Drive-away special: $1999

October 24, 2006 1:46 PM

Can you help me come up with a jokey slogan for a notional used car dealership?

After considering dressing for Halloween as Kim Jong-Il, Rasputin, and Homer (the poet, not the Simpson), I have determined that I would actually like to dress as a used car salesman for a Halloween party this Friday night. Tomorrow I'll hit the local Goodwills for the loudest sport coat I can find, some white shoes, etc. I'd also like to pass out little business cards with the name of my "business" on them.

The archetype of the kind of slogan I'm looking for comes from the old joke about the fictitious film studio, Miracle Pictures:

If it's a good picture, it's a Miracle!

You know: a slogan which was clearly intended to mean one thing but actually reads like the opposite thing. I just can't come up with a clever one. Can you help me?

(Of course, the name of my company will be something like "Honest Sam's."

posted by Dr. Wu to grab bag (14 comments total)

Bob Huff's Quality Used Cars

We promise you'll drive away in a Huff when you see our prices!

or many variations on that kind of thing...
posted by iconomy at 1:56 PM on October 24, 2006

Tired of new-car prices? Visit Sam's and get Used.
posted by cairnish at 2:05 PM on October 24, 2006

Recast: Don't pay New Car prices. Get Used at Sam's.
posted by cairnish at 2:22 PM on October 24, 2006

Why get cheated elsewhere? Come to Dr. Wu's!
posted by jet_silver at 2:54 PM on October 24, 2006

Les's Automotive: Where quality is Les!

Honest Sam's: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first.

There's always recasting the original joke: Miracle Cars: if it runs, it's a Miracle!
posted by jamaro at 3:22 PM on October 24, 2006

This is one of my favorite "old standby" costumes. I have a pair of green bell bottom pants, a blue plaid sport coat, and a wife beater. Slick back the hair and add some bubba teeth. Get your self a large (4") keychain and put all the keys you can find on it. If you can find the little paper labels, get some and label them with your favorite POS cars.

I have a name tag that says "Earl's Fine Cars".

"Hi I'm Earl, welcome to Earl's Fine Cars."

Simple. Cheesy. Perfect.
posted by Big_B at 4:03 PM on October 24, 2006

All of honest Sam's used cars have undergone an extensive exhaust system inspection and all four tires have been replaced. You won't just leave the lot tired, you'll be exhausted!
posted by nomad at 5:33 PM on October 24, 2006

These ones may be a little inappropriate so read at your own discretion:

We carefully guage emissions of every vehicle we sell in order to provide you with the most fuel efficient used cars on the market. In fact, we won't let you drive your car home without probing your tailpipe.

Provided free with each vehicle is an advanced electronic auto-jack which we test on each and every car so you're not left out in the cold in the event of a flat tire. And don't worry, we make sure to have a jack off before putting it in your trunk.
posted by nomad at 5:46 PM on October 24, 2006

I'm Rick with Rick Peoess Used Cars. Don't drive a car you have to guess about -- drive a Peoess!
posted by vanoakenfold at 5:47 PM on October 24, 2006

nomad, you get the prize for the most labored puns. I love 'em.

These are great - please keep 'em coming! Thanks, all.
posted by Dr. Wu at 6:01 PM on October 24, 2006

Stolen from a fake(?) used car dealership commercial:

Go to Hell! Big Bill Hell's Cars! (Baltimore's filthiest and exclusive home of the meanest SOBs in the state of Maryland - guaranteed!)
posted by attercoppe at 8:21 PM on October 24, 2006

"I Put My Name on Every Car."
(Rex Autos)
posted by rob511 at 8:27 PM on October 24, 2006

the cleverest thing I ever heard relating to a car dealership was the triple entendre "I. Diehl Cars", I. Diehl being the owner.
posted by matkline at 12:23 AM on October 25, 2006

Bob LeMon's Used Cars - Drive off with a LeMon!
posted by mikepop at 5:41 AM on October 25, 2006