Obsessing over ancient history
July 25, 2006 6:51 PM Subscribe
I can't understand why I'm still thinking about a very
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (27 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
I've been with the same man for ten years, married to him for seven. Prior to that I dated a guy for a whopping ten months. It was a silly relationship -- I was eighteen and he was 21 and very neurotic. He constantly accused me of sleeping around on him, and threw hissy fits if I chose to spend time with friends, especially male friends, instead of him. We purchased a bed together although we never lived together, and he got me a kitten and talked about us getting married and having kids and how much he loved me, when all I wanted was a casual relationship and plenty of sex.
I finally broke it off when I went to a party with my roommates and he turned up at the same party and followed me around verbally abusing me and making us both look ridiculous. I broke up with him then and there and he turned up in his car to my place that same night, before I could get home on the bus, and tried to carry off the aforementioned queen-sized bed and all the clothes and things he'd bought me. He called me a user and various other names, but the "user" one particularly stuck with me. I never thought that I used him, but for ages after that I was constantly worrying whether I was too willing to accept all the things he bought me. I made sure to pay him for his share of the bed, which I kept. Even now as a stay-at-home mother I worry that I'm taking advantage of my husband.
My husband and I recently moved back to the city where I had lived when I dated the ex, and I often feel anxious that I might bump into him in public, and what he will think of me if I do, and how I would act and how he would act, and whether he still thinks I used him or whether it was a word used in anger.
Should I really be worrying about this? I mean, I'm guessing not but do other people worry like this about something that should be history? Is there something I can do to stop worrying about meeting someone who shouldn't have any impact on my current life? Sometimes I check how I look before going shopping because if I see him that day, I want to look good, not because I still care about him romantically but because I need to somehow prove myself to him. Ack.
Help me to stop thinking about someone I don't particularly like, as well as stop doubting myself.
Any questions, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.