How do you ween a 16 month old from biting?

May 12, 2006 9:15 AM

How do you ween a 16 month old from biting?

My friends 16 month old daughter has taken to biting other todlers at daycare. Not enough to break skin, but I'm sure it hurts.

Any Metibites out there had luck changing this behavior?

posted by keep it tight to Human Relations (11 answers total)

I have a 15-month-old. He has tried biting me a few times. I know some other kids who bite and the problem seems more rampant when the child is in daycare. I think this is because the daycare provider may not have the same approach as the parents do. So, first, I would suggest talking to the daycare provider and getting as much information as possible. Then, together, you should work out a consistent plan for dealing with the situation. This will sometimes be tricky because the daycare provider(s) only have two eyes and won't see everything. However, by being consistent in your approach, I think you'll see improved results. If you have a partner, you would also want to involve them and make sure they are on board.

As for biting, it depends on your child. Some children like the response of the bitten child. Some like the response of their caregiver. Some like the attention given to them. My health nurse says that you want to tell the child that, "Biting hurts. Owie. No biting." Do not shout or get angry or do anything that would invite a repeat performance. Then shift your attention to the bitten child. This shows your child that the event results in less attention for them.
posted by acoutu at 9:23 AM on May 12, 2006

Supposedly, the best thing is to get two biters together to play. When things deteriorate, they'll eventually bite each other and instantly know what it feels like. Don't know if it works, but I've heard it from several sources.

It probably goes without saying that Mom, Dad, or any other caregiver should never "bite back" since that would give the impression that it's normal behavior.
posted by whatnot at 9:45 AM on May 12, 2006

We nipped our biting child in the bud by introducing an alternative action. He was biting because he was trying to convey emotion. We told him to give hugs and kisses instead of bites. I think it's confusing to them to tell them to sublimate a valid emotion just because they are expressing it incorrectly. It's better that they use a more appropriate social reaction - although I'm not sure giving another child a kiss is ok in daycare - but I believe any alternative action should work.
posted by any major dude at 9:54 AM on May 12, 2006

It probably goes without saying that Mom, Dad, or any other caregiver should never "bite back" since that would give the impression that it's normal behavior.

How does that differ than letting the two biters play together until they start chomping? My mother bit me back the only time I ever bit her, and I never did it again.
posted by gatorae at 10:10 AM on May 12, 2006

How about, "Ow! That hurts me! Don't do that!" in a serious tone, with pulling away -- maybe a moment of withdrawal to indicate disapproval. A genuine reaction with a little bit of drama will make the point. Even the littlest kids will quickly come to respect that you get hurt too, both physically and feelings.
posted by thinkpiece at 10:13 AM on May 12, 2006

Our youngest was an enthusiastic biter - her favorite victim was her pacifist older sister. The only thing that worked to rid her of the habit was to remove her from the room immediately and tell her very sternly "no, you cannot do that." Since this usually happened while they were trying to use the same toy, being removed from that fun toy was mighty harsh punishment indeed. A tantrum usually commenced after that, after which we usually turned away and said "I'll come back when you're feeling better."

The important thing is to make her understand that the behavior will not be tolerated, and to stick to your guns.
posted by Flakypastry at 10:22 AM on May 12, 2006

ween? wean. sorry. its just that i'm a huge Ween fan.
posted by joeblough at 11:14 AM on May 12, 2006

My daughter bit her mom for attention and it worked because it sent mom over the top. She has bitten me once and because I respond like a squeaky toy, it didn't merit a repeat performance. Mom stopped responding and the biting stopped. We followed with "No. Biting is not OK. Use your words." The last sentence was added later when we knew that she could politely express what she wanted. We got the suggestion to use the phrasing "ing is not OK" in favor of "(We) don't " in that the child tends to focus on what you say last and the latter phrasing ends with what you don't what him/her to do..."

Remember that it is also a phase, and they go by pretty quickly. Right now we're in the hitting-when-I'm-frustrated phase, but it's manageable in the same way.
posted by plinth at 12:20 PM on May 12, 2006

My older siblings took care of that phase pretty quick. Ditton on the hitting phase. Laying on the floor and kicking at them took a little longer to break though.
posted by fshgrl at 7:59 PM on May 12, 2006

A little smack of the hands won't hurt them. They really don't understand logical explanations at that age.
posted by JamesMessick at 8:21 PM on May 12, 2006

Smacking a child's hands just suggests to them that hitting is okay. And they don't understand logical explanations of why it's okay for adults to hit them....
posted by acoutu at 9:32 PM on May 13, 2006