Looking to push the boundaries of acceptable airport security humor.

February 3, 2004 6:25 AM

I just bought a new aluminum laptop case, and I'm trying to come up with clever things to stencil on the outside that won't get me sent to Guantanamo Bay should I enter an airport.

A couple of possibilities:

-caution: perishable contents--human eyeballs

-property of skynet

A sticker of some sort would work, and I would probably do something in small type so that you could only see it if you were sitting next to me.

posted by mecran01 to Human Relations (24 answers total)

"These are not the droids you're looking for"
posted by adamrice at 6:31 AM on February 3, 2004

support your local amalgamated baggage handler and security personnel retirement fund

property of white, male, middle class american (or: aspiring white, male, middle class american)

i want to be one of those cool people with a stencilled aluminium laptop case (or: look at my property. i own cool things. like me. please.)

my question went to metafilter and all i got was this lousy quote
posted by andrew cooke at 6:39 AM on February 3, 2004

steal me
posted by andrew cooke at 6:42 AM on February 3, 2004

Sorry to derail, but what kind of aluminum case did you get? I've been looking for a good one myself.
posted by Coffeemate at 6:47 AM on February 3, 2004

A Stars & Stripes should make you look suitably patriotic and earn you brownie points from any brain-dead patriot security droid who might otherwise give you trouble. 'First impressions are everything' and all that.

Of course, unsightly as heck, but we all have to make sacrifices in these dangerous times.
posted by Blue Stone at 6:58 AM on February 3, 2004

i want to emblazon "this is not probable cause" on cars, ski-jackets, baseball caps. . . whathaveyou. but i suspect someone would eventually rule that it was, in fact, probable cause. nonetheless, i vote for stenciling "this is not probable cause" on it.
posted by crush-onastick at 7:44 AM on February 3, 2004

Total Information Awareness -- node #3957
posted by Galvatron at 7:50 AM on February 3, 2004

fake bullet holes.
posted by crunchland at 7:54 AM on February 3, 2004

... a weeping eagle?
posted by jpburns at 7:55 AM on February 3, 2004

How about a heart surrounding the word "Mom"?
posted by rocketman at 8:23 AM on February 3, 2004

(These are great, Coffeemate, albeit pricey.)
posted by rushmc at 8:38 AM on February 3, 2004

Can't go wrong with the classics: Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
posted by rushmc at 8:39 AM on February 3, 2004

Cavity searches make the Baby Jesus cry?
posted by keswick at 8:40 AM on February 3, 2004

"Please don't send me to Guantanamo."

Or, you could try:

"Hal v.0.1."
"Badass motherfucker."
"Charlie."
"I lost 50 lbs in one month. Ask me how."
posted by callmejay at 8:44 AM on February 3, 2004

I'd go with the classic: flames.
posted by me3dia at 9:00 AM on February 3, 2004

"baby milk factory"
posted by jpoulos at 9:58 AM on February 3, 2004

Thanks for the info, rushmc.

I like the idea of flames, or some other cool graphic. Maybe 1's and 0's that look random up close but from afar form some sort of image? I think that could slip past security pretty easily but still express what you want it to.
posted by Coffeemate at 10:23 AM on February 3, 2004

Dude, I'd totally stencil in really minimilistic fashion "Giorgio Armani" or "Prada" or "Louis Vuitton", you'd be so hip and girls just love that stuff, they won't know.

How about "The blow's not in here, it's up my nose!" because quite obviously, aluminum cases look like you're carrying the product.
posted by geoff. at 10:27 AM on February 3, 2004

Response by poster: Maybe I'll silk screen this on it:



note: Ask MetaFilter is as useful as you make it. Please limit comments to answers or help in finding an answer. Wisecracks don't help people find answers. Thanks.

But thanks for the suggestions.
posted by mecran01 at 10:50 AM on February 3, 2004

Response by poster: p.s. They're about $15 plus shipping on Ebay:

Primo aluminum laptop case

I bought it because I wanted something thin enough that I wouldn't be tempted to cram it full of books and papers that I don't really need when I go to write in the library/denny's/whatever. Because my knees and back hurt.

Thanks to those who gave the genuinely funny suggestions. Apologies for overreacting to the trolls. Now I'm going to get in my PT cruiser (covered with bullet holes) and head off to TGIF's while wearing my dockers with the elastic waist. And I'll have on my patented blue blocker driving glasses, and be listening to Chilliwack.
posted by mecran01 at 11:00 AM on February 3, 2004

Mecran, I recommend having some steganographic fun with whatever outwardly peacable image you end up choosing!
posted by billsaysthis at 11:04 AM on February 3, 2004

Clever is in the eye of the beholder, mecran01. In this case, you were asking for wisecracks, essentially, so I don't think the general rule applies much. I see no trolls here, and it seems a bit ungracious to be rude to people trying to help you.
posted by rushmc at 3:26 PM on February 3, 2004

inspiration here
posted by Frasermoo at 5:27 PM on February 3, 2004

I suggest a barcode stencil. You can generate custom barcodes here. It's not like they would be readable by anything (or anyone) so you could put whatever you want in there, be as subversive as you want, and nobody would know what it says. All they would know is that it is a barcode, which is itself a statement. Terrorist, pacifist, artist, degenerate, drug mule, the possibilities are endless.
posted by UrbanFigaro at 11:46 AM on February 4, 2004