Girl advice

August 14, 2006 11:31 PM

Question about getting this girl's number and possible creepiness factor.

So I am in the 7th week of 10 week summer classes and in my 1 night a week astronomy class there is this cute girl... She has been to class twice- once the first week and once two weeks ago. Two weeks ago was the first time I noticed her and we talked a bit in class about random bs, nothing special. Now for some reason I find that I can't get her out of my head. It's doubtful that she will come to class again. However, she has a friend that I see regularly. Now it is not above me at all to ask the cute girl's friend for the cute girl's number.

So the question is for the MeFi ladies... If you received a call under these circumstances (guy you've talked to once getting your number from a friend), what would you think? Creepy? Awesome?

ps unless I get a substantial amount of creepy responses I am doing it

posted by comatose to Human Relations (38 answers total)

Why don't you just ask the girl for her number? I don't want to come off as judgmental, but doing so would render this whole situation moot.
posted by joshuaconner at 11:43 PM on August 14, 2006

From what he said, the girl isn't around to ask.

I would broach it to the friend and gauge her reaction. She may not even give you her friend's number. Give her your number, ask her to pass it to her friend, and to let her know you'd like to hear from her.

Something like that, anyways. It's late, so my brain is fuzzy right now. She might be really happy to hear from you - or she may not - but if you provide your contact info it takes any potential creepy out of it entirely.
posted by routergirl at 11:48 PM on August 14, 2006

Well, it is a bit creepy, but if you think you'll otherwise never see her again, go for it. Then again, she might show up, so wait 'til the the last class to get the number--that'd be a good ice breaker as well: "hi, I was hoping to see you again in class but you never showed, so I got your number from your friend..." This is a guy talking, btw.
posted by zardoz at 11:49 PM on August 14, 2006

What's the worst that could happen if you get her number and she thinks your a creep? You probably won't have the companionship of the cute girl. But isn't that where you are right now?
posted by bigmusic at 11:49 PM on August 14, 2006

How well do you know her friend? If the girl thinks it's creepy, would her friend possibly vouch for you as a not-entirely-creepy person?

As long as the friend is an acquaintance of yours, I'd say go for it.
posted by pricklypear at 11:52 PM on August 14, 2006

Try to (gently!) get the number by (gently!) charming the friend. If she's reluctant - and she will be, unless the cute girl has specifically mentioned to her that she likes you - then do what routergirl said.
posted by Lucie at 11:54 PM on August 14, 2006

My friend would never give out my number without my permission. So, maybe ask the friend to ask the girl if you can have her number or if she'd like yours.
posted by b33j at 11:56 PM on August 14, 2006

Can't the friend arrange a casual meeting someplace outside of class? Some kind of fun activity that you can ask her to invite cute girl to?
posted by willnot at 12:05 AM on August 15, 2006

Yup, what Lucie and routergirl said.
posted by Pigpen at 12:05 AM on August 15, 2006

Lucie and routergirl thirded.
posted by tweebiscuit at 12:13 AM on August 15, 2006

If you apologize like "I hope this doesn't seem creepy, but..." then you neutralize the potential creepiness. True creeps don't realize they're being creepy.

(P.S. Sound confident and cheerful when you apologize.)
posted by beatrice at 12:16 AM on August 15, 2006

Pass on your number, do not ask for her number. This is less creepy, and does not put the friend in such an awkward position.
posted by Joh at 12:28 AM on August 15, 2006

Organize something social, (bar outing, party, or potluck dinner) and depending on how friendly you are with the friend, invite her and ask her to bring her fellow friend with her. If you think she's cool you can let her in on the fact that your interested in seeing her friend again but don't let her know it's the only reason for the whole event. Here you can chat her up and ask her number for future use.
posted by JakeLL at 12:30 AM on August 15, 2006

Please update the thread with how it goes!
posted by dance at 12:56 AM on August 15, 2006

Guy here. Just as a rule, it seems unlikely that she would give you cutegirl's number without cutegirl's permission, so have in mind various alternatives that you can suggest.

Alternatively, you could forget the clear implications of asking for a number and straight up tell friendgirl that you really want ask cutegirl out on a date, but you haven't seen cutegirl around and would really appreciate friendgirl's help contacting cutegirl in order to ask her. For some reason (correct me if I'm wrong, all), this cards-on-the-table request seems more likely to get her on your side even though asking for the number obviously has the same goal - providing that you pass muster in friendgirl's eyes as a worthy date, of course.

If you come across to friendgirl as someone who seems right for cutegirl, she'll help you. If you come across as Some Guy, it will obviously be harder.

So, you're not trying to charm friendgirl with charm so much as be quite clearly good boyfriend material to her - that she'd be doing her friend a favour, not you.
posted by -harlequin- at 2:03 AM on August 15, 2006

Maybe I'm overly generous here, but I wouldn't find that the least bit creepy. If I liked you already, I'd find it flattering, and even if I didn't, your attention and effort might make me reconsider.
posted by piers at 2:40 AM on August 15, 2006

Put the ball in her court and give the friend your phone number. That way she'll feel more in control of the situation and if she calls you, then you'll know she likes you.

Sounds better to be me than the calls that one makes where you're never sure if the other person is just humouring you or really does like you.

Good luck.
posted by dantodd at 2:54 AM on August 15, 2006

Lucie and Routergirl ftw. If cute girl has mentioned you, or you talk to Cute Girl's Friend and she mentions it to Cute Girl and Cute Girl reacts well, you shouldn't have a problem.

And seriously, go for it. I had a date last weekend with someone who I think is absolutely amazing -- all because one of my friends (actually, an ex of mine!) connived to get me out on a water skiing trip with her, and I asked her for her phone number.
posted by SpecialK at 3:42 AM on August 15, 2006

I know you asked for responses from ladies but I can't help but tell you what I think I'd do in this situation.

Start up a conversation with the friend. Ask about the girl in the sense of "blah blah blah...I haven't seen so in so in a while...blah blah blah..." work up to "next time you run into so in so would you mind giving her my number?"

You're in college, theres nothing creepy about passing a number along through a friend in class, especially if you've actually had a conversation with her and it was a good conversation.

However, I highly discourage googling her info, showing up in front of her house piss drunk at 4am and then weeping in the fetal position on her front lawn when she rejects you for showing up at her place piss drunk at 4am.

FYI.

Go for it. Just my two cents.
posted by ASM at 4:34 AM on August 15, 2006

Lucie and routergirl fourthed. (I'm a girl. Random call from classmate dude would be really weird.)
posted by desuetude at 5:57 AM on August 15, 2006

1) don't give her friend your number because it won't reach the girl.

2) don't give her your number because she won't call you.

i think you should be more proactive than giving her friend your number and then waiting (and hoping) that the phone will ring.

ideally you should get the girl's number directly from the girl, but since it doesn't look like she'll show up again i would ask the friend if she could put you in touch with the girl. you think she's cute, what's her story? is she seeing anyone? etc......

you know, be mosre assertive than: "umm, ummm...'scuse me but, do you think your friend likes me?"
posted by eatcake at 6:04 AM on August 15, 2006

If you're ugly or lame, it's creepy. If you're way hot, it's flattering. But you may have more success with email.
posted by dame at 6:12 AM on August 15, 2006

Doesn't she have to show up to the exam? Catch her on the way out...
posted by phrontist at 6:26 AM on August 15, 2006

I'm a female college student. You say you met in class -- well, this is what Facebook is for. Search for the class and, if that fails, for her name. If it takes a couple of tries, after you've found her, don't let her know you tried so hard -- more "Yeah, I was on Facebook the other day, and I remembered that conversation we had, so I figured why not look you up" than "Man, I was searching for hours! Why do you spell your last name so weird?"

Talk to the friend only if Facebook fails. Have a very putting-your-cards-on-the-table air, more or less the way you do here. "You know, I was talking to cutegirl a couple of weeks ago about [whatever], and I was actually kind of hoping to continue the conversation in the next class, but I don't think I've seen her around lately. I know you're her friend -- could you tell me how I could get in touch with her?"

Charming the friend might work, but if you know you don't have the lightest of touches, it might seem super-skeevy (friend to cutegirl: "he was asking for your number, but it was like he was hitting on me!").

Plan A is to get cutegirl's phone number or e-mail address. But if the friend seems at all uncomfortable or unwilling, immediately fall back to plan B, which is to get your contact info to cutegirl. Creep out the friend and your message will never get to cutegirl.

All of this applies only if cutegirl seemed reasonably happy to be talking to you, and interested in the conversation. If she wasn't into it then, she's probably going to be creeped out now.
posted by booksandlibretti at 6:38 AM on August 15, 2006

Yeah, maybe you should wait to see if she shows up to another class (you never know - since she bothered a couple weeks ago, she may not have totally written the class off yet), strike up a conversation with her, etc. If she doesn't show up to another class, then go through the friend or organize something and invite her through the friend (and the friend, of course :)
posted by AlisonM at 6:43 AM on August 15, 2006

You always have the friend pass on your number. It's less invasive, less creepy, and puts the ball in the other person's court. It also gives them rather more advance warning.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 8:08 AM on August 15, 2006

Just noting that it seems acceptable for a single, attractive woman to solicit men on the street in NYC and not okay for you to ask for a girl's number in class without being creepy.
posted by geoff. at 8:36 AM on August 15, 2006 [1 favorite]

i disagree with the comment on if someone is ugly or lame its creepy and hot it isnt. ive found alot of hot guys to be incredibly creepy due to a large ego problem. i think its creepy to go through another person rather than just approach me. if i recieved a phone call OR an email from some guy i really didnt know id find a way to get off the phone and ignore the email.

if its impossible to approach this girl in person than pass YOUR number along.
posted by trishthedish at 8:50 AM on August 15, 2006

My mom and dad met in Astronomy class, so I'm rooting for you to get a date by any means necessary! I wouldn't think it's creepy. Do whatever you have to do, and follow up! (PS. It was 1973 and the first thing my dad said to my mom was "So, what's your sign?" Ironically, see, because Astronomy != Astrology. Ha ha. Well, I guess she thought it was funny.)
posted by peep at 8:58 AM on August 15, 2006

I don't think getting or giving numbers is likely to be too successful, personally, but what do I know? I think it's impossible to know what the Right Thing to do is in these things unless you're in the moment. Personally I'd just say hello to her friend and ask where's Ms Cute been, you enjoyed talking to her. Then a simple "oh good" or "too bad" about her odds of coming back. Maybe she'll mention your questioning to her buddy or maybe she'll even offer to mention that you asked.

I don't think you have as much a potential problem with creepy as you do with seeming too desperate or driven. People like for people to be interested in them but they don't much like only being vehicles to contact someone else, nor so you want Ms Cute to think your efforts are out of proportion with how much contact you've had this far.
posted by phearlez at 9:11 AM on August 15, 2006

as a guy, i gotta admit it if you passed your number through the friend, it seems unlikely that even if she likes you she'd call you. Being proactive is the best route to take. I like the idea of getting your friend to set up a social situation where you all hang out at the same time, and then you pick up the ball from there.
posted by ZackTM at 9:13 AM on August 15, 2006

this is what Facebook is for

Seconded. Find her on Facebook if you can.
posted by Famous at 9:16 AM on August 15, 2006

However, she has a friend that I see regularly. Now it is not above me at all to ask the cute girl's friend for the cute girl's number.

I am a dude, but this seems just fine to me. I would probably ask the friend -- assuming she's a pretty good friend -- flat out: "What's the story with Hotty McHotHot? We were talking the other day in class, and she seemed pretty cool, but I haven't seen her since. Is she seeing anyone? Do I have a shot? Is she crazy?"

If she's single and non-violent, I'd suggest a casual group activity, like drinking gallons of beer.
posted by subgenius at 10:20 AM on August 15, 2006

i think you should be more proactive than giving her friend your number and then waiting (and hoping) that the phone will ring.

I would be immediately put off if a friend of mine passed out my number to a guy I'd met casually in class. I'd be angry with her, and it would raise a red flag for me in relation to the guy calling.

Give your number to mutual friend, and gauge her reaction while doing so. If she's happy to do so, that's a good sign.

Otherwise, if you're reluctant to do that, holding a dinner party/party and asking mutual friend to bring along cutegirl would be totally acceptable, low pressure, and demonstrate to cutegirl that you are a socially confident guy with friends. Not a small plus.
posted by jokeefe at 10:30 AM on August 15, 2006

No one has mentioned yet how weird it would be for FriendGirl if FG likes the OP and is insulted by OP asking FG for help getting in touch with CuteGirl. Especially if FG is less conventionally attractive than CG and is sensitive about it.
posted by matildaben at 11:07 AM on August 15, 2006

geoff: well said. Plenty of double standards out there.

To the OP: you said that you were talking to her in class. Perhaps you could pass this friend of hers your email address instead. Say something along the lines of "I was talking to $GIRL about $SUBJECT in class and i wanted to talk about it some more." Then all you have to do is hope that the friend actually passes it along and doesn't forget or lose the note.

I can't imagine anyone finding that creepy. If they do, screw 'em. They're not worth the time. You shouldn't have to be afraid to talk to girls these days. Just be polite, friendly, and respectful.
posted by drstein at 11:11 AM on August 15, 2006

DO NOT give your number to the friend. The girl will not get it and if she does, she will not call you.

Try to find her on Facebook. If that doesn't work, talk to her friend and in the conversation say something like "hey, how come your friend never shows up to class?" Where you go from there is up to you. You can say "she's cute, I'd like to talk to her again" and her friend might not say anything.

None of this has to be creepy. Just accept that you think the girl's cute and be open about it in a harmless way and you should be ok.
posted by redteam at 12:22 PM on August 15, 2006

I guess I'm one of the folks that would actually think tracking someone down on Facebook is more creepy than just doing things the old fashioned way. :)
posted by drstein at 10:27 AM on August 22, 2006 [1 favorite]