Friend + kiss = now + history
October 26, 2006 1:22 PM Subscribe
What do I do about an old friend who wants to get back together with his old girlfriend, who I am now pursuing? They broke up a long time ago.
posted by rhizome to human relations (30 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
Over the weekend, an old friend (call her Ann) and I went out, snogged a bit, and I spent a while later on combing through the "Should I make an old friend my girlfriend?" questions here. Suffice it to say that the jury is still out and who knows what will happen yet. We get along very well but don't hang out very often. We've known each other for a long time, back to high school. I like her, we're both single, I've always been attracted to her, and so on. We've both always been in long-term relationships, so it's kind of a coincidence right now. Basically, I'm in the middle of deciding on the pursuit.
This is complicated a little (more later) by the fact that back in the old days her first long relationship was with a very good friend of mine (call him Bob). They went out for many years, I never understood what kept them together, and it was all very dramatic all the way up until he left her for her best friend (call her Cathy). He has been married to this woman for ~7-8 years and they have a 5 year old girl together. He also went from being a skatepunk to being a born-again Christian living happily amongst his close-knit-but-damaged family (long story).
Really, this seemed like the crux of my issue until last night, that our getting together might be too complicated given his presence in both of our lives and her humiliation in their breakup. She does not refer to him in positive terms, to say the least. I don't speak to him much at all, maybe an email or phone call once or twice a year to catch up and some flaky plans to get together (he lives about 1000 miles away) that never pan out.
Last night I received an extremely dramatic email from Bob saying that he needs Ann back, needs to speak to her, to pass the email to her, that she is the one, etc. It is very badly written, many misspellings, and is completely out of the blue (sample line: "Tell her thatr I know she was the best, she is it./ Tel her I would give my live for"). I have to wonder if he's stopped taking (or has started taking) some kind of meds, but that's just an inkling.
So now I see myself being caught in the middle of an old friend, and older friend, two emotional situations and an email. I'm pretty sure this isn't one big triangle but rather two separate but connected situations, but it's the first time I've been in anything this soapy and thought I'd ponder the hivemind to see what kinds of suggestions y'all might have.