Clamback! The Worst Elvis Movie Never Made

May 25, 2006 8:02 PM

Dorothy Parker has beguiled and confounded me! And she's dead. What a gal. I'm looking for help figuring out a puzzling casual remark from one of her short stories.

In her story "You Were Perfectly Fine," in which a young man learns of his misdeeds from the previous drunken evening, there is this passage:

"Was I making a pass at Elinor?" he said. "Did I do that?"

"Of course you didn't," she said. "You were only fooling, that's all. She thought you were awfully amusing. She was having a marvelous time. She only got a little tiny bit annoyed just once, when you poured the clam juice down her back."

"My God," he said. "Clam juice down that back. And every vertebra a little Cabot. What'll I ever do?"

It's that Cabot reference that I don't get. I've Googled my brains out, which took mere seconds, and had no luck. Was clam juice some sort of tony drink for the social set? Cabots? Vertebra? Clam juice? Snuh?

Any ideas? Man, I hope this isn't a dumb question, but it wouldn't be my first, I guess.

posted by Skot to writing & language (22 comments total)

It's gotta be the actor Sebastian Cabot—I think it's the right period and all, and with the reference to Whitman too—but that doesn't mean I can make sense of it. I would ask the Dorothy Parker Society.
posted by RJ Reynolds at 8:08 PM on May 25, 2006

John Cabot (Giovanni Caboto) The explorer for the English? He led seagoing expeditions in the 1490's. So perhaps since her vertebra were wet they were "at sea" like Cabot.

Wikipedia John Cabot
posted by MasonDixon at 8:13 PM on May 25, 2006

Well, when I think of Cabot I think of John Cabot the explorer, but that's not much help. But WIkipedia told me of the Cabot family of Boston, a powerful political family, and when I think of New England I think of clam chowder...

'every vertebra a little Cabot' could mean she was part of the political aristocracy. but that feels like a stretch to me.
posted by PercussivePaul at 8:15 PM on May 25, 2006

When I read this story, I thought it was a reference to the social class of the girl in question, a reference to the Cabot family:

Then here's to the City of Boston,
The town of the cries and the groans.
Where the Cabots can't see the Kabotschniks,
And the Lowells won't speak to the Cohns.
-- Franklin Pierce Adams

...and...

Where the Lowells talk only to the Cabots.
And the Cabots talk only to God.

I may, however, be full of shit, and this doesn't really clarify things. I read it as awkwardly making a point about the civilized New England old-moneyish propriety of the girl down whose back he's dumped clam juice, and his chagrin at how this magnifies his offense — but that's a stretch. I'm fairly certain, though, that "Cabot" would have brought to mind the wealthy family for most of Parker's readers; Franklin Pierce Adams was her contemporary and, IIRC, acquaintance.
posted by IshmaelGraves at 8:16 PM on May 25, 2006

And fellow denizen at the round table.
posted by CunningLinguist at 8:30 PM on May 25, 2006

Yeah, this is just this guy's dismay that he's poured clam juice down the back of someone aristocratic.
posted by ikkyu2 at 8:32 PM on May 25, 2006

As for the clam juice, it goes in certain drinks, like a bloody Mary.
posted by Airhen at 8:42 PM on May 25, 2006

I echo the theory that he's just saying that every part of her is blue-blood aristocratic.
posted by bingo at 9:07 PM on May 25, 2006

Here's my translation

"Was I all up on Elinor?" he said. "Did I do that?"

"Nah" she said. "You were only a harmless ass. She thought you were pretty funny. She was having a great time. She didn't seem so cool with you when you poured that clam juice down her back. Why were you splashing around clam juice anyways?"

"Doh!," he said. "Clam juice down that back. And every bone in her spine a testament to her heritage. What am I gonna do?"

Then they stopped talking and ate more cornflakes.

posted by frecklefaerie at 9:13 PM on May 25, 2006 [2 favorites]

"Dorothy Parker has beguiled and confounded me! And she's dead."

No no no. It's "I love the dead BEFORE they're cold." After being dead 39 years I'm sure she's even more frigid than she was in life.
posted by davy at 10:36 PM on May 25, 2006

(frecklefaerie, I think there's a literary-translation career in your future.)

And for what it's worth, yes, Cabot is a very recognizable Boston Brahmin name.

Aaaaaaaaaaand I just saw the thread title. Looks like Skot's got a stunning future ahead of him as well.
posted by occhiblu at 10:45 PM on May 25, 2006

davy: She wasn't too frigid in life, so that's a good bet.
posted by bingo at 11:24 PM on May 25, 2006

She was famously, unfrigid, actually...

I wish I could drink like a lady
I can take one or two at the most
Three and I'm under the table
Four and I'm under the host

ikkyu and bingo have it.
posted by chicobangs at 11:36 PM on May 25, 2006

I have to add this one, her famous excuse for missing a copy deadline:

"Tell him I've been too fucking busy - or vice versa."
posted by CunningLinguist at 4:37 AM on May 26, 2006

Just my take here. "Cabot" being a variation on the Spanish "cabo" (cape) or derived from the French "Caboter" (one who sails down the coast from port-to-port). I assumed that young man meant that each vertebra acted as a port, capturing the liquid as it cascaded down her back. Quite a messy proposition with clam juice, I would think.

OK, maybe off base, but an alternate interpretation nonetheless.
posted by flyingrock at 7:33 AM on May 26, 2006

There was a character named Elinor Cabot in an episode of Ben Casey in 1965.

Okay, I'm just saying.

Anyway, the "blue-blood" explanation is certainly correct. Similar to saying "a little Astor" in New York at about the same time.
posted by The Bellman at 8:56 AM on May 26, 2006

...although Parker was extremely clever, and it wouldn't come as a huge shock to find that she was also aware of flyingrock's explanation.
posted by bingo at 9:14 AM on May 26, 2006

a bit of a hijack here - I just read her bio on wikipedia and she bequeathed her estate to the NAACP and her ashes are buried at the headquarters.

What was her connection with them?
posted by Julnyes at 9:22 AM on May 26, 2006

Far as I know, she was just a believer in their cause, and she didn't have much in the way of family or loved ones to leave stuff to.
posted by chicobangs at 9:32 AM on May 26, 2006

Here’s the story behind Parker’s bequest and how her ashes got to where they are.
posted by hilker at 9:48 AM on May 26, 2006

Thanks for all the help, folks. I guess I was just overthinking the reference--of course the audience at the time would automatically think of the Boston Cabots and make the aristocratic association. I don't know why I flailed away at this thing.

And hilker's link is beyond awesome--the story of what happened to Parker's remains is completely hilarious and completely perfect, given the woman in question.
posted by Skot at 10:16 AM on May 26, 2006

The Cabot name was synonymous with high social class.

"Every vertebra a little Cabot" means, roughly, "You can recognize her high social class even by looking at her vertebrae."

Parker was showing off her rhetorical virtuosity. While her words praised the Cabots, underneath she was ridiculing their pretensions by making them look ridiculous -- they were so snooty that they thought even the ugly parts of their bodies showed their high class.

Parker was famous for her instantaneous sarcastic comebacks. A pretentious young woman once opened a door for her, saying "Age before beauty." Parker swept through, remarking, "Pearls before swine."
posted by KRS at 12:36 PM on May 26, 2006