Should I move cross-country despite my misgivings?

November 4, 2006 2:29 PM

Should I move cross-country despite my misgivings? I live in the midwest and have accepted a job in Los Angeles, CA. As I prepare to move, some problems have arisen that are making me re-think my decision.

The positives: The job would be an academic position at a large university, and my first professional position after spending 3 years in grad school. The job is *exactly* what I want to do, which is pretty rare for a new hire in my field, and should prepare me well for future jobs. It's the type of plum job that I would be crazy to say no to, as the school is also paying for a house-hunting trip and relocation/moving expenses. I have found a room to rent (shared apt. with a stranger) but have not signed a lease yet, which gives me some flexibility.

The negatives: This would mean leaving my family and friends in the midwest (I currently know 2 people in Los Angeles). The pay is OK, better than average for the field, but not enough to get back to visit more than twice a year, and most of my friends are students or artists or otherwise poor, so it is not likely they can come visit me. The pay also means I cannot afford to ship items later; everything I want to take to LA has to be taken in one trip by the school-hired moving company (again, because of the pay, I cannot just ditch my stuff and buy new furniture in LA). My boyfriend and I have lived together for 3 years, and he is stuck here in the midwest until May 2007, when I would have to move to LA in late November 2006. In addition to the usual long-distance relationship issues which we are wrestling with, this adds a new level of complication: we'll be splitting our household possessions, I'll take some to LA, and then he'll drive out to LA in May. The idea of packing everything and moving is already crazy, but this splitting-then-back-together makes it even more of a nightmare. Another consideration is that I currently live in a fantastic apartment which is really cheap in a great location in my town (close to things I like to do, like biking routes and woods to hike in, and I have a garden-- none of which I'll have in LA), but there's not many jobs in my field here.

Everyone I know says to go to LA, it's a great opportunity. I agree, but my career is not the most important thing to me: having free time to do my own projects and hang out with my family and friends are my priorities. I guess I feel a little guilty about having my life be a higher priority than my career, as this is not the usual mindset in my field, and I suspect that my mentors/former profs who have given me advice are assuming that my career is the higher priority. Also, all the advice-givers will not have to do any of the work I will have to do (packing, moving, learning new city/new job, etc.). I moved to the east coast alone a few years back and was miserable. It's difficult to be brand-new in a place and all alone.

I have been falling apart for the past few weeks trying to decide about this. I have no appetite, cannot sleep, and cannot focus on anything because I am so distracted by the thoughts racing around in my head. I went to a therapist and she was somewhat helpful, but I'm still feeling undecided. I've already agreed to the job, but I could get out of it with some damage to my reputation, but don't know what I would do after that (I left my current job because I accepted the LA job). I suppose I could find something short-term and then keep looking for jobs in my field. I've even gotten to the point where I'm asking strangers on the Internets for advice. If you've had experience with a similar situation or advice for resources to consult, ways to make this decision, advice for how to handle this move if I do go, etc., I would certainly appreciate it. I have set up [e-mail] for questions. (FYI: I'm a 26 yr old woman.)

posted by anonymous to grab bag (39 comments total)

Go--you may never get a better opportunity. You can find a way to make the other stuff work out, but it sounds like you may not get as good a job opportunity again.

Better to regret the things you did do than the things you didn't.
posted by MrMoonPie at 2:51 PM on November 4, 2006

You're scared because your life is about to change. But it sounds like you're making the right choice to move to LA- you shouldn't stay in the Midwest just to be with your furniture and your cheap apartment. Plus, you say your "free time" is your priority over your career, but having a job that sucks and isn't in your field of interest will make your whole life miserable. Go to LA and try it for at least a year.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 2:55 PM on November 4, 2006 [1 favorite]

I'm 25 and am in almost exactly the same situation. I am in favor of you going because if you don't go things will never feel the same back at home, your life at home will probably have a slight taste of regret for not trying the new, scary route. If you do try and hate it you can come back before your BF uproots everything to move out there with you. It's like a petrie dish, you have 6 months to try something new that sounds like exactly the career you want. You might decide the career isn't what you want, in which case you can always go back and regroup and try something new.

In general, I think it's best never to make life decisions based on fear (ie, I won't go to LA because it scares me) because it sets up a precedent for fear-based decisions. Go to LA, if you decide it sucks, go home or go somewhere else. Be thankful that this is happening to you at exactly the right time for it to be happening, not when you're 50 with kids.
posted by np312 at 2:59 PM on November 4, 2006

If I were in your situation, I would still do the move. Long distance with your boyfriend for 6 months may seem like an eternity, but if you have a strong relationship you'll be just fine. As for friends, you'll also be in an academic environment where there are tons of people your age in all sorts of really interesting fields and I don't think it will that difficult to meet people.
And like everyone else has told you...it sounds like an amazing opportunity. You're young enough that you can afford to take risks in your life, go for it!
posted by echo0720 at 3:01 PM on November 4, 2006

but having a job that sucks and isn't in your field of interest will make your whole life miserable.

And what ThePinkSuperhero said. You have NO idea how miserable a job that you don't find interesting can make you.
posted by echo0720 at 3:02 PM on November 4, 2006

There are going to be problems no matter what you do. If you stay, it's going to be easy to see any future problems with your boyfriend, your career, or your midwestern life as evidence that you should have gone. If you go, then any problems with your boyfriend, your LA life, or your career will become evidence that you should have stayed. There is no way out of the fact that at some point, your decision will just have to be arbitrary. But you've already made that arbitrary decision and started things in motion, so you might as well follow your own lead, and move to LA.
posted by bingo at 3:03 PM on November 4, 2006

Reframe it. Instead of looking at it like, OMG WTF, look at it this way - list your issues and find work arounds.

If you don't take this job, another may never arise. If you do take it, and it doesn't work out, you can (with hit points to your reputation) quit (citing family issues - make up something major) and go home.

If you don't take this job, at double the age you currently are, you'll be wondering what course your life would have taken otherwise.

It's scary, for sure, to move that kind of distance. But feel the fear, and do it anyway.
posted by b33j at 3:07 PM on November 4, 2006

Honestly, my first reaction is that you're second-guessing yourself (there's a certain amount of pressure associated with a "plum" job that's "exactly" what you want to do), and making excuses about why you really shouldn't take this perfect job.

The hard work of moving is almost the same whether you're moving locally or long-distance, so that shouldn't be much of a factor (especially when they're paying for it!). The emotional stress of a long-distance relationship also seems negligible in this instance. You're going to be apart for 6 months -- you'll likely barely notice the time passing, you'll be so busy. Splitting possessions also feels like an "excuse" problem -- what's the real harm in eventually having two saucepans instead of one? Since you're only waiting six months for the rest of your stuff, you can probably do without a lot of things, rather than having to replace them.

Leaving family and friends behind is stressful -- all I can say in this regard is that I drove from rural NY to San Francisco, leaving everyone behind, to go to the perfect grad program, and guess what, I made friends -- better, closer, more interesting friends than the ones I'd left behind. But yes, eight years later it still sucks to see my family only once a year.

We can't tell you what to do -- but I'm still going to say, "go." Although the job-hunting part of me thinks your attitude sucks, and wants to say "if you have any doubts, let someone who is passionate about and dying for this perfect job have it instead." But that's just because I'd move anywhere on earth if I was offered the perfect job, and my field is really competitive.
posted by obliquicity at 3:10 PM on November 4, 2006

As you say yourself, plum academic jobs are hard to come by, and one of the perils of academe is that you must go where the jobs are. I empathize with your predicament, and it definitely is a predicament. It's not easy to uproot your life, especially when you're happy with that current life. It sounds like you are happy, so the question is, would the sacrifice be worth it over the long haul? I don't know if there's a right answer.

I have done the long distance move myself a few times, and each time it was hard to do for reasons similiar to the ones you list. During the first month after each move, I was 100% convinced that I had made a huge mistake. There was much crying and hand-wringing and desperate strategizing about how to undo the mess I'd made. And then at some point, the details of daily life in the new place started to erode some of the desperation. I met people. They started out as ok and slowly, slowly became people I wanted to hang out with. I found new cafes I liked to read in, new restaurants, new movie theaters. Acclimating to a new place is a hard and gradual process, but in my experience, being open to what's new is an important part of growing as a person, and fear of the unknown (and fear of leaving a secure place) are natural.

I guess my advice would be to not be afraid to take a chance, whether that chance is moving to LA or giving up a plum job. Either way you are taking a risk, and you give something up. You have to decide which sacrifice is the one you can live with.

On preview, what everybody else said.
posted by butternut at 3:11 PM on November 4, 2006

First off, let's look at this:

Everyone I know says to go to LA, it's a great opportunity. I agree, but my career is not the most important thing to me

You already know this — I can see it in your comment — but you look like you're looking for support in this, so: the answers to these kinds of problems aren't ever straight lines, they're never easy, and they're highly personal. Nobody can make this decision but you. Yeah, what "everybody says" is worth thinking about, because you can use other people to help you think beyond your own imagination and map out the list of pros and cons... but in the end, it's all you, you who'll live out the decision day-to-day. Everybody else ('cept maybe your boyfriend) is pretty much a spectator. You're totally allowed to do the unconventional thing and back out and if that's really the right thing to do a year later you'll hardly remember any issues with backing out.

Second, yeah, moving sucks, L.A. can be a lonely place if you just come here out of the blue (probably harder to meet people round the metro area than it might be in some cities that aren't so sprawly), change is trying, and it's all a hassle. But you know what? All of that is just that: mere hassle. You'll struggle with it, you'll curse it, but lots of things worth having are worth hassle, and most people can come over hasle just fine. You included.

There's only two things that would give me pause about the way you've posed this:

(1) Is your relationship with your boyfriend solid? Is he cool with this? If not, and if that's higher priority to you than career, then I'd worry. Six months of hassle won't kill a solid relationship. Six months of hassle could hurt a struggling one.

(2) Your indecision and distraction could indicate that no matter how good this is on paper, there are real reasons you've processed on a subconscious level but not gotten out to a conscious one that it's not good. But how do you tell the difference between mere fear and flashes of mute wisdom?I've let fear of hassle and stuff scare me out of opportunities that now sure look like they would have really enriched life for me. I've also locked perfectly good doubts in a steamer trunk and gone through with things I shouldn't have just because I thought my reasons would seem ridiculous to others (and I even doubted them myself). Both things suck, and it's damn hard to tell the difference when in you're in the moment of decision.

Your job is to do whatever it takes to look inside yourself and figure out if what's scaring you is whether or not this could be difficult or whether or not this seems fundamentally unwise in terms of your personal priorities.

If it's just the difficulty, just the practical obstacles, then do it.

If you've got the sense this is fundamentally unwise, then don't.

(And finally, keep in mind... you can change your mind later!)
posted by namespan at 3:13 PM on November 4, 2006

If you make a decision based on fear you'll regret it ... if you make a decision despite fear you'll be glad you did. It's usually hard to take big leaps that pull you out of your comfort zone, but those are the opportunities to grow. Take your dream job, the other things will work themselves out.
posted by Kimberly at 3:35 PM on November 4, 2006

When I think back to all of the big moves I've made in my life, every single one has been stressful - even when I know the move is for the better. It's natural, I think.

I'm actually in a similar situation at the moment, weighing a job opportunity in the Midwest against a job opportunity in Los Angeles. I'll be moving either way, one opportunity is clearly more attractive than the other, and I know one location is better suited to my lifestyle than the other... so it should be a no-brainer. But I still have trouble falling asleep some nights.

It's not that I'm worried about the making the wrong decision... I'm just tired of the uncertainty. I'll probably be relieved once a final decision is made, regardless of what that decision is. And once I've made the move, I'll settle in, get on with life, and get some sleep.

So, my advice? Take a deep breath... and go for it. You'll only be separated from your boyfriend for 5-6 months. That may seem like an eternity, but you'll be plenty busy with your new job and adapting to L.A. in those months. Next thing you know, it'll be May.

I understand the "life before career" mindset... I'm the same sort of person. However, if you're going to be working, you might as well be doing something you care about and enjoy. You said it yourself: the job is EXACTLY what you want to do. It sounds as if it pays relatively well. I'm guessing there's room for advancement. If you ask me, it sounds like something that could lead to a lot of satisfaction in the long-term... even if it's necessary to make some (very) short-term sacrifices.

You already have experience with making short-term sacrfices for the sake of long-term satisfaction, though. You made it through grad school, after all.
posted by jal0021 at 3:40 PM on November 4, 2006

You will make new friends in LA. Your old friends and family will still be there; they won't just disappear. Your boyfriend is willing to move out to be with you in 6 months, which is huge. 6 months is totally doable long-distance-wise, in my opinion. I bet you'll still have free time for your projects, and it sounds like on top of that your new job will be far more rewarding and fulfilling than your current job.

It will be difficult. You will probably be lonely and sad and stressed out a lot of the time for the first few months, maybe even until your boyfriend arrives.

In the long run, though, I believe you'll be better off. And I'm not just talking about your career.

I can understand your misgivings, especially in light of the move you made in the past that didn't work out so well. But this strikes me as very different. You're moving out for a specific reason, and your boyfriend is willing to follow you soon. I think this'll make a huge difference.

The moving headaches suck, but it's bigger in your mind than it needs to be. You probably already know this.

I was in a similar situation last year, when I moved to a new city for grad school and struggled to make a long distance relationship work at the same time. The relationship fell apart for complicated reasons, but one of those reasons was that there was no time limit on the distanceness, unlike your situation. I was basically miserable for a year, but I went away for the summer and when I came back something suddenly changed. I don't know what happened, exactly, but somehow I figured out how to be happy here. If I can adapt, I know you can. You sound pretty smart. I doubt it'll take you ask long as I did.

2 people doesn't sound like a lot, but it's infinitely better than no people. How do you meet people? Through other people. As soon as you arrive that number will be obsolete.

I hope this is helpful in some way. I think there is a part of you that wants to go, but it's being drowned out by all the people telling you to go. Therefore you don't trust it as your own judgment. So I wonder if all this advice-giving is counterproductive in the end.

Sit, take a deep breath, try to take a long view, weigh your options, then decide for yourself.

Good luck.
posted by speicus at 3:42 PM on November 4, 2006

I was in your situation, almost exactly (besides geographically and probably for a different job) and I moved and it was the best thing I ever did (been here two and a half years now). Except I only had five days to be in the new city and starting the new job.

Yes it was hard. Figuring out what to leave behind and what to take was difficult and we didn't get it exactly right. You'll cope, you can get by with a lot less stuff than you think. Finding a new place to live was difficult and moving in with strangers a little scary. My job paid for two weeks accomodation then moving costs, so I didn't move anything until I'd been here the two weeks and had a somewhere to live. Knowing what you're moving into helps with figuring out what to take.

Being apart from my boyfriend for six months was hard, I didn't see him very often and we both maxed out our credit cards visiting. It took a year to pay off. But the new job was such a great career move, having six months to focus on that without worrying too much about a partner or home life was actually really great. I established myself and proved what I could do, then when he moved up here we set up our life again and I could ease back from the job without losing the reputation I'd built up. Besides, living with him again is so much better after the time apart. We both realised how much we need each other and how great this relationship is, and explored our independance and individual strengths at the same time.

Don't overthink this. You life won't be ruined if it doesn't work out how you expect, and it could be the start of something really great. Your family and friends will still love you and be there to go back to, and you'll have new friends and add all kinds of cool things to your new life. Yes it's scary, but the best things in life always are. Moving across the country for a career type job was one of the best things I ever did. Just think how scarily-wonderful it will be if the same thing happens to you.
posted by shelleycat at 4:40 PM on November 4, 2006

Sit down and make two lists. One for the pros of moving and one for the cons. Be painfully honest with yourself on this. If you are afraid of failing in the new job, write that down. If you're afraid that the relationship might have whatever problems, write that down. Afraid that you'll never get another job that is your dream job? Definitely write that one down. Fill in every single thing that you can think of to weigh against each other. And, hopefully, weed out anything that is simply a fear of the unknown.

FWIW, I moved from the West Coast to WNY some.. hmm.. it'll be 9 years ago tomorrow.. Was it difficult and wrenching? Yes. Do I miss my mom horribly? (only close family I have left) Oh gods yes. Have I fallen out of touch with old friends? To some extent. But - I have new friends, I have a new career, and I have the best relationship I've ever in my life had (I was more in your SO's position rather than yours.) Was the LD relationship stuff a pain? Oh yes.

If you do go, I recommend that you both get some sort of telephone plan (cell or landline) that gives you free long distance 24/7. The Time Zone thing is going to be a bit of an issue as well. You'll want to set up times that you will talk, come hell or high water, so that you won't be interrupting his sleep or visa versa

As for the not getting home more than once a year; you didn't mention which city you're in, but if it's anywhere near an airline hub (Chicago, say.) you may be able to find flights for less than you think, especially if you plan several months in advance. (Flying out of Buffalo to go home to PDX, I can usually get a round trip ticket for around $350.00 if I plan at least two months in advance, using Jetblue. (And Buffalo isn't even a hub.)) If you look into smaller airlines you might well get better prices. Also, look for fare wars and use travel sites (airgorilla.com and hotwire.com come to mind immediately). You can also sign up for newsletters by travel sites that will send you emails regarding hot fares, and often will attempt to tailor it to your travel needs. If you use credit cards, attempt to use ones that give you frequent flyer miles for money spent (just as long as this/these card(s) aren't charging you an arm and a leg in interest). In order to make this one work for you, you probably need to sign up for a FF program with one particular airline and use it almost exclusively, tho. I make it home at least twice a year, and I'm definitely not making money hand over fist by ~any~ calculation. Having loved ones far away simply forces one to not have that one extra meal out, or to take public transportation instead of driving; to cut out things that will save money and won't significantly reduce your quality of life.

No matter what you choose to do, I wish you luck.
posted by Meep! Eek! at 4:43 PM on November 4, 2006

I did this when I was 25 and again when I was 27 -- took a super sweet job in a strange town and had to leave my long-term girlfriend behind and both times things worked out (she lucked into great jobs in both towns).

In fact, I'll so far as to say taking those leaps (even though I was scared to do it) were a couple of the best decisions I ever made.

Also remember if you don't do it, you'll regret it for the rest of your life and wonder what could have been. There is one thing that I regret in my life (not taking a risk like this when I was 21) and I've always wondered how much better my life would be if I only took that chance.
posted by mathowie at 4:48 PM on November 4, 2006

GO!
posted by A189Nut at 4:51 PM on November 4, 2006

I suspect that when it 20 below and sleeting in the midwest, but you talk to your friends about how you just spent New Year's day at the beach, you might get more visitors than you think.
posted by IvyMike at 5:17 PM on November 4, 2006

Sometimes it's so easy to not do things that are as scary as moving across the country...especially to some place as intimidating as LA, but I agree with everyone else...GO!

It's scary, it's nerve wracking, it's a pain in the patootie...but go! Live. Do. Be! To quote my favorite movie: Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death.

And hey, once you're there, set up a meetup with the mefites in that area. Every Mefite I've ever met has been a super groovy person, and I'm sure they'll be willing to give you the map to the star's homes. ;)
posted by dejah420 at 6:02 PM on November 4, 2006

Go!

I moved to LA to take a great job and I only knew two people and I was leaving all my friends behind and I felt like I had no idea what I was doing. Eight years later, I still have some of the old friends, I love my job, I have amazing new friends, and an amazing new city to live in. One of the best decisions I've ever made. Screw your courage to the sticking place and do it!
posted by samh23 at 6:07 PM on November 4, 2006

What's the worst that can happen? You hate it, move back home in a couple of months a few dollars lighter, and carry on as you were before the interruption. At least you'll know you tried.

It will be grand. Trust me, the sitting around biting your fingernails, planning and worrying and waiting to leave is far worse than the actual action - making friends, starting work, finding a place, sorting out the paperwork and the next moves and the little things. When you land, chances are you'll be so busy you won't have much time to fret.

I moved to New York from Dublin on spec after college, and from New York to Toronto last year, like you nine or so months before my better half followed me. I was anxious about both moves, survived both, and both made me grow in different ways. I know if I didn't make either move I'd still be wondering how it might have turned out.
posted by jamesonandwater at 6:52 PM on November 4, 2006

Go. It's an adventure. You need adventures in your life. Take this one.
posted by caddis at 7:04 PM on November 4, 2006

Go vote here. My wife and I moved to San Francisco from Alabama when I was 34 and it's been the best experience (and experiences) of my life. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Now we're gearing up for another move back the other way to Chicago and I'm going to miss SF a LOT but I'm not going to view it too much in the negative. I know people in Chicago, and it's a lovely city.

Here is the main thing to remember when you go: don't dwell on the past. Life is lived in the present, so go to LA and live there in the present and take in the city with a positive eye. Look for beauty wherever you can and incorporate it into your creative personal projects.

You know, if it sucks after a year quit the job and leave. Always remember that the key is not to dwell on the past or the what-if and to move forward. :)

I wish you great luck. You never know, you might realize you're a closeted Californian. ;) (I know I did.)
posted by smallerdemon at 7:15 PM on November 4, 2006

"It's better to regret something you have done, than to regret something you haven't done."
- the Butthole Surfers

and, by the way, if you see your mother this weekend ...
posted by intermod at 8:43 PM on November 4, 2006

Go! You have 6 months before your boyfriend moves out, to see if it suits you or not. A great job is hard to come by. You aren't tied to your job 24 hours a day, LA is a fun city, and I find the idea of moving is always worse than the reality. I moved from London to Los Angeles 8 years ago at the age of 27, leaving behind all of my friends and family. I don't regret it for one minute. Take the opportunities that life presents, especially good ones like this. Nothing forces you to stay, you can try it and see. You will be fine, perhaps a Mefi meet will help you get out and meet new people! :)
posted by Joh at 9:19 PM on November 4, 2006

The job would be an academic position at a large university

What university? There are ginormous, not-so-obvious differences between UCLA, USC, the various Cal State schools and the major private universities.

Is it Pepperdine? Pepperdine is in freakin' Malibu. If you can afford it, go!

Is it USC? USC is in freakin' South Central. Don't go!

You see where I'm going with this? Los Angeles is a giant, sprawling area, with colossal differences in lifestyle depending on where you really are, geographically. Do more research, is my suggestion.
posted by frogan at 9:25 PM on November 4, 2006

LA is full of young people who've moved there so meeting kindred spirits will be no problem, I promise you, especially at a university. Half the people you meet will also be from the Midwest. And it is a FANTASTIC place to do all the stuff you've always wanted to try. Friends of mine from the Midwest have become surfers, a friend from the Caribbean has a season ticket to ski at Mammoth, life long New Yorkers we know have taken up backpacking etc. Go, go, go and have a great time*.

*just be prepared for a small heart attack at the rental prices.
posted by fshgrl at 9:50 PM on November 4, 2006

If you really want out, talk to your advisors about job prospects next year for someone who has been established to renege on a job acceptance. Unless you're walking out of the offer to a better one, that will be hard to live down.

My sense is that you're stuck with it. You've promised you'd go, so go. But unless your school has really weird contracts, you haven't promised to stay. Leave after a year if it really sucks.

A lot of your negatives are going to come into play no matter what. You can't expect that you'll be able to find academic employment within easy shooting distance to your friends and family; sure, you might win the lottery, but the odds are very against it. Likewise, if your boyfriend is stuck in the midwest until May because that's when he gets his grad degree, you can fully expect that you're going to have to live apart at some point or one of you will have to leave academia, and you might as well bite that bullet now.

If I have advice, it's just to not pretend that it doesn't suck. Don't make it out to be this big adventure of new opportunities if that's not how it feels for you. It's okay to do something that's sort of crappy and sub-optimal now, like take a job in a town you don't want to move to at 26, as an investment towards the life you want to lead when you're 40.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:17 PM on November 4, 2006

My initial reaction is "Go now! Don't look back!". You're young, and moves across the country or even the world don't have to be permanent. (Though keep in mind this advice is from someone who's spent the last 8 months in Tokyo because he wondered what it would be like.)

...

However, you are so f-ed up by the very idea of the move, you probably shouldn't go. I think you feel you will be giving up everything that's important to you if you move, and that's a call only you can make.

There's a prejudice in America that people have to go to The Big City and Make It or they're losers, especially among people you're age. And of course that's so much bullshit. Do what makes you and those around you happiest.

And in the spirit of giving you as conflicting advice as possible: You say your job offer for your "perfect job" is very rare. It sounds like if you are ever going to find that perfect job, it's going to be far from home. I would guess the decision of Job vs Leaving The Nest is something you're going to have to think about pretty regularly.
posted by Ookseer at 11:50 PM on November 4, 2006

All i can tell you is 16 years ago i moved from the midwest to the central coast of cali. One of the best things i ever did.
Just saying change can be very good and No snow!!
posted by blink_left at 12:47 AM on November 5, 2006

Under similar circumstances I moved from Hawaii to LA. Terrific job, few contacts there and comfy life + love at home. LA's exciting. It wasn't an easy place for me to live, but two years later I moved to the Bay area and loved it. I've been in California for twenty-four years and the move was one of the three best things I've ever done.

Things are different here. It will take getting used to - it will probably take more getting used to than the east coast, but an awful lot of people here are from some place else, and you will find a lot of people in similar circs.

If you can, live in a controversial town that caters to something you like doing. The Valley sucks, since it's suburbia writ large. Prefer, e.g., Santa Monica to Torrance; Laguna Beach to Huntington Beach. Interesting people make choices that get in the news, and controversial towns are in the news because of that.
posted by jet_silver at 6:56 AM on November 5, 2006

Embrace change, make it your own, and visualize your success. You are not the first, and not the only person to go through a similar set of circumstances. I felt moved to respond because I share experience in most of the areas you describe (I'm an 'academic brat' from a family of professors, have lived in LA and the Midwest, moved cross country numerous times (but never with a paid moving company ... how amazing to have that!), and once spent a YEAR apart from my sweetie (we're still together half a decade on, the time apart strengthened our relationship), and I've made and remade friends where ever I go).

Most likely, you're just simply nervous, and it is OK to be nervous, but less than OK to let that rule your life and your decisions. You've already accepted the job, I think that is your 'lead' - you've chosen wisely to do something that appeals to you and compliments the hard work and study that you've already accomplished.

This is your time to shine, where you can be proud of yourself and your accomplishments. Your friends and family will line up behind you and cheer you on.

Oh, and one last thing ... having had tons of bohemian friends who seemingly have no means or ways to travel to see you in LA ... guess again! Those folks are usually the most crafty, ingenious, and resourceful and some of them will make their way to your doorstep (and your couch!!) to visit you in new digs.

Lastly, while LA is fraught with paradoxes, there are some truly *awesome* things to do and see there. The Griffith Park Observatory just reopened, there's the Getty Museum, and many things too numerous to mention.

Good luck and know that you have the support of an interesting bunch of random strangers here at Ask MeFi :)
posted by kuppajava at 10:14 AM on November 5, 2006

Is it USC? USC is in freakin' South Central. Don't go!

This is a pretty ridiculous thing to say. USC is a posh, comfortable school full of 'sheltered' kids, and it's gated, guarded, and completely safe. If you're living in LA, you have a car, which means you can drive between the USC oasis and wherever you live without ever really spending time in South Central. I know all this from firsthand experience.
posted by bingo at 1:53 PM on November 5, 2006

If you're living in LA, you have a car, which means you can drive between the USC oasis and wherever you live without ever really spending time in South Central. I know all this from firsthand experience.

Thank you for your first-hand experience and your holier-than-thou attitude. I presume your first-hand experience also includes the heavy-duty commute from wherever it is that you live to get to South Central. I also presume your first-hand experience also includes the realization that you can't really walk off the USC campus without a waltz through some of the worst urban neighborhoods in the U.S.

I would also like to thank you and your first-hand experience for missing the larger point of the exercise, which is that if you're teaching at UCLA ... or Loyola Marymount ... or Long Beach State ... your day-to-day experience is going to be vastly different than USC's, and vastly different from each other, in both positive and negative ways. The differences will be far more pronounced than the difference between, say, teaching at NYU vs. teaching at Columbia, which are both in Manhattan.

Most folks don't realize that while they're all considered "in L.A.," these five schools I've mentioned (USC, UCLA, CSULB, Pepperdine, LMU) are all in tremendously different areas that would have wide-ranging impacts on your social life.

But again, you'd know that first-hand.

Dick.
posted by frogan at 3:05 PM on November 5, 2006

frogan: Yes, I do know all of that first-hand, and I stand behind my statement. I also know from first-hand experience that your NYC analogy is especially bad. Columbia and NYU are both in Manhattan (where I live now), but there is a huge difference between the village and the upper west side, not just economically and culturally but in terms of how convenient and time-consuming it is for you to get to other parts of the city and surrounding areas (proven time and again when I would travel to the dame-organized downtown mefi meetups from the UWS). USC is, as I already allowed, in a shitty area, so you have to drive 20-30 minutes to get home (or maybe not quite as long if you live in Silverlake). But once you're living in LA, the culture of 'everywhere you go is a 30 minute drive,' this starts to not seem like a very big deal, especially since everyone else you know is doing it. Your day-to-day experience at USC really isn't going to be that different from what you would have at UCLA, except that it will involve a drive through some unpleasant neighborhoods. If you're living on the west side, that drive might only last as far as going from the campus to I-10, which takes less than ten minutes. Also, if you're as economically destitute as the OP seems to be, you might have to live on the east side anyway, (say, in Koreatown, where a lot of the poorer USC students live, and where I lived for five years), in which case going to USC makes more sense than UCLA because your commute will actually be shorter. Even so, USC is right on Vermont, a major north/south street, and right off the 10, a major east-west thoroughfare, so it's not as if driving to and from it is actually dangerous. I can probably count the number of times I stopped anywhere in south-central on one hand, and they were all to get gas or gum or something at a convenience store right across the street from the campus.
posted by bingo at 4:08 PM on November 5, 2006

I also know from first-hand experience that your NYC analogy is especially bad. Columbia and NYU are both in Manhattan

To get from NYU to Columbia, it's a single subway line a few blocks worth of walking.

To get from USC to UCLA, it's an hour's drive. Unless you want to use the subw ... oh wait, there isn't one that runs between USC and UCLA ... shit, guess you're out of luck there...

I rest my case...
posted by frogan at 4:30 PM on November 5, 2006

To get from NYU to Columbia, it's a single subway line a few blocks worth of walking.

Yeah, okay...and a trip that's a minimum of 40 minutes on one of the most crowded subway line in the city...but so what?

What's ridiculous about this argument is that, in general, I recommend New York over Los Angeles any day. But the OP's job isn't in NYC, it's in Los Angeles. Your advice USC is in freakin' South Central. Don't go! is way over the top, and based on my knowledge of that specific situation, I felt the need to say so. It's nothing personal. I share your dislike of South Central, and your annoyance with the lack of good public transit in L.A. But if you've really spent any time around USC, I think you know that the fact that it's in South Central doesn't actually present a significant danger to the majority of its students, and that unless you have a lot more money than the OP, driving a lot in L.A. is par for the course.
posted by bingo at 4:54 AM on November 6, 2006

The job is *exactly* what I want to do, which is pretty rare for a new hire in my field, and should prepare me well for future jobs. It's the type of plum job that I would be crazy to say no to, as the school is also paying for a house-hunting trip and relocation/moving expenses.

I read the rest, but I didn't really need to.

I've got ten years on you, and among the most important things I've learned is that the one thing you cannot go back and change or compensate for is preparation and laying groundwork. Another is that while work isn't everything, it's almost always something you have to do and being happy at the thing you have to spend forty-plus hours at helps make the rest of your hours happy. Similarly, being unhappy for forty-plus hours can help make the rest of the hours suck.

Go. If this is what you want to be doing in a field you're excited about in a place that does this thing well then I expect you'll find other friends and things to interest you. May 2007? That's practically tomorrow and we're fortunate to live in a time when the ways to keep in contact with people remotely are more commonplace and cheap than ever before.

You can compensate for a lot of things, and you can put yourself in positions where great opportunities are more likely to find you, but you can't create them all by yourself. You've got one here. Go.
posted by phearlez at 9:05 AM on November 6, 2006

I go to USC. It's not in South Central, which is further south. The neighborhoods around USC include Exposition Park and West Adams. They're not great neighborhoods but I wouldn't say it's particularly dangerous to live/work there. There are a couple restaurants I like around there, including a vegetarian soul food place and a sweet Mexican place.

Now I live in Silverlake, which I like a lot, and it takes me 20-40 min. to get to campus depending on the time of day.

frogan either doesn't know what he's talking about, or his experience with the area isn't recent. I'm told that the demographics have changed a lot.
posted by speicus at 11:07 AM on November 7, 2006