Time for a reset
May 21, 2023 3:41 AM Subscribe
I feel like variations of this question have been asked before, but here goes. I have the chance in a few months time for a complete reset. There are lots of habits I'd like to learn to inculcate, lots of opportunities for self-improvement. How do I prioritise?
I feel like I've been in survival mode for the last 6 years and still am to a degree. If I got through the month having met all my work deadlines and accomplished basic life admin I counted it a win. Thanks to some positive life developments, I am soon to have the opportunity to get a bit of time everyday for myself. I think I will have about an hour more to myself a day. I'm pleased about this! But I don't know what to prioritise with the extra time.
Things I'd like to do:
- Start going to the gym again. I used to do this regularly and then it got harder and harder to fit into my day.
- Start cooking again. Once upon a time, I used to like cooking, but I have done less and less of it over the years. I find the planning around it and the clean-up particularly taxing. It's just easier to order in, or shove a frozen meal into the microwave.
- Be better about cleaning/tidying. I have improved A HECK OF A LOT in this area, to be fair to myself. Taking advice from AskMe, I've started cleaning frequently in 10-15 min blitzes, and taking a lot of pleasure in a clean, tidy space which motivates me to keep doing it. I want to keep that up.
- Start writing again. I just have not had the mental space to even THINK about being creative.
- Start going to plays and concerts again. I used to do this a lot, and I love the idea of it, but I also find going out tiring and annoying in a way that I didn't in my 20s.
These are all things I used to do when I had fewer demands on my time, was younger and had more energy, and maybe this whole question is me refusing to face my own mortality, but I'm only in my 40s. I really do think things may be easier in a few months' time when I claw back a bit of time to myself.
Appreciate your thoughts in how I can go about doing this.
I feel like I've been in survival mode for the last 6 years and still am to a degree. If I got through the month having met all my work deadlines and accomplished basic life admin I counted it a win. Thanks to some positive life developments, I am soon to have the opportunity to get a bit of time everyday for myself. I think I will have about an hour more to myself a day. I'm pleased about this! But I don't know what to prioritise with the extra time.
Things I'd like to do:
- Start going to the gym again. I used to do this regularly and then it got harder and harder to fit into my day.
- Start cooking again. Once upon a time, I used to like cooking, but I have done less and less of it over the years. I find the planning around it and the clean-up particularly taxing. It's just easier to order in, or shove a frozen meal into the microwave.
- Be better about cleaning/tidying. I have improved A HECK OF A LOT in this area, to be fair to myself. Taking advice from AskMe, I've started cleaning frequently in 10-15 min blitzes, and taking a lot of pleasure in a clean, tidy space which motivates me to keep doing it. I want to keep that up.
- Start writing again. I just have not had the mental space to even THINK about being creative.
- Start going to plays and concerts again. I used to do this a lot, and I love the idea of it, but I also find going out tiring and annoying in a way that I didn't in my 20s.
These are all things I used to do when I had fewer demands on my time, was younger and had more energy, and maybe this whole question is me refusing to face my own mortality, but I'm only in my 40s. I really do think things may be easier in a few months' time when I claw back a bit of time to myself.
Appreciate your thoughts in how I can go about doing this.
I have the chance in a few months time for a complete reset.
I will have about an hour more to myself a day
These statements are in opposition to each other. An hour a day will no doubt be a welcome addition but it's not at all a "complete reset" (unless I've misunderstood something?)
After 6 years of survival mode you'll probably find that extra hour is taken up with sleep, sitting on the sofa staring at the wall, or doing precisely nothing.
The thing you need most is likely a mental break, so if I were you I'd do something that's not on your list: go for a peaceful 20 minute walk in the early morning when it's quiet, and otherwise don't even think about trying to use the much needed extra time to be productive until you've had a few months to recuperate.
posted by underclocked at 4:39 AM on May 21, 2023 [33 favorites]
I will have about an hour more to myself a day
These statements are in opposition to each other. An hour a day will no doubt be a welcome addition but it's not at all a "complete reset" (unless I've misunderstood something?)
After 6 years of survival mode you'll probably find that extra hour is taken up with sleep, sitting on the sofa staring at the wall, or doing precisely nothing.
The thing you need most is likely a mental break, so if I were you I'd do something that's not on your list: go for a peaceful 20 minute walk in the early morning when it's quiet, and otherwise don't even think about trying to use the much needed extra time to be productive until you've had a few months to recuperate.
posted by underclocked at 4:39 AM on May 21, 2023 [33 favorites]
I’m not sure everyone does all the things all the time. But I find it helpful to stack habits. Here’s how I’d attack yours, assuming you don’t have caring duties after work
- don’t go straight home from work but go to the gym 3 days a week m-f
- the other two, stop at a store and buy ingredients to cook meals that will include leftovers, so that gives you 4 home cooked meals a week. That’s two changes but really it’s “the hour after work I devote to my bodily health.”
- see concerts Friday after the gym. You could maybe shower there and get glammed up and go straight, if you have a way to stash your stuff like in a car.
- write for an hour or two Saturdays
- make a home cooked meal Sunday with leftovers for Monday (this gets you to 6)
- keep going on the tidying
posted by warriorqueen at 4:48 AM on May 21, 2023 [9 favorites]
- don’t go straight home from work but go to the gym 3 days a week m-f
- the other two, stop at a store and buy ingredients to cook meals that will include leftovers, so that gives you 4 home cooked meals a week. That’s two changes but really it’s “the hour after work I devote to my bodily health.”
- see concerts Friday after the gym. You could maybe shower there and get glammed up and go straight, if you have a way to stash your stuff like in a car.
- write for an hour or two Saturdays
- make a home cooked meal Sunday with leftovers for Monday (this gets you to 6)
- keep going on the tidying
posted by warriorqueen at 4:48 AM on May 21, 2023 [9 favorites]
I implore you to give yourself this extra hour of time to rest. All of your aspirations are nice, but if you’ve been in survival mode for years the best thing you can do for yourself is to just be still.
If you have to structure it, go for a slow amble outside, or do some gentle movements to get in touch with your body, or masturbate, or just take a nap! Mindless tv is pretty good in that it’s often presented in standard chunks of time so if you have an hour, you can watch one forty five minute episode of something and have fifteen extra minutes to sit and breathe, or chat with a friend about something silly. Albums are more variable in time but a lot of them do have a similar length, so if that’s more to your taste it’s an already portioned option.
Maybe do some thinking on why, when you finally get a fraction of time to yourself again, you make a list of new obligations you would like to assign to yourself to fill that time with.
posted by Mizu at 5:40 AM on May 21, 2023 [8 favorites]
If you have to structure it, go for a slow amble outside, or do some gentle movements to get in touch with your body, or masturbate, or just take a nap! Mindless tv is pretty good in that it’s often presented in standard chunks of time so if you have an hour, you can watch one forty five minute episode of something and have fifteen extra minutes to sit and breathe, or chat with a friend about something silly. Albums are more variable in time but a lot of them do have a similar length, so if that’s more to your taste it’s an already portioned option.
Maybe do some thinking on why, when you finally get a fraction of time to yourself again, you make a list of new obligations you would like to assign to yourself to fill that time with.
posted by Mizu at 5:40 AM on May 21, 2023 [8 favorites]
Resting is good, yes, but I have found that physical exercise really makes a day better. I still hate it. I hate how hard it is, and the time suck, and how I'm exhausted afterwards. BUT, if I don't do my core/back every day, I'll get debilitating spasms, so I had to make time for it, and I find that on days I do the NYT 7-minute workout, it elevates my mood significantly throughout the day. I still don't always manage to make time for it, but I know I should. I sleep better when I get enough exercise, too. And if I can carve out 10 minutes for loving-kindness meditation, that makes a difference as well. I don't know why it's so hard to form good habits and so easy to form bad ones, but at least I know the difference between them and what to work toward.
posted by rikschell at 6:09 AM on May 21, 2023 [9 favorites]
posted by rikschell at 6:09 AM on May 21, 2023 [9 favorites]
Out of that list, I would prioritize the exercise because, like rikschell notes, it increases your energy levels so you may find that it increases the likelihood that you can meet your other goals.
posted by tofu_crouton at 6:21 AM on May 21, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by tofu_crouton at 6:21 AM on May 21, 2023 [6 favorites]
I was in a "survival mode" state all through my 40s, and then got a MUUUUUUUUCH better job when I turned 50. (Literally - the job offer came in 3 days before my 50th birthday.) So I feel ya.
But I still let myself be a TOTAL slug for the first year or two; granted, I kind of had to since it was also when Covid started and then I broke my knee so I had no choice. But I also let myself be totally frivolous with money for a while; this was the other REALLY big thing I was fretting about all through my 40s because I was underemployed all that time. But my job paid me so much better than any other had, and it was such a big jump up, that I was able to wipe out my debt and max out savings and still have money left over.
And - look, if you've been all the way over at one side of a scale for a long time, your pendulum is just going to have to swing all the way over to the other side for a while. It's happened again and again with me; when I was 23 and ended a 5-year relationship which had been wholly monogamous the whole time, I went through a major hedonistic phase for a year. After 10 solid years of theater-with-a-day-job, I couldn't even LOOK at a theater for a couple years when I retired. My income took a big step up 3 years ago after a whole long period of austerity, and I'm just now getting to the end of my maximalist phase (I kept some of the money-saving tricks I'd learned before, which kept the maximalist spending from going TOO crazy). So if you've been in survival mode all this time, you're going to swing over to the other side for a while in some fashion - whether that's energy, or spending, or some other way. And I think it's wise to let yourself just do that for a little while - or, to at least forgive yourself for it.
That said - I do have some advice about the cooking. That's something I always did anyway, and still do; in fact, I have been encouraging myself to go out to restaurants now and then as my own "reset". (I got to be a bit of a shut-in during my own survival phase.) But I also have a bit less energy overall by virtue of being in my 50's now. And that, plus a weekly CSA haul, pushed me into a weekly batch cooking habit; I make a couple of big batches of salads or soups on the weekend, and then the rest of the week a lot of my "cooking" is just reheating something. Or I cook up some dried beans and make some soup stock and then they just live in the fridge and I use them in things the rest of the week (like, I'll end up with 3 cups of cooked chickpeas on Sunday, and then use a half a cup in this one quick recipe for couscous Monday night, toss some into a pasta dish Tuesday night, throw some into a quick soup on Wednesday, etc.). There are a lot of recipes where the "cooking" is more like just "assembling" - you take some cooked beans and put them on top of cooked grains and add some cooked veg and you're done. If you cook up those different components separately on the weekend, all you need to do on a weeknight is pick your pre-cooked components, season them how you want, and bang, you have a poke bowl or a donburi or something. Or if you mix some sauce through them and throw them in the oven for a bit you've got a quick casserole. Or if you throw them into broth and just warm everything through you've got soup.
Or if you REALLY want to get into batch cooking, there are a whole lot of "freezer prep" meal plans - where you set aside one weekend each month and spend the whole time precooking casseroles and pasta bakes and sauces and such, and then you divide them up into single-serve containers and shove them all in your fridge; and then all you have to do the rest of the month is fish something out of the freezer and heat it up. There are also freezer prep meals that use a slow cooker as part of the plan - you get the ingredients, divvy them up between freezer bags and throw them all in the freezer. Then each night you fish one out of the freezer and let it thaw in the fridge overnight, dump it into your slow cooker with some broth or other liquid in the morning, and turn your slow cooker on and go to work; and when you get back from work, dinner's already done. You still have the convenience of the frozen meals, but they are frozen meals that you made yourself.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:29 AM on May 21, 2023 [3 favorites]
But I still let myself be a TOTAL slug for the first year or two; granted, I kind of had to since it was also when Covid started and then I broke my knee so I had no choice. But I also let myself be totally frivolous with money for a while; this was the other REALLY big thing I was fretting about all through my 40s because I was underemployed all that time. But my job paid me so much better than any other had, and it was such a big jump up, that I was able to wipe out my debt and max out savings and still have money left over.
And - look, if you've been all the way over at one side of a scale for a long time, your pendulum is just going to have to swing all the way over to the other side for a while. It's happened again and again with me; when I was 23 and ended a 5-year relationship which had been wholly monogamous the whole time, I went through a major hedonistic phase for a year. After 10 solid years of theater-with-a-day-job, I couldn't even LOOK at a theater for a couple years when I retired. My income took a big step up 3 years ago after a whole long period of austerity, and I'm just now getting to the end of my maximalist phase (I kept some of the money-saving tricks I'd learned before, which kept the maximalist spending from going TOO crazy). So if you've been in survival mode all this time, you're going to swing over to the other side for a while in some fashion - whether that's energy, or spending, or some other way. And I think it's wise to let yourself just do that for a little while - or, to at least forgive yourself for it.
That said - I do have some advice about the cooking. That's something I always did anyway, and still do; in fact, I have been encouraging myself to go out to restaurants now and then as my own "reset". (I got to be a bit of a shut-in during my own survival phase.) But I also have a bit less energy overall by virtue of being in my 50's now. And that, plus a weekly CSA haul, pushed me into a weekly batch cooking habit; I make a couple of big batches of salads or soups on the weekend, and then the rest of the week a lot of my "cooking" is just reheating something. Or I cook up some dried beans and make some soup stock and then they just live in the fridge and I use them in things the rest of the week (like, I'll end up with 3 cups of cooked chickpeas on Sunday, and then use a half a cup in this one quick recipe for couscous Monday night, toss some into a pasta dish Tuesday night, throw some into a quick soup on Wednesday, etc.). There are a lot of recipes where the "cooking" is more like just "assembling" - you take some cooked beans and put them on top of cooked grains and add some cooked veg and you're done. If you cook up those different components separately on the weekend, all you need to do on a weeknight is pick your pre-cooked components, season them how you want, and bang, you have a poke bowl or a donburi or something. Or if you mix some sauce through them and throw them in the oven for a bit you've got a quick casserole. Or if you throw them into broth and just warm everything through you've got soup.
Or if you REALLY want to get into batch cooking, there are a whole lot of "freezer prep" meal plans - where you set aside one weekend each month and spend the whole time precooking casseroles and pasta bakes and sauces and such, and then you divide them up into single-serve containers and shove them all in your fridge; and then all you have to do the rest of the month is fish something out of the freezer and heat it up. There are also freezer prep meals that use a slow cooker as part of the plan - you get the ingredients, divvy them up between freezer bags and throw them all in the freezer. Then each night you fish one out of the freezer and let it thaw in the fridge overnight, dump it into your slow cooker with some broth or other liquid in the morning, and turn your slow cooker on and go to work; and when you get back from work, dinner's already done. You still have the convenience of the frozen meals, but they are frozen meals that you made yourself.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:29 AM on May 21, 2023 [3 favorites]
Response by poster: I appreciate the perspectives. I guess I'm keen to start building a life with things in it for me again, which is why I'm possibly in too much of a rush to start squeezing things in the second my life appears to start to have a bit of space for it.
posted by unicorn chaser at 8:22 AM on May 21, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by unicorn chaser at 8:22 AM on May 21, 2023 [4 favorites]
Honestly, you can do no wrong. All the options on your list are great and will measurably improve your life, no matter which of them you decide to focus on. Trust your intuition, follow your whims. It will be impossible to waste this hour. You will feel an improvement. Don't let that joy be spoilt by a pressure to optimize, by fretting over opportunity costs. That would really be the only error you could make here.
I'm currently running on fumes a bit, as May tends to be the most stressfull month in my job. I'm technically sick right now (sore throat, dry cough, headache - not Covid, at least), but still trying to work because of all those deadlines coming up. As soon as I'm getting a bit of slack again, I'm absolutely going to use that for naps. But I'm a teacher, and I know that I have 8 weeks of no classes coming up. No classes doesn't exactly mean no work, but still - there's going to be a significant amount of extra me-time. And if history repeats, the first couple of days, maybe even weeks, that extra-me time will be mostly spent on naps.
Of course, I have a list too, and it's pretty similiar, downright identical to yours. At the end of those 8 weeks, I never feel like I've done it justice. But I usually do feel rested and restored. I may always be wistful about the way I used my time, and all the stuff I didn't get round to, but when I re-arrange my priorities, and do the other stuff first, I end up just as wistful. There's no winning this!
Which means, there's no losing either. So why not just follow your instincts? For instance, I would very much like to be the sort of person, who prioritizes writing. But I'm pretty sure, from a purely pragmatic perspective, getting more exercise would produce the most tangible immediate and longterm benefits. I will follow my whims, and if the theme of this summer ends up being exercise, that would probably be very smart of me. But if inspiration strikes and it ends up being writing after all, I won't be mad either.
posted by sohalt at 8:44 AM on May 21, 2023 [5 favorites]
I'm currently running on fumes a bit, as May tends to be the most stressfull month in my job. I'm technically sick right now (sore throat, dry cough, headache - not Covid, at least), but still trying to work because of all those deadlines coming up. As soon as I'm getting a bit of slack again, I'm absolutely going to use that for naps. But I'm a teacher, and I know that I have 8 weeks of no classes coming up. No classes doesn't exactly mean no work, but still - there's going to be a significant amount of extra me-time. And if history repeats, the first couple of days, maybe even weeks, that extra-me time will be mostly spent on naps.
Of course, I have a list too, and it's pretty similiar, downright identical to yours. At the end of those 8 weeks, I never feel like I've done it justice. But I usually do feel rested and restored. I may always be wistful about the way I used my time, and all the stuff I didn't get round to, but when I re-arrange my priorities, and do the other stuff first, I end up just as wistful. There's no winning this!
Which means, there's no losing either. So why not just follow your instincts? For instance, I would very much like to be the sort of person, who prioritizes writing. But I'm pretty sure, from a purely pragmatic perspective, getting more exercise would produce the most tangible immediate and longterm benefits. I will follow my whims, and if the theme of this summer ends up being exercise, that would probably be very smart of me. But if inspiration strikes and it ends up being writing after all, I won't be mad either.
posted by sohalt at 8:44 AM on May 21, 2023 [5 favorites]
I'm in a similar situation in that I'm wanting to prioritize a lot of the same things you list here.
To avoid overwhelm, I would suggest choosing one thing from your list to do for that hour you have that day. Choosing what you are most keen and apt to do depending on your mood and your context that day. In the morning, deciding if you want to cook or workout or just write, etc. Then stick to it and not worry about piling on other things from the list that day.
Then you can see how you feel and not get overwhelmed with doing all the things at once. The next day, you choose again and so on.
posted by AnyUsernameWillDo at 9:48 AM on May 21, 2023 [1 favorite]
To avoid overwhelm, I would suggest choosing one thing from your list to do for that hour you have that day. Choosing what you are most keen and apt to do depending on your mood and your context that day. In the morning, deciding if you want to cook or workout or just write, etc. Then stick to it and not worry about piling on other things from the list that day.
Then you can see how you feel and not get overwhelmed with doing all the things at once. The next day, you choose again and so on.
posted by AnyUsernameWillDo at 9:48 AM on May 21, 2023 [1 favorite]
As for tidying, keep that 10-15 minute habit everyday. That's doable and as you said, it feels good!
Reevaluate what it is you want to get out of concerts and plays... you mention being annoyed and tired with going out... if it truly doesn't bring you joy, be OK letting go of this expectation that one should enjoy these things. Perhaps you can find other ticket based things that meet your needs that aren't loud concerts, for example. Perhaps watching a favorite artist on YouTube gives you all you need while cozy at home. I used to go to concerts all the time and music festivals in my teens and twenties. I absolutely have let go of this expectation now and will only go to a concert if it's someone I absolutely don't want to miss and there's reserved seating.
Then browse listings of plays and concerts and pick one to attend a year! Or twice a year.
posted by AnyUsernameWillDo at 9:54 AM on May 21, 2023 [1 favorite]
Reevaluate what it is you want to get out of concerts and plays... you mention being annoyed and tired with going out... if it truly doesn't bring you joy, be OK letting go of this expectation that one should enjoy these things. Perhaps you can find other ticket based things that meet your needs that aren't loud concerts, for example. Perhaps watching a favorite artist on YouTube gives you all you need while cozy at home. I used to go to concerts all the time and music festivals in my teens and twenties. I absolutely have let go of this expectation now and will only go to a concert if it's someone I absolutely don't want to miss and there's reserved seating.
Then browse listings of plays and concerts and pick one to attend a year! Or twice a year.
posted by AnyUsernameWillDo at 9:54 AM on May 21, 2023 [1 favorite]
You have great intentions, I'm just going to advise you set the tiniest of goals around each one. Let them grow organically, which many of them will, rather than setting a huge goal and "failing" and giving up or immediately abandoning because it's too daunting.
I wrote too much here so I will summarize:
- take the first few weeks to be present in your days and look for optimizations and efficiencies now that you have time to think about it. You could possibly turn that hour into 90 minutes or more, especially if you do some forensics on your messes to figure out a better workflow so they don't happen or get integrated into other tasks.
examples: never leave a room empty-handed if you can help it, so trash/recycling/dishes ride piggyback, as well as stuff that belongs elsewhere. I found the optimal place to put my laundry hamper so that I undress right in front of it and I turn my clothes right side out as I take them off and put them in. We downsized to only enough daily table/serveware to fill one dishwasher load, and then one load of baking/cooking gear and utensils and containers, so technically things can only get so out of hand. Laundry works the same way - we each have about one scant load of house clothes, one scant load of Leaving The House clothes, one load of 2 bath sheets plus about 40 each of flour sack towels and washcloths and a few proper hand/dish towels and oven mitts.
- set laughably tiny goals to start. One night a week, meal-prep 8 servings of protein that can turn into "assembly meals" - sandwich, salad, taco, omelet, Over Carbs, or Beside Microwave Veg. After you get the hang of doing it once a week, add a weekend day to make a casserole or soup/stew. Freeze a couple servings every time so there's backstock. Do a 20-minute free-writing session at the appointed time for weeks until your brain starts to catch on and prepare for longer ones. Do one short youtube stretching video a week. Only let the sink get to half-full of dishes.
- Do Yourself Favors. You don't need everything to be on Hard Mode. Implement Friday Pizza (we do take-and-bake, or a refrigerated family-size lasagna). Pick a takeout night. Re-wear your home workout clothes 2-3 times.
- Walk before you run. Literally. Going To The Gym is five tasks once you add in location and clothing changes. Go for walks, do youtube workouts, start with a 20-minute goal. When you're doing this 3-4 times a week you can decide if going to the gym is how you want to level up.
- 15-minute cleaning sprints are great, you know what's even better? 2-minute or less sprints, tied to already-existing daily tasks. Clean the toilet while the shower gets hot once a week, another time dust the baseboards, another time swiffer the floor. Put/throw away 4 out of place counter items while you brush your teeth, and then wash your face, and then wipe down the sink and counter you just splashed (this is why I have 40 washcloths, but start with disposables if you need to). Put/throw/wipe while the coffee brews, and when you're waiting on something to cook. Pick up around your nightstand and bed just before you go refill your bedside water cup and get in bed. I grew up with a pristine-clean mother and didn't inherit the genes, but this is how she does it. The only time you see her "clean" at a stretch longer than vacuuming, it's either a periodic big task (like carpet shampoo or full-on mopping instead of wetswiffing) or she's re-orging a part of some closet or cabinet or shelf for maybe an hour or 90 minutes, and she does one of these sessions once a week. But run into her at any moment in the house, and she's got 5 things in her hands going back where they belong. She tidies her nesting spots (living room chair, bedside table) at the end of every session using them.
- concerts are a long string of tasks, consume minimum 3 hours including transit, and you don't enjoy them. Don't set a goal like one a week, start with one a quarter and sit with it and think about whether that's really what you want or just what you think you want. Give yourself space to explore other Leaving The House recreations too.
posted by Lyn Never at 10:35 AM on May 21, 2023 [5 favorites]
I wrote too much here so I will summarize:
- take the first few weeks to be present in your days and look for optimizations and efficiencies now that you have time to think about it. You could possibly turn that hour into 90 minutes or more, especially if you do some forensics on your messes to figure out a better workflow so they don't happen or get integrated into other tasks.
examples: never leave a room empty-handed if you can help it, so trash/recycling/dishes ride piggyback, as well as stuff that belongs elsewhere. I found the optimal place to put my laundry hamper so that I undress right in front of it and I turn my clothes right side out as I take them off and put them in. We downsized to only enough daily table/serveware to fill one dishwasher load, and then one load of baking/cooking gear and utensils and containers, so technically things can only get so out of hand. Laundry works the same way - we each have about one scant load of house clothes, one scant load of Leaving The House clothes, one load of 2 bath sheets plus about 40 each of flour sack towels and washcloths and a few proper hand/dish towels and oven mitts.
- set laughably tiny goals to start. One night a week, meal-prep 8 servings of protein that can turn into "assembly meals" - sandwich, salad, taco, omelet, Over Carbs, or Beside Microwave Veg. After you get the hang of doing it once a week, add a weekend day to make a casserole or soup/stew. Freeze a couple servings every time so there's backstock. Do a 20-minute free-writing session at the appointed time for weeks until your brain starts to catch on and prepare for longer ones. Do one short youtube stretching video a week. Only let the sink get to half-full of dishes.
- Do Yourself Favors. You don't need everything to be on Hard Mode. Implement Friday Pizza (we do take-and-bake, or a refrigerated family-size lasagna). Pick a takeout night. Re-wear your home workout clothes 2-3 times.
- Walk before you run. Literally. Going To The Gym is five tasks once you add in location and clothing changes. Go for walks, do youtube workouts, start with a 20-minute goal. When you're doing this 3-4 times a week you can decide if going to the gym is how you want to level up.
- 15-minute cleaning sprints are great, you know what's even better? 2-minute or less sprints, tied to already-existing daily tasks. Clean the toilet while the shower gets hot once a week, another time dust the baseboards, another time swiffer the floor. Put/throw away 4 out of place counter items while you brush your teeth, and then wash your face, and then wipe down the sink and counter you just splashed (this is why I have 40 washcloths, but start with disposables if you need to). Put/throw/wipe while the coffee brews, and when you're waiting on something to cook. Pick up around your nightstand and bed just before you go refill your bedside water cup and get in bed. I grew up with a pristine-clean mother and didn't inherit the genes, but this is how she does it. The only time you see her "clean" at a stretch longer than vacuuming, it's either a periodic big task (like carpet shampoo or full-on mopping instead of wetswiffing) or she's re-orging a part of some closet or cabinet or shelf for maybe an hour or 90 minutes, and she does one of these sessions once a week. But run into her at any moment in the house, and she's got 5 things in her hands going back where they belong. She tidies her nesting spots (living room chair, bedside table) at the end of every session using them.
- concerts are a long string of tasks, consume minimum 3 hours including transit, and you don't enjoy them. Don't set a goal like one a week, start with one a quarter and sit with it and think about whether that's really what you want or just what you think you want. Give yourself space to explore other Leaving The House recreations too.
posted by Lyn Never at 10:35 AM on May 21, 2023 [5 favorites]
What do you WANT to do the most? What’s coming to mind first?
Maybe you want to hit the gym, but start with a really gentle routine. Or maybe you want to start cooking a few times a week. I’d just start with whatever feels the best to you right now and let the snowball effect kick in.
posted by stoneandstar at 11:36 AM on May 21, 2023 [2 favorites]
Maybe you want to hit the gym, but start with a really gentle routine. Or maybe you want to start cooking a few times a week. I’d just start with whatever feels the best to you right now and let the snowball effect kick in.
posted by stoneandstar at 11:36 AM on May 21, 2023 [2 favorites]
Longtime concertgoer here with a piece of advice about concerts: try to find local music to listen to and go to small shows at small local venues. They're easier on your person and your wallet. Maybe load up your phone with a local music podcast while you're exercising to find new bands in your area you like? It can also help you find new local people to hang out with and Get Out of the House doing other things.
posted by gentlyepigrams at 11:37 AM on May 21, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by gentlyepigrams at 11:37 AM on May 21, 2023 [2 favorites]
Exercise, for some people, can be a little bit like wishing for more wishes: it can give you energy to squeeze out a tiny amount more from the rest of your life. If that resonates, I might prioritize that, for some of the time. But mostly, I agree with others -- listen to your own instincts.
posted by eirias at 2:02 PM on May 21, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by eirias at 2:02 PM on May 21, 2023 [2 favorites]
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posted by kevinbelt at 3:52 AM on May 21, 2023 [3 favorites]