Morning afters...?

October 28, 2006 1:55 AM

Morning after a drunken 'hook up', what do you do? More follows...

Forewarning: I'm still drunk, pleaaaase excuse my typing errors (though I'm trying real hard)...
Anyways, tonight a girl pushed herself on me while we were both drunk, and though she said she had a crush on me beforehand all my friends say to ignore it because she was drunk. So in short, what am I supposed to do tomorrow? We both exchanged numbers, and we were recently texting each other, but am I supposed to expect the same feelings from her in the morning? What am I supposed to say when I call her? "Hey, I hope you remember me"? Maybe this is common knowledge, but hey, I just got to college and I'm new to this party stuff =)

(If I didn't make an error I deserve $100, holy crap that was hard)

posted by pwf to human relations (28 comments total)

She thinks you're cute. Call her up tomorrow and use your name, and see if she wants to talk. If she blanks, just say you lost your sunglasses or something tonight and were calling the numbers in your pocket to see if you could find them. If you want to take it slower, call on Sunday and see if you can carry her books sometime this week.
posted by rhizome at 2:05 AM on October 28, 2006

What would you want to happen to you?

Call her. It doesn't mean you have to marry her, have her babies or go steady. There's time enough to decide that kind of stuff later.

But take a nap, drink lots of water and call her some time later today.

What do you say? Well, don't say thank you - that's bad. You don't have to say "Uhm, do you remember me?" or something like "So, err, did we actually have sex last night?" 'cause that's just dorky. You'll have a chance to talk about it later, I promise.

Just say hello. If you genuinely feel this way, you can say stuff like "Wow, that was really nice.". If you genuinely wish to further develop a relationship with her, by all means flirt or ask her out on an official date. Just be yourself. She apparently already likes you.
posted by loquacious at 2:37 AM on October 28, 2006

What do you want to happen? That's not clear from your post. Decide that first and then act accordingly. I would think the best thing would be to call today (when you're sober) or tomorrow the latest and just ask her for coffee or whatever next week. Then you can make a more informed decision about what you want and what she wants.

And what to say? Just say "Hi", "had a nice time with you on Friday", "would you like to meet up next week some time?". It feels hard but it's not. Good luck mate.
posted by keijo at 4:29 AM on October 28, 2006

If you still like her, call her. Carry on as if you'd had a first date because essentially, you did. If you don't still like her, text her, and carry on as if nothing had happened- let the relationship dwindle.

Don't just ignore her- you're a decent sort, why would you want to make her feel stupid and slutty for something you both did?
posted by headspace at 7:23 AM on October 28, 2006

Seconding headspace. Play it cool. At this point, you have no idea how she's going to feel. Don't text her. A phone call is in order, for sure. If you like her and you want to hang out with her, then invite her to do something. If it was a one-time drunken thing, then that will soon become obvious. Drink water. Don't freak out. Do what feels right.
posted by TurkishGolds at 8:14 AM on October 28, 2006

It sounds like you might(?) want to take it further with this girl. If so, call/e-mail/IM her in a day or two and ask her to hang out (I'm assuming you're on a residential college campus; I'd say ask her to dinner, but apparently college students rarely do that. I'd be impressed by that, but ::shrug::).
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:18 AM on October 28, 2006 [1 favorite]

If you've already hooked up, it's hard to imagine that asking her to dinner would be too forward.
posted by grouse at 8:20 AM on October 28, 2006

After a drunken hookup, asking her out to dinner would be a pretty classy move. A lot of drunken hookups are just that and nothing more, but sometimes you do get lucky and get something more out of it once the sun rises and the hangover subsides.
posted by roomwithaview at 8:28 AM on October 28, 2006

After a drunken hookup, asking her out to dinner would be a pretty classy move.

Or a sign of complete desperation. I'm not disagreeing with roomwithaview, per se, because I think it's possible, but it's more likely that a drunken hookup is just that, a hookup.

Luckily, in college and generally in your early 20s, you can make the mistake of hooking up and still make it into a good relationship because both parties don't know any better. I do think that as you get older drunken hookups become more calculated and are therefore usually one time/two time deals that are just to feed the need.

Go for it, but don't be surprised if she isn't interested. College women, as I remember them, are far more into playing the field than in the past and therefore command a great deal of power.
posted by SeizeTheDay at 9:10 AM on October 28, 2006

Well depending on the situation, "I hope you made it home okay" works very well. Or even the generic, "I had a great time last night with you and your friends" which in my opinion is less creepy and moves it away from the actual sex. Unless you guys really, really clicked (and if you are asking this question ...), don't really pursue it. You'll see her again at a party, wait until that happens. The first hookup might be an accident but not the second one. That's my rule!
posted by geoff. at 10:03 AM on October 28, 2006

Oh and I'm a huge foodie and love going out to eat but find that college girls are generally taken back or creeped out by dinner - as if it is some sort demarcation between being a hookup and casual friendship and serious dating. I have no idea where it comes from. It is a real toss up and why I never liked college hookups. Some people are very cool and can be friends or whatever afterwards and some just want a human dildo and get very scared if the guy calls back.
posted by geoff. at 10:06 AM on October 28, 2006

Text saying "That was fun, but please keep in mind I'm really gay." Unless you're a chick too, then you'd claim to be straight. That happened to me several times, from girls and boys, so keep the meme going.

And never trust a woman under 30.
posted by davy at 10:11 AM on October 28, 2006

Some possibilities based on my own experience:

a) She really does have a crush on you, and now she's hoping that she's started something that will lead to more.

b) She really does have a crush on you, but now she's mortified at her own behavior, and won't want to see you again because she'll feel like a ho if she does.

c) She really did have a crush on you, but by 'crush' she just meant that she thought you would be a good guy to spend a single night with, and it's over.

d) She thought you would be a good guy to spend a single night with, and is ambivalent as to whether it's over, as long as you don't start following her around.

e) Her friends had all hooked up with guys, and she didn't want to be left out, so she used the 'crush' line as a way of accelerating the pick-up, and that's about as much thought as she's given it.

f) Her self-esteem was low that day, and she just wanted to hook up with someone, and you seemed like a safe bet, and she hopes you will just stay on the back burner until she needs another boost.

g) She's not really interested in you, but she was interested in whether or not she could attract and excite you, and now she knows.

h) A friend of hers likes you, and she's mad at that friend, and this was her way of expressing that anger. She's willing to continue for as long as her friend stays mad.

i) She's a wacked-out, high-maintenance dingbat. She'll never know for sure why she did it, and neither will you.
posted by bingo at 10:15 AM on October 28, 2006 [3 favorites]

Take a chance - I think you should call her! I'm about to move in with a "drunken hookup" I met in college, who I now love very much. He and I are no longer in college and we have been in a serious relationship for nearly two years!

Note: This will probably not happen with 90% of your drunken hookups - although I guess that depends on how many you have :)
posted by jengineer at 10:20 AM on October 28, 2006

If you like her, call with a plan to ask her if she'd like to meet you at the campus center for coffee -- or something similarly noncommittal. Maybe there's a movie or cheap campus concert coming up that you could go to together? Something like that - around $5 per person. You can say "I had a really nice time, even though we were both pretty far gone. I'd love to get together sometime. Maybe coffee?" Having a definite suggestion of a non-committal activity gives her the idea that you're not saying "I'd love to get together for a repeat of last night", and you're not saying "I think we're already dating."

If you don't like her or don't want to pursue things, text/email/call tomorrow and say that you had a nice time or she's really fun and you'll see her [at the next party at that frat, or in English class, or around the dorm, or wherever you're actually likely to see her again casually in the next couple of weeks]. And when you see her, go up and say hi and be nice.
posted by LobsterMitten at 10:57 AM on October 28, 2006 [2 favorites]

I've had several drunken hookups turn into long(er) lasting very pleasant situations/friendships/relationships. And I've had many "proper" dating situations (meet through professional circles, exchange numbers, go to very nice restaurant, etc.) go nowhere. So, don't worry, sober up, text her something silly later today, and call her soon.
posted by ClaudiaCenter at 10:59 AM on October 28, 2006

Don't avoid her or hide from her. I had that happen to me in college, and it's shitty and embarassing for her and makes you into a clueless, immature asshole.
posted by croutonsupafreak at 11:08 AM on October 28, 2006

She likes you. Don't sweat it. Just text her with a what's up and let it go from there.
posted by Ironmouth at 11:41 AM on October 28, 2006

Well, thanks all. I'll definitely call her tonight... though things are a bit weirder because she doesn't remember any of it from what I hear... oh well...
posted by pwf at 12:40 PM on October 28, 2006

pwf--

Find some sort of social event that not _everyone_ on campus is going to be at. Give her a call, and just be like -- heh, cool meeting you the other night, we're throwing a bash at 8 Thursday and you and your friends are welcome to show.
posted by effugas at 1:03 PM on October 28, 2006

do you like her? call her.
do you not like her? dodge her calls.

done.
posted by krautland at 1:27 PM on October 28, 2006

Dont get too hung up on a drunk hookup. I'll give you advice from the 20something generation which is a bit more jaded/conceited. Where was it? At a bar or a house party or whatever?

Why would your friends say that? Is she known to do stuff like this?

Text/Call her but play it situationally. Gauage her interest on how she reacts when you talk to her, but don't look too much into it if she's a bit reticent (girls will do that to feign their interest).

I shouldn't even be giving you advice, I'm too mad at girls right now!!
posted by stratastar at 3:03 PM on October 28, 2006

Last year at college, I had a random drunken hookup in a similar situation you describe, only I also happened to be her boss and a senior while she was a freshman (both in college). Turns out she thought I was just taking advantage of the situation (ie, being a cool senior trying to get "fresh meat") and had I not talked to her about that night and that I really did like her, our awesome relationship would have never developed.

Call her, you have nothing to loose yo.
posted by jmd82 at 4:02 PM on October 28, 2006

My drunken hookup is out working on his car, while our children watch him and eat popsicles.

Life's full of opportunities. Call her.
posted by padraigin at 5:17 PM on October 28, 2006 [3 favorites]

Dude, if she doesn't remember, you're not anywhere further in her eyes than if it didn't happen. Which is fine -- if you want to hook up again, do it when you're both less drunk.
posted by NickDouglas at 7:40 PM on October 28, 2006

"Dude, if she doesn't remember, you're not anywhere further in her eyes than if it didn't happen."

Or he's now a candidate for date rape charges. That would really suck.

pwf - yes, call her. Ask her out for coffee. If things go well, go for dinner and a movie as well.

Then come back here and update the thread and let us know what happened!
posted by drstein at 8:19 PM on October 29, 2006

Well, things turned out alright. I called her, and we hung out the better part of the weekend, so she seems to like me well enough. One could almost consider us dating in fact. Oh and to clear things up, I should have defined "hook-up". Let's just say there was nothing extreme enough happening to bring date-rape charges into question. Thanks for the support.
posted by pwf at 12:21 PM on October 30, 2006

Yay! Go pwf!
posted by grouse at 12:36 PM on October 30, 2006