bridal picture obsession, help!

August 13, 2006 8:25 AM

Vanity Filter: Becoming an iconic bride

I am really, truly, not vain. I am, however, a historian of sorts and I routinely show teachers and school children how to use primary documents. We run across a lot of old wedding photos and the kids always make fun of the fat or ugly ones. Seeing this I realize that wedding photos particularly have a strong chance of winding up in archives or at least in important family albums that are being passed down the generations.

I am getting married in about nine months and I have become obssessed with the idea that in 200 years someone might be looking at MY picture talking about a typical 21st century bride. So what do you think is an iconic look for our century? I know its weird. I am thinking about everything from dress style, to hair length, to weight.

What do you think is iconic about our age?
Practical tips from other brides on being your most fit and clear skinned with eight months time to prep?

posted by stormygrey to clothing, beauty, & fashion (19 comments total)

I was married in 2005, and magazines, message boards, and photo albums were full of this bride: strapless dress with a full skirt, simple updo, skinny as she can be while still retaining breasts. Elegant makeup, expensive-looking flowers and jewelry. Veil that doesn't compete with the hairdo. I think this look has been the standard for at least five years, maybe ten.

That being said, I think the hallmark for the rest of us brides is individuality. Women get married in everything from 30's style gowns with puddle trains (I did) to ancient Scottish regalia, kimonos, saris, hawaiian prints, bikinis, motorcycle gear, etc. Wouldn't it be nice if there were no "stereotypical early-2000's bride" to look back on from the future? Nice and unlikely.
posted by juniper at 8:40 AM on August 13, 2006

ok, this century not this decade, iconic not sterotypical. You guys are a hoot. In much the same way very few of us can tell 1820's fashion from 1890's I expect much will be the same with our century.

For example,Carolyn Bessette Kennedy's dress was praised as iconic. She clearly was sophisticated for this century not the last. Incidentally, I had a very difficult time trying to releive myself tastefully behind that church they were married in on a crazy long tour of cumberland island.
posted by stormygrey at 9:13 AM on August 13, 2006

It's kind of an interesting idea you have there but really, there'll be a wealth of iconic/stereotypical photos to look at in future. Your future photos will have a lot more competition for attention than in the past. The sheer quantity of images being captured in this era guarantees that.

Watcha oughta do is find a look that expresses your own personality in a way that flatters you and your guests will love. That'd be the best way to communicate something worthwhile to future viewers.

Meanwhile, if you want to look like Kennedy then go for it, it's a great look, why not.

And I'd have to agree with the 'early' comment anyway, surely folks in 1906 were in no position to understand what iconic might be for the 20th century.
posted by scheptech at 9:54 AM on August 13, 2006

go Goth.
posted by MonkeySaltedNuts at 9:59 AM on August 13, 2006

You can't possibly have a photo for the ages. In another 50 years, all women could be relegated to wearing full-body veils, and they'll burn your photo as heretical. We're in a period of pretty serious flux here.

They've started adding color to wedding gowns. Maybe purple is the new trend.

Who knows which way we'll go? I doubt whether pregnant, enormous, overly-made-up and nearly naked is the right look, though.

I had a photo taken - it was a candid - outside, with the wind billowing my gown. It's a very cool photo and was completely unplanned.

My best advice? Look happy.
posted by clarkstonian at 10:16 AM on August 13, 2006

Look happy.

I think that there's something to this. One of the things I've noticed in a lot of older (late 19th/early 20th) wedding photos is that neither bride nor groom smiled in their formal wedding portrait. I can only conclude that there was a sense that it was necessary to look as staid and serious as possible to portray yourself as having the emotional and moral certitude and properly "adult" attitude for being wed. Well, that or there were a lot of less-than-chosen unions and the displeasure of the parties were writ large on their faces, which is entirely possible.

Either way, this is an era when marriage ought to be entered into with joy. We are free to choose our partner on our own, according to our desires. (Whether we are free to wed them is another matter, but you are, so...) We are free to have the ceremony of our choice, be it religious, in a traditional setting or civil and held at a shopping mall. We are free to include whoever and whatever we want, including our pets and our children. And, unpleasant as the spectre may be, we should also acknowledge that we have unprecedented ability to end a marriage that fails.

Barring the most extraordinary circumstances (like my sister who got married the week after our father died) there is no reason why any bride should carry on the early tradition of dour portrayals and that, in itself, should set brides of our era apart from many of their predecessors. Will you be an icon? There's no way to know. But you'll be happier if you focus on, well, happiness.
posted by Dreama at 10:45 AM on August 13, 2006

The no-smiling thing comes from extremely long camera exposures necessary to capture everything on film in them days. If they'd smiled their faces would have moved, and the pictures would be blurred.
posted by bonaldi at 10:57 AM on August 13, 2006

Lots of things could change, and nothing is forever. I suspect the thing most likely to look dated is going to be the veil/headpiece, so you might want to go a little classic with that. (Anybody remember those Gawd awful hats with the big wide brim and the front that dipped from a while back? I think they were in style for about a week and a half. Apologies if your personal nuptials involved one of those.) The dresses vary so much you'd have to do something pretty weird to stand out.
posted by unrepentanthippie at 11:33 AM on August 13, 2006

I've said this before somewhere on Ask, but it bears repeating if archival photos are important to you: make sure your wedding photos are printed and affixed properly to last another hundred years! I'm an artist who shot some weddings last year for friends and I was shocked to learn that none of the major wedding album companies even offer acid-free paper pages. (Their typical response, "Oh, yeah... only artists ask about archival paper.") Couple that with questionable adhesives and the current flushmount digital trend, and you've got wedding photos that aren't exactly designed to last through the ages. It was even worse for color prints made in the '70s and '80s... at least today's color photo paper is archival to 100 years or so.

If historical photos are interesting to you, you might sit for a daguerreotype portrait in your wedding finery.
posted by xo at 12:24 PM on August 13, 2006

Addressing the latter part of your question, regarding a clear-skinned wedding day (just passed my 1-year anniversary): Don't do anything drastic to your face within about one month *at least* before your wedding day. One example: I normally remove upper-lip hairs with cream hair remover, but I got this brilliant idea to have it waxed a few days before my wedding; BIG MISTAKE. Either the wax was too hot or the lady was too rough when she ripped off the wax--whatever it was, I had burn/irritation redness on the left side of my mouth on my wedding day! Luckily I had a great makeup artist who very skillfully hid it and you can't see it in my pictures (believe me, I looked very carefully!). Also, I was advised not to even get a facial too close to the big day (I had originally thought it would be fun to get a facial with my massage and mani/pedi the day before the wedding) because if it's not something you normally do then your skin could have a reaction; also sometimes the extractions will leave red dots and irritations on your skin you don't want to have to deal with on your wedding day. Stay very well hydrated; also, keep working out and eating and sleeping well, even though these things become difficult with all that you must do right before the wedding. Moisturize both in the morning and at night. Basically, actually *do* all the things you're "supposed" to be doing all the time with extra care.
posted by rio at 12:32 PM on August 13, 2006

Actually, I found that makeup and a simple foundation garment (just nice tight white bicycle short type) did more for my complextion/figure than any worrying could.

But the most important thing is to have a wedding dress that truly flatters you, even if it isn't the least in style. I knew I wanted elbow or full length sleeves, and a simple princess or a-line - non of the manufacturers offered this (why are all dresses strapless? Even the plus size? It makes NO sense). It was also fitted to me, and that was what REALLY made it look good. Also, chose a hair style that works for your face, again, regardless of whether it is the usual type. If you don't look good with your hair up, wear it down, or vice versa. I wore mine in two braids wrapped around my head - that just suited by headdress and the shape of my face.

As for the history - as a historian of a kind as well, I am completely sympathetic. But worry about archival storage (good comments on that above), rather than the imagery. You don't want to be creating a false history do you? :) Just be yourself, and help preserve those documents about yourself so people like me can come and write theses on the individuality of 21st century brides.
posted by jb at 12:56 PM on August 13, 2006

You asked for the iconic look for our 6-year-old century and then think it's "a hoot" that I mention what's been The Look for "the decade" and that I use the word "stereotypical" when you yourself used "typical." Sheesh.
posted by juniper at 3:01 PM on August 13, 2006

I think that a normal & classy look for weddings this decade are strapless a-line gowns without too much lace or embroidery. Subtle lace or beadwork is ok. Avoid rhinestones in any of your wedding wear because they can appear as black spots in your photographs.

As for having the best face for wedding photos, if you get your eyebrows waxed, I would consider them getting them threaded before the wedding instead, as it's less irritating to your skin and is a more precise look.

You do not want to get a facial less than a month before the wedding. Facials are incredibly irritating to skin and can result in serious blotchiness.

Also, you probably want to spring for a professional makeup artist. Makeup artists know how to make you look good in photos. For example, a dewy or shimmery look might look ok in person, but it could make you look oily or sweaty & photos.
posted by tastybrains at 3:02 PM on August 13, 2006

To look iconically late-20th-century in your wedding photos is to look 35 instead of 18.
posted by mendel at 4:27 PM on August 13, 2006

Look at old wedding photos you like. Nothing trendy for the dress, hair and flowers. Get a good photographer who will bring out your best. My advice on bridal photos:
When you're having your picture taken, straighten your back, and take and let go of a deep breath. Consciously relax your shoulders. The bride and bridesmaids look nicer with the bouquet held lower, and without a death grip. Smile. You look better smiling, even if you don't think so, although you don't have to grin.
posted by theora55 at 5:13 PM on August 13, 2006

If I were you, I'd ask myself what I intend to do on that day and pick a mode of dress that flatters you and allows you to do what you want to do.

My spouse and I danced a fair amount and her dress and my tails were quite amenable to that.
posted by plinth at 6:29 PM on August 13, 2006

Work out a lot between now and the wedding - if you don't have a personal trainer, think about getting one, and working on the parts of your body you think need the most work. Arms get a lot of attention in most wedding dresses. Weight training does not have to make you look bulky - it should make you look leaner and more toned. 9 months is enough time to make your body feel stronger, healthier, and more attractive. Obviously it will also help de-stress you between now and the wedding day.

Threading is a good idea for brows, but I would say, shop around and find someone good now, rather than waiting until close to the wedding, because the shape could get all messed up.

Moisturize a lot. Exfoliate too. If you have acne, consider something like accutane. Actually, if you have acne, or acne scars, go to a dermatologist - there's a lot they can do.

Highlights look great - if you don't have them, think about getting them and do a trial run about 7 weeks before the wedding, and then again about 1 week before the wedding.

Definitely find a flattering dress, not the one that you think would look the best on someone else. A girdle can help, if you have a little tummy. The color of the dress can be important too - not all whites flatter people equally.

You could lighten your teeth, if they are discolored. There are a lot of over the counter teeth whiteners out there.

A good night sleep the night of the wedding - and no hangover from the rehearsal night - will help a lot too!

As for an iconic look.... Don't you think with so much coverage of celebrities these days, mortal women's wedding pictures are much less likely to make it into any books, etc.?
posted by Amizu at 7:46 AM on August 14, 2006

I think the most iconic thing to do would really be to just listen to your gut and surround yourself with the people, things, styles that most make you happy. You want an image that represents you at a happy, natural moment, not something unattainable that was you only at one time (I've been thinking about this, for instance, about dieting--I would never want to diet down significantly to fit into a gown only to wistfully think for the rest of my life how I'd never look like that again.)
posted by clairezulkey at 1:09 PM on August 16, 2006

Go with what you like, and what matches your personal style. So you don't blend in with all the other bridal photos in 200 years, so what? Isn't it better to stand out and be memorable?

My mother got married in a micro-micro mini wedding dress. She swears it was the height of style back then. It is pretty silly looking, but to this day, she loves those photos.
posted by necessitas at 3:34 PM on August 16, 2006 [1 favorite]