Help me become Dr. House for one night.

October 23, 2006 2:20 PM

Help me become Dr. House for one night.

Halloween is coming up, and I've made plans to go to a posh costume party. My costume of choice is Dr. Gregory House from FOX's show "House." I've got the jeans, the blazer, the t-shirt, and the 3-day beard. The questions I have are:

1) Where can I get a cane that looks at least decent without spending too much money? I am in San Francisco, in case anyone has any specific recommendations.

2) What else does my costume need to be complete? Should I wear a nametag that says "Gregory House, M.D." to account for the inevitable people who will have no idea what my costume is supposed to be? Should I stick a PSP in my pocket? Any ideas at all would be helpful.

posted by Pontius Pilate to grab bag (25 comments total)

Do you have any old prescription bottles? You could take a marker (or use a label-maker if you have one) and write "Vicodin".
posted by gatorae at 2:36 PM on October 23, 2006

You'll need a pill bottle and some kind of Nike shoes. And a scowl.. something like a Scottish pirate.
posted by kcm at 2:37 PM on October 23, 2006 [1 favorite]

A stethoscope would help, though he rarely seems to have one. But it telegraphs "doctor" with your regular clothes. And you need the ball, the one TWOP calls "Ball Of Unknown Origin". And sparkling blue contacts. And quips. Lots of quips.
posted by CunningLinguist at 2:39 PM on October 23, 2006

You can get the cane at any big drug store. My local CVS has a wide variety of them in the back, near the pharmacy counter.
posted by brownpau at 2:40 PM on October 23, 2006

And quips. Lots of quips.

I'm busy that night.

But seriously, many of the drug stores where I used to live carried canes near the pharmacy. Probably in the $20 range.
posted by qwip at 2:43 PM on October 23, 2006

You may already have this covered... but if you aren't already, become incredibly hot-n-sexy.
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 2:52 PM on October 23, 2006

Stubble, blazer?
posted by adipocere at 3:11 PM on October 23, 2006

Make sure the jeans are too long and you have an oversized blazer with a designer shirt underneath. And House always has a backpack slung over one shoulder.
posted by geoff. at 3:17 PM on October 23, 2006

You need the sneakers, or at least an approximation thereof. They come up several times...

Stacy: "What are you hiding?"
House: "I'm gay. Oh, not what you meant. Does explain a lot, though. No girlfriend, always with Wilson, obsession with sneakers..."

Foreman: "Yeah, I’m just like him. Except for the angry, bitter, pompous, cripple part."
Cameron: "Maybe we should all pitch in and get you a nice cane. You’ve already got the matching gym shoes."

Unfortunately, Nike Shoxs are not cheap, maybe you can find some knock-off look-a-likes at Payless?
posted by nelleish at 3:27 PM on October 23, 2006

I believe you should be able to score the "ball of unknown origin" from a Petsmart--possibly some other pet store. At least you should be able to find a very close match.
posted by divka at 3:34 PM on October 23, 2006

Regarding the nametag, I wouldn't. As I'm sure you know, part of the character's personality is that he hates wearing anything that would make him actually look like a doctor, such as the white coat. So I really don't see him wearing a nametag of any kind either, and just in general I find that a costume always works better if the first thing a person sees isn't something trying to explain the joke. Better to have people not get it at first and then later go "ah-hah".

Make sure to repeatedly say things like "it's not lupus" (or the variant, "it's not <x>, <x> is a bad diagnosis")... and no matter what the topic of conversation is, tell the person to do a LP. Doesn't seem to matter what he's got, he's getting the lumbar puncture.
posted by Rhomboid at 4:07 PM on October 23, 2006

He usually wears old rock T-shirts when he's off-duty, but I think he sometimes has one on under his lab coat too.
posted by saffry at 4:29 PM on October 23, 2006

"You may already have this covered... but if you aren't already, become incredibly hot-n-sexy."
posted by I_Love_Bananas.

Done and done.

Fantastic answers, as always. Thanks, all. (Rhomboid - love the "It's not lupus" and "Do an LP!" suggestions, and I'm definitely using them.)
posted by Pontius Pilate at 5:22 PM on October 23, 2006

Be sure to post pictures for us. :)
posted by Glitter Ninja at 5:53 PM on October 23, 2006

DO wear a nametag, but one that says Dr. Foreman on it.
posted by hindmost at 6:08 PM on October 23, 2006

Get some makeup - a somewhat purple or brownish purple eyeliner. Trace a line around the bottom of each eye going heavier in the areas towards the corners of your eyes. Smear downward and you'll get a more bug-eyed Hugh Laurie look. Add a little red right along the lower lid and you'll look like haven't slept in a while.

Here's an example - I went heavier all around to look more zombie-like and you'll want to have the circles start lower than what I did.
posted by plinth at 6:09 PM on October 23, 2006

For maximum points, you could turn up on a Yamaha R1 motorcycle (that's been dropped). Of course, if you don't have much experience riding one, you're more likely to NEED Dr House than arrive as him... ;)
posted by coriolisdave at 6:53 PM on October 23, 2006

If you're also looking for catchphrases, for awhile there, everything was (not) vasculitis.
posted by booksandlibretti at 6:59 PM on October 23, 2006

Never answer a question directly:

YOUR FRIEND
Hey Pontius, want a beer?

YOU
(waving a marker pen at someone nearby) You - what's the differential diagnosis for wanting a beer?

Never believe anything anyone tells you:

SOME GUY
Hey Pontius, is it raining out?

YOU
(pointing at your friend Dave) Dave told me it wasn't, but everyone lies. Test for rain!

posted by AmbroseChapel at 7:22 PM on October 23, 2006 [1 favorite]

For maximum points, you could turn up on a Yamaha R1 motorcycle Honda 2005 CBR1000RR Repsol Replica
posted by Tenuki at 7:44 PM on October 23, 2006

Goodwill may have canes. Great idea. I may have to swipe it.
posted by theora55 at 11:00 AM on October 24, 2006

For maximum points, you could turn up on a Yamaha R1 motorcycle Honda 2005 CBR1000RR Repsol Replica
Err.. yeah. That's what I meant. *facepalm*
posted by coriolisdave at 5:46 PM on October 24, 2006

Fill the "Vicodin" bottle with appropriately shaped candy and shove some into your mouth periodically. Bonus points if you can toss them up and catch them in your mouth. Here is a link to the Fox site for Houseisms for more snotty comments to inspire you. Can you get ahold of an X-ray to carry around with you? That might be a nice touch.
posted by BoscosMom at 10:47 PM on October 24, 2006

While you're at the Goodwill getting a cane, pick up an old motorcycle helmet to carry in with you. Stencil "Organ Donor" on it.
posted by BoscosMom at 10:57 PM on October 24, 2006

Regardless, if you end up pissing everyone off by the end of the night, yet managed to keep your job, you're pulled off a remarkable imitation of the man.
posted by Parannoyed at 1:28 PM on October 25, 2006 [1 favorite]