Cards with pictures of dogs or babies wearing hats are stupid.

November 13, 2006 2:50 PM

Help me come up with a legitimately funny company Christmas card.

We always send out Christmas cards (sorry - "holiday" cards) to our clients, which are mostly high-tech startup companies. The prevailing idea for this year's card is really stupid and unfunny - I want to propose something clever, or, failing that, stupid but funny to replace it with. Anything that incorporates the trials and tribulations of high-tech start-ups, venture capital, the tech bubble, or Silicon Valley culture is a plus, but general sarcasm and wise-assery is good too. Any ideas? Let's put that famous MeFi snark to good use!

posted by EnormousTalkingOnion to grab bag (12 comments total)

Santa, we don't think you're going to recoup those costs just by running Google Ads on your sled.
posted by genghis at 3:07 PM on November 13, 2006

Sewageprocessingcompany.com just raised $5m from an assortment of VCs for a venture involving user-generated content.

Conversely, Paul Graham reckons four students can put something just as good together by working in their own bathroom for $8000.
posted by genghis at 3:15 PM on November 13, 2006

Do these have to be funny or can I just keep venting hate?
posted by genghis at 3:17 PM on November 13, 2006

How about an enormous disclaimer in legalese, explaining that you hope no offence is taken because of the card?

Think about it.. you'd need protection from offending:
- Christians (for commercializing the holiday?)
- Jews (for not mentioning Hanukkah?)
- Muslims (Ramadan)
- Pagans (double-whammy; not mentiong Yule AND Christmas is Yule co-opted anyway)
- For that matter, Romans--Christmas co-opted Saturnalia too
- Environmentalists (omg cards made of TREES)

etc.

Any lawyer could legalese up at least a card's worth of text. Bonus points for making it a single sentence.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 3:46 PM on November 13, 2006

Tell us about your company; that might help generate ideas. What does it do?
posted by amtho at 4:03 PM on November 13, 2006

It's in the marketing/PR space, so ideally it would be something that makes fun of marketing doublespeak, products in beta that never get finished, glowing superlatives about minor features, things like that.
posted by EnormousTalkingOnion at 5:23 PM on November 13, 2006

Santa 2.0. With Java (or other coffee to keep him awake all night), user-defined reindeer and Ruby on Rails implementation of red suit in sled. Imagine the elf icons.
posted by wendell at 7:31 PM on November 13, 2006

EnormousTalkingOnion writes "It's in the marketing/PR space, so ideally it would be something that makes fun of marketing doublespeak, products in beta that never get finished, glowing superlatives about minor features, things like that."

Oh easy. Turn it into a marketing piece for your new line of Non-Denominational Recycled Midwinter (Northern Hemisphere) Card Items.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 8:07 PM on November 13, 2006

I always liked the blackly sardonic twist on happy marketingspeak that these guys put in their (de)motivational posters. Perhaps you could get some inspiration from their style? (Although their stuff may be a little too bleak for the "happiest time of the year".)
posted by Quietgal at 9:00 PM on November 13, 2006

"We value your participation in our organization"

In black letters on manila paper.
posted by Pollomacho at 10:25 PM on November 13, 2006

New Yorker cartoons?
posted by mdonley at 3:54 AM on November 14, 2006

How about "mistakenly" sending your clients an internal brief for doing just this kind of promo holiday mailing? Make sure the brief includes lots of descriptive and graphic overkill*, and append a routing slip and lots of silly edits and comments by various staff members.
*along the lines of the spoof Microsoft version of the iPod package
posted by rob511 at 2:54 PM on November 14, 2006