She stole my name, now I get her mail

October 3, 2006 11:10 AM

[unwantedclonefilter] Someone in my organisation got married and now has the exact same full name as me. I'm getting daily post, emails & phonecalls for her. What to do??

Background: I've worked at my (large) organisation for 4 years. Let's call it Microsoft. I have an unusual name. Let's call me Regina Phalange.

Now let's say there was another Regina, Regina Vandalay, who also worked for Microsoft in the same city, but did a completely different job in another department, another building.

Regina and Regina are blissfully unaware of each other's existence until one day, when Regina Vandalay marries an Art Phalange (with me still?) and decides to use her married name from now on. So lo, another Regina Phalange is born.

The original Regina Phalange(RP)'s work email address is the sensible [e-mail]

The new RP changes her work mail, from her maiden name, to [e-mail]

Immediately the original RP starts getting mail for the new RP -- much of it sensitive, confidential client information that she really shouldn't be seeing. No problem - she just forwards it back to the new RP.

But then the number of erroneous emails, phonecalls, voicemail messages (which then obviously have to be followed up) and snail mails that the original RP receives starts to become stupid. Let's take this back to the first person...

I am now getting 5-6 emails, phonecalls, phone messages and post PER DAY for the other RP. What prompted me to write in is the fact that I'm working from home today. Someone in my office took a message for me and called me to let me know. I don't have a company cellphone so had to call them back on my money, was put on hold for several minutes, only to find out that it was FOR THE BLOODY OTHER RP.

Grr! There is a certain amount of petty miffedness here ("she stole my name!"), but I'm now getting pulled out of meetings, etc. for "important phonecalls" that turn out to be for someone else, and it's eating into my workday.

Both the other RP and I have informed the post room, and when talking to customers we've both been specific about our titles (Miss/Mrs) and work addresses.

What else is to be done? Other than stomping over there and calling her selfish for not keeping her maiden name? Which would be incredibly inappropriate.

MeFites, I kneel before you. Bestow upon me your wisdom.

posted by anonymous to work & money (30 comments total)

one suggestion: change your voicemail to indicate your department, and also refer callers for the other RP to her number in the voicemail.

i'd also let the other rp know of your difficulties, so she can be more specific when givingout her email address, etc.
posted by lester's sock puppet at 11:19 AM on October 3, 2006

When you forward the email to the new RP, do you also cc the sender?
posted by smackfu at 11:43 AM on October 3, 2006

Looks to me like you could:
1) Change your name
2) Use a different name/email address (eg: [e-mail])
3) Kill the clone
4) Find a new job
5) Use your maiden name
6) Add disclaimers to all your emails, voicemails, etc stating there is another person with your same name
7) Talk to the person, threaten them with bodily harm if they don't start using their old name. Even if it's in the format: [e-mail]
8) Share an email address
posted by blue_beetle at 11:46 AM on October 3, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]

I get the sense that your "petty miffedness" is actually getting in the way of taking the steps of just solving the problem - which isnt that hard to solve.

Have you changed your voicemail to say "This is R.P. in Accounting. If you are trying to reach R.P. in Sales, please call..."?

Have you informed any and all people who may take messages for you of this issue? Have you cc'ed senders as smackfu suggests.

This may take some work at first but people learn, the problem goes away on its own.

That is, unless, you are not actively doing any of these things because you feel you shouldnt have to because, dammit, you had that name first. In that case, all you are doing here is ranting - not looking for an actual solution.
posted by vacapinta at 11:50 AM on October 3, 2006

but I'm now getting pulled out of meetings, etc. for "important phonecalls"

Who's pulling you out of meetings? Do they know about the problem?

If you're lucky enough to have someone between you and incoming calls, have them do the screening (better than they are now).
posted by mendel at 11:53 AM on October 3, 2006

Must you answer your phone? Company culture varies from place to place of course, but in the places I've worked, it would be entirely OK to have your voice mail message say "You have reached the voice mail box for Regina Phalange in the Widget Department. If you are calling for Regina T. Phalange, formerly Regina Vandelay, of the Doohickie Department, you can reach her at XXX-XXX-XXXX. Otherwise, please leave a brief message and I'll get back to you soon."

And then put your phone on Do Not Disturb, and check your voice mail every half hour or so.

I think that this has to be as least as big, if not a bigger, problem for the new Regina Phalange. If she went by "Regina Vandelay Phalange" at work that would go a long ways to clearing things up, but that's a delicate thing to suggest.
posted by ambrosia at 11:54 AM on October 3, 2006

(Unless you ARE the boss) this sounds like a problem for your boss to take up with the other Regina's boss. That's what management is there for.
posted by Kickstart70 at 12:00 PM on October 3, 2006

I feel for ya. I've worked for two companies that literally have dozens of people with the same name. It can be a royal pain. What I have seen people do to cut down on the internal mail hassle is to make sure that whatever internal mail address book that you have is updated with information that help's people figure out the two of you. In particular if the display named looked something like Regina Vandalay (Sales) and Regina Vandalay (HR) that would go a long way towards cutting down on the mistakes.
posted by mmascolino at 12:00 PM on October 3, 2006

Hi, I'm the original OP - and the original Regina Phalange. Thanks for taking the time to answer this post. Some great suggestions -- lemme address them:

change your voicemail to indicate your department, and also refer callers for the other RP to her number in the voicemail.

I've actually already done this, but external people don't seem to listen. They just leave their name and number and ask me to call back and play identity roulette. I HAVE, however advised our switchboard team of my cloning, so at least they're in the loop.

When you forward the email to the new RP, do you also cc the sender?

This is actually what originally sent me into an irrational spin. I got some emails meant for her, from her manager. When I forwarded them back to her, CCing him with a cheery "Think this is for you!", her manager wrote me a pissy response saying that I needed to "learn to be patient" and these things are "bound to happen" from time to time. All I'd said was "think this is for you!".

So yes, a little petty miffedness. Ahem.

Looks to me like you could:
.... 5) Use your maiden name...

This *is* my maiden name! I am totally a maiden! With a name [see 'petty miffedness']

but I'm now getting pulled out of meetings, etc. for "important phonecalls"

Who's pulling you out of meetings? Do they know about the problem?

My manager. Urgh, it's all so clear now that I've mapped it out as a question on the internet! Rookie mistake. And he does know that it's a problem. But it didn't occur to him to ask which Regina Phalange the caller wanted. But then it never occurred to me to ask him to ;)

She works in law and I work in web, so often the people who call are barking lawyers who say it's an "emergency". Normally when calls are for me an "emergency" is "help! the internet broke!"

So anyway. Thank you for answering this post. You've given some really useful, really obvious (now I think of it) answers! Rookie mistake I guess. And I totally concede that I'm being a bit silly about this, but I'm working from home looking after a sick cat, sick boyfriend and sick self, and I've just gotten really tired of taking other people's calls.
posted by unmusic at 12:22 PM on October 3, 2006

I think that this has to be as least as big, if not a bigger, problem for the new Regina Phalange.

If life were fair that would be the case. Alas she apparently, is not getting calls for me. Or for herself, evidently - I'm getting all those...
posted by unmusic at 12:28 PM on October 3, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]

.... 5) Use your maiden name...
This *is* my maiden name! I am totally a maiden! With a name [see 'petty miffedness']

Well then, the solution is clear: Get married, and take your husband's last name. I knew a girl who got married in college at 20- her name was Jessica Weiners. I didn't blame her :-)
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 12:31 PM on October 3, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]

I can't believe I'm the only one who thought of [Office Space] - JeremiahBritt

You're not. But this is AskMe and comments are supposed to be helpful. That quote, amusing as it might be, isn't helpful.
posted by raedyn at 12:39 PM on October 3, 2006

ThePinkSuperhero - in that case (of poor Jessica), there's always changing your name.
posted by IndigoRain at 12:53 PM on October 3, 2006

She works in law
The new RP is a lawyer?

Have you, or your manager, brought it to the attention of the manager of the new RP that people are mistakenly sending confidential information to the wrong person because of this confusion?

Lawyers take this kind of thing very seriously. If she doesn't see it as a problem now, she soon will be. Make this the law department's problem- they will figure out a way to fix it.
posted by ambrosia at 1:02 PM on October 3, 2006

I actually had this happen to me once!
It might be too late for you, but the best thing I did was make really nicey-nice with the other me. I suggest that you be patient and just keep forwarding every voice mail and email directly to the new RP, without comment.
But forward everything one day late, or maybe two. (After all, this is not your job priority.)

If the other RP works in law, this whole situation has become a BIG hassle for her, and she very likely has some serious motivation to fix it.

Another suggestion would be to have all your mail from now on include "Web Dept." (or whatever) on the address, and to tell people to address everything to you that way - that way YOU don't lose your mail.
posted by Sprout the Vulgarian at 1:43 PM on October 3, 2006

Also notify HR of the problem.

Honestly I'd ignore people who ignore a very clear voicemail message and a leave a message for you anyway. But maybe you're nicer than me.
posted by lampoil at 2:29 PM on October 3, 2006

One thing that no one has suggested (it seems) is to stop forwarding the messages.

I'm not saying it's the best idea. But if no one is getting with the program, force the issue. Once the other Regina realizes her emails and calls are getting lost, she'll work very hard to make sure it stops happening. You are, in pop-psychology parlance, enabling her. Delete all the emails that are for her, delete all the voice mails that are for her.

Yes, it could absolutely backfire. But you're not her case worker. It's her problem, not yours and she's the one who needs to fix it.
posted by GuyZero at 2:32 PM on October 3, 2006

Could each of you adopt a middle name? Doesn't matter if it's her maiden name or your real middle name at all, can be totally made up for this purpose. It would then appear in your voicemail (along with the disambiguation message you've already got), email address, company directory listing, other correspondence.

You could be Regina Kate Vandelay, in web, and she could be Regina Tiberias Vandelay, or whatever. Make them different-sounding names with different initials. (This way you can ask her to make a change to her name, but it won't be a pushy petty thing because you'll be doing it too.)
posted by LobsterMitten at 2:41 PM on October 3, 2006

If you have some leave saved up, go on holiday for a couple of weeks.

When the other Regina starts losing 30% of her incoming messages because they are piling up in your inbox, someone is going to have to do something about it. Particularly if she's a lawyer and some of the messages are urgent.
posted by A Thousand Baited Hooks at 2:48 PM on October 3, 2006

I have a close friend who has such a situation; but she is more in the position of the second RP. The original RP didn't forward her messages (often sales leads). In fact, being in the same business, the original RP would take the sales leads.
My friend quickly learned to use her middle name. Stop forwarding the messages.

Mind you, 5-6 messages a day seems excessive! Perhaps the new RP has mistakenly put your email address on her business card, or her website or something?

(And do advise your manager, or the receptionist who is disturbing you with "important calls" to make sure the caller is looking for you.)
posted by Count Ziggurat at 3:03 PM on October 3, 2006

Guy Zero has nailed it, I think. It sounds like you've gone above and beyond what can be expected of a decent co-worker. It's time to let her worry about it from now on.
posted by brain cloud at 4:11 PM on October 3, 2006

Depending on your view of ethics, if I was in your position I'd let it roll. I'd continue to read every email that was addressed to me, and if there was information in there that I found useful, I would use it. Some people might call that dubious; I'd call it initiative.
posted by Hogshead at 4:47 PM on October 3, 2006

Suggestion for your voice mail —

"Hi. This is Regina Phalange. I'm a widget creation tech for WidgeTech. If you are looking to speak to the Regina Phalange who works as a minesweeper for WidgeTech, [increase volume and sternness of your voice] I am not her, and in order to leave a message for her, you must dial HER at 999-999-9999. Messages meant for her WILL NOT BE FORWARDED. [return to normal tone of voice] That having been said, if I can be of any assistance to you, please leave me a message at the tone."

Suggestion for department —

Mass e-mail to all of your department colleagues explaining the sitaution and asking if they receive a call for you to double-check whether it's for the lawyer, and if so, direct them to extension XXXX.

Suggestion for e-mail —

Lawyers seem to almost always have two elements in their e-mail messages: their full contact information including how the firm is incorporated (LLP, LLC, PC — i.e., it'll never be just Sasquatch & Bigfoot, it'll 99% of the time be Sasquatch & Bigfoot, LLC), and also usually a confidentiality disclaimer. Have your Outlook look for either of those signs in the message body and, if found, either have it autoreply, autoforward, and zap for you, or more manually quarantine them.
posted by WCityMike at 6:41 PM on October 3, 2006

I agree with the suggestion that you stop forwarding her the messages. Once she realizes that it's a serious problem for her and that important emails and calls aren't getting through, she might be motivated enough to change her email address to something slightly less similar to yours.
posted by RoseovSharon at 7:21 PM on October 3, 2006

There are two things you should consider:

The first is to add an element to your own name. Right now, if someone types Regina Phalange into your internal directory search looking for email or phone number, they're likely going to get you, because it's a perfect match, and not her, because it's not as she has that T. If you had a C or a D or a whatever, then they'd have to disambiguate between the two of you.

Search for all references to your name on your intranet. See if any of the ones that use simply Regina Phalange are actually references to her and ask her to get them changed. I had issues with my telephone number and ended up searching out all references to the number in the corporate directory and sending out email asking to get the incorrect ones removed.
posted by jacquilynne at 7:24 PM on October 3, 2006

I'd change your tactic, but only slightly: do not forward the message to the new RP (even though she's not the one to blame), but reply to the original sender, stating they reached the wrong person.

This (almost) forces them to change their contact information, increasing the chance they'll get it right the second time. If you keep on forwarding their messages, their issues keep getting handled, and they have no real incentive to do anything. This may be a bit more difficult for phonecalls, but at least it should help with the e-mails.
posted by lodev at 1:57 AM on October 4, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]

I actually had this happen to me once!

It might be too late for you, but the best thing I did was make really nicey-nice with the other me. I suggest that you be patient and just keep forwarding every voice mail and email directly to the new RP, without comment.

But forward everything one day late, or maybe two. After all, this is not your job priority. Maybe you take about 5 min at the end of each day to forward all her stuff to her at once. This way you're covering your own ass in terms of you're-helping-by-forwarding, but it puts the ball in her court because she's not getting these messages in a timely fashion.

If the other RP works in law, this whole situation has become a BIG hassle for her, and she very likely has some serious motivation to fix it.

Another suggestion is to have all your mail from now on include "Web Dept." (or whatever) on the address, and to tell people to address everything to you that way - that way YOU don't lose your mail.
posted by Sprout the Vulgarian at 4:32 AM on October 4, 2006

If you are going to stop forwarding messages to this woman then you need to make it very clear to her (in an email, cc'ed to your boss, her boss and HR) what the situation is, the impact it is having on your own workload, why you believe this has come about and when you plan to stop forwarding messages.

Naturally this means that you need to get agreement from your boss and HR that they will support you with this policy.

You need to give her plenty of time to read, digest and understand that she needs to be proactive in communicating with her contacts that her email address has changed. I would recommend a deadline of 2 months from the time of the email.

Don't forget to mention that this forwarding is impacting your ability to work, increasing the time required to manage emails (as you're managing hers too) and that you are breaking the legal disclaimers at the bottom of these emails by forwarding them onwards. In addition, indicate that you feel that it is her responsibility to communicate the email change correctly to her contacts.
posted by mr_silver at 5:50 AM on October 4, 2006

It's fairly straightforward, as far as email is concerned - I work at an extremely large international company and we have many people sharing names.
As far as the phone calls go: The main switchboard is working off a central phone database. Ensure the phone database is updated to read 1) Regina-IT Phalange and 2) Regina-Legal Phalange.
Apply the same principle to your respective internet mail addresses: [e-mail] vs [e-mail].
Work with whatever managers necessary to get this accomplished.

This should pare down on the misrouted traffic.
posted by BigLankyBastard at 6:59 AM on October 4, 2006

I can't really help but you have my condolences - this happened to me as well. The one saving grace was the other me went by Debbie and I'm Deborah (obviously). Occasionally one or the other of us had to re-route (or walk over, we were in separate buildings) interoffice mail and forward phone calls but it wasn't a daily, or even weekly, occurance. Good luck!
posted by deborah at 8:43 PM on October 4, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]