Are you a winker?

May 31, 2006 11:31 PM

Are you a winker?

Not many people are winkers. Some do it occassionally, some only rarely. Do you wink at people? Why? When is it appropriate? What's your impression when receiving a wink? It feels a bit underused these days, almost to the point that I think people are a bit confused, though not put off.

posted by umlaut to Society & Culture (16 answers total)

I wink to share enjoyment of a secret joke, but find winking as a way to express sexual attraction kinda tacky. Some people enjoy it. As with all manner of primate communication, non-verbal or otherwise, meaning and propriety often depend on context. If a behaviour is inappropriate, you'll probably know, or at least find out after the fact and learn not to do it again.
posted by Mr. Six at 12:02 AM on June 1, 2006

I wink all the time. If someone's trying to get a message to me sneakily at work (like surprise singing on their birthdays), or sometimes just acknowledgment, if I grin and wink, most people will stop telling me they need something I just flippin' well said I was going for, and it keeps me from smarting off about it. Or if someone's asking me to do something or trying to tell me something and I'm occupied with a table or too busy to answer, a quick wink will make it clear that I've received the message. One other girl at work does the same thing, now that I think of it, but I haven't noticed anyone else doing it, except very occasionally a customer. I find it charming and a little quirky when I notice the habit in someone else.
posted by Cricket at 12:06 AM on June 1, 2006

I very seldom wink: the only occasions when I consciously do are for the secret joke thing, or to indicate ‘I don’t really mean it—I am joking’ in certain situations where I think it might not be obvious.
posted by misteraitch at 12:07 AM on June 1, 2006

I don't think everyone can pull it off, but when it's done well, it's delightful to receive a wink, even (especially?) when it's not in a sexual-attraction kind of way.
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 12:07 AM on June 1, 2006

I wink a lot. Usually for fun, but a coupla times have exchanged "let's go neck" winks in crowded situations. Pretty nice to have that little private moment like that in a crowd.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 12:12 AM on June 1, 2006

Winking is the best! It is so cute and funny when boys wink at girls, and always so unexpected, because, well, who winks anymore? I think it is a sweet way to sort of let a girl know that you've noticed her without being creepy and saying something uncomfortable. I mean, she always has the option of pretending she didn't notice if she's not into it.

But, you really do have to know how to pull it off. You certainly can't afford to look weird and awkward when giving a wink, which is easy to do...maybe practice a bit before going live with this move?
posted by foxinthesnow at 12:21 AM on June 1, 2006

I can't wink, so I don't.

But I find it charming when other people do.
posted by anjamu at 12:29 AM on June 1, 2006

I generally find winking creepy. My dad used to pull it off really well though (in the "joke-sharing" way).
posted by ClarissaWAM at 12:57 AM on June 1, 2006

I have a friend who's a winker. One day I was walking down the street think of his winking, and I started practicing winking myself.

Suddenly I'm aware of some guy walking the other way threatening me and calling me faggot and he's gonna kick my ass.

Also my brother is a total winker. You can see he's practiced it. Its one of his favorite forms of communication. Sometimes I feel like I need to kick his ass for that reason.
posted by StickyCarpet at 1:27 AM on June 1, 2006

I am most familiar with using it as a way to warn a 3rd party that a joke is being played on someone (kind of says, 'shut-up, this is a set-up'). Also used to explain that something being said is not what it seems. The sexual wink seems more theater than anything real, from my view.

My favorite wink is from my favorite movie, "Torchsong Trilogy":
"Just in, for the weekend" (VERY exaggerated drag queen wink. Delivered by Harvey in his opening monolog)
posted by Goofyy at 1:43 AM on June 1, 2006

I like the wink, and how it can make you feel like you're in on something special. Such a simple gesture. But you definitely have to be able to pull it off skillfully and gracefully.

When I try to wink, that entire side of my face scrunches up an awkward and grotesque show of hideousness. I've been told by people repeatedly to please, for the love of god, stop trying to wink.
posted by scallion at 1:52 AM on June 1, 2006

I used to wink some when I was younger, but I got very self-conscious of it when I was working at the same radio station with (this sounds like a joke but it's true!!!) Wink Martindale.
posted by wendell at 2:31 AM on June 1, 2006

I wink, usually to indicate to somebody that I'm making fun of somebody else, although my tone may be serious. I think it's a great, underutilized form of communication.
posted by number9dream at 2:45 AM on June 1, 2006

I wink to clue people in that something I've just said wasn't meant seriously, usually a third party to the conversation. I do this both at home and at work.

I very occasionally (maybe bi-annually) wink in a sexual way, though I am married and this is more in a "hey, let's go home" kind of way than a "hey there stranger" kind of way.

I find winking charming, mostly, though (as with any other form of communication) when it isn't welcome, it's creepy.
posted by joannemerriam at 3:29 AM on June 1, 2006

I think it's creepy too. I have an uncle that winks and his daughter (who is now like 23) does too. One day she winked at me for no reason and I just kind of ignored it... she was all "You didn't wink back!" Uh... there was nothing to wink about... you were just doing it to be a dork...

They also say "'za" instead of "pizza..." makes me wanna shoot 'em.
posted by IndigoRain at 4:02 AM on June 1, 2006

I wink, and it can mean lots of things:
- isn't this a fun time we're having? yay!
- OMG I can't believe s/he just said that
- hey cutie, let's go neck
- you're cute
- I'm cute, let's go neck
- roger that (ooh not the British "roger," but as in, "I understand")
- kidding!!

As you can see, it's quite context-sensitive, but one thing it always means is "I like you." I'm often suprised at other's reactions getting winked at - nothing huge, but just a barely noticeable, eensy frisson and flicker of a smile. Which of course just ends up in me winking more ;) Thinking about it, I am ambiwinkstrous, but more often throw left.
posted by mimi at 4:22 AM on June 1, 2006