Phone Sex Tips?

September 22, 2006 10:05 PM

Phone Sex tips? My SO thinks phone sex will help us remain close while he is out of town (consulting work) for the next few months. I have problems letting go under even the most ideal circumstances; the idea of phone sex seems awkward and uncomfortable. Any tips on how to make phone sex seem less awkward and more natural? To be honest, I kind of cringe at the thought of phone sex. Potentially relevant: it is still a newish relationship so there isn't an intense amount of emotional closeness yet.
posted by anonymous to human relations (23 comments total)

It may make you feel totally unsexy/dorky, but get a headset for your (cell)phone.
posted by rossination at 10:21 PM on September 22, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]

If you don't talk about or during sex face-to-face, or easily engage in masturbatory play with one another, phone sex will either be painfully awkward, or liberating. Hopefully, for you, liberating, especially if that's mostly what you're going to get for the next several months of a monogamous long distance relationship.

Sometimes, the idea of it being a substitute for normal monogamous sex is enough to get through the initial awkwardness. If you can use that excuse to become more comfortable saying sexual words, describing your ideas and reactions, and fanatazing together, you may actually develop a kind of shared intimacy people with lesser relationship challenges never do.

I'm not personally big on re-enactments of the commercial version of phone sex, starting out with breathless "What are you wearing?" questions, but I have enjoyed talking about sex we're going to have at some future time with long distance lovers. As a man with over 20 years of frequent international business travel experience, a naughty phone call at the right time, now and again, can shore up a relationship in ways Alexandar Graham Bell and Watson probably never considered.
posted by paulsc at 10:42 PM on September 22, 2006

There isn't a way to make sex stuff you're not interested in less awkward and more natural. If you wanted to do it, you'd know it, because you'd want to do it :-)

Are you sure you're into this person? You don't sound like it. You sound more like you need to hear "You Don't Have To Do Things You Don't Want To Do."
posted by facetious at 10:55 PM on September 22, 2006

My mate spent an academic year a thousand miles away in graduate school early in our relationship (about a year in). I'm a little embarrassed to say the idea of phone sex never occurred to me (it did to her), but we averaged about 2hrs. a day on the phone anyway, and I think that made it possible for us to get to know each other to a depth I would not have been able to reach otherwise.

Paulsc, I'm not sure I'd be inclined to sell old AG Bell so short; Bell's mother was deaf, and according to tradition, the first words spoken over the first phone were (roughly) 'Mr. Watson, come here! I need you,' a thing that particular Bell, when a baby, must have wished with the greatest intensity to be able say to his mother any number of times.
posted by jamjam at 11:15 PM on September 22, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]

If you know when the phone call will be, drink a little beforehand, so that you'll be less reserved when the time comes. (Try to) have fun!
posted by roomwithaview at 11:55 PM on September 22, 2006

Like Rossination said, get a headset. I'd also suggest a completely dark room. It may help you to imagine him there.

Since this is a new relationship for you two, has a vibrator made an appearance yet? If so, put that into play also.
posted by Cog at 12:12 AM on September 23, 2006

Why not suggest to your SO simply spending a considerable amount of time on the phone each day. Not necessarily sex talk, but the more you open those lines of communication the more comfortable you'll feel if it ever comes up. I used to talk to my boyfriend, on average, between four to eight hours a day (and we're not LD!) and when we ran out of stuff to ramble about or one of us was feeling particularly randy we'd say to the other "tell me a fantasy" and take it from there...(wow, they really need anonymous comment posting).
posted by liquorice at 12:29 AM on September 23, 2006

Webcam. Get one for his laptop (I assume he has a laptop) and interact like you normally would - except barefoot all over.
posted by qwip at 2:15 AM on September 23, 2006

mynameismandab, she didn't ask for relationship tips, just straight-up phone sex techniques. wtf?

that said, anonymous: buy or find on the internet some erotic/adult fiction/stories and just crib the lines if you can't think of anything yourself. download some porn if you need instruction on getting down that desperate breathlessness. remember he can't see you, so it's all excitment in voice: timber, insinuation, enthusiasm, etc...

in the end, you can't muster the bravado to perform, i'm sure he'll take the lead (especially if he's the one who recommended it).

there was also a good askme thread with phone sex tips here, too.
posted by naxosaxur at 3:18 AM on September 23, 2006

Any tips on how to make phone sex seem less awkward and more natural?

You guys should agree to phone calls with the POTENTIAL for phone sex. Make sure the SO understands your feelings about it and realizes that these phone calls make contain no sex at all or not for a while. So ask the other for help in getting you into the mood and have a drink or two before or during conversation.

Then realize that the SO is going to be seducing you all over again, which could be QUITE fun. Let the conversations slide into sex talk casually and naturally. Mimic the dance of foreplay that you guys do in real life.

Do NOT involve chocolate covered midgets. Trust me on this.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:02 AM on September 23, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]

I think the fundamental problem with phone sex is that often times, the things that are most sexually arousing for guys are not the same things that women will find sexually arousing. In physical practice, there's so much overlap that it doesn't matter. But when talking about what you would like to do, it unfortunately becomes extremely specific and thus the contrast more defined.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 5:19 AM on September 23, 2006

"there isn't an intense amount of emotional closeness yet"
- in which case forcing phone sex seems a bad idea. phone sex is still sex, it ain't going to be much fun for you, or much good for the two of you as a couple, if you are uncomfortable with it. i mean, by all means give your SO the bebefit of the doubt and consider it, but i'd settle for headset, skype, some hour or hours of conversation a day, and include frank conversation about sex which, at some point, may lead to phone sex. in my experience phone sex, being an abstracted masturbatory kind of sex, usually involves fantasies, which in their turn involve discussion of scenarios involving third parties: are you comfortable with that?
posted by londongeezer at 6:59 AM on September 23, 2006

Hmmmm...the relationship is very new, you cringe at the concept and he's trying to coerce you into doing something that you don't want to do.

IMHO, tell him that you don't want to. If he walks, you've saved yourself a lot of heartache further down the road.

And skip the webcam. We don't want you to turn up on youtube.

Good luck.
posted by bim at 7:20 AM on September 23, 2006

Wasn't trying to be rude or inconsiderate, I think the fact that it is indeed a new relationship without established emotional closeness has some bearing on whether phone sex would be a good idea. I say this in sympathy from past experience.

That said, do you two talk dirty to each other when you're together in person? If so, phone sex could just be an eyes-closed extension of what you're already doing. Just close your eyes and pretend he's there. You could also try watching the same porno as him and talking about it (although it is usually more funny than sexy).

And get the vibrator/as-many-implements-of pleasure-as-you-need.

But if you're still weirded out by the idea of phone sex with a new boyfriend (who hasn't even been around long enough to form a solid bond) for the next few months...you know what to do.
posted by mynameismandab at 8:03 AM on September 23, 2006

Oh, yeah, that can be a bit awkward. Well, why don't you just start off with something light, you know, like, um, 'I'd love it if you stuck your Willy Wonka between my Oompa Loompas.' You know, something a bit fun, a bit jokey. And then you can get more hardcore, rattle off the old classics, like, 'I'm playing with my dirty pillows,' 'I'm aching for your big purple-headed womb-ferret,' and then go straight in hard, like, 'Get 'round here 'cause I'm fudding myself stupid and I'm bloody loving it.' Right?
posted by ed\26h at 9:47 AM on September 23, 2006

he's trying to coerce you into doing something that you don't want to do.

There is absolutely no indication that this statement is true. NONE.

All we know is the SO thinks it would be good idea and that the original poster is somewhat open to the idea, but has a hard time letting go and getting into the mood.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:15 AM on September 23, 2006

If he walks, you've saved yourself a lot of heartache further down the road. And skip the webcam. We don't want you to turn up on youtube. Good luck.

That post read like you were performing the last-rites on an already moribund relationship. Furthermore you seem to actively advise suspicion and distrust. There really doesn’t appear to be any need for this.
posted by ed\26h at 10:56 AM on September 23, 2006

Well, if you want advice good enough for a former President, the book Monica Lewinsky used was apparently called Vox.
posted by ilsa at 12:28 PM on September 23, 2006

Brandon and Ed --

I kind of cringe at the thought of phone sex.

Oh yeah. She's open to the idea.

...the idea of phone sex seems awkward and uncomfortable

Ditto.

...the OP, of course, can and will do whatever she thinks is best. It sounds to me like our responses are a case of "men are from mars, women are from venus." That's what keeps life interesting. :)
posted by bim at 3:09 PM on September 23, 2006

Well, perhaps some contextomy there. And yes maybe they are. Why not.
posted by ed\26h at 7:42 PM on September 23, 2006

Wow, why is everybody is discussing this as if phone sex has to involve talking and words!?

Try a phone call (with good headsets, that transmit decent sound and leave your hands free) where you simply listen to each other breathing. Both of you try gently starting to masturbate and listen to one another's breathing as it starts to speed up and change. If you both like this, keep going. It can be completely non-verbal and incredibly hot. For many people, phone sex has nothing to do with the "what are you wearing" / "what do you want to do to me" model.
posted by lorimer at 8:32 PM on September 23, 2006

Just remember how natural and at ease sex itself felt the first time, or riding a bicycle, juggling, playing baseball, writing a term paper, talking to a stranger, etc: not at all. Smutty talk is no different, whether it be on the phone or whispered in an ear. Start slow, push your comfort envelope with small steps like "I love the way your hand feels slipping past my waistband" rather than going straight to "the feel of your cum spurting on the back of my throat."

And while the odds may be in your favor, fellow question answerers, the poster made no explicit or implicit statement about his/her gender.
posted by phearlez at 10:20 AM on September 25, 2006

And while the odds may be in your favor, fellow question answerers, the poster made no explicit or implicit statement about his/her gender.

Good Grief, phearlez, how true! How embarrassingly true....
posted by jamjam at 1:03 PM on September 27, 2006