how do you shave a gorilla?

September 17, 2006 9:47 PM

how do you shave a gorilla?

the common gorilla is not only the largest of the living primates, it also has the most hair. the fur is thick, warming and stubborn and protects admiringly well from rain, wind, cold, even frost. it equips the gorilla to survive in the trees of borneo just as comfortably as in the congolese jungle. it does not however serve as adequate accessory to a pin-stripe suit in chicago and that is why I am looking for a way to shave a gorilla.

the problem with such thick and healthy hair is that no matter what razor blade you use, you will always end up with a mean five o'clock shadow. that might work wonders for ones social status in grade school but in said pin-stripe suit it comes across as rather scruffy and if you have lowered yourself to wearing a suit, you want to fit in all the way.

so help me shave a gorilla stubble please. I can live with being called a gorilla but I fear I now look like a troglodyte and that just cannot stand. do you use any specific blades or products?

posted by krautland to clothing, beauty, & fashion (8 comments total)

How about growing a beard? If that doesn't work, I'm liking the new Gillette "Fusion" razor with five blades.
posted by BackwardsCity at 9:52 PM on September 17, 2006

I'm a hairy guy, and it comes thick and curly. My girl got me a straight razor for the holidays a year ago and it's amazing. I used to buy into the whole "more blades = better" myth, but this one blade gives me a better shave than any of those cartridge jimjams. And I can shave both down and up on my neck and face, which I never could before. It takes me an extra day to get the same scruff I'd get the same day with my Schick Quattro.

There are tons of shaving threads on here. Read them. Then buy a Merkur.
posted by mkultra at 10:17 PM on September 17, 2006

Wow, that was a poorly worded question, it may be deleted.

Anyway, my face is a bitch to shave and I've found that the Fusion blades are unlike anything else as far as getting a nice, close shave. I haven't ever tried a Merkur but if you ask me people who use them are just a bunch of piliadilettantes who get off on their non-conformal l33tness.
posted by delmoi at 11:04 PM on September 17, 2006 [1 favorite]

There are already a ton of existing shaving questions on AskMe that have been thoroughly discussed. Read them.
posted by Rhomboid at 12:46 AM on September 18, 2006

So your question is - "I'm quite hairy, how do I shave effectively and avoid 5 oclock shadow?"

I thought this was going to be something else entirely. I brought my tranquiliser gun in here for nothing.
posted by tomble at 4:14 AM on September 18, 2006

I've tried both the Fusion and a safety razor (not the Merkur, an ancient 5 dollar Gillete that was picked up on ebay) and the safety razor provides a much, much closer shave. The Fusion is the best multi-blade razor in my mind, and does not provide a bad shave (Much better than the Schick Quattro), and the shave is also quicker, but I still prefer using my saftey razor.

Basically, I think both are going to be a huge improvement to your shave, but the best shave is going to come from the safety razor. Spend some money on a stiptic stick if you haven't used one before, though. What money you save on double-sided razor blades will more than be made up for in your blood.
posted by Loto at 6:21 AM on September 18, 2006

Find somewhere where you pay to have someone shave you (old fashioned barber shop, etc). If it goes well, duplicate what they do.
posted by blue_beetle at 6:36 AM on September 18, 2006

I haven't ever tried a Merkur but if you ask me people who use them are just a bunch of piliadilettantes who get off on their non-conformal l33tness.

I used to chalk it up to snobbery until I tried it. Dude, you just have no idea.

BTW, safety razors are cheaper in the long run. After your initial investment in the razor itself, blades are very cheap compared to the pound of flesh charged for a 4-back of cartridge blades.
posted by mkultra at 10:01 AM on September 18, 2006