UGH!! I'm no Demi Moore
July 4, 2006 4:29 PM Subscribe
Paging Mrs. Robinson: How should a lady gracefully discourage a Bright Young Thing who seems to have formed an inappropriate crush?
posted by lonefrontranger to human relations (56 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
Here's the scoop. I have a circle of friends with whom I do a bike ride on a weekly basis. I like all of them, and over the past few months we've developed into a very close-knit group.
One of the guys recently started asking me out, and making it increasingly evident that he'd really like to get involved romantically. He's smart, gorgeous, we have tons in common, we both like the same stuff... so what the heck's the catch?! you ask. simply put: he turned 21 last month, and I turn 38 next month. I personally see absolutely no future for anything but a purely physical fling with this guy -- in the spirit of names-changed-to-protect-the-innocent, let's call him Bright Young Thing. I mean, sure maybe he's into a hookup, maybe he's checking the 'older woman' deal off his List, maybe this is a recent social fad. However, I'm not, and never have been a 'hookup' sort of person, nor am I in any way what one might consider a MI(Y)LF (being disqualified simply on the M portion, forget the rest). Nevermind the fact that I didn't date 21 year olds back when I WAS 21 as I seem to recall (most) guys that age being a huge pain in the tail. Plus I recently stepped out of a nearly ten year serious relationship (admittedly this has left me with a bunch of pages stuck together on the relationship front) AND the final fly in the oatmeal is that I've been on and off dating another (age appropriate) member of the same circle of friends.
In other words, There Be Dragons. Last week it all came to a head when Bright Young Thing asked me to dinner. Maybe I was just being dense or something but I figured it was a group deal so I accepted, only to discover he'd made reservations for just the two of us at one of the fancier sushi joints in town. During dinner he made it pretty clear what his expectations were and that he wanted to continue 'going out'. I kindly but firmly insisted on paying Dutch, kind of avoided the whole 'dating' question, kept things on the down low and left feeling decidedly awkward. Since then he's called several times, has been emailing and texting me, and only the fact that I was out of town camping on a mountain bike trip for the past week has kept me from having to say something. I'm due to meet these guys in a couple nights for another cruiser ride and I'm anticipating more awkwardness from Bright Young Thing... if nothing else he tends to sort of follow me around on the rides like a stray puppy... adorable but... yea. Right.
I super dig this guy on a platonic basis and if he were even ten years older I'd hit it all over town but... yeah. So far the only solution I've come up with is telling myself repeatedly 'he's young enough to be my son... he was born the year I graduated highschool...' and so on.
At the very least I don't want to embarrass this guy in front of the rest of our friends, and I really don't want to make myself scarce in their group because I truly enjoy hanging out with ALL of them. They're a pretty openminded and mature bunch, but I just don't want any unecessary drama b0rking the vibe.
So anyhow, what sort of wisdom does MeFi have to impart on navigating this mess?
-- thanks much, LFR