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July 15, 2006 12:21 AM   Subscribe

Which love option would you choose?

Option 1: The one that is smart, aloof, intelligent, handsome, cool and artistic. This one is your dream on paper but in reality things are more complicated. This one is considered out of your league. The sex is infrequent. You’ve been together a very long time and you think that they’ve pretty much pegged you as the marriage and parent of their children type and not the type that is exciting to be young with and date.

Option 2: The one that is uncultured, uneducated but has good instincts, constantly makes you laugh, adores you and wants to spend time with you always. People consider you to be out of this one's league. You have amazing chemistry with this one and time together flies by. The sex is amazing and exciting. But you can’t help but bump against the ceiling on this one. In the back of your mind you constantly wish they were smarter, taller, better educated, slicker.

My mind's made up but I'm curious: What would you do? Further questions, criticisms, anecdotes and advice are welcomed.
posted by hot little pancake to Human Relations (29 answers total)

This post was deleted for the following reason: if your mind is made up, then this is just surveyfilter/chatfilter.

 
I'd choose Option 2! No, 1! No, 2!

In all seriousness though, I'd pick option 2. Chemistry, amazing sex, and laughter sounds great. (Maybe not all at the same time).

I don't do aloof, and I've had enough of being with people who don't want to be with me. That sucks.
posted by eleyna at 12:29 AM on July 15, 2006


whichever one has the biggest cock.
posted by naxosaxur at 12:33 AM on July 15, 2006


2, in some ways.

But I have 2 and 1. ;)
posted by SpecialK at 12:35 AM on July 15, 2006


I'd go with Option #2, and try to educate him and/or encourage him to further his education w/o being patronizing or smothering him, but not holding it against him if he doesn't meet my expectations as quickly and completely as I'd hoped. And I don't know how you'd make him slicker or smarter, so I'd write those things off, but he can certainly become better educated. As for taller, there are always platform shoes.
posted by Devils Slide at 12:36 AM on July 15, 2006


holding
posted by Devils Slide at 12:37 AM on July 15, 2006


it's good that you have the option to choose
posted by growabrain at 12:44 AM on July 15, 2006


Jesus, pancake, thanks for taking our private affair(s) to the green. And how come I'm "number two"? I can change!

Kidding. The correct choice is: whatever a majority of total strangers tell you over the internet given limited information, i.e., number two. There's always libraries and human growth hormone, while there's no de-aloofer I'm aware of. Obviously.
posted by joe lisboa at 12:45 AM on July 15, 2006


#1. You'll feel like taffy at times, all pulled and stretched, but it's better to be challenged, than to be worshipped.
posted by paulsc at 12:47 AM on July 15, 2006


it's the difference between feeling inferior to someone or superior to someone right? it's probably alot more pleasant and better for your mental health to be around person number 2.
posted by amethysts at 12:47 AM on July 15, 2006


I sort of have #2, and I like it that way, but she is surprising me all the time with the new insights and things she's picking up and learning about, so it's possible to change a #2 towards a #1 without trying.. just because your own personality rubs off onto them a great deal (and vice versa!).
posted by wackybrit at 12:49 AM on July 15, 2006


Go with #2 now, and then dump him when someone better comes along. Why limit yourself.

But obviously "good" sex is better then "infrequent" sex.
posted by delmoi at 12:50 AM on July 15, 2006


You didn't mention which one you're in love with.
posted by Addlepated at 1:26 AM on July 15, 2006


#2 is better than #1, but I've found that long-term relationships don't work if you don't respect your partner intellectually. Perhaps you can make #2 work anyway (there's a lot of good there), but you may need to find #3.

On the other hand, I've known people who threw away good relationships because they were looking for Mr/Mrs Perfect, and in the end regretted it.
posted by D.C. at 1:27 AM on July 15, 2006


Which one would you let do you in the butt?
posted by klangklangston at 2:03 AM on July 15, 2006 [1 favorite]


Whichever better tolerates irksome questions and a sense of entitlement.
posted by evil holiday magic at 2:07 AM on July 15, 2006


#3- learn to love people for who they are. They're people, not checklists, so take them for who they are. You can't love just bits of a person, ya gotta take the whole deam uneducated, unslick, smaller package.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 2:08 AM on July 15, 2006


Clearly #2. You mention that #1 is your "dream on paper". In sports, one often says that Team A is better than Team B on paper, to which a fan of Team B will say, "Yeah, but they don't play the game on paper, do they?" We don't love on paper either.

#2 also has the greatest potential to improve in the areas that are problematic for you. The sex with #1 is never going to get better, but #2 can always go back to school.
posted by Rock Steady at 3:12 AM on July 15, 2006


Seems obvious to me: go with the one who makes you laugh.
posted by hazelshade at 3:58 AM on July 15, 2006


I have #1. It's cool, but I wouldn't mind getting more #2 from times to times ;)


But I have 2 and 1. ;) - SpecialK
Wow, no sex & no brains ? Tough luck... ;)
posted by XiBe at 4:13 AM on July 15, 2006


2 already. Life is too short.
posted by arha at 4:23 AM on July 15, 2006


Obviously #2. Until I re-read this about #1:
You’ve been together a very long time

Some of the amazing and exciting will wear off, or at least change, if #2 is new to your life, and after some years together, you're going to need enough common interests to be able to communicate on an intellectual level.

That being said, I'm with basically an option 2 and I'm continually amazed by the kind of quiet, real intelligence that he possesses that I never really understood with all my fancy book larnin'. I kid him all the time that he's SO not my type, but he challenges* me in ways I didn't even know existed when I thought I knew what my type was.

*I agree with paulsc that being challenged is so freakin' important. Being worshipped is cool and all, but it gets old. That is all.
posted by ferociouskitty at 5:00 AM on July 15, 2006


So how did you make up your mind?
posted by miniape at 5:14 AM on July 15, 2006


the one without herpes scabs.
posted by quonsar at 5:25 AM on July 15, 2006


Neither. This whole "out of my/their" league shit shows that something is screwed up in both cases. Find a person who you can manage not to have snobbish feelings about and who can manage not to have snobbish feelings about you. Or your relationship will surely fail.
posted by Decani at 5:33 AM on July 15, 2006


Good grief. Neither. I'm surprised it took until Decani's comment for someone to say so.
posted by amro at 5:57 AM on July 15, 2006


option 3) The one with the funnies, intellectual stuff and goes like a train qualities. Keep looking.
posted by biffa at 6:20 AM on July 15, 2006


I'm sort of at a lost, myself. If the poster has been with number one for a long time, I assume then that the version of that relationship isn't very commital, if they're also going out with number two? Maybe this modern age dating world eludes me yet. Though, it sounds like you grew bored with number one and so sought out number two. Could number two simply be a temporary "he's new, he's great!" type of situation, and in six months, he'll be boring as well?
posted by Atreides at 6:23 AM on July 15, 2006


Neither. I'm in the camp that suggests you find a person you don't feel so critical of in either direction. Honestly I'd be offended and hurt if I discovered I was deemed 'out of her league' and conversely, if I discovered she had felt she was 'out of my league' then I'd be disheartened and consider her childish. I wasn't aware that we had a rating system when it came to love... then again, perhaps I presume too much about the posters desire from a relationship.

Heh, color me painstakingly idealistic when it comes to the subject.
posted by Raze2k at 6:32 AM on July 15, 2006


Neither. If forced, #2. Life's too short for #1.
posted by callmejay at 6:42 AM on July 15, 2006


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