Type 2 diabetic with a sex starved girlfriend

July 5, 2006 9:09 AM

I am 33 years old and I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes about two years ago, with an initial blood sugar reading of 350. Currently, I have it under control with the help of Metformin, Glipizide, and Avandia.....I have also have now been in a monogamous new relationship with my girlfriend for about 2 months ......My dilemna...

I have very little sex drive. We do have sex, maybe every other day we are together (once in a two day weekend, twice in this past 4 day holidy weekend). She seems to always initiate it though. I am defenitely physiucally attracted to her, and I defenitely see her as my wife in the future...But I just seem to have littel interest in starting the foreplay.

We get along perfectly otherwise. We are very intimate. Constantly hugging, kissing, cuddling, bonding, etc....When she initiates it, I go along, and I do enjoy it.....But the other night she called me out on it....She feels that I am rejecting her, or that I am not attracted to her, and when we do have sex, I have the look of just wanting to get it over with.....

I can't explain it. I spoke to my doctor about it, and he kind of played it off on the diabetes and medications, and all that.

I do have sexual thoughts....I dont have a problem doing the job by myself, when we are not together....

It's still early in the relationship, but she has begun to expess concerns....I still consider this the 'honeymoon' period of our relationship, so it should be constant sex, no?? She is worried of whats gonna happen in the future, if I have little to no sex drive now....

Anyone with diabetes wanna share their thoughts?

More info available if it will provide you with better answers for me.....Much thanks

posted by TwilightKid to health (7 comments total)

Pay attention to what she wants. If she is making eyes or something similar, go into action, even if you aren't in the mood. Women do this for men all of the time. Its part of being with someone. I have a rule, if I'm dating someone and they want sex, I always provide, no matter how tired or not in the mood I am. Just do it. She will let you know when she's interested. Plus, if you even feel a little interested, go for it, make it happen.

I think you will find the more you do it, the more you will want to do it.
posted by Ironmouth at 9:21 AM on July 5, 2006

Type II here, 35. Been diagnosed 3 years.

First question is do you usually have a large sex drive? Did you previously have interest in initating things before?

Also, since you don't have problems masturbating, then it doesn't seem like a diabetes thing. Sure, the big D CAN screw up your sex drive, but after two years on meds, you should be over any initial downturn because.

Are you depressed about something else? Are you really that into her? You also seem to be under the idea that you should be going at it like rabbits, which might be putting pressure on yourself a bit.

Finally, you two might have very different sex drives. But no, it doesn't sound too diabetes related.

My email is in the sig if you want talk more.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 9:26 AM on July 5, 2006

(IronMouth) - I do always go along with it, and I do enjoy it, but you can only 'fake it' to a degree. For some reason, i just never seem, to be in the mood for it though. It's almost like old married couple syndrome, I feel like.

I guess I left out a big piece of the problem, which will probably lead to alot more 'there ya go' type answers....I also have a bit of ADD that I am taking Ritalin for. Upon the beinginning of intercourse, I have trouble maintaining focus no matter how hard I try, and usually will begin to lose my erection in about 8-9 minutes unless I finish. It becomes almost a race against the clock...Once my mind os off in another direction, I'm done. This happens when I try and read a book, watch a movie, etc.....

Now, I defenitely make sure to 'get her off' prior to intercourse....Its how i was raised... hahaha....

Perhaps I am satrting to psyche myself out and are therefor avoiding sex to not have to deal with this other aspect of my problem.....I never really though that, until I started writing (typing) this out on metafilter....

(Brandon). I defenitely will hit you up....By large sex drive, I'd say yes, on a boring Saturday alone, I can sometimes be ready for 3x a day. But its quick, one agenda, no worrying about ay kind of foreplay, or worrying about someone else. Its just me, and its easy....

I am relatively well adjusted. Typical daily type blues we all go through... Work stress, etc....

I am into this girl. If i had to find any sort of complaint, it is that she use to be a heavy girl, who has lot a tremndous amount of weight and is now going through the process of toning up her midsection. I'll never be mistaken for Brad Pitt myself, but as of right now, it is slightly a turn off...But she will be content with herself in about 6 months more time. She is regimented and has made great strides, for her own happiness....

Otherwise, yeah...After two months, I defenitely can see askign her to marry me after a year or so...We have already kind of made future plans.....At 33 years old, (she is too), we kind of discussed early on that neither of us were interested in dating for 3-4 years before making a life commitment...So, the attraction in every apsect is there...

This is my first real relationship in a while. Perhaps It is gonna take me some time to re-adjust to pleasing another person and compromising sex drives and such..???

I dunno.
posted by TwilightKid at 9:46 AM on July 5, 2006

It might not be your diabetes at all. You should have your testosterone levels checked. Low levels can manifest themselves in lowered libido, even if you can still perform. If that is the problem, there are injections (not generally reccomended) and daily gel based treatments you can use.
posted by genefinder at 10:26 AM on July 5, 2006

Check your blood sugar prior to sex...my experience has been with type 1 diabetes (and I know there are some significant differences), but I've noticed a distinct correlation between low (or dropping) blood sugar and low sex drive. A rapidly rising blood sugar has also had a similar effect. Maybe eating a bit of candy or drinking some juice a 1/2 hour before sex and/or making sure you're not overdoing the meds might help a bit.

Also, consider the possibility that the Ritalin might be playing a part here. It's been known to have several side effects that might be relevant to your problem. Firstly, it often screws around with blood sugars, and secondly, it can give you high blood pressure (which might mess with your erections). Just something to keep in mind.
posted by johnsmith415 at 10:35 AM on July 5, 2006

Your doctor shouldn't just attribute it to the diabetes meds and leave it at that. Sex is an important part of life to many people and it deserves attention and full explanation if you are having a challenge.
Ask for testosterone level tests.
People with diabetes sometimes have issues with erectile dysfunction (ED) due to vascular problems.
People with any chronic condition are at a greater risk to develop depression.
Both ED and depression can impact your sex life as well.
Start with the testosterone testing. If it is low, you can be prescribed testosterone to get it back to normal levels.
Good luck.
posted by FergieBelle at 5:47 AM on July 6, 2006

Independent of diabetes, sex every other day for a 33-year-old man is doing just fine, and well within the normal distribution. It's not by any means, of itself, representative of "very low sex drive."

That you don't initiate sex and it makes her feel unwanted can definitely be a problem in a relationship, though. Have you considered talking to a therapist or a sex therapist (or a couples therapist)? Given that your parts are all working and you can have sex as often as every other day, I suspect that's where all the doctors the above respondents are suggesting you see would end up referring you.

Finally, a writer whose thinking on keeping passion alive in a relationship I like is David Deida.
posted by Zed_Lopez at 9:56 AM on July 10, 2006