I don't care about spirit elves or light shows... I just want to be happy
September 1, 2006 10:47 AM Subscribe
Ayahuasca in Seattle
Putting aside any questions of morality, legality, or personal tastes... I have a deep need to find a source of ayahuasca and/or DMT in the Seattle area.
I'm looking for someone who can find me a source of ayahuasca tea, and/or someone who can lead ayahuasca sessions, in the Seattle area.
A little (long) history:
I've suffered under the wooly wet weight of depression for as long as I can remember. I've been too close to the edge too many times, and I desperately want to live, and be happy. While ultimately the answer lies within myself, I can say that the "medicine" of ayahuasca can help me greatly to learn to be that way as a normal state of mind. Lord knows people who know my posting history at Metafilter can attest that I'm all over the emotional map and in need of some inner tranquility.
The last time I did ayahuasca was a couple of years ago, at a friend's house; he'd invited a shaman from Portland to come lead a session, and it was the clearest I've ever been. For a time I fully understood the patterns of my mind and how I held myself down, and how easily I could get the goose out of the bottle (so to speak). I felt for weeks afterward so positive and in love with myself and utterly right with the world, and an uplifting sense of forgiveness of myself for how I've been my own worst enemy in my own life. I've since forgotten those lessons of self-love except on the most abstract and verbal/intellectual of levels, and my life is showing the cracks and strain of that. I truly believe ayahuasca is the only thing that can help bring that feeling back, and eventually teach me to be like that all the time- without assistance.
However, that friend has long since lost touch with that shaman, and no one I know can seem to help- they have either never heard of it or have no idea who to ask. If I wanted anything from pot to shrooms to cocaine to heroin, I could get those fairly easily. But I don't want them, because those aren't what I need. It's distressing that drugs to numb us or boost our ego or burn our candle out in pursuit of a short-term sense of pleasure are all around us, but something that might lead to real change inside and a freedom from our addictions in all their forms... are so difficult to track down.
I'm not looking for a lifelong medication, be it Gleemonex or DMT; I'm certainly not looking for a chemical crutch. But I do know first hand the power of ayahuasca, and how can help me ultimately learn to be a happy and long-lived person. I need help, I want to be happy, and this is the best way I know how.
Please, if you disagree with this or want to tell me that I should "just be happy" or that a good therapist or GlaxoSmithKline happy pills or the love of Jesus are what I really need, don't leave comments.
And given the nature of the question, please feel free to contact me via the email in my profile.