Is is impolite to invite some coworkers but not others to a housewarming party?

May 12, 2006 1:07 PM

HousewarmingPartyFilter: Is is impolite to invite some coworkers (my immediate team) to a housewarming party but not others (the office at large)?

I work for a company that has about 30 people at the location where I work, another 30-40 at a second location, plus a handful of people that work from home and so on.

I've also recently moved into a new house and I'd like to have a housewarming party. As far as the invitations (done via Evite, as you might guess), adding my non-work friends to the list is the easy part. However, as far as my coworkers, I've become good friends with my immediate team (of about eight people) and I'm on a first-name basis with the other people at the location where I work. I hardly know the people at the other office, so I’m not too concerned about that part. However, if I were to invite the people on my team (which I'd like to do), would I be obligated to invite the other couple-dozen people in my office too?

The scenario that I could envision, if I were to invite my team but not necessarily the rest of the office, is that on the Friday before the housewarming-party-weekend, Team-Person A could mention to Non-Team-Person B in the break room about the party at my place; and I wouldn't want Non-Team-Person B to feel hurt. It's not that I don't like the other people in my office, I just don't know them very well (other than their first names with which to greet them in the hallways and such). That, and my new place is about 1200 sq ft, so I can't invite an infinite number of people ;).

So, what does etiquette say about this? Would be more polite to invite everyone in the office, or would it be acceptable to invite my team and leave it at that?

PS In case it helps, I'm a 28 y/o guy and I work in the US in the tech/Intarweb sector.

posted by anonymous to Human Relations (16 answers total)

I think it's fine. Especially if you're just inviting your team.

And the nice thing about evite (though I have many, many problems with it) is that you can generally see who else is invited, so your invited team members could easily see that the rest of your office wasn't included, and would therefore be unlikely to mention it to them.
posted by occhiblu at 1:15 PM on May 12, 2006

I think inviting your team and not the rest of the office is fine. I had a party last summer and invited some work friends and not others (given, I work at an enormous company and inviting even everyone on my floor would be ridiculous).
Especially if you invite your whole immediate team, you should be in the clear.
posted by rmless at 1:16 PM on May 12, 2006

I don't think that it would be impolite. Any rational person would agree that unless you're super rich, it is financially unfeasable for someobody to invite everyone he or she works with to a party. If any of those you didn't invite kicks up a fuss, simply apologise and say that funds were tight and so you had to limit your numbers.

Two potential soloutions. One; automatically invite those closest to you and then plan for, say, 5 or 10 more, if you can fit that man people into your home (I know, as you say, space is limited). Then issue an invite amongst that group of people with a specific RSVP date. Not everyone will accept and if any more than 5 or so do, you can simply tell them they missed the RSVP date. That way they will see the reason they aren't coming to your party as their own fault, not yours.

Second soloution? Maybe throw a second party for the other group and make it BYO (saving you some extra money). This option makes you look like a super social kind of person, and placates everyone. But obviously, it comes with a hell of a lot more hassle.

Good luck with your party, anon!
posted by Effigy2000 at 1:16 PM on May 12, 2006

If you invite only people from your team, you are protected - it is a natural cut-off point.

It's when you start to pick and choose that you can run into problems. (Love Laura in HR, invite her, hate Fred in Contracts, don't invite him...)

Make sure to invite your boss, too.
posted by Futurehouse at 1:18 PM on May 12, 2006

I think you should open the invitation to the rest of the office, because I bet none (or very few) of them will come. But they'll be touched you thought to invite them, and maybe they'll learn your names, and it'll make the office a little brighter. The staff at the space we rent office space has become a lot warmer to me, and our company, since we gave them little Valentines on V-Day- nothing huge, just a box of candy with their name on it. Never hurts to make friends.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 1:18 PM on May 12, 2006 [2 favorites]

Make sure to invite your boss, too.

Not getting invited to parties is a sacrifice bosses have to make. Don't invite your boss.
posted by jon_kill at 1:21 PM on May 12, 2006

I'm with Pink on this--invite everyone. Mostly only the people you want will come, but you will look like a good guy, and you might make an extra couple of friends.
posted by LarryC at 1:55 PM on May 12, 2006

It's okay to invite only your team, especially if you invite the whole team. You have a life outside of work; you're not required to include workmates in it. If you want to invite everyone, have an 'open house', where the idea is that people come by for a short visit.
posted by theora55 at 2:17 PM on May 12, 2006

I have made the mistake before of excluding certain people and having them hear about it.

My new philosophy: always invite the people you hate. They won't show up anyway, and you'll look like the bigger person.

But as far as this q, yeah inviting your team only seems pretty normal.
posted by drjimmy11 at 2:21 PM on May 12, 2006

Invite your team only, it's fine. My boss held a party at his home (pot luck) for a co-worker who was retiring, rather than the traditional luncheon. It was the procurement team only, about 25 of us, rather than the larger entity which would have been an unmanageable 125. Nobody got their feelings hurt.
posted by fixedgear at 2:33 PM on May 12, 2006

Invite your boss. It is a sacrifice he has to make by not coming (unless he comes, because there are a lot of different managers out there), but it's still insulting not to invite him. Better to invite him and let him refuse than not invite him and have his feelings be hurt.
posted by mckenney at 3:24 PM on May 12, 2006

I did this and I invited only the coworkers I am actually friends with. I'm pretty sure some other people found out. I also found out other people had parties and didn't invite me. Everyone went on with their lives.
posted by nev at 5:25 PM on May 12, 2006

It's fine for you to only invite your immediate team members. Inviting the boss is a great gesture, if you're comfortable inviting him/her.

Please do not follow either one of Effigy2000's solutions.
posted by Count Ziggurat at 6:47 PM on May 12, 2006

Invite whoever you want to invite and don't worry about offending anyone. I doubt these random other coworkers invite you to celebrate milestones of their lives with them or invite you to private parties at their homes.

(Am I missing somehow the part where the boss is even an issue?)
posted by desuetude at 8:23 PM on May 12, 2006

I think that it's perfectly reasonable to invite only your team members. If anyone in the office who wasn't invited mentions it and seems hurt, you should politely explain that it's a small space. Saying something like "I'm sorry that I wasn't able to invite you, but I'm trying to keep it small" should suffice.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 10:40 PM on May 12, 2006

I think you should open the invitation to the rest of the office, because I bet none (or very few) of them will come.

No. They will. The people you like least will come.

I think the best thing to do is invite only your team and mention to them casually that you couldn't invite everyone and to keep the invite on the qt.
posted by CunningLinguist at 6:13 AM on May 13, 2006