So, I'm not that shy. But I haven't made friends. What's the holdup here?
September 14, 2006 10:06 PM Subscribe
Yet another "How To Make Friends" post. Because they never get old.
posted by suckerpunch to human relations (15 answers total) 15 users marked this as a favorite
Here's my specific situation : I'm able to meet people in some situations - bars, coffeeshops - but I don't know how to help turn those situations into friendships. I have many conversations with strangers - sometimes deep and detailed conversations - but they are the equivalent of one night stands; zipless talks. I rarely see those people again, and when I do, it's at the same bar, it's another conversation, another goodbye.
If I'm talking with someone at a bar, and friends of that person show, I will ask to be invited to the table they're moving to; that has never worked. If I'm out at a coffeeshop and I get myself embroiled in a large group conversing (which was easy this summer, as people would go outside on a porch and fan themselves) I would simply stay longer than anyone else, and then remember people's names as they came back the next week. Since people leave abruptly, I've never had the chance to offer a possible time/area for hanging out; I'm still hoping for this. People seem receptive when I remember their names but nothing comes from it.
I'm actively looking for groups to join. This is Oklahoma City and most people that I know go to church two or three times a week, so I'll be heading to the local Unitarian chapter this Sunday, just to see what happens.
Does anyone else have any advice? I'm worried that I'll join a book club, join a church, join anything, and simply make acquaintances there, not friends. I'm worried that there's something in my attitude that isn't helping matters.
Oh, yeah, any good places to find conversations outside of a bar? I used to wait tables in New Orleans, and since I've been leading a bar-heavy existence lately - it's the only place I've found people my own age past seven o'clock - I'm drinking more now than I did then. I figure that's a bad thing. The humid air and permissive culture fosters a drinking community in New Orleans; Oklahoma City has neither and I'm tired of watching people inspect my face for signs of hedonism.