How do I deal with a guy who I have strong feelings for but has a girlfriend he is trying to break up with?
October 8, 2006 5:12 PM Subscribe
I really like this guy I've become friends with, but he has a live-in girlfriend. He has decided to break it off with her but hasn't actually ended things. Should I tell him how I feel? Should I ask how he feels about me? Is there a chance for a relationship even if he breaks up with her or will I just be the rebound girl?
posted by Dr. Cherry to Human Relations (72 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
I met this guy at the hospital 2 months ago (we are both doctors in a training program). He always been flirty with me and complimented me on how I look and has gone so far as to say that I'm "strikingly beautiful." A month ago we had a get together with a people, he ended up walking me to my car and talking - I told him I had broken up with my fiance recently and was in the process of moving out and that's when he told me he had a similar situation with his girlfriend of 4 years. He said they kept breaking up and getting back together but that he felt that things weren't working. I was very disappointed to find out that he was with someone but decided to keep in touch and be friends.
I just moved into my new place a few weeks ago which is just a few blocks from him. He came over to my place one afternoon to help me hook up my tv and ended up staying for 3 hours talking. Since then, I'd gotten together with him AND his girlfriend several times. We talk on the phone and text each other almost every day. He is very open with me and we've shared a lot of really private things with each other. He tells me that he knows his relationship is over but whenever he tries to break things off with his girlfriend, she becomes hysterical for hours and hours and eventually he caves. She lives with him currently and she would have no where to go if they broke up. I understand his situation because I had to go through a similar situation with my ex-fiance, but I'm afraid he's not going to have the guts to actually go through with it.
He's very intelligent, athletic, funny, sweet and gorgeous! I really really like him and feel that we have a connection, but we almost have to sneak around just to talk to each other because the girlfriend is always around and very jealous. We haven't talked about any feelings we have towards each other. Other than him telling me that he likes me and that he thinks I'm very attractive, I have no indication whether he would actually want to date me even if he wasn't with his current girlfriend. I've made it pretty clear that I like him and am attracted to him as well. I would say that I am initiating more of the communication between us than him. He has apologized several times for being unreliable and inconsistent in keeping in touch with me due to his current situation. He's said that I would be surprised to see how available he is when this situation is resolved.
Just to be clear, nothing physical has happened between us. I would never go after someone in a relationship. This is confusing though because he's told me from the get-go that things were all-but-over with his girlfriend. Should I just move on and resign myself to just being friends with him? Or should I stick it out? I don't want to be the rebound girl either. Is there a safe way to find out what his intentions are towards with me?