ve broken up with women because they tried to change me, didn’t appreciate all my various, contradictory parts. I’ve broken up with women who clearly thought I was weird. Women have broken up with me because they didn’t see me as stable enough, or they were afraid of uncertainty.

I cannot freaking STAND the “good enough for now, he’ll settle down once he gets married” sort of stuff, nor patronizing (matronizing?) types who treat men as little boys, allowed to get away with mischief as long as they do their chores.

That makes me sound a bit bitter, I guess; I think those who know me (wink) know I’m not.
posted by MrMoonPie at 10:29 AM on February 6, 2004

Does nobody want lots of hot sex? :p
posted by madman at 11:41 AM on February 6, 2004

That's included in the "No matter how weird" part, above, madman.
posted by MrMoonPie at 12:37 PM on February 6, 2004

That is helpful, MrMoonPie, though it's hard to see you as weird or unstable. Or bitter! Anyway, thank you.

This is not so far from what I think I want myself, which sort of blows my theory. But I do wonder whether women might not often want *more* of this, perhaps attach greater psychological importance to their relationship's place in their life than men. Or some men. Probably not, though. Perhaps everyone is right, and it's all a matter of individuals, without marked trends.
posted by onlyconnect at 2:46 PM on February 6, 2004

I don't know what women want, but whatever it is, it's probably the fault of the Bush administration.
posted by majcher at 7:17 PM on February 6, 2004