Celebrating college grad without the ceremony-what has been meaningful?
May 9, 2023 3:55 AM Subscribe
We’re celebrating GCofTethys who is now finishing a bachelor’s degree in electrical engineering in CO. He doesn’t want to attend the ceremony, so we’re soliciting the hive mind for experiences that feel more like a graduation celebration than a regular family visit. Hope me!
I work in higher ed so I have a lot of commencement experiences under my belt. I will have two teenage siblings in tow who are already clamoring for many typical activities (penny arcade and whirlyball) We had dinner the day-of squared away, but that got shift for a wildlife conservation trivia night fundraiser at a brewpub-which will be a ton of fun! Just not grad-centric. We’ve sorted through the campus bookstore website and have a gift card for a framing place.
The grad shifts into full time work without student status on Monday, and has a lot of essentials as a decently well established young professional.
For any of you who have skipped the commencement ceremony-what has been been meaningful to mark college graduation? Fun also works, I gave him a Nikolai Tesla secular saint candle over the holidays.
I work in higher ed so I have a lot of commencement experiences under my belt. I will have two teenage siblings in tow who are already clamoring for many typical activities (penny arcade and whirlyball) We had dinner the day-of squared away, but that got shift for a wildlife conservation trivia night fundraiser at a brewpub-which will be a ton of fun! Just not grad-centric. We’ve sorted through the campus bookstore website and have a gift card for a framing place.
The grad shifts into full time work without student status on Monday, and has a lot of essentials as a decently well established young professional.
For any of you who have skipped the commencement ceremony-what has been been meaningful to mark college graduation? Fun also works, I gave him a Nikolai Tesla secular saint candle over the holidays.
Best answer: Is there an heirloom item that can be handed down to them, now that They Are An Adult, especially if it relates to their new job?
posted by wenestvedt at 5:45 AM on May 9, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by wenestvedt at 5:45 AM on May 9, 2023 [6 favorites]
Best answer: That’s great that you’re helping honor his request for the type of graduation he wants! I also skipped out on the ceremony crap when I got my bachelors (instead I ran off to Costa Rica with my sister to go look for snakes! Way better use of my time lol.) Then for years afterwards, my mom claimed to not remember if I had graduated or not apparently due to the lack of ceremony…
So maybe to help cement the occasion in everyone’s mind (it’s still marking a big milestone no matter how it plays out!) even by taking a couple nice photos somewhere with the family/friends together. Let the grad have lots of input on where/how/if this happens. But I think you’re doing right already just by listening to what he’s telling you he wants for this day.
posted by Drosera at 6:35 AM on May 9, 2023 [4 favorites]
So maybe to help cement the occasion in everyone’s mind (it’s still marking a big milestone no matter how it plays out!) even by taking a couple nice photos somewhere with the family/friends together. Let the grad have lots of input on where/how/if this happens. But I think you’re doing right already just by listening to what he’s telling you he wants for this day.
posted by Drosera at 6:35 AM on May 9, 2023 [4 favorites]
During Covid we had a brief commencement ceremony for my niece on her front porch. A few people watched from the lawn and we had a live zoom feed. The whole thing was maybe five minutes long, but oddly satisfying nonetheless.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 6:38 AM on May 9, 2023
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 6:38 AM on May 9, 2023
Cheesy, but maybe a Cameo message of congratulations from a special-to-them celebrity?
posted by Capt. Renault at 6:48 AM on May 9, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by Capt. Renault at 6:48 AM on May 9, 2023 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I would say: give them something nice that they'll use in the future with their name or initials on it. A briefcase for their new job, or a long-wished-for book, or something.
When I graduated high school, my parents got me a little stand-up clock-- smaller than my outstretched hand, but pretty, with my name and the year engraved on the back.
When I finished my undergrad, they got me a book which I still use, with a nice bookplate in the front with a message from them.
So if no one's going to hand the kid a diploma in front of a cheering crowd, find a way to give them something special to mark the occasion. Maybe give it to them with the family present, and embarrass them by making a little speech.
Congratulations to the youngster, and hope your weekend is lovely.
posted by Pallas Athena at 6:56 AM on May 9, 2023
When I graduated high school, my parents got me a little stand-up clock-- smaller than my outstretched hand, but pretty, with my name and the year engraved on the back.
When I finished my undergrad, they got me a book which I still use, with a nice bookplate in the front with a message from them.
So if no one's going to hand the kid a diploma in front of a cheering crowd, find a way to give them something special to mark the occasion. Maybe give it to them with the family present, and embarrass them by making a little speech.
Congratulations to the youngster, and hope your weekend is lovely.
posted by Pallas Athena at 6:56 AM on May 9, 2023
For the entire length of the visit make a show of having him shift things from the right to the left, like you would with the tassel on a graduation cap.
Standing waiting for an elevator? Shift him one person to the left.
He's holding a frappuccino? Take it out of his right hand and put it in his left hand.
Brewpub trivia night? When those apps come to the table they better be passed to him from right to left.
Obviously the family should clap and cheer every time this happens. Maybe even shake his hand. The cheesier the better. Maintain this one silly commencement tradition in the dumbest way possible.
(Terms and conditions apply, you know if this would overly annoy your kid, or if your family is unable to have silly fun together. YMMV.)
posted by phunniemee at 7:05 AM on May 9, 2023 [5 favorites]
Standing waiting for an elevator? Shift him one person to the left.
He's holding a frappuccino? Take it out of his right hand and put it in his left hand.
Brewpub trivia night? When those apps come to the table they better be passed to him from right to left.
Obviously the family should clap and cheer every time this happens. Maybe even shake his hand. The cheesier the better. Maintain this one silly commencement tradition in the dumbest way possible.
(Terms and conditions apply, you know if this would overly annoy your kid, or if your family is unable to have silly fun together. YMMV.)
posted by phunniemee at 7:05 AM on May 9, 2023 [5 favorites]
Best answer: I'd pack a night picnic and go stargazing -- at such a juncture in your life, it's good to spend a little time contemplating eternity. Here in Colorado, that means heading way out into the flatlands or else heading into the mountains.
You mentioned a penny arcade, so that makes me wonder if you'll be in Manitou? If you are, it's a relatively quick drive up Ute Pass and into the stars. The Hornbek Homestead area near Florissant might be a good place to consider, as it's wide open and you can park there any time.
posted by mochapickle at 7:09 AM on May 9, 2023 [1 favorite]
You mentioned a penny arcade, so that makes me wonder if you'll be in Manitou? If you are, it's a relatively quick drive up Ute Pass and into the stars. The Hornbek Homestead area near Florissant might be a good place to consider, as it's wide open and you can park there any time.
posted by mochapickle at 7:09 AM on May 9, 2023 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Does he want to skip all events or just the ceremony? My campus does a "red carpet" thing - pictures, champagne, music - that's really nice and more fun in a lot of ways than the ceremony.
Does he have a favorite prof or two that would be willing to take a quick picture with him? I'd be thrilled if one of my students turned up wanting to take grad pictures with me. Get him a mortarboard for pictures, even if he's skipping the rest of the gown and stuff.
Does his campus have a clocktower that you can't walk under until you're graduated or other superstition?
Definitely get a piece of X Uni or College swag - a mug, a sweatshirt, something.
posted by joycehealy at 7:26 AM on May 9, 2023 [3 favorites]
Does he have a favorite prof or two that would be willing to take a quick picture with him? I'd be thrilled if one of my students turned up wanting to take grad pictures with me. Get him a mortarboard for pictures, even if he's skipping the rest of the gown and stuff.
Does his campus have a clocktower that you can't walk under until you're graduated or other superstition?
Definitely get a piece of X Uni or College swag - a mug, a sweatshirt, something.
posted by joycehealy at 7:26 AM on May 9, 2023 [3 favorites]
If he has actually said he wants to mark it somehow please disregard this, but I skipped all of my commencements and did exactly nothing in their place. I know it's meaningful for a lot of people, but even seeing others traversing the city in caps and gowns for iconic photos and special dinners didn't change my fundamental disinterest in celebrating for myself.
posted by teremala at 7:45 AM on May 9, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by teremala at 7:45 AM on May 9, 2023 [3 favorites]
Like teremala, I didn't go to graduation for one of my degrees (for which I worked very hard and am very proud of) and did nothing whatsoever. I just wasn't interested in the graduation-ness of it. If you have a grad who doesn't want to do anything grad themed, and/or doesn't like being the centre of attention, then I would go with that. Maybe do stuff in CO that you would wouldn't normally do. Give him a gift that is useful or appropriate for someone starting a new job.
If on the other hand, you want to make this more about your need to celebrate than his, then I think that's also ok (I mean, it marks something about raising him and paying for college and do on). I would just own that and ask him to tolerate it even if it's not what he really wants.
posted by plonkee at 8:38 AM on May 9, 2023 [1 favorite]
If on the other hand, you want to make this more about your need to celebrate than his, then I think that's also ok (I mean, it marks something about raising him and paying for college and do on). I would just own that and ask him to tolerate it even if it's not what he really wants.
posted by plonkee at 8:38 AM on May 9, 2023 [1 favorite]
I know this is rude, but I collected my diploma and then walked off stage and out of my B.A. commencement instead of returning to my seat (I'm at the beginning of the alphabet and our commencement speaker was a Notably Terrible Right-Wing Figure so I was ready to get out of there.) It was held outdoors which helped me sneak away...
To avoid any guilt about doing the same at my (indoor) M.A. ceremony I skipped the whole thing and collected my diploma at the department office over the summer. In both cases my family planned a nice party with good snacks and included/invited my friends, which I really appreciated.
The undergrad party was at my apartment (catered by Trader Joe's) and we had the M.A. party at a local pub where I was a regular. Both were pretty informal and anyone/everyone I knew could just drop by. I think for my M.A. we also had a fancy family brunch the next day.
This was def enough for me - I kind of hate ceremonies and was just really glad to be done both times. Getting my official thesis approval email was more exciting for me than any ceremony would have been. ;) I think my mom was probably a bit disappointed but she was a good sport about the whole thing (twice) so that meant a lot.
posted by sparkling at 9:19 AM on May 9, 2023 [1 favorite]
To avoid any guilt about doing the same at my (indoor) M.A. ceremony I skipped the whole thing and collected my diploma at the department office over the summer. In both cases my family planned a nice party with good snacks and included/invited my friends, which I really appreciated.
The undergrad party was at my apartment (catered by Trader Joe's) and we had the M.A. party at a local pub where I was a regular. Both were pretty informal and anyone/everyone I knew could just drop by. I think for my M.A. we also had a fancy family brunch the next day.
This was def enough for me - I kind of hate ceremonies and was just really glad to be done both times. Getting my official thesis approval email was more exciting for me than any ceremony would have been. ;) I think my mom was probably a bit disappointed but she was a good sport about the whole thing (twice) so that meant a lot.
posted by sparkling at 9:19 AM on May 9, 2023 [1 favorite]
During Covid we had a brief commencement ceremony for my niece on her front porch.
A friend of mine did this to mark her daughter's graduation. She also hired an ice cream truck so the family and neighbors all got celebratory ice cream cones.
posted by ALeaflikeStructure at 12:13 PM on May 9, 2023 [2 favorites]
A friend of mine did this to mark her daughter's graduation. She also hired an ice cream truck so the family and neighbors all got celebratory ice cream cones.
posted by ALeaflikeStructure at 12:13 PM on May 9, 2023 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I didn't go to my university graduation, but I had a great casual hangout party at my Dad's house (which was in the same town as the school I finished at) because he had a large deck and a view. Family was there. Friends were there. We drank some champagne and ate what I remember as being copious quantities of cheese and strawberries (it was strawberry season there then). At some point there were sparklers. At another point, an uncle slipped me an unexpectedly gift in a copy of William Blake's poems that made me cry like a baby. It was a great night.
posted by thivaia at 1:03 PM on May 9, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by thivaia at 1:03 PM on May 9, 2023 [1 favorite]
My niece did not want to go to her college graduation ceremony (in Colorado!), so we all walked around the campus with her in her graduation robes and took pictures. She had a party that evening with family and friends. There was a notebook where people could write messages and life advice. I think she thought the main ceremony was just too big and impersonal. The whole thing felt very memorable to me, I don't think any of us felt bad about not attending the main ceremony.
posted by maggiemaggie at 3:23 PM on May 9, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by maggiemaggie at 3:23 PM on May 9, 2023 [1 favorite]
I ask to to contemplate the symbolic value of cake. We have cakes at weddings and birthdays, for holidays and days of remembrance, for victories and farewells.
Have a cake.
posted by SemiSalt at 4:26 PM on May 9, 2023 [2 favorites]
Have a cake.
posted by SemiSalt at 4:26 PM on May 9, 2023 [2 favorites]
Yes! Have a cake....
One side as a favorite activity of GCofTethys -- fishing, bowling, D&D, etc. as long as the cake decorator can do a decent job.
The other side as electrical engineering -- whatever represents their career goals.
Congratulations!
posted by TrishaU at 3:10 AM on May 10, 2023
One side as a favorite activity of GCofTethys -- fishing, bowling, D&D, etc. as long as the cake decorator can do a decent job.
The other side as electrical engineering -- whatever represents their career goals.
Congratulations!
posted by TrishaU at 3:10 AM on May 10, 2023
Best answer: Book a session at a local photo studio or hire a photographer to take family portraits AND a nice headshot for the grad, who will be expected to have one for work-related social media and project team slide decks. Get individual portraits of the teens as well.
posted by Lyn Never at 5:37 AM on May 10, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by Lyn Never at 5:37 AM on May 10, 2023 [1 favorite]
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I don't think there are any activities specifically targeted to graduation day, as it's expected the student will either attend the ceremony or go drinking/have dinner with friends, family or SOs. Going to the pub and all the gifts you've arranged sounds like a perfect celebration IMO! Maybe give him a standing ovation and high fives for good measure.
Is there a "bucket list" type of experience you can gift to him? For example, tickets to a big concert for a band he loves, or a chance to visit a national park he's always admired from afar. You may not be able to join him on it but it will certainly be memorable and special, and inject some fun into a stressful time (starting a new job is hard!) Perhaps you can ask at the pub "I have a budget of $xyz to send you somewhere amazing on the weekend, what would you like to do?"
posted by wandering zinnia at 5:24 AM on May 9, 2023 [2 favorites]