Making Out and Still Being A Virgin

August 19, 2006 10:23 PM

Making out with our clothes on. Ideas?

My boyfriend and I (I'm a girl) are both virgins, and we'd pretty much like to stay that way (for personal reasons). That said, we both enjoy being physical, and we've been making out quite a bit. Mainly kissing and cuddling.

We're starting to run out of ideas for what to do that doesn't involve genitals nor being naked. (We're both not very experienced either when it comes to relationships - he's had a couple, this is my first) Any ideas?

posted by anonymous to human relations (17 comments total)

It is obviously your call/definition.. but being a virgin doesn't mean not genital contact by the other party.
posted by SirStan at 10:35 PM on August 19, 2006

I think what SirStan is driving at is, what about masturbating together?
posted by ottereroticist at 10:37 PM on August 19, 2006

Try exploratory kissing--the back, ears, heck, even elbows--just find what works.
posted by Hot Like Your 12V Wire at 10:43 PM on August 19, 2006

I was in a two year relationship with a girl who wanted similar physical parameters. Needless to say, we got creative.

I second exploratory kissing. How do you feel about making out with shirts/bra off and trousers still on? That can bring the intimacy/excitement level up quite a bit.

Kissing or sucking fingers can be very sexy. Kiss the tip of each of his fingers very gently, then maybe start licking his index finger if you feel like it. Invite him to reciprocate.

You might also try making out in different positions and different locations. Have the apartment to yourself for an evening? Make out in the kitchen. Make out standing up. Make out in a hammock.

I'd also suggest making out in more casual apparel, like pyjamas or bath robes. But this can be a slippery slope depending on your willpower as a couple.

Hot Like Your 12V wire is right, though; these preferences are unique to each couple. Be creative and find what works for you.

Footnote: In the relationship I mentioned above, we made out with all our clothes on for about a year and a half (!!), then decided we were okay getting naked with each other. She had been worried that it would be too hard to stop the progression of physical intimacy, but it never led to oral sex or intercourse. Depending on what you're okay with, I think this is a completely legitimate route to try (and it makes things a whole lot more fun).

Wow, too much information?
posted by scarylarry at 11:18 PM on August 19, 2006

Massage.

Sensual, therapeutic, swedish, what have you. It's generally best if the massagee has at least the shirt off, but that can be worked around. At some spas the massagee is wrapped in a blanket or towel and only the portion that is being worked on pokes out (legs, arms, back) so that both parties can control the amount of skin being bared at any given time.
posted by lekvar at 11:33 PM on August 19, 2006

My wife and I went two and a half years like this before we got married. I have to say its totally worth and and great to see people doing this!
Definatly try lots of different places. I Think one of our favorites to lay and cuddle and kiss was out on her parents trampoline at night for hours and hours, then laying and watching the stars.
Massage is great too. I think I totally spoiled my wife with constant back massages and facial massages pretty much any time we were watching a movie or just chillin.
Eventually we got to the point where we felt it was ok for us to be naked together, but man.. there were some times where it was really really hard to not go that next step.. But it was allways an awesome feeling when you know afterwards you fought back and controlled the urges. Mutual masturbation can be very much a turn on, I mean, he does it in private (most likely) to share it and give him something interesting to look at can be fun.
Now as a guy, I know it was quite difficult sometimes after a marathon session getting the boot and having to drive home after all that build up without any release. So keep in mind there is allways clothed Frottage
posted by JonnyRotten at 2:01 AM on August 20, 2006

I have to say its totally worth and and great to see people doing this!

But it was allways an awesome feeling when you know afterwards you fought back and controlled the urges.

I am not shitting on anyone's decision to do or not do something, but isn't this a bit much?
posted by Mikey-San at 3:09 AM on August 20, 2006

If you really want to stay virgins then keep it at kissing, cuddling, and hand-holding. As they say, one thing leads to another, and the further you take things, the more you want. At least speaking from a guy's perspective, but I suspect it's a two-way street. Good luck.
posted by JamesMessick at 5:47 AM on August 20, 2006

"Resist and then, later you'll find there's more/Regret in not doing the sin."

-TISM, "Everyone Else Has Had More Sex Than Me"

That said, don't jump headlong into sex, but at the same time, it's totally not healthy to be completely terrified of the idea of anything beyond kissing. Good sex is simply the extension of a good makeout, and as such, making out is quite simply just foreplay. Want to keep kissing "clean?" Keep it to the occasional peck on the cheek.

Of course, these are simply my own opinions, developed over the last several years. I eventually decided that, while actual sex was kind of a big deal as far as I was concerned, I realized that I felt it was kind of silly to wait for a marriage license, particularly because I'm completely not religious, and the original reasoning behind that ("an invisible, magical man who lives in the sky will frown at me") no longer really applied.

Your mileage may vary, particularly depending on your age and how hard you've thought about any of this whatnot.
posted by DoctorFedora at 6:46 AM on August 20, 2006

First off, I held onto my virginity until I was 23, and I was by far the last of my friends to lose it. I'm glad I waited, because I needed the time to feel totally comfortable with my decision. Do what feels right, and don't let people tell you that you're wrong or stunted for waiting.

I'd like to second massage, especially hand massage. It sounds odd, but it feels amazing if you do it right. You might also want to try acupressure massage...it would be fun and unusual and would probably feel pretty good.
posted by christinetheslp at 7:09 AM on August 20, 2006

I also want to say kudos to you for going this route. I'm in a similar situation but I can't really say that my boyfriend and I have discovered anything other than what has been previously mentioned.

I loooove the idea of massage, though. :)
posted by bristolcat at 8:31 AM on August 20, 2006

A former SO and I used to play this game:
One of us would put a Certs (or some other tasty minty thing) in our mouth, and the other had to get it using only their mouth and tongue.

Very sensual and can be quite intense.
posted by zerokey at 9:43 AM on August 20, 2006

Have sex, but promise not to tell anyone that you're not virgins anymore. Problem solved.

rxrfrx, you're a complete and total asshole that has no consideration or respect for others. Die.

I am not shitting on anyone's decision to do or not do something, but isn't this a bit much?

No. It's a personal choice, and it's a respect issue inside the couple. I'm not a virgin, but the girl I've just started seeing *IS*... and I respect the promises that she's made to her god, her church, and her parents. I respect her all the more for them, because it's a strong part of who she is and her promises and her ability to keep them are a part of her personal strength. As such, while we're both intensely turned on by each other and by making out, and we've agreed that it would feel *great* to sleep with one another -- I would never, ever EVER risk breaking her promises or changing those things in her that made the promises in the first place.

It's a trust thing, and it's a respect thing, and it's showing you have the willpower to set limits as a couple in a relationship together... and STICK to them. We've got each other's back, even when we're drunk or have been making out and cuddling for an entire evening. What *ISN'T* good about that?
posted by SpecialK at 10:39 AM on August 20, 2006

Not to be a killjoy here, but if the no-sex thing is for religious reasons, then you are already out of bounds as you should not be inciting those feelings in one another when you are not married.

(If you are not a Christian don't bother telling me how puritanical this is, because I already know how culturally out of step this is. )
posted by konolia at 11:54 AM on August 20, 2006

Konolia, in my case:

Yeah, should not != do not, and the one reason I can accept her full fledged catholocism in my skeptical lapsed-catholocism is that she's open-minded about it and doesn't keep things repressed.
posted by SpecialK at 12:08 PM on August 20, 2006

This is a pretty refreshing thread... my first BF wanted his first KISS to be on his wedding day. Yeah, we didn't last long.
posted by IndigoRain at 6:42 PM on August 20, 2006

I'm not a virgin, but the girl I've just started seeing *IS*... and I respect the promises that she's made to her god, her church, and her parents.

*shudders*

Virginity is so overrated.
posted by norm at 3:18 PM on August 31, 2006