Holy Crap Art, Batman!

October 8, 2006 10:46 PM

My boss has a presentation-via-artwork to make at a managers meeting early next week and has delegated this to me. She's vetoed my first three ideas and I'm stumped. Someone help me!

We are an independant not-for-profit academic bookshop currently housed in an historic (and dingy) single-level store that is far too small for us. The brief from head office is "Represent your store through art - a painting, a charcoal sketch, a drawing - get creative!". The manager, not being at all arty, has given this to me to do.

Oh, joy.

My first suggestion was to take a modern photo of the store interior and super-impose parts of an old photo on top of it to show both old and new together (we are on the grounds of an ex-mental asylum that was previously Australia's first purpose-built orphanage).

Not creative enough.

I volunteered to do a nice watercolour of the outside of the store.

Too boring.

I photoshopped the store burning to the ground as we are due for a refit. She liked it but there's a chance that the general manager wont find it funny.

What the heck am I going to do? Collages are off-limits as these are apparently the usual cop-out choices and have been verboten this year.

posted by ninazer0 to media & arts (26 comments total)

"Hey, Boss! You didn't like the three ideas I came up with. Why don't you give me some idea of just what you do want?"
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 10:55 PM on October 8, 2006

Two works. Seagull manager. Flys in outta no-where, squawks, shits on everything and flies off again.
posted by ninazer0 at 10:59 PM on October 8, 2006

Following up on Steven's point, this would be a lot easier if your boss explained what aspect of the store or its situation she wanted the artwork to communicate. She's certainly entitled to delegate the execution of the idea, but she owes you at least a clear statement of the objective.
posted by muhonnin at 11:08 PM on October 8, 2006

I'm confused about the bureaucracy behind this: you are an independent store, but you're getting orders from the head office, which deals with several stores?

Will the public ever see these art works, or are they meant to entertain other people within the company?
If they have to be shown to the public, I think some variation on your first idea is best. (Trying to make a virtue of necessity, as your space is historic but too small.) Or you could do an artistic rendering of some architectural elements of the store: front door and its surround; cool big windows; old style fixtures on doors or taps; favorite nooks; etc.

If they're only for other employees, you have much more freedom.

Does the head office recognize and sympathize with your space problem?
If so, maybe a drawing in which the store is represented as bursting its seams somehow. Cartoon of stacks of books bursting the roof of a building, overflowing out the windows, out the front door, etc?
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:29 PM on October 8, 2006

Further brainstorm fodder: Are all of the other units of the company also bookstores? What sets your store apart from the others?
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:35 PM on October 8, 2006

You can't win. Your boss is going to be questioned on what your artwork is trying to communicate ("Why did you make the bottom-left corner red?") and she isn't going to be able to give a decent answer unless she's a world-class bullshit artist.

She can't win either, because she's been given a task that no reasonable person would expect to be within her ability. It's this sort of crap that created the "team-building" weekends where occasionally someone breaks their neck.

Frankly, head office have set you up. My suggestion is to question them as to their motives and expectations until they decide it's too much of a hassle and give up.

Failing that, find out what the punishment is for failure to submit anything. Sounds like that would be preferable unless it involves a firing.
posted by krisjohn at 11:44 PM on October 8, 2006

Nothing wrong with asking for guidance or suggestions from your boss, but frankly, bosses are often far better at knowing what they don't like, than what they would. Besides, you've got AskMe!

Some ideas:

1) Cartoon photos of key strategic issue: space problem. Your boss and co-workers peeking out from behind stack and stacks of books.

2) Historical importance and age of store. Anything you can do to illustrate a conversion from use as an orphanage or mental hospital to a bookstore? Cartoonish: "Crazy dream" of a former patient, seeing your current store in the future, in a thought bubble?

3) People wedged in door of too small store, trying to get in or out.

4) Tables with books out front and around block of too small store.

5) Truck with books in front of too small, too stuffed store, and driver scratching head wondering where he can possibly deliver more books.

6) Overworked bookstore staff holding banner "We love eBooks!"

7) Bookstore staff, holding banner in front of stacks "Please, take our books!" (Henny Youngman reference)

8) Bookstore staff, pushing against front door, trying to get in. Caption: "I told you we shouldn't have taken that last delivery."

9) Solarized (photoshop filter) black and white shot of store front (maybe slightly blurred or focus limited, too).

10) Foreground shot of one open book, with stacks of books arranged in background, forming perspective shot. Shot depends on extreme depth of field effect if taken photographically, but is easily to paint or draw. "Message" is: We sell books, by selling every customer his book.

Look, good or not, I've given you 10 ideas, and I've never seen your store.
posted by paulsc at 11:46 PM on October 8, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]

I realise that an explanation of what's required would be useful, but I'm not going to get one. The manager is a fantastic manager but not particularly creative and Head Office won't give out any more "clues" because this appears to be the new GM's idea of some sort of corporate team-building exercise. (And having escaped once from a corporate gulag that delighted in making inmates jump through hoops as some sort of misguided attempt to make work "fun" by ignoring the real problems, I can't tell you how much contempt I have for these sort of half-assed shenanigans that pass themselves off as management in Australia today)(on preview: what krisjohn said)

However, fuming at it isn't going to make it go away, and I'm really sorry for sounding so cranky when you're just trying to help me - it's not directed at you. I'm just so damn tired and frustrated and at the end of my tether. So apologies to all.

Loberstermitten: we are a co-operative with 40 branches co-ordinated from a head-office with a corporate-type structure, if that makes sense. I'm not sure if HO will be exhibiting any of these to the public - I suspect these are just for the amusement of upper management. With luck, no-one outside HO will ever see them.

PaulC: I think I love you. Will you marry me? Of course, I need to divorce my brand new husband first...
posted by ninazer0 at 11:55 PM on October 8, 2006

Cartoon of woman carrying too many books (and maybe she has peed herself too?)
Cartoon of man carrying too many books
Student bent over with carrying books

If it's mainly for people in the company, not for the public, you could try caricatures of key staff members in these kinds of poses? (Or whatever they're typically doing -- htat is, if you imagine everyone is doing their best to help out at all times, what they would be doing.) Plus caricatures of different types of students/customers you see often? I imagine that kind of cartoony "gosh we all work hard in this zany place" image might go over well with some managers like this... could be too cheesey for others.

If you have a nice reading space, you could try to sneak a photo of people reading there some afternoon. If you have front steps, pose some people reading there?

Paulsc is right that Photoshop filters are your friends. Just take a couple of pics and try out different filters. There may be some head office types who don't realize how mindless this is.
posted by LobsterMitten at 12:07 AM on October 9, 2006

Depending on how crafty you are, you might try making or altering a popup book; first find a children's popup book that has a popup of a building, and either alter it to represent your shop, or just see how it is constructed and make your own insert to put inside an existing book... Like a popup of your building overflowing with books inserted into some kind of book on space management.

Or, just do a drawing of your popup book idea.
posted by taz at 1:34 AM on October 9, 2006

Totally unhelpful answer - but I can't think of a more pointless exercise.

You should start looking for a new job. You work for weirdos.
posted by cornflake at 2:46 AM on October 9, 2006

Is there voting on this? How will we know when the question is answered?

Emulate a Mondrian and put text in the boxes to represent issues or parts of the store.

Create an image of the store and edit it in a photoshoppish program using a filter that causes it to look impressionistic, or pointilistic.

Create a epilostary piece of art via collage, receipts, journal entries, old posters, book jackets.

Do something with a worm (a bookworm eh) and an apple (to represent academia - yeah, weak I know, it's all I got.)
posted by b33j at 3:03 AM on October 9, 2006

I don't think this is quite as unfair as other people are saying. Coming up with creative ideas is a job, after all.

The problem is that ninazer0 isn't a graphic designer. At least, I assume, not professionally.

Professional designers are used to this sort of crap and have procedures in place. What you need is a Design Brief, in which your client tells you at least something about what they want.

A client should be able to say roughly what they want and roughly what they don't want. They should be able to show you examples in books, magazines or websites of things they like or don't like. They should be able to say what kind of feeling they want from the finished product, like "we want it to look comforting and reassuring" or "we want it to look cool and modern" or whatever.

Based on knowing that, you can then put together three or four things which ought to be pretty much on target and let her pick from those.

So, have that discussion with the boss and get at least a verbal Design Brief. Because "give me something ... creative" just isn't enough to go on, which is why you're here. Your attempts so far sound fascinating and entirely creative by the way. Good on you.
posted by AmbroseChapel at 3:05 AM on October 9, 2006

Right. First off, there are 40 stores doing this. No one's going to scrutinize your artwork, as art, closely.

Instead, the "art" is going to be looked at for what it says about the personality of the artist, who will be presumed to be the manager. Crap like, "optimistic people draw big doorways," or ""pro-active managers draw chimneys."
posted by orthogonality at 3:06 AM on October 9, 2006

You could ask your boss: what is the most important thing that distinguishes our store from others?

Whatever she says - if she thinks about it first - could give you the germ of a genuine idea.

You could possibly make some kind of still-life photo; arrange some books, maybe a coffee cup, or some object(s) that figure into the store, find/set up/happen upon some good lighting, then photograph it, get it printed at a decent size (print from computer - look into some of that glossy photo paper), then bonus points if you frame it. Could be quick, easy, and even attractive.

Or you could just make a splatter painting - say it means whatever you think is appropriate :)
posted by amtho at 5:50 AM on October 9, 2006

I don't mean to imply that your other ideas aren't genuine - "genuine" was a poor choice of word. I guess I meant an idea that your boss would have to like as it proceeded from her own idea - that it would have her truth in it somehow. I actually liked your ideas.
posted by amtho at 5:52 AM on October 9, 2006

You said that the store location was an ex-mental asylum. It sounds like it still is, in some ways. Is there way to illustrate that? Maybe the store in a strait-jacket to show how constrained you are for space (and how put-upon by the silly requirements of management).
posted by Robert Angelo at 6:30 AM on October 9, 2006

How about a picture of a huge queue at the checkout and information desks, and no staff around to help them because they're doing bullshit art tasks set by head office?
posted by Hogshead at 7:52 AM on October 9, 2006

Sounds like your boss is even less interested than you are. To make it as easy as possible on her and get her to start agreeing with your result already, offer choices.

Do you want: sophisticated or funny - cartoony or photorealistic - about books or about people - light or dark in tone. (that last one is nonsense but it'll help her think she's an important part of mysterious design process).

Rough in two ideas. Let her pick one.
posted by scheptech at 8:20 AM on October 9, 2006

Or, for an actual idea: your store as a bookend randomly stuffed into the middle of an already overfull shelf, the books could be made to look like other buildings or not... you could have little figures representing the surrounding books subjects walking up and down the street/shelf... whatever detail you have time for.
posted by scheptech at 8:34 AM on October 9, 2006

ninazer0 posted 'My boss has a presentation-via-artwork '

It's a presentatio, right? Ask her what the fuck she wants to present (what content) and work with that. If she's all "I don't know..." then take a canvas, throw some paint at it and call it abstract expressionism.
posted by signal at 9:11 AM on October 9, 2006

How about a sculpture made from a book? Something like the work of Thomas Allen, Abelardo Morell, or Nicholas Galanin?

You could maybe emphasize the idea of a small old bookshop by taking an old volume, gluing the pages together, cutting out a square hollow in the middle, and putting a mini bookshop inside utilizing some dollhouse accessories.
posted by xo at 10:17 AM on October 9, 2006

It's a presentatio, right?

Good point, what does she plan on saying?
posted by scheptech at 11:43 AM on October 9, 2006

Alrighty. I hog-tied the boss and was able to extract that she would like the artwork to be about how we need to get an interior refit. Mind you, an interior-refit is already in the pipeline so I'm not quite sure why she's still banging that drum.

I'm personally toying with the idea of photoshopping the rest of the staff into Edvard Munch's "The Scream" but personal feeling may be getting in the way. I doubt she'll find it amusing although I know I will.

I think Orthagonality has hit it on the head as to why we're doing this thing in the first place, so that's scaring me slightly.

And XO - I'm really loving the sculpture idea.

I'd just like to say a huge THANKYOU - all the different views and perspectives are great. There's a dim chance I might survive this after all.
posted by ninazer0 at 4:06 PM on October 9, 2006

Please post the finished piece, ok?
posted by signal at 2:44 PM on October 15, 2006

ninazer0: can you give us a post mortem?

Did you actually deliver some artwork for your manager to present? (and this wasn't clear - did your manager present it as if they personally had made it, or were you credited?) How did it go over? Was it used as some sort of window into the sub-conscious as orthogonality predicted?
posted by kamelhoecker at 7:04 PM on October 22, 2006