Helping kids deal with a move?
October 19, 2006 1:28 PM Subscribe
Helping children deal with a move?
We recently moved to the coast from 10 hours inland and I would really love some advice on how to best de-stress my 3 yo daughter and 6 yo son (who also started a new school). It's been hard on all of us. I'd like to really help them deal with it constructively.
Should we talk? Go explore? Write a story? Draw about it?
We recently moved to the coast from 10 hours inland and I would really love some advice on how to best de-stress my 3 yo daughter and 6 yo son (who also started a new school). It's been hard on all of us. I'd like to really help them deal with it constructively.
Should we talk? Go explore? Write a story? Draw about it?
There's lots of research and news articles out there on this. I have a family member that actually specializes in this, so perhaps there is someone in your area as well if you are interested in talking with them. From what I hear, maintaining a sense of security and continuity is key. That means all the old toys, the same routine, etc. Make sure they know you are there and willing to talk about it with them. For your older one, maybe talk about how she can still communicate with her old friends and won't lose them. Google has some good stuff, here's one of the first things that turns up, but I know there's plenty more out there. Good luck.
posted by ml98tu at 2:24 PM on October 19, 2006
posted by ml98tu at 2:24 PM on October 19, 2006
We moved when I was 4 1/2 and I hated it. Cried the whole drive to our new house (until I fell asleep, having exhausted myself). I loved Mr. Roger's book about moving -- available on Amazon -- and continued to read it for a couple years after the move, even after I was happily settled in the new place.
posted by katemonster at 2:48 PM on October 19, 2006
posted by katemonster at 2:48 PM on October 19, 2006
My family moved every 3 years or so on average. When people ask, "where are you from?" I have to give a list.
Some things that always helped me cope were having a consistant place to go back to, for me my grandparents' house, and, as mentioned, exploration. Getting to know the new area with my dad was always great. That said, my brother may have had completely different coping methods. Really it will depend on the reactions of your kids, but I'd say that your concern for their wellfare is a good start.
Last, kids are very resilliant. Don't over stress. They will adapt. They will find new friends. They will do it faster than you you will too!
posted by Pollomacho at 10:32 PM on October 19, 2006
Some things that always helped me cope were having a consistant place to go back to, for me my grandparents' house, and, as mentioned, exploration. Getting to know the new area with my dad was always great. That said, my brother may have had completely different coping methods. Really it will depend on the reactions of your kids, but I'd say that your concern for their wellfare is a good start.
Last, kids are very resilliant. Don't over stress. They will adapt. They will find new friends. They will do it faster than you you will too!
posted by Pollomacho at 10:32 PM on October 19, 2006
Drawing activities with kids that age are always a great way for them to express some of their feelings, and lots of pretend play with them can help them work through some of their fears about moving. You may find out that what is making them most anxious about the move is actually something relatively easy to address.
They may be feeling a lack of control over their world right now, since it just got turned upside down, probably with little input from them. So small things that give them a sense of control (e.g., what color their new room should be, how to arrange the furniture) can give them a sense of mastery.
Your reaction, as parents, will also help shape their reaction. It is hard, but you probably want to walk that fine line between "validating" their feelings about the stress of the change and being optimistic and exicted about the new possibilities.
Finally, I'd just echo the above- kids are quite resilient, and if they have stability and security in the home, they'll make the adjustment. They're still quite young, so their primary reference point will be what is happening within the home. Good luck!
posted by waterfall at 9:45 AM on October 22, 2006
They may be feeling a lack of control over their world right now, since it just got turned upside down, probably with little input from them. So small things that give them a sense of control (e.g., what color their new room should be, how to arrange the furniture) can give them a sense of mastery.
Your reaction, as parents, will also help shape their reaction. It is hard, but you probably want to walk that fine line between "validating" their feelings about the stress of the change and being optimistic and exicted about the new possibilities.
Finally, I'd just echo the above- kids are quite resilient, and if they have stability and security in the home, they'll make the adjustment. They're still quite young, so their primary reference point will be what is happening within the home. Good luck!
posted by waterfall at 9:45 AM on October 22, 2006
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posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 2:16 PM on October 19, 2006 [1 favorite]