My friends' hs sophmore daughter is going to bars and they don't know.
June 28, 2006 7:25 PM Subscribe
Some friends' fifteen year-old daughter was recently spotted in a bar. And then it gets a bit more complicated.
posted by anonymous to human relations (93 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
She's a great kid-- personable, pretty and seems confident. She's very tall and definitely looks 18 or 19 easily, and it wouldn't be a big stretch to say that she's 21. My wife's friend, who knows the girl in question and her family only slightly and through us, saw the girl at a lesbian bar during the past weekend. I initally insisted it was mistaken identity, but the girl's height and distinctive natural hair color make that unlikely. Combined with a description of a top that I saw the girl wearing earlier in the day, it seems unlikely that the source was mistaken. The girl was hanging out with three women who appeared to be in their mid to late twenties, drinking pints of beer and otherwide behaving normally.
Part of me is inclined to say "so what, kids will be kids" and just forget about it. But I also know that it's probably not a good idea for a teen to have peers that much older or to be hanging around in bars.
So what do I do? I could talk to my friends (her parents), but I don't enjoy the role of narc and, to add the complexity of this option, if she is gay she is not out to her parents. She might have been at this bar for a number of reasons, but the venue definitely strongly caters to a lesbian crowd and her folks will recognize it. I can't imagine it being a big deal to them if she's gay, but she should be able to discuss that with them on her own terms instead of as a sidenote to her antics.
I or my wife could discuss it with the girl directly. I have a better relationship with her (I've been her sports coach, I occasionally include her in sports-related activities that I organize, and because of that I chat with her more when our families get together.) But my wife knows a lot more about being a teenaged girl.
Or I could keep quiet. Or maybe there's an option that I haven't thought of. So if I say something to someone, who is it and what do I say? My wife and I both think she's an exceptional kid and want her to be as okay as she can be at that age.