Help me not look insane.

July 4, 2006 3:25 PM

Can I learn to show affect?

People have told me that I often have no expression, or that when I'm talking a look blank and speak in a monotone. I've never been outgoing, but when I'm with familiars we crack jokes for hours and have a lot of fun. I expect that the people who know me are used to my subdued personality, but more than this, I think I'm doing something differently around the people I don't know. Even though I feel a continuity of emotion, I suspect I'm unable to express much of it in strange situations. In fact, I've seen myself on video doing this. Essentially, what I'm portraying in affect doesn't match what I'm feeling.

Can I train myself to be more expressive?

posted by evil holiday magic to society & culture (10 comments total)

in all seriousness - take an acting class.

voice training, and acting. this will help you develop stronger presentation skills, stronger speaking skills, and give you a framework where you can work on expressions that will help you in your personal as well as professional life.
posted by seawallrunner at 3:29 PM on July 4, 2006 [1 favorite]

Second seawallrunner. Absolutely, acting classes.
posted by tristeza at 3:36 PM on July 4, 2006

Talk or practive expressions in front of a mirrior, picture what they feel like in your head. Then try and remake them when in social situations. Just practice basic emotions, perhaps while talking you can smile laugh etc.

Then you have to practice quite a bit, actively think about it as you speak to somoene. Watch what someone does while they speak to you and consider mirroring what they are doing at times.

May take a long time to kick in.
posted by Napierzaza at 3:41 PM on July 4, 2006

I AskMe'd how to become more expressive with my hands, and got a lot of great responses that might also be applicable to your question.
posted by evariste at 3:52 PM on July 4, 2006

I have this problem, too, and the two things that helped the most were taking improv classes and becoming a regular at a bar. Both situations force you to think on your feet and become more expressive, and both are very fun.
posted by jtron at 5:56 PM on July 4, 2006

Back in highschool I was well known for having a predominantly flat affect; my first serious girlfriend said that at first it really confused her and concerned her but that after a while she realized that the expression was there but that it was all in how my eyes were.

Now I'm much better at conveying my feelings nonverbally, but it was really an effortless thing that has come with time and socialization. I'm still not great at it.

If it really bothers you or is causing a tangible difficulty in your life, perhaps take some action. Otherwise, let it be.

Observation and mimicry would probably be the best concious means. Robin Williams has very pronounced and definite facial expressions and in his work that's not strictly comedic he usually portrays a very large gamut of emotions.

Keep in mind that some people find characters/people that are somewhat flat very sexy (i.e. Kai in "Lexx" and Jin in "Samurai Champloo" -- well, aside from the skilled killer part...).

Don't sell your individuality short, I suppose I mean to say.
posted by Matt Oneiros at 7:14 PM on July 4, 2006

improv classes

Seconded.
posted by frogan at 7:52 PM on July 4, 2006

Improv or acting classes would definitely draw you out. If that's not an option, try Napierzaza's poor man's version. Jim Carrey, easily one of the most expressive men living today, practiced in a mirror as a kid. I have an aunt with a prudish reputation. She speaks slowly and calmly, never swears, and when she talks, only her lips move. One day she pulled out the F-bomb on us. Everyone was stunned and later she confessed to practicing in the mirror. If a sixty year old woman can mouth fuck, fuck, fuck into a mirror, you can too.
posted by Terminal Verbosity at 7:12 AM on July 5, 2006

Also, people who are on the very mild end of the autistic spectrum, e.g. with mild Asperger's, often get coaching about how to be more expressive, I believe. Might be worth seeking out such a person. B/c you don't, as far as I can tell from what you're telling me, have Asperger's, you'd be one of their easier coach-ees.
posted by Raspberry at 7:42 PM on July 5, 2006

Acting classes, eh?

Coaching, eh?

I've been thinking about joining an acting class to improve my directing ability -- to get, y'know, sympathy for the actor's plight 'n'shit. I freeze when I'm made to improvise, so I don't think I'm up to that.

evariste -- Funny you should mention that. I picked up the habit of gesturing as I speak some time ago, and do it unconsciously now. How weird it must be at times when I'm without intonation!

Thanks for the recommendations, everyone!
posted by evil holiday magic at 11:14 PM on July 5, 2006