How to finish a blowjob?

May 21, 2006 11:53 AM

Help a girl out with oral sex.

I like to give blow jobs but I haven't had a guy come in my mouth since that one time years and years ago when I tried it for the first time on my then-boyfriend and involuntarily gagged when he orgasmed. Since then, I've been so afraid I might puke, which has to be the unsexiest thing ever, that I've never tried it again. Do you guys have any tips, techniques or advice? I don't currently have a boyfriend, but I get some action now and again and I want to get over this hangup. How do I get over the fear of puking? And what's it really like? Surely not as dramatic as I've built it up to be, right? Right? And for the guys, how important is it to finish that way anyway?

posted by anonymous to human relations (36 comments total)

How important is it? On a scale of 1 to 10 I'll give it an eight.
posted by jedrek at 11:58 AM on May 21, 2006

You can try it in the shower so at least the mess is minimized if you spit it out indiscriminately.
posted by callmejay at 12:00 PM on May 21, 2006

Not as dramatic, and I don't find it to be that big of a deal. (Personally, I get oversensitive.) But, YMMV, and as with most things in sex, you should take it on a person-by-person and case-by-case basis.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 12:14 PM on May 21, 2006

I'm being serious and un-snarky when I say this: get drunk. You wouldn't have to be plastered, but I'd suggest more than just a good buzz. For the same reason bars are crowded on Saturday nights, alcohol generally eases sexual activity by lowering and/or removing inhibitions (see Girls Gone Wild, although really, why would you want to). Alcohol also slows reaction times and quiets your thoughts (which is why drunk driving rarely succeeds), so you won't be preoccupied with the puking, and by the time he finishes, you won't even react to it right away. By the time you realize it's in there, you'll wonder what the big deal was and finish the job, so to speak. sorry :)

Also.. since it's foreplay, let him go down on you first! Besides the alcohol, you're aiming to really get yourself into a mood here. Don't be nervous, and just the whole thing flow along. sorry again! :)
posted by ninjew at 12:23 PM on May 21, 2006

Have you ever considered a facial?
posted by Menomena at 12:29 PM on May 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

Are you worried that the taste of semen itself might make you puke, or the sensation of ejaculation into the back of your throat might make you puke? Or is it just swallowing?

If it's the first, de-sensitize yourself. Play with your lover's semen on your fingers, taste it, get used to the taste and feeling.

If it's the second, realize that you should be able to control how far the ejaculate goes into your mouth. Not every blow job needs to finish down your throat! Until you are more comfortable with it, control how far his cock is into your mouth when he comes, so you can control the flow. Again, practice and de-sensitize.

Straight man here, loves to get head:

If it's just swallowing, well, then: don't. A blowjob is still great, even if you don't swallow. If you don't mind a little mess, blow your partner while he's on his back, and just let the semen flow back out, around his cock. Or, if you're on your knees, just hold it in your mouth until he's done, then spit it out.

I had a girlfriend with ulcers, and my come hurt her stomach. I have to admit, I completely burst into laughter the first time she rolled over, opened the car door, and spit me out. I had no idea she'd been holding it. After that, I tried to be more considerate about where we were when I wanted head, and keeping a towel around for her.
posted by Dunwitty at 12:36 PM on May 21, 2006

Interesting, my "straight man, loves to get head" edit got stuck into the middle of my comment, not at the top where I put it...
posted by Dunwitty at 12:37 PM on May 21, 2006

I'm not sure that telling her to drink is the best advice if she's afraid of puking, but I know you were telling her to get relaxed, ninjew.

The key to not gagging when he comes as you are learning this is to hold your breath when he starts to come, and let him finish coming before you swallow or breathe. That way, your throat is closed while he's coming, nothing is shooting into your lungs or down your throat unexpectedly.

As you get more experienced, you can move on to trying more advanced techniques, but that is a good starting point.

(typing to the internets about blowjobs is fun)
posted by veronitron at 12:39 PM on May 21, 2006

Gagging isn't a usual part of oral sex, so if giving blowjobs is something you're interested in pursuing, it's pretty easy to make it not happen. The two main things that really cause gagging are having someone push their cock deeper into your mouth than you are sort of ready for and expecting (there are ways to relax your gag reflex in order to minimize this, but that's for another askme) and/or having them come down your throat if you're not expecting/ready for it.

The quick and easy way to minimize gagging during ejaculation is just to pull your head back a little so you have just the tip in your mouth but not down your throat. To the extent you can control it, aim the jizz at the top of your mouth and you should be all set. You can also, depending on your partner's preferences, suck in gently and then you'll have more control over what goes where in your mouth.

You can choose to swallow or spit at this point but unless you've got a real taste aversion, you won't be having a gagging problem. Also make sure that your partner isn't holding your head down on him when he comes as this can mean that you don't have him where you want him and it can make you more flustered and more likely to not enjoy the experience [unless, of course, that's what you're into]
posted by jessamyn at 12:46 PM on May 21, 2006

Most fellows have enough control to let you know when they're coming. Just ask for a heads up, as it were. Swallowing doesn't really make much of a difference. In fact, I suspect most guys much prefer to see their ejaculate (nice clinical term there) dribbling down your chin, etc.
posted by aladfar at 12:48 PM on May 21, 2006

As a longtime cocksucker, here's a few thoughts:

1) Slightly drunk is good. But we're talking tipsy, not drunk.

2) Get used to the taste of precum; it's not nearly as strong, but there is a similarity.

3) Facials are good. Very, very few guys won't enjoy seeing that. Just keep your eyes closed, and aim away from the nose. Trust me on this. That shit burns.

4) Deppthroating, if you can do it, will also help. As long as he won't grab your head and hold you there, deepthroat him when he's actually coming, and you'll barely taste a thing.

5) (Helps with 4) Learn to control your gag reflex. Start by sticking a finger down your throat, and holding it as long as you can. Stop. Lather, rinse, repeat. Then two fingers. Once you've gotten to where you can do that no problem, move them around. Voila! No gag reflex. Also helps with chugging beer.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 1:06 PM on May 21, 2006 [2 favorites]

Some tips from a girl who used to have the same problem :)
1. Get him to lie on his back, that way gravity is your friend, so it won't fly violently to the back of your throat.
2. Get him to warn you when he's about to cum, so you can pull back a little, so it ends up in your mouth, not the back of your throat. Obviously no good if he's applying pressure to your head, so ask him not to do that until you feel OK with it.
3. Try to relax. As soon as you get tense, your throat constricts, and your gag reflex heightens. Anytime you start to feel a bit gaggy, pause and take a long slow breath. Use your hand on him for a moment while you recover.
4. Don't feel you have to swallow. Spit until you get your confidence up and feel like trying it.
posted by Joh at 1:15 PM on May 21, 2006

Dave Chapelle expressed this in one of his stand up comedy specials but as a guy I feel it rings true.

We don't need to come on or in you, (though that is good too) we really just want you to take an interest and participate. We don't want you to act like our orgasm is some kind of gross or traumatic experience.

Tell him you want him to go all over insert random preferred body part, piece of furniture or plush animal, whatever you feel comfortable with. Having a partner vocally express their preferred target is a wonderful thing.
posted by utsutsu at 1:38 PM on May 21, 2006

For guys, finishing with your mouth is extremely important- if you pull off at the moment of truth, that's almost like an insult ("Your bodily functions disgust me!"). However, the facial is a pretty good thing too- in both cases as guys there's that feeling of being really adored when she wants your cum. Swallowing itself isn't critically important but is nice every once in a while. Quite frankly, after an orgasm, I'm not too concerned whether she swallows it, or spits it out into a sink.

As for puking, I think it depends on what Dunwitty said: if you're finding the taste makes you gag, then yeah trying playing with it to get comfortable, or if you're in a relationship get your partner to watch his foods and improve the taste of his semen. In the case of taste, putting the head as far back in the mouth as you can means it doesn't hit the bitter taste buds that are at the front of the tongue, so you have less of the unpleasant taste of semen less.

If however it's a "gag reflex" problem, then learn to control that like dnub suggested, or just use your hand on his cock to make a ring around that part that's the deepest you can comfortably take, and that way you won't have him jabbing too deeply into the back of your throat. Also, him on his back or in a big easy chair puts you in control, so that may be the way to go. And no guy doesn't like sitting back in a big chair and getting serviced! :)
posted by hincandenza at 1:43 PM on May 21, 2006

And for the guys, how important is it to finish that way anyway?

If it's a pre-sex blowjob, not at all.

How do I get over the fear of puking?

Second the facial recommendation. Or better yet, restrict your oral affections to vegan non-smokers.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 2:05 PM on May 21, 2006

I understand how you feel. sometimes make myself gag when I just think about something nasty, or something that has made me gag in the past.

I think the best thing for you to do in this case is to remember that it really isn't THAT bad. I'm sure you've had things that tasted worse before, and the stream isn't really that forceful. Just be sure you're breathing normally before happens, relax, and swallow it down as fast as possible.
posted by Packy_1962 at 2:08 PM on May 21, 2006

I think the best thing for you to do in this case is to remember that it really isn't THAT bad. I'm sure you've had things that tasted worse before

This really depends on both the woman and her partner. Some women find semen as repulsive (in idea or flavor) as drinking urine, or vomit. (Not applicable in the OP's case, but still). As to the partner, I could not swallow my ex-husband's ejaculate, and could barely tolerate holding it long enough to spit it out somewhere besides the bed without gagging. The only other thing I've ever tasted and had my throat close and totally refuse to swallow is alka-seltzer. I've had several other partners with whom I've had no problem swallowing, including my current mate, but somehow, with him, I never could. (We were married seven years, and dated on and off another five years before that in our teens).

Anon, is it possible that it was just an off-putting experience with that one partner, and that you've developed a block around that? It definitely doesn't have to be dramatic, but it will be dramatic (and traumatic) if that's what you're expecting--just relax, and if you can't do it, or don't enjoy it once you train yourself past the block, don't beat yourself up over it--that you enjoy giving oral sex is more important than a specific finish.
posted by Cricket at 2:45 PM on May 21, 2006

A friendly voice of dissent on the spitting issue. I find spitting to be insulting, and it makes me feel like the girl was doing me some kind of favor that she found disgusting. I once had a girlfriend who informed me that she had a strict no-swallow rule, and I shocked her by replying that, okay, in that case we should just not make blowjobs a part of our relationship. She thought I was bluffing and laughed it off, but I meant it. Then again, oral sex just isn't that important to me to begin with.

That is not to say that you should do something that you aren't comfortable doing. But since the OP is directly asking: for this guy, it's important enough that if you're not going to swallow, you shouldn't even bother.
posted by bingo at 2:57 PM on May 21, 2006

I second the 'ring around the base with your fingers' sugguestion. That way if he does direct your head you get to control how deep that goes in. I also have a very short gag reflex so I keep my deep throating to the beginning and middle of the event.

After a few dozen blowjobs you should know when he's about to cum. When he's getting closer use that hand you have around him to work on the lower half (in small circular motions if you can concentrate on that) while your mouth is on the top half. Your tongue is much more talented at the tip than the back so use it. Flatten along the base, run it over the slit, and mimic the circular motion your hand is doing. Then follow the direct it to the roof of your mouth suggestion.

As far it being the semen that makes you gag I wonder if it's the amount...I love the taste, the texture, and the smell. However if it's too big of a load I will gag every time. Because of this I got a little *ahem* gun shy for a while, then I started doing a combo move that seems to solve my issue and it's a crowd pleaser...Let a little shoot in your mouth (enough that you have to gulp when you swallow), let some of it dribble on the corner of your mouth, down your chin, some on him, and if it's still shooting off get some on your tits.
posted by nadawi at 3:21 PM on May 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

Oh. get your boyfriend more fruit juice, specifically pineapple juice.

And, spitting is rude and totally unsexy unless you have an ulcer situation like the girl up thread.
posted by nadawi at 3:25 PM on May 21, 2006

I find spitting to be insulting, and it makes me feel like the girl was doing me some kind of favor that she found disgusting.

True. Moreover, it raises other questions -- "What other hangup is this girl going to have?"
posted by frogan at 3:27 PM on May 21, 2006

I don't know about you two, I never thought swallowing was important. I mean nobody's claiming semen is delicious, so since when is inconspicuously spitting it out somewhere a crime?

The issue for me is when girls run for the bathroom sink, leaving me alone and naked and looking ridiculous. That kinda kills the romance of the whole thing. So the lesson here is keep a towel etc. convenient.
posted by shanevsevil at 4:03 PM on May 21, 2006

I just wanted to say that the above typo (God, I hope it's a typo) Deppthroating is the theoretical title of a movie I hope I will never have to see.
posted by emelenjr at 4:26 PM on May 21, 2006

I prefer that the lady friend swallows, but I don't mind if she doesn't under one condition: she tells me that she isn't. It is nice to be prepared if there is going to be a mess to clean up.
posted by Loto at 5:31 PM on May 21, 2006

I prefer that orgasm be saved for coitus, personally. BJs are great foreplay, but they're not the pinnacle, IMO.
posted by five fresh fish at 6:00 PM on May 21, 2006

It's not as if the choice is spit, swallow, or facial, either. Second the partial-swallow-partial-dribble. Also, if you tell him to come on your breasts, I doubt he'll turn that down.
posted by desuetude at 7:01 PM on May 21, 2006

Learn from Nadawi. She types with wisdom.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 7:15 PM on May 21, 2006

leaving me alone and naked and looking ridiculous
better than her staying and looking ridiculous...

Jokes aside, it's clear that the love of receiving head depends very much on the participants.

If you have a partner who is really top notch at a BJ then, honestly, it doesn't matter where it goes to me, my eyes are too busy rolling back in my head to notice. I had partner who was very skilled, but she never had to take me so deep for gag to be a problem.
posted by plinth at 7:37 PM on May 21, 2006

I prefer that orgasm be saved for coitus, personally. BJs are great foreplay, but they're not the pinnacle, IMO.

They're a nice first orgasm, though.
posted by kindall at 8:35 PM on May 21, 2006

There's tonnes of good advice upthread, but here's some things that I have found work for me - and I started out gagging every time -

*Use your hand. I used to think that a blow-job meant "mouth only" but it doesn't. Start off with all your fingers wrapped around, and as you get practiced, remove one or two of these fingers. If you're worried about friction, use some tasty lube. I recommend "good head" - it comes in lots of flavours, and you can even get a "taster's pack" of different varieties. These can be ordered off the internet, or maybe you know someone who is hosting a sex-party. These seem to be popular these days.

*Use your tongue to prevent his dick from going too far down your throat. It won't really feel any different to him, but it will stop you from gagging. Pull your tongue as far back as you can, and touch the tip to the roof of your mouth.

*Have a towel and a glass of water ready for when you're done. This way, you can rinse out your mouth and wipe it off, as well as his nether-regions, without running away to the bathroom. This means more cuddle time before he falls asleep.

*Ask him to give you a heads-up on when he's about to come. Not only are you expecting it that way, but you can increase pressure and speed and this will (generally) make him come faster and harder.

It took me at least five years to get confident in giving head. Ask for feedback; don't be afraid to experiment with different styles. I find that the experience has become more sexy for myself as the years have gone by. Just think of it as... "an acquired taste"... and a way to show how much you care for the other person. Best of luck!
posted by meringue at 9:54 PM on May 21, 2006

bingo: I find spitting to be insulting, and it makes me feel like the girl was doing me some kind of favor that she found disgusting.

and

frogan: True. Moreover, it raises other questions -- "What other hangup is this girl going to have?"

My question is: why are you so hung up on where your semen ends up when you've just been gifted with an orgasm courtesy of her mouth?
posted by i feel possessed at 10:30 PM on May 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

My question is: why are you so hung up on where your semen ends up when you've just been gifted with an orgasm courtesy of her mouth?

It's not about location, it's about reaction. What this person and this person said. If the reaction is really negative (i.e. spitting, i.e. "ohmigawd this is gross, get this stuff as far away from me as quickly as possible") ... well, that's a Hangup with a capital H. And hangups tend to travel in packs.

"You put something in your mouth that explodes and then freak out when it, you know, explodes. Is there anything else you wanna tell me before we move onto the main event and its more significant degrees of difficulty?"
posted by frogan at 10:54 PM on May 21, 2006

My question is: why are you so hung up on where your semen ends up when you've just been gifted with an orgasm courtesy of her mouth?

Because sex does not happen in a vacuum (so to speak). It matters that you're getting head from this specific girl, and it matters that there were certain events leading up to the moment you're in, and that certain other events will take place afterwards. The relationship, or the lack thereof. The reason you find her sexy, and vice versa. The reason that the two of you have ended up in this particular act, instead of some other. All your feelings about women in general, and all the fantasies you've ever had, and your regrets about the past, and all your hopes and desires for the future. Your insecurities and your fetishes. Things do not just happen at random. The fact that you have your penis in someone else's mouth at one particular moment is not a 'gift,' it is part of a continuum, the quality of which you are just as responsible for as anyone else.
posted by bingo at 2:39 AM on May 22, 2006 [3 favorites]

And just to add a little anecdote from college: a friend of mine had a roommate who really wanted to give her boyfriend head, but had a gag problem. My friend suggested getting a little drunk. She got a lot drunk, and went well beyond gagging, shall we way.
posted by plinth at 4:33 AM on May 22, 2006

Poster didn't mention if they're in a relationship right now, but if my gf said to me "i really want to be able to swallow your cum after giving you head, but I've had some experiences in the past that make me nervous about it" I'd be more than willing to be the test subject while she figures out how to work through it.

Additionally, the above posters are correct... the 'run to the sink to spit out that awful stuff' is like equating a good blowjob to a friend sucking out snake venom after getting bitten. It's a man thing. Semen is the product of our body that is pretty much "the reason we're here" evolutionarily. An out and out rejection of it as being 'grotesque' is quite a blow (yes, I meant to do that) to the ego.

That said, women have the absolute right to force some dietary changes if us men expect a second blowjob.
posted by softlord at 6:25 AM on May 22, 2006

Bingo, that was lovely.
posted by hot soup girl at 7:59 AM on May 23, 2006