How do I tell my friend I have strong feelings for him without being too intense?
July 14, 2006 8:18 AM Subscribe
I've known a great guy for about 5 years and we have all the facets of a wonderful relationship... So how can I find the courage to tell him I want one? It's so hard to just blurt it out, and we have a pretty light-hearted relationship where we laugh more than anything, so I don't know how to be all dramatic and "I need to get something off my chest" - I need to be funny, casual and still genuine.
posted by slyboots421 to Society & Culture (34 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
I'm going to try really hard to keep this short and to the point, but with details that will hopefully help garner the advice I'm hoping for. I met Jim about 5 years ago and felt an instant attraction to him. We started "talking" and hanging out but we lived far apart from each other, and the distance quickly became a problem for our young selves. We decided to keep things "status quo" but continued to stay in touch. Five years later, we're still in touch. We've seen each other pretty regularly over the years, even though he moved to D.C. for school while I stayed in Michigan. I have other friends in that area so when I'd go there to visit I'd always see Jim at least once, for a night at the bar, or a party, or even just lunch.
We're basically the same person in two different bodies - we get along fantastically, have lots and lots of respect for each other, make each other laugh, genuinely care about each other and have great sexual chemistry. But our relationship isn't a "friends with benefits" deal either - we have a friendship first that is "sweetened" with sex, but it's not necessary for us to do it whenever we see each other. We still don't and never have lived near each other (currently about 3.5 hours apart), but we've never lost touch. We've both dated other people and tell each other about the experiences, but nothing has ever worked out for either of us. I want to finally 'fess up and tell him that I "like him" but I feel like it's been obvious all along. Then I think, Well, he acts the same ways toward me and I don't find it "obvious" that he likes me (if he does). So my question is, how do I tell him without being a big cheeseball about it, but so that he'll also know I'm serious, and how do I recover if he doesn't feel the same way? He's been that glimmer of hope for years for me, when other relationships go stale. I don't want to lose that, and I don't want to lose my friend, but I also refuse to let an opportunity pass us by.