I refuse to ratify the roof treaty

May 14, 2006 10:55 PM

All diplomatic efforts at a peaceful solution have failed. I have no choice but to invade and depose the ty-rat-ical government in my roof. But I don't want to injure the canine civilians. Can I do this myself or do I need to bring in the elite forces?
posted by zaebiz to home & garden (16 comments total)

when i brought in the elite forces, they just put a couple of spring traps in the attic and then sealed up any obvious holes.

i probably could have done this myself.
posted by joeblough at 11:01 PM on May 14, 2006

Regime change is bad. Check for squirrels, not rats (unless you've found corpses?). Then seal holes and deposit the ultra top-secret poisoned walnuts as a trap for the unwary terrist.
posted by IronLizard at 11:11 PM on May 14, 2006

I would advise against the poison. Things tend to die in places you can't get to. Then they get stinky.

Besides, poison is a war crime.
posted by joegester at 11:36 PM on May 14, 2006

It would help if you phrased your question more clearly.
posted by fake at 1:33 AM on May 15, 2006

Rats, huh? Trapping them out of suburban attics used to be my teen age part time job. Yes, you kill them - your karma suffers but then why not. Trapping them out works best - all you need to do is dispose of the bodies, and dogs and cats don't usually hang around inside a roof or attic (or else you wouldn't have rats.)

Regular rat traps work well, but a couple of conibear style traps in te smallest size are better. Before setting the traps, seed the area with bait for a couple of weeks. Use chunky peanut butter mixed with anise seed and a dash of ouzo for bait.
posted by zaelic at 1:43 AM on May 15, 2006

The only thing worse than rats scratching inside you walls is rats rotting inside your walls. And second the recommendation that you might have squirrels instead, since if they were rats they'd likely already be in the house, looking for food (or brains) to eat. Then again, they might be new tenants.

Either way, I'd suggest something like havahart traps, not because I have any affinity to invading hoardes of disease carriers, but because, as I said above, a dead animal in your house will stink something fierce.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 3:34 AM on May 15, 2006

And find out how they got in.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 3:34 AM on May 15, 2006

I'm going to second Civil Disobedient's recommendation for Havahart traps. After trying out another humane trap to no avail, Havahart came through for me on five separate occasions, all on the same dab of peanut butter. It was recommended to me to release them far (over one mile) away.
posted by funkiwan at 10:07 AM on May 15, 2006

Re-releasing RATS?!? Please tell me you are joking. If I caught anyone releasing rats, mice or any other vermin anywhere near my neighborhood, I'd have strong words with them. At the very least.
Jesus, funkiwan, I'm all for treating animals humanely but (untamed) rats are a very special plague upon humanity, and every rat death is a positive good.
posted by BigLankyBastard at 10:31 AM on May 15, 2006

We had rats in our apartment, which freaked me out no end. (They weren't invited, damn it!). I found out where they were coming in and stuffed the hole with steel wool.

It stopped the rats and didn't harm the dog.
posted by luneray at 10:52 AM on May 15, 2006

Definitely not red squirrels although intelligence points to a possible coming influx of refugees in the near future. I would like to commission a humane capture of the tyrats but I cannot support a regime that has poisoned millions of its own citizens. Congress has overwhelming rejected chemical weaponry (due to costs and risks of cleanup) so conventional peanut-based weapons will be used to stop the enemy in their tracks.

Your intelligence is appreciated.
posted by zaebiz at 3:01 PM on May 15, 2006

Rats are the disease carrying enemy. Why would anyone preserve them to invade somewhere else? KILL, KILL, KILL!
posted by Cranberry at 4:08 PM on May 15, 2006

I bought the RatZapper, which seemed like all kinds of crazy cool rat-killing fun with electricity. But the damn thing was impossibly fragile -- couldn't handle even a little bit of moisture. That being said, your attic may be OK.
posted by frogan at 9:59 PM on May 15, 2006

I still say use the Walnuts of Mass Destruction. Just because.
posted by IronLizard at 10:20 PM on May 15, 2006

possible coming influx of refugees in the near future

Don't know how it is in your part of the world, but here in Maine, it's the red squirrels that are the bastards. The (larger, slower, kinder) grey squirrels pretty much mind their own business, live in trees and don't raid your home or use it as a place to store nuts and seeds. The red squirrels, on the other hand, will attack or chase off just about any other similar-sized species that tries to co-exist (birds, other squirrels, chipmunks, etc.). They are nasty little beasts; if it wasn't for their cute, fluffy tails they'd be no better than rats in my books.

And BigLankyBastard, you live in a city. Naturally releasing rats, even a mile away, is just giving the problem to somone else. In the country, not-so-much. I think the problem might be the actual mechanics of killing rats already in a cage. Do you shoot them, poison them, gas them, electrocute them...? You'd want to minimize cleanup, so a few methods are straight-out. Perhaps drowning them might be better.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 5:01 AM on May 16, 2006

Whatever you do, don't use mothballs to try and stink them out. This was recommended to me by a well-meaning/idiotic neighbour, and having never smelt mothballs before, I foolishly followed her advice. Peanut butter on regular old rat-killing traps, in easy to access (for you) spots in the attic.
posted by Joh at 10:42 PM on May 17, 2006