Comments on: Know any good Dalai Lama jokes?

Question: Know any good Dalai Lama jokes?

timeistight — Mon, 18 Sep 2006 16:20:14 -0800

Know any good Dalai Lama jokes?

I have to fill a minute with humour at my next Toastmasters meeting. Since the Dalai Lama was recently in town, I thought I'd tell these jokes, but it would be great to have a couple more. This is for an audience of work colleagues, so the jokes can't be at all offensive. (I'm assuming the gentle jokes I linked to won't offend anyone; please steer me right if you're an offended Buddhist.)

By: riotgrrl69

riotgrrl69 — Mon, 18 Sep 2006 16:33:38 -0800

Why can't the Dalai Lama vacuum under the sofa?

Because he has no attachments.

By: jtron

jtron — Mon, 18 Sep 2006 16:49:04 -0800

What did the Dalai Lama say to the hot dog vendor?

Make me one with everything.

By: jessamyn

jessamyn — Mon, 18 Sep 2006 16:55:52 -0800

The hot dog vendor said "that will be $2.50" and the Dalai Lama handed him a five.

And waited.

The Dalia Lama said "Hey where's my change?"

The hot dog vendor said "change must come from within"

By: timeistight

timeistight — Mon, 18 Sep 2006 17:03:49 -0800

jtron and jessamyn: those jokes are good, but they're also the ones I linked to.

I like riotgrrl69's "no attachments" idea, if I can figure out how to work it in.

By: weapons-grade pandemonium

weapons-grade pandemonium — Mon, 18 Sep 2006 17:55:05 -0800

I hear the Dali Lama recently fired his gardener, who had a degree in carnations but didn't dig reincarnations.

By: weapons-grade pandemonium

weapons-grade pandemonium — Mon, 18 Sep 2006 18:01:00 -0800

That's Dalai Lama.
I got it confused with the Dali Llama, which is a surreal camelid.

By: elmaddog

elmaddog — Mon, 18 Sep 2006 18:14:33 -0800

Was he the one who was arrested for transporting a Mynah across in State Lions for Immortal Porpoises? Just asking . . .

By: Wet Spot

Wet Spot — Mon, 18 Sep 2006 18:41:06 -0800

The hot dog vendor said "change must come from within"

The Dalai Lama admitted this was true, and ate his hot dog, but it gave him bad breath and bothered his sore tooth.

The Dalai Lama then walked to the dentist to get a filling. Although old and frail, he walked often, and he walked barefoot, as evidenced by the thickness of the soles of his feet. It is for this reason he is known as the "super-calloused fragile mystic exhibiting halitosis."

The dentist inspected the Dalai Lama's tooth, and said he could fill the cavity right then. When he offered to use Novacaine, the Dalai Lama declined, saying he wanted to "transcend dental medication."

By: spaceman_spiff

spaceman_spiff — Mon, 18 Sep 2006 18:44:54 -0800

Not necessarily what you're looking for (though maybe you could adapt it), but I can't help remembering the Family Guy episode where Peter sees a "Free Tibet" button, rushes to a pay phone, and says, "Hello, China? Yes, *all* the tea" or something to that effect.

By: mattbucher

mattbucher — Mon, 18 Sep 2006 19:43:59 -0800

Hellooooo Dalai!!!

By: essexjan

essexjan — Mon, 18 Sep 2006 20:00:08 -0800

The hot dog vendor asks the Dalai Lama if he wants onion, mustard, chili, ketchup or pickle with his hot dog.

"Make me one with everything" he replies.

By: essexjan

essexjan — Mon, 18 Sep 2006 20:00:56 -0800

Gah! Beaten to it. My excuse, it.s 4am here.

By: alona

alona — Mon, 18 Sep 2006 20:34:55 -0800

"super-calloused fragile mystic exhibiting halitosis."

that's supposed to be a referance to the Mary Poppins song, where they sing something along the lines of "supercallafradgalisticexpialidocious" or whatnot.

By: frogan

frogan — Mon, 18 Sep 2006 21:05:45 -0800

"So, I jump ship in Hong Kong, and I make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over there in the Himalayas. A looper. You know -- a caddy. A looper. A john. So I tell them I'm a pro john, and who do you think they give me..."

By: pyramid termite

pyramid termite — Mon, 18 Sep 2006 21:41:24 -0800

i knew someone who was so stupid they thought a dalai lama was a peruvian stuffed animal

By: Mr. Gunn

Mr. Gunn — Mon, 18 Sep 2006 22:41:38 -0800

If the Dalai Lama was a redneck, he'd believe in reintarnation.

By: bruceo

bruceo — Tue, 19 Sep 2006 00:27:25 -0800

The one-l lama, He's a priest...

By: jenovus

jenovus — Tue, 19 Sep 2006 08:19:55 -0800

super-calloused fragile mystic exhibiting halitosis

That's "super-calloused fragile mystic vexed by halitosis." Keep the meter.

By: bink

bink — Tue, 19 Sep 2006 14:27:30 -0800

Alternative ending to the poem in bruceo's link: a three-l lllama is a helluva fire.

By: metabrilliant

metabrilliant — Tue, 19 Sep 2006 17:28:44 -0800

"Who died and made you the Dalai Lama?"

(On reflection, probably not suitable for your purposes, but it gets me every time...)

By: youngergirl44

youngergirl44 — Thu, 12 Oct 2006 18:51:03 -0800

I'm SO glad frogan posted that link for the clip from Caddyshack. I was thinking about that joke when I read the question, but I didn't think of lookin on youtube. YAY!