Possessiveness in its varying degrees
October 28, 2006 3:50 PM   Subscribe

When does playful, affectionate possessiveness become downright terrifying?

People all have varying levels of possessiveness in relationships. It varies from complete disengagement to typical clingy-ness to becoming a murder motive. "My girl" seems innocuous enough, but even that's too possessive, for some.

At what point do you personally draw the line?

(And as a side amusement type thing, would you consider these lyrics possessive?)
posted by Phire to Human Relations (6 answers total)

This post was deleted for the following reason: chatfilter

 
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posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:51 PM on October 28, 2006 [1 favorite]


Response by poster: *sigh*

Since sidestepping the original question is liable to get the question booted...

If there are varying levels of possessiveness in a relationship - one is very much so, one not at all - how would you deal with it? I.e. One makes a joke about ownership/possessiveness, and the other freaks out/gets incredibly upset.
posted by Phire at 3:57 PM on October 28, 2006


See, that's much better :-D
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:58 PM on October 28, 2006 [1 favorite]


Australian comedian Greg Fleet has a little routine about stalking.

Something like: "true love is when you can't stop thinking about someone, and you're always calling them and sending them notes and presents ... if you know them. If you don't know them, it's called 'stalking'. So, if you think about it, love is just two people stalking each other."

So there's your answer. Almost any level of obsessiveness or intensity in a relationship is considered OK if it's mutual. It's when one party feels substantially different to the other, but the other can't stop, that you have a problem.
posted by AmbroseChapel at 4:09 PM on October 28, 2006 [1 favorite]


If you don't know them, it's called 'stalking'.

er, I think that is a bit misleading.
I have certainly been stalked by someone I knew quite well. But you're right AC - Mutual is the key.

I.e. One makes a joke about ownership/possessiveness, and the other freaks out/gets incredibly upset.

In that case, the two people are in two different emotional places and need to have seriously good communication and willingness to compromise. However, in my case, our opposing feelings reacted negatively off each other's, amplifying exponentially and spiraling way out of control.

My opinion: It'll never work.
posted by bobobox at 5:32 PM on October 28, 2006


In any situation where one person is ultra-sensitive on a topic, it's best handled by avoiding the topic. Making jokes about possesiveness doesn't seem to be a particularly hard thing to avoid.

This is much more difficult when the ultra-sensitive person is seeing these references everywhere. In that case, the ultra-sensitive person either has to chill out or it's time to re-evaluate the relationship. It's one thing to be sensitive, it's another to expect other people to walk on eggshells all the time.
posted by tkolar at 7:58 PM on October 28, 2006


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