Hey, Baldy!

August 10, 2006 4:02 PM

I need some euphemisms for a bald head. After 'chrome dome' and 'cue ball' I'm coming empty. Know any good ones?
posted by DandyRandy to grab bag (31 comments total)

Mr. Clean
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 4:06 PM on August 10, 2006

It's a solar panel for a sex machine.
posted by squidlarkin at 4:07 PM on August 10, 2006 [1 favorite]

Follicly Challenged?
posted by Miastar at 4:09 PM on August 10, 2006

It's not quite what you're looking for but I always liked "the man is taller than his hair".
posted by Smegoid at 4:11 PM on August 10, 2006

Light bulb lookalike
posted by Iron Rat at 4:12 PM on August 10, 2006

Shiny
Dr. Orb
Penis Top
Bald Eagle
Reflecto
Montel Williams
Barber's Dream
Toupee Stand
Gleam-o
Hat head

(My dad is bald. Maybe I should ask him. I've never called him any of these, for fear of encouraging infanticide.)
posted by klangklangston at 4:14 PM on August 10, 2006

Just for the record a euphemism is a more palatable term for a distasteful or offensive word. This is even embedded in the etymology; eu- (good) + pheme (speech). You are looking for mocking nicknames, which is basically the opposite.
posted by aubilenon at 4:19 PM on August 10, 2006

...for fear of encouraging infanticide.

Do you mean filicide?
posted by found missing at 4:20 PM on August 10, 2006

Mt. Baldy.
posted by scody at 4:35 PM on August 10, 2006

Though he's not completely bald, a friend, who is balding a la Clint Howard, is often referred to as "Eight Head" (instead of forehead) or "Cul-de-sac".
posted by friezer at 4:38 PM on August 10, 2006

slap-head.
posted by kendrak at 4:40 PM on August 10, 2006

x306F;x3052; (hage)
x5149;x982D; (gwong tau)
kojak (kojak)
posted by dorian at 4:44 PM on August 10, 2006

Hard Hat
posted by quadog at 4:44 PM on August 10, 2006

wow that sucked, did matt actually fix something?

try again:
はげ (hage)
光頭 (gwong tau)
kojak (kojak)
posted by dorian at 4:45 PM on August 10, 2006

Kojak.
posted by ryanhealy at 4:45 PM on August 10, 2006

I think they say "shinehead" in Jamaica.
posted by AmbroseChapel at 4:45 PM on August 10, 2006

I don't know why, but my grandmother calls me "Dr. Phil." This is more devastating than you might think.
posted by LDL_Plackenfatz at 5:04 PM on August 10, 2006

Daddy Warbucks
posted by drmarcj at 5:15 PM on August 10, 2006

Sinead
posted by Megafly at 6:09 PM on August 10, 2006

You are looking for mocking nicknames, which is basically the opposite.

For what it's worth, the word is "dysphemism" (as you might have expected).

The only addition I have to this is "the molerat man," which I've only heard used once. Stuck with me, though.
posted by danb at 6:12 PM on August 10, 2006 [1 favorite]

I believe that the best men always come out on top...

Thank you, I'll be here all week :P
posted by thewhitenoise at 6:52 PM on August 10, 2006

Baldielocks?
posted by John Smallberries at 8:31 PM on August 10, 2006

Moby
posted by Dean King at 8:50 PM on August 10, 2006

Penis Top

Dickhead
posted by spaceman_spiff at 9:33 PM on August 10, 2006

slaphead
posted by patricio at 3:32 AM on August 11, 2006

Second slaphead, but not the verse application:

Slaphead, slaphead, over there
What's it like to 'ave no hair?
Is it hot or is it cold?
I dunno 'cos I aint bald.

Apologies to the slapheads.
posted by einekleine at 4:02 AM on August 11, 2006

Simpsons-inspired ones that my friends and I use:

Homer
Shine-o Ball-o
posted by antifuse at 4:22 AM on August 11, 2006

Lex Luthor?
posted by ktrey at 6:50 AM on August 11, 2006

skinhead
posted by banshee at 8:24 AM on August 11, 2006

Calling a bald guy "rogaine" might work. As in:

"What's up, rogaine?"
posted by empyrean at 8:29 AM on August 11, 2006

Not completely bald but in Japan people say "barcode" for a comb over (which is what it looks like from above)
posted by Rc at 2:17 AM on August 12, 2006