Dear lord!

May 5, 2006 5:20 AM

Help me find a gift for my landlord, an old man.

I've been a bit flakey with my rent payments lately (minor financial trouble), my landlord got angry and sent me a letter, threatening to kick me out.

I already wrote an apology letter but I also want to send him a small gift so he loves me again.

So, what kind of gift is right for a rather old man (75 or something)?

- Flowers - inappropriate.
- Chocolates - I don't know if he likes them.
- A book - I have no idea what kind of books he likes.
- Just a greeting card - that would be okay, but I really want him to think "OH, what a NICE guy, he BOUGHT something for me!"

posted by bloo to human relations (22 comments total)

Pay your rent early next month...
posted by lovejones at 5:22 AM on May 5, 2006

If I was your landlord I'd be like "He can buy me a gift but can't pay rent on time?"

MAYBE make him cookies. MAYBE.
posted by k8t at 5:25 AM on May 5, 2006

If I was your landlord I'd be like "He can buy me a gift but can't pay rent on time?"

Actually that wouldn't be a problem. The trouble is almost over, so I will be able to pay on time in the future (at least I hope so!).
I do want the gift to say: Look, I had some problems with the rent, but I am still the trustworthy guy I was and I am still able to buy you a gift.
posted by bloo at 5:29 AM on May 5, 2006

He won't. He'll think 'What? He has money to spend on crap, but he can't pay the rent on time?'

If you pay the rent on time for the next few months, send him something for Christmas and mention you appreciate his understanding in the card you attach to it. Alcohol is often a good choice in these circumstances, as long as you're not aware that he doesn't drink.
posted by jacquilynne at 5:29 AM on May 5, 2006

To address your second comment - you might know that the problem is over and you'll start paying the rent on time from now on, but he doesn't know that. And by the time he does know it, the gift will be forgotten. A gift doesn't say 'trustworthy' in this scenario, it says 'inappropriate allocation of funds'.
posted by jacquilynne at 5:31 AM on May 5, 2006

Many thanks for your input!

I am, however, still not really convinced that he would think that I spend my money on a gift rather than on the rent.

It is not exactly a low-priced flat, so he expects me to have the amount of money that I can always afford a small gift.
And I do, the money has just been delayed and that's why I couldn't pay the rent.

Do you really think he would say to himself: He should have saved the 15€ for the gift and should instead have paid the 700€ rent on time?
posted by bloo at 5:41 AM on May 5, 2006

I hear those old guys like viagra. I know where to get some, want me to give them your email address?

I go with some home baking (especially if you're female) or alcohol. You live in a 'flat' and post prices in Euros. WTF are you ? Perhaps some fine Belgian beer would be in order.

I will point out though, someone that age probably would think you should have saved the 15 euros. But if you deliver the gift with the rent, your cool.
posted by Goofyy at 6:01 AM on May 5, 2006

I think the best option in this case would be, as someone above said, to bake him some cookies or cupcakes, and add a card indicating that you appreciate his understanding during your troubles.
posted by darsh at 6:03 AM on May 5, 2006

My vote is baked goods, too.
posted by beccaj at 6:05 AM on May 5, 2006

I don't care if it is my boyfriend or my tenant. If someone owes (or recently owed) me money and then tried to buy a gift or even take me to dinner or buy me a drink, I'd like "F this beer, where is (was) my money?"

In the future if you have some "troubles," the best thing would be to call your landlord and let him or her know EARLY about what is going on.

"Hi there. I'm calling because I wanted to let you know that I've recently been made redundant (or broke my leg, had a family emergency, whatever) and I may be a bit late paying rent this month. Would it be possible to pay 1/2 on the 1st and pay the other 1/2 on my next pay day, the 16th? I can assure you that I am remedying the situation as quickly as possible. I love living here and think you're a great landlord. If my situation isn't resolved by next month I may have to give you my notice of departure. I will continue to keep you informed either way. I really appreciate your flexiblity."
posted by k8t at 6:11 AM on May 5, 2006

Do you really think he would say to himself: He should have saved the 15€ for the gift and should instead have paid the 700€ rent on time?

Yes.

Or, perhaps, "Sure, and next month he'll be short $15 for the rent." (Yes, Euros, I know, but I don't know how to make a Euro symbol.)

You're looking for a warm fuzzy reaction here, and I just don't think that's what you're going to get. Even if we're wrong, do you want to run the risk of pissing off your landlord? Is the reward worth the possibility that he'll think you're an ass? Do you honestly think he'll look at a $15 gift and think 'Well, that proves it, he's good for the $700 from now on?'
posted by jacquilynne at 6:40 AM on May 5, 2006

Do you really think he would say to himself: He should have saved the 15€ for the gift and should instead have paid the 700€ rent on time?

Yes, yes, yes, yes. That is precisely what he will think. For real.

No, really.

A bottle of booze would be the traditional gift. Absolutely no gifts until you've paid your rent on time for a few months, oherwise he'll think that you think that your gift makes your late rent payments okay.
posted by desuetude at 6:46 AM on May 5, 2006

Give him an extra pain-in-the-ass bonus of MONEY with the next month's rent. The note should say "I hope this covers the costs I have incurred you due to my prior tardiness with the rent. I want to re-assure you that future rent payments will be made on time."

Because even if you have paid him back, he's still thinking "That's 20 euros interest I'll never see again..."
posted by shepd at 6:54 AM on May 5, 2006

Okay, I see your point.

"No gifts before you've paid on time for a few months" is a very good idea, thanks.

I also like shepd´s idea.
posted by bloo at 7:08 AM on May 5, 2006

So, he's an older fella - maybe he's lonely? How about just going over and visiting for a while now and then instead of a gift? Do it without seeming insincere; take a real interest in his life, his family, his interests; then not only will you be giving him something more valuable than anything you could buy, but you'll both benefit (and maybe he'll be more understanding should you ever have other financial problems).
posted by TochterAusElysium at 7:46 AM on May 5, 2006

I disagree and think that a small _gesture_ gift would be nice; just be sure _you_ are clear on why you're doing it, and make that reason clear in the note.

Hoping just to convince him you're solvent? Then maybe a gift isn't the way to go.

Hoping to make relations with him more pleasant in the future? Then showing that you care about him as a human being is _never_ a bad idea.

Thanking him for not kicking you out? That could be construed as good etiquette.

If you're just the kind of guy who does things like this, no matter what people think, then go for it.

As for what to do - cookies are nice, as long as he doesn't have health/diet issues. Fresh bread is pretty safe, or another non-sweet comestible. And definitely include a very sincere note thanking him for his patience and saying whatever else is on your mind. And that you don't think for a moment that this excuses your late payments.

Even if he's cynical and reacts cynically, so what? There's a chance he won't, and whenever people relate to each other as human beings, we strengthen civilization.
posted by amtho at 8:01 AM on May 5, 2006

I have to add that I'm seriously depressed that so many people would be deterred from making a nice gesture by what this guy *might* think. Not that I haven't been guided by similar considerations in the past, but I've never really thought it was the right way to make decisions about things like this.
posted by amtho at 8:03 AM on May 5, 2006

I'm the daughter of a landlord, and I've helped my parents with tenants and the house we rent out. The best tenant is the kind that's almost invisible. That means not causing trouble, keeping your place clean and spotless, and paying the rent on time or EARLY or in advance (like that's ever going to happen).

Your best bet is to send a nice card with a short but sweet message, along with the month's rent check. Send your rent check a few days early. Sending your rent in early consistently will get you back into his good graces.
posted by hooray at 8:10 AM on May 5, 2006

On the general "What would a 75 year old man want?" front, food is always a hit with old people. You could do baked goods, but a gift basket with fruits, nuts, sweets, etc. will offer him a variety in case he doesn't like one thing or another.
posted by FortyT-wo at 9:43 AM on May 5, 2006

I think this is what fruit baskets were made for.
posted by rmless at 10:45 AM on May 5, 2006

Even if he's cynical and reacts cynically, so what? There's a chance he won't, and whenever people relate to each other as human beings, we strengthen civilization.

Yeah, because human beings are all sweetness and light and good wishes and recognizing that they have non-positive emotions renders them non-human.

It's a business transaction, and a business problem, which the poster wanted to smooth over by offering a personal gesture. Personalizing business relationships when they're going well is lovely, but attempting to personalize them for your own benefit, so you can solve problems of your own making is just taking advantage.

The cynicism in that scenario is at least as much on the part of the person who thinks that a half-assed good will gesture is enough to get him off the hook as it is on the part of the person who sees through the ploy.
posted by jacquilynne at 11:06 AM on May 5, 2006

I agree with the general sentiment that you should hold off on a gift until you've paid on time (or early) for a few months.

But if/when you do choose to make a small gesture, another possibility is a donation to a charity in your landlord's honor. If you know of a particular charity he supports, you can pick that one. Otherwise, a gift to any apolitical, noncontroversial charity is always a nice gesture.
posted by yankeefog at 10:40 AM on May 11, 2006