Met a girl, she has a boyfriend, so what to do?
November 13, 2006 6:36 AM Subscribe
About a year ago I met a dealer at a casino in another city. After a couple of subsequent visits, I mustered up the nerve to talk to her during while she was off-duty my last night there, and we got along well enough. It didn't take long until she mentioned her boyfriend, though, so how should I approach things when I visit again in a couple of weeks?
posted by TheSecretDecoderRing to Human Relations (53 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
I never figured I'd have much of a chance with her, and I fully expected her to already be taken, but needless to say it was still pretty heartbreaking. Not only is she possibly the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, but she was smart, personable, and fun to talk with. We were both surprised to find out we were the same age (late 20s). Things would probably be a lot easier if it had been a dull conversation so I could get over her, but as it turned out, a day doesn't go by where I don't think about her.
Being a pessimist, I figured exchanging numbers wasn't kosher given that she was in a relationship. But before she left, I told myself I'd hate myself if I didn't at least try to ask if she were willing to get a quick coffee or something. She politely declined, and we politely shook hands and exchanged names. In what seemed to me like a perfunctory manner, she added how nice a chat it had been. I'm not the "play the field" type, so should I be feeling so apologetic about the awkwardness of sort-of-asking-her-out?
Given that she's surrounded by male players at work all the time, I'd gotten the feeling she was a bit disappointed that yet another guy was trying to pick her up (and I'm sure that happens a lot). In any case, I'm sure she inferred that I "liked" her and hadn't talked to her just because she happened to be the dealer who was free at the time.
I'll be visiting the city again soon because I'm considering moving there so I can quit a job I hate, and hopefully find a new one there as a dealer (it was actually her that made it seem like an attainable goal). I can rationally say it's not a case of me trying to be closer to her. Heck, if I saw her with her boyfriend, I'd be even more miserable.
I'm fully aware she's off-limits, but she's a wonderful person and as someone already in the industry, I'd like to get to know her better in a platonic way. I can't deny I'll still have a crush on her, and as someone with not the highest self-esteem, I'm terrified to see her again, and don't want her to feel like I'm trying to push myself on her. After writing this whole darn thing, it almost seems obvious that I'm worrying too much and should just make some effort, but what's the best way to go about it? Now I feel gun-shy as far as asking to talk more about her job over lunch, or asking for her number.