sophisticolism

July 20, 2006 2:42 AM

I'm going to a beer tasting, help me sound like I'm fancy.

I'm getting a tour of a local brewery, and then there's a tasting of all the beers they make.
I'm looking to impress whatever ladies are present.
I've been on a couple wine tasteings, and I know things like "a good nose" means "this wine spells expensive".
I'm just looking for things like that.
Either said ladies will think I'm sophisticated, or I can turn it into a decent joke.

posted by gally99 to food & drink (33 comments total)

Nice head.
posted by fixedgear at 3:00 AM on July 20, 2006

Mmm! I can taste the hops.

[Are there hops in American beer? I've never tasted any.]
posted by randomination at 3:01 AM on July 20, 2006

Hops can often be refered to as "piney", "citrusy", and "grapefruit" if there's a lot of hop flavor beyond just the bitterness. The malt flavor can be "biscuity" and "bready". Sometimes toast. If you're tasting a darker beer, stout, porter, doppelbock, often there are chocolate, coffee, prunes (lots of doppelbocks have a pruny/raisony flavor).

Read Beer Advocate's Beer 101 and at least How to Taste Beer.

And randomination, if you've never tasted hops in American beer, you've never had good American beer. I know it's hard to find American craft brews in England, but I think it's possible. There are modern American microbrews are probably the hoppiest beers in the world. In fact one of the defining aspects of the American Pale Ale and other American styles are higher level of hops--perhaps most notably the very noticable West Coast hops like Cascade (which is the base of the hops in Sierra Nevada, for one, and is now a weakly hopped beer by current standards).
posted by skynxnex at 3:26 AM on July 20, 2006

"Pretty darn good beer" should do it, right? ;)
posted by madman at 3:39 AM on July 20, 2006

Uh my bet is the ladies will more readily think you are drunkard rather then a sophisticated sycopanthic misterious conoisseur of nouvelle cousine ! After the sixth seventh taste you will probably look more like Barney then a dark charming arabian prince...but hey, you may meet some drunk lady as well :D !

Bottom line: just don't struggle trying to look a better yourself, be yourself..learn about beer for fun, not for ladies
posted by elpapacito at 3:48 AM on July 20, 2006

Heh. I went to a Microbrewery Showcase last night (I work in the industry) and found myself telling my colleagues that a particular pale ale smelled EXACTLY like tinned spaghetti. And it did! Strangers standing beside me, overhearing my comments, agreed with me! It was the weirdest thing.

I don't think you should try that, though.

If it's a wheat beer, comment on the banana aroma. If it's darker, exclaim how nutty and caramely it is. If it's a lager or pilsner, remark on the bitter, hoppy finish. That should get you through.
posted by hot soup girl at 3:54 AM on July 20, 2006

"Mmm! I can taste the hops.

[Are there hops in American beer? I've never tasted any.]"
posted by randomination at 6:01 AM EST on July 20

Samuel Adams is one volume label that uses a ton of hops, and is proud of it. Not exactly what you might crave as an icy cold, clean rush of wetness after mowing a dusty lawn on a hot summer day, but the perfect companion to a savory, grilled steak and baked potato later that evening.
posted by paulsc at 3:56 AM on July 20, 2006

I thought burping was always a compliment to the brewer. Drink a gulp and then go wide eye proclaiming it taste like Jazz.
posted by bleucube at 3:56 AM on July 20, 2006

Yeah, I'm English. Beer is not supposed to be 'icy' for me.

But thanks for the tips on finding American beer that tastes of something. I'll keep my eyes open.

Returning to the question, gally99, the last brewery tour I went on (in Yorkshire) they had the hops and toasted malt available to taste. You could ask if you could try some. The really toasted malt tastes like coffee, so much so it's what they used as a substitute in rations during WWII.

Throw in this fun fact too: hops are from the same plant family as cannabis and contain THC. Which is why if you drink lots and lots of it, you fall asleep before you start a fight. I blame the rise of alcopops and crap lager for the rise in drink-related violence in my country.
posted by randomination at 4:25 AM on July 20, 2006

gally, in almost any situation if you try to impress people with knowledge you really don't have, you come off sounding like a total prat. Ask intelligent questions--it's far more impressive to see someone trying to learn, and being perceptive, than rattling off phrases they don't really understand.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 4:46 AM on July 20, 2006 [3 favorites]

American craft beers are incredibly good these days. I had an Air Force friend who brought me back some beer from Germany... it was excellent beer, but I think any modern American craft brew will keep up just fine.

I don't think you need to worry about impressing people with your beer knowledge if you don't have any. If you make some educated-sounding comment, people may try to have an educated conversation with you, and you'll come off looking like a total dork.

It'd be best, in my opinion, to just go with open eyes and learn, instead of pretending to be cool. And beer tasting isn't about sounding snobby, it's just to find beer you like. :)
posted by Malor at 5:16 AM on July 20, 2006

If your goal is meeting available women, you could probably pick a better destination than a brewery.
posted by box at 5:18 AM on July 20, 2006 [1 favorite]

"... Ask intelligent questions--it's far more impressive to see someone trying to learn, and being perceptive, than rattling off phrases they don't really understand."
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 7:46 AM EST on July 20

Amen, two times. If you're a newbie to beer, you're the target demographic, the raison d'etre for the event, the pretty girl with the nice smile and the blank dance card, at any tasting.

Say little, listen attentively, drink much.
posted by paulsc at 5:28 AM on July 20, 2006

Having been to a few Microbrew fests in Wisconsin, I can say that there is an art to beer tasting. Beers can have a slight fruity taste, heavy caramelization, different clarities, and many other qualities. If you can break down the various flavors of wines during a taste testing you should also be able to handle the beer taste testing. always remember to cleanse your palate after each beer by eating a plain cracker. Check to see if they are provided or bring your own. If you want to show your prowess, bring your own stash of crackers.
posted by JJ86 at 5:35 AM on July 20, 2006

I always try to think of witty things to say at these events -- but it always comes out a slurred: "Ya know ... I like you."
posted by RavinDave at 6:11 AM on July 20, 2006

a money-saving fun fact you could share: bud or pbr tastes really good if you chew Orbit gum before you drink it...
posted by troybob at 6:36 AM on July 20, 2006

Sip.

Look thoughtful for a moment, like you're trying to remember they lyrics to a song that keeps buzzing in your ear.

Another sip.

Raise eyebrow. Say, "Yes, yes, I thought so."

Wait for lady to feed you a line like, "Thought what?" or "So, you like the beer?"

You say, "Yeah, a really rich flavor. You can really taste the hops. It's subtle, kind of sneaks up on you ... but (ha, ha, ha) just listen to me going on! What do I know? Tell me, what do you think of this beer?"

As everyone knows, chicks dig it when you pretend their opinion matters to you.

Note that the identical dialogue, with minor changes of detail, can be used in any social situation from the Kirov Ballet to a NASCAR rally.
posted by La Cieca at 6:59 AM on July 20, 2006 [4 favorites]

Yeah, trying to sound like the hobbyist expert on a tour given by professional experts will backfire. You might sound like the expert to the novice girl you want to impress, but you'd better keep your fingers crossed that the brewery staff don't join your conversation!
posted by mendel at 7:08 AM on July 20, 2006

or that the 'novice girl' isn't actually as stupid as you think.

dnab is 100% on target.
posted by mdn at 7:17 AM on July 20, 2006

I agree that coming on like a know-it-all is a huge turnoff. I used to pour beer at a variety of tasting events in Boston, and lo there was always the Beer Show Off and lo, he was always alone or in the company of a coven of beernerds wrapped in denim.

Use the beer as a starting off point to talk with women. Ask questions about the beer, what they normally like to drink, where they drink it, etc etc etc. If you play this wisely and non-creepily* you will get a 'Tasting Buddy' that you can talk to about the various beers and perhaps parlay into a post-drink drink at a nearby bar.

Also, try sipping your beer when possible. Some beers change in character with a good, slightly aerated sip/slurp, but you will look corny doing this.

*
Her: "This beer is nice!"
You: "What do you normally drink? Where? Do you drink alone? How much do you drink? Would you like to drink with me? Why not? Will you marry me? Does my keeping constant, unblinking eye-contact thrill you?
posted by robocop is bleeding at 7:43 AM on July 20, 2006

You say, "Yeah, a really rich flavor. You can really taste the hops. It's subtle, kind of sneaks up on you ... but (ha, ha, ha) just listen to me going on! What do I know? Tell me, what do you think of this beer?"

Warning! As a beer pourer, I delighted in shutting down vague comments like this! You can go for it, but if you've been a jerk, be ready for an interjection of "Subtle hops? This is a friggan IPA! Have you been drinking candlewax?" or "Hey, if you can taste the hops, can you feel the wetness of the beer? This one is extra wet!" I once had a hopeful blowhard going on for five minutes on how much he liked "wet beers" to the smirking of his companions.

Get the pourer on your side and he or she will be more than happy to slow pitch you some dingers you can use to impress/engage the ladies with.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 7:49 AM on July 20, 2006 [1 favorite]

I used to work for a brewery, and we all took turns hosting the tastings. Beer is not wine; if you try to sound all wine-snobby about beer, you'll look pretty dumb because hey, this is just beer, y'all.

That said, if you are honestly looking for a way to tell beers apart and evaluate them, start with these four aspects:
Aroma (what does it smell like? Obviously, it should smell like beer. Some hefe's have a slight banana odor in there as well, and a hopped-up beer might smell flowery.)
Taste (yum! not yum? sweet? bitter? light? heavy? Guinness might be said to taste heavy, sweet, smoky.)
Texture (nerdterm = mouthfeel. how does the liquid feel in your mouth? thin? heavy? let's hope it isn't chunky.)
Finish (aka aftertaste. once you've swallowed, are you left with a nice taste in your mouth? what flavors linger and which disappear?)

Please don't share your evaluations out loud with anyone unless they ask first. And be sure to ask the pourer questions; it's the best way to learn.
("Which is hoppier? How can I tell? What's the diff btw the grains used in these two? How does that affect the taste?")
posted by Sprout the Vulgarian at 7:55 AM on July 20, 2006

I also totally second robocop. Hee. Wetness.
Also, I think the ladies will be more interested in getting to know someone who is friendly and inquisitive at a tasting, rather than someone who is know-it-all-y and lecture-y.
Ask, don't tell.
posted by Sprout the Vulgarian at 7:57 AM on July 20, 2006

one beer flavor word that can make you sound like you know what you are talking about is "banana esthers".

it's not the most common of beer flavors, but every once in a while you get a german style beer, like a dunkelweissen, that has a distinct banana cream pie flavor, and that's what it's called. The flavor comes from the yeast strain, so that makes for conversation.
posted by bryak at 9:00 AM on July 20, 2006

in almost any situation if you try to impress people with knowledge you really don't have, you come off sounding like a total prat. Ask intelligent questions--it's far more impressive to see someone trying to learn, and being perceptive, than rattling off phrases they don't really understand. - dirtynumbangelboy

Listen to this man. He is wise.
posted by raedyn at 9:19 AM on July 20, 2006

my credentials: cute, smart, woman you might run into at something like this.
posted by raedyn at 9:20 AM on July 20, 2006 [1 favorite]

one beer flavor word that can make you sound like you know what you are talking about is "banana esthers".

Which is fine if you're talking about it, but if you're trying to show off writing about beer, you should know that it's spelled "esters."
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 9:23 AM on July 20, 2006

Beer != wine. Beer tastings are generally there to figure out which brew you really, really like, out of a bunch of options. For you. That said, I know that, in general, I like beers that are more malty, less hoppy, with more of a head, & with a strong aroma. I still couldn't have an arbitrary beer and put those on a scale, though. Its more of a this one more than that one type thing.
posted by devilsbrigade at 9:43 AM on July 20, 2006

gally99: what brewery will you be visiting?
posted by turbodog at 10:59 AM on July 20, 2006

Yeah, don't try to impress the chicks if you have no clue really. Some women actually do know something about beer. Though I think most of them are married to homebrewers... ;)
posted by R343L at 12:43 PM on July 20, 2006

I figured "sophistscolism" and the snobbery tag would give the impression that I wasn't taking this at all seriously. It was me and a dozen other dirty tattooed drunks.
It wasn't an issue of trying to make people think I'm sophisticated, but more to have fun and very sarcastically pretend that I'm a fancy lad.
And, as it turns out, the Trumer Pils brewery does not import any of their sister brewery's beers, so there was only one thing on tap.
posted by gally99 at 7:44 PM on July 20, 2006

Trumer's cool, did you get the cool glass to go with your tour.

They also do one technique that makes me shake my head, the malt de-husking. Only brewery I've ever heard of that removes the husk from the whole mash (not just the dark malts ala German Carafa) before mixing some of the husk material back in at the finish.

To my brewer's brain it sounds like a fine way to make a giant barley pancake, but they pull it off. Tasty pils too. Proves the point that a really fresh bright and crisply hoppy pils can be a good thing.

Why yes, I am a semi-denim wrapped beer knurd.
posted by drewbage1847 at 2:50 AM on July 21, 2006

You had your one chance... you let me down.
posted by baylink at 6:29 PM on July 21, 2006