Zen and the art of home maintenance
March 13, 2023 9:45 AM Subscribe
I know the key to a tidy home is clearing as you go, but I find this really challenging. Instead I let things get to a critical state and then blitz the place, but this is also stressful and not-ideal. I feel like not everyone struggles with housekeeping as much as I do. How can I stop this from being such an ever-present stressor and just... like... be more tidy?!
I hire a cleaner for in-depth stuff. They come once every 2 weeks. It's really tidying that is the issue, not cleaning - my apartment is not dirty, but a complete mess.
I procrastinate on starting the clearing process until the place is an absolute state and my stress levels get higher and higher until finally I blitz the place - which is tiring and I hate every minute of it. It's the WORST.
I know 'clearing as you go' is the key to staying on top of mess, but I find clearing as you go extremely stressful for reasons I find hard to articulate. If I'm clearing as I go, I find it really hard to relax until all the clearing has been completed. Which means that, for example, I cook and eat with a sense of tension knowing that I cannot relax and enjoy any of it because the clearing awaits at the end of it all. So I end up just saying fuck it and deciding not to clear at all. And if I do that a few days in a row, I end up with a big pile of mess to attend to.
A lot of it is also plain and simple tiredness - I have a demanding job and a lot on my plate generally and cleaning is the LAST thing I feel like doing when I have a moment to spare.
Another issue is that I have a lot of stuff and a small apartment. Sure, I could (and do periodically) prune through my belongings. But the fact is that I do not have enough space for things that I need. I have thrown money at various solutions for this, but the fact remains. I do not have the space for a bigger bookcase or a bigger closet, I do not have enough space to hang my laundry out to dry so I end up hanging it over all available bits of furniture.
(I have a lot of emotions around living in an apartment which does not serve my needs in many ways, including being far too small, but my finances/other life stuff currently not allowing me to move somewhere bigger. Those emotions often get in the way of clearing and tidying too - knowing that if I had a bigger place the apartment would not look so cluttered.)
As some of you already know I have other stressful life circumstances going on at the moment, but being tidy has been hard for me since I was a kid. At the same time, being in a calm, organised, harmonious space is really beneficial for my state of mind. So this is a problem I really want to solve.
I do think I have some executive function-related difficulties around this but don't have the first idea how to start to address those.
Please share your secrets as to how you make this just a normal part of life and not some sort of spectre that hangs over you.
I hire a cleaner for in-depth stuff. They come once every 2 weeks. It's really tidying that is the issue, not cleaning - my apartment is not dirty, but a complete mess.
I procrastinate on starting the clearing process until the place is an absolute state and my stress levels get higher and higher until finally I blitz the place - which is tiring and I hate every minute of it. It's the WORST.
I know 'clearing as you go' is the key to staying on top of mess, but I find clearing as you go extremely stressful for reasons I find hard to articulate. If I'm clearing as I go, I find it really hard to relax until all the clearing has been completed. Which means that, for example, I cook and eat with a sense of tension knowing that I cannot relax and enjoy any of it because the clearing awaits at the end of it all. So I end up just saying fuck it and deciding not to clear at all. And if I do that a few days in a row, I end up with a big pile of mess to attend to.
A lot of it is also plain and simple tiredness - I have a demanding job and a lot on my plate generally and cleaning is the LAST thing I feel like doing when I have a moment to spare.
Another issue is that I have a lot of stuff and a small apartment. Sure, I could (and do periodically) prune through my belongings. But the fact is that I do not have enough space for things that I need. I have thrown money at various solutions for this, but the fact remains. I do not have the space for a bigger bookcase or a bigger closet, I do not have enough space to hang my laundry out to dry so I end up hanging it over all available bits of furniture.
(I have a lot of emotions around living in an apartment which does not serve my needs in many ways, including being far too small, but my finances/other life stuff currently not allowing me to move somewhere bigger. Those emotions often get in the way of clearing and tidying too - knowing that if I had a bigger place the apartment would not look so cluttered.)
As some of you already know I have other stressful life circumstances going on at the moment, but being tidy has been hard for me since I was a kid. At the same time, being in a calm, organised, harmonious space is really beneficial for my state of mind. So this is a problem I really want to solve.
I do think I have some executive function-related difficulties around this but don't have the first idea how to start to address those.
Please share your secrets as to how you make this just a normal part of life and not some sort of spectre that hangs over you.
I came here to post something very similar to Blue Jello Elf. I've always been terrible about accumulating clutter. But I've recently discovered that cleaning my studio space for exactly 10 minutes -- no more, no less -- works like magic.
I've realized that clutter stresses me out, and my reflex is to avoid dealing with it in order to avoid the stress. When I know I only have to clean for 10 minutes, it's liberating. I don't feel trapped by the mess. Instead, I can just tackle a bite-sized piece of it.
It's actually amazing how much neater a space can look after just 10 minutes of cleaning. But it's really important that you (1) clean for the entire 10 minutes, and (2) stop cleaning after exactly 10 minutes. Keeping those boundaries in place is what makes this method work.
posted by Artifice_Eternity at 9:59 AM on March 13, 2023 [19 favorites]
I've realized that clutter stresses me out, and my reflex is to avoid dealing with it in order to avoid the stress. When I know I only have to clean for 10 minutes, it's liberating. I don't feel trapped by the mess. Instead, I can just tackle a bite-sized piece of it.
It's actually amazing how much neater a space can look after just 10 minutes of cleaning. But it's really important that you (1) clean for the entire 10 minutes, and (2) stop cleaning after exactly 10 minutes. Keeping those boundaries in place is what makes this method work.
posted by Artifice_Eternity at 9:59 AM on March 13, 2023 [19 favorites]
(Adding: I do occasionally plan a longer cleaning session -- again, with a set duration -- when I know I have a lot to do. It can be helpful to review the clutter and estimate how much you can tackle in a given amount of time. That was difficult for me to do at first, but got easier as I got more accustomed to this approach. )
posted by Artifice_Eternity at 10:02 AM on March 13, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by Artifice_Eternity at 10:02 AM on March 13, 2023 [1 favorite]
Is there something you can pair with tidying that you enjoy? I listen to podcasts and tv shows (things I’ve seen before and can enjoy just listening to) while I clean and it helps get me over the “I’m cozy on the couch and I don’t wanna” barrier. Once you get into more of a groove with the daily tidying you may find you have more mental/emotional space to look for solutions for some of the things that bug you most about your small space (not saying it’s all solveable, but maybe there are ways to make some things work better for you).
posted by lomes at 10:11 AM on March 13, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by lomes at 10:11 AM on March 13, 2023 [4 favorites]
Maybe try spending some time thinking more structurally! A big thing that’s been helping me with this is finding ways to organize my spaces to help them stay more put together naturally. It can be hard in a small space! but I bet there are still some top level organizational things you could implement to make your life happier with a little creativity. Japanese apartment YouTube can be nice for that. :)
posted by Gymnopedist at 10:11 AM on March 13, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by Gymnopedist at 10:11 AM on March 13, 2023 [1 favorite]
+1 some kind of regular daily tidying routine. I wash dishes and put things where they need to go for 10-15 minutes as the first step in my bedtime routine.
Also, I have lived in a tidy 190 sq ft apartment (I did store a large framed print and a medium-sized box in a friend's basement since it was a ~year situation). It is so much easier to keep things tidy when you have less stuff, and it reduces executive-function drains like choosing what to wear / use. Having less stuff also means that your apartment actually looks tidy when you're done, which is reinforcing the behavior, versus cleaning and it still kind of looks like a tip, which makes the whole thing feel hopeless.
+1 Japanese apartment YouTube, but they do tend to go for overly-complex storage, IMO.
posted by momus_window at 10:15 AM on March 13, 2023 [2 favorites]
Also, I have lived in a tidy 190 sq ft apartment (I did store a large framed print and a medium-sized box in a friend's basement since it was a ~year situation). It is so much easier to keep things tidy when you have less stuff, and it reduces executive-function drains like choosing what to wear / use. Having less stuff also means that your apartment actually looks tidy when you're done, which is reinforcing the behavior, versus cleaning and it still kind of looks like a tip, which makes the whole thing feel hopeless.
+1 Japanese apartment YouTube, but they do tend to go for overly-complex storage, IMO.
posted by momus_window at 10:15 AM on March 13, 2023 [2 favorites]
The game changer for me was seeing cleaning as self-care. I know it sounds like positivity-woo, but it's what worked for me. I try to do a cleaning round after dinner before I settle in for the night, and I do a bigger push on Thursday nights so that I have a nice place for the weekend.
For your example of not being able to relax during dinner, maybe set yourself a cleaning alarm for when you'd finish a leisurely dinner and remind yourself you have time scheduled for cleaning up later.
posted by Narrow Harbor at 10:17 AM on March 13, 2023 [4 favorites]
For your example of not being able to relax during dinner, maybe set yourself a cleaning alarm for when you'd finish a leisurely dinner and remind yourself you have time scheduled for cleaning up later.
posted by Narrow Harbor at 10:17 AM on March 13, 2023 [4 favorites]
I live alone and have similar demands on my time (and need for a tidy space), and generally I just do dishes while I'm eating whatever I just prepared over the sink. Not the most civilized situation admittedly, but it works for my adhd brain. I'll often spend a few minutes vacuuming or dusting or whatever while I have my morning coffee too, it kind of helps wake me up before I try to something real like start my work day.
Also, this isn't for everyone, but as folks have said above having drastically less stuff is a really great solution. I own 4 plates and 2 bowls, so even if I stop doing dishes for a day there's only so far things can go.
posted by justjess at 10:20 AM on March 13, 2023 [4 favorites]
Also, this isn't for everyone, but as folks have said above having drastically less stuff is a really great solution. I own 4 plates and 2 bowls, so even if I stop doing dishes for a day there's only so far things can go.
posted by justjess at 10:20 AM on March 13, 2023 [4 favorites]
If I have a big mess and no time to attend to it all at once, I pick up one item from it each day. I am allowed up to 2 items maximum to avoid getting sucked in.
posted by Emmy Rae at 10:25 AM on March 13, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by Emmy Rae at 10:25 AM on March 13, 2023 [1 favorite]
In a similar vein to Emmy Rae's suggestion and the 10 minutes suggestion, I do quite well with a little chant of "just six things". When you're staring hopelessly at a mess (or more likely side-eyeing it while trying to pretend it's not there, while also feeling fed up of having it in your space), pick up and put away just six things. No more, no less.
Then you can walk away. Or if it feels OK, you can possibly pick up a second lot of six things, then walk away.
Now, on occasion, this is like putting a car into first gear to get it started and you find that, before you know it, you've kind of tidied up the whole lot without it feeling especially onerous. But that doesn't always happen, and you must never go into it with the expectation that it will - it's just a bonus. your main goal is Just Six Things.
posted by penguin pie at 10:31 AM on March 13, 2023 [3 favorites]
Then you can walk away. Or if it feels OK, you can possibly pick up a second lot of six things, then walk away.
Now, on occasion, this is like putting a car into first gear to get it started and you find that, before you know it, you've kind of tidied up the whole lot without it feeling especially onerous. But that doesn't always happen, and you must never go into it with the expectation that it will - it's just a bonus. your main goal is Just Six Things.
posted by penguin pie at 10:31 AM on March 13, 2023 [3 favorites]
I spent years and years in studio apartments with varying levels of storage, so I feel you on just plain not having enough space, no matter what. Extreme minimalism is always touted as the solution for those spaces, but it's not always practical or appealing, and it has tradeoffs that people don't really address. For example, if you AREN'T going to have a large selection of clothes, then you have to do a ton of laundry, which might cost more than you can really afford, or create its own clutter and stress. It's really frustrating and hard to tackle, so please don't beat yourself up for not solving this particular Rubik's cube yet!
As someone with a demanding job and some other competing time-sucks (some voluntary, some not), rather than "clean as I go," I tend to make lists and assign the tasks out to different days/times. I have a whiteboard where I write these down, and it's satisfying to erase them when they're done. Plus, it means I only have to do 1 or 2 things a day (or maybe none on a weekend).
I cook and eat with a sense of tension knowing that I cannot relax and enjoy any of it because the clearing awaits at the end of it all. So I end up just saying fuck it and deciding not to clear at all.
Wild thought: what if instead of deciding not to clear you decided not to COOK? Can you dedicate some days of the week to snack-style meals or reheated leftovers, where all you need to clear up is your plate and utensil?
I do not have the space for a bigger bookcase or a bigger closet, I do not have enough space to hang my laundry out to dry so I end up hanging it over all available bits of furniture.
First suggestion would be to buy one or two folding drying racks. This will keep your laundry in one place and stow away (under bed, couch, or just folded against the wall) whenever not in use. Second: is there anything you can do to make your current closets and bookshelves more effective? Adding shelves and bins to a closet can help enormously. Using baskets on the bookshelves to contain small fiddly clutter, likewise.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 10:34 AM on March 13, 2023 [2 favorites]
As someone with a demanding job and some other competing time-sucks (some voluntary, some not), rather than "clean as I go," I tend to make lists and assign the tasks out to different days/times. I have a whiteboard where I write these down, and it's satisfying to erase them when they're done. Plus, it means I only have to do 1 or 2 things a day (or maybe none on a weekend).
I cook and eat with a sense of tension knowing that I cannot relax and enjoy any of it because the clearing awaits at the end of it all. So I end up just saying fuck it and deciding not to clear at all.
Wild thought: what if instead of deciding not to clear you decided not to COOK? Can you dedicate some days of the week to snack-style meals or reheated leftovers, where all you need to clear up is your plate and utensil?
I do not have the space for a bigger bookcase or a bigger closet, I do not have enough space to hang my laundry out to dry so I end up hanging it over all available bits of furniture.
First suggestion would be to buy one or two folding drying racks. This will keep your laundry in one place and stow away (under bed, couch, or just folded against the wall) whenever not in use. Second: is there anything you can do to make your current closets and bookshelves more effective? Adding shelves and bins to a closet can help enormously. Using baskets on the bookshelves to contain small fiddly clutter, likewise.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 10:34 AM on March 13, 2023 [2 favorites]
I have had a lot of luck with activities that are a lot of fun but which have waiting periods in them. A good example is gaming. In Minecraft there is a day and night cycle and the during the night the monsters come out. You can't safely do anything, so you race back to your little bunker when the sun is about to set and then you have to sit there and wait until dawn before you can emerge to play again. Ten minutes of playing, ten minutes of waiting, an endless cycle. The ten minutes of waiting is a perfect time to do chores. I am quite happy to clean the kitchen and work through a backlog of dishes.
There are several games that can be used this way if you are a gamer. If you are not, there are still plenty of activities that require you to wait before you can resume them. Cooking is a natural one. You put the butter in the pan, and while it heats you put the dishes ready by the sink. You put the onions in the pan and wash yesterdays pot and steamer. You stir the onions, and wash the colander and put the milk glasses to soak. You stir the onions and put the pork chop into the pan and then go wash the milk glasses.
This kind of a rhythm gets you through task without much pain. Of course if you are spending the two and a half minutes between stirring the onions on your phone, or doing something else like that, you'll resent not getting to check your mentions. Your problem with cleaning as you go could actually be that you don't have time to clean because you are over scheduled, or because you are dealing with anxiety by doom scrolling, and fill any spare moment with activities that momentarily reduce your anxiety, but leave you unable to deal with empty space and a chance for the rumination to creep in.
posted by Jane the Brown at 10:37 AM on March 13, 2023 [8 favorites]
There are several games that can be used this way if you are a gamer. If you are not, there are still plenty of activities that require you to wait before you can resume them. Cooking is a natural one. You put the butter in the pan, and while it heats you put the dishes ready by the sink. You put the onions in the pan and wash yesterdays pot and steamer. You stir the onions, and wash the colander and put the milk glasses to soak. You stir the onions and put the pork chop into the pan and then go wash the milk glasses.
This kind of a rhythm gets you through task without much pain. Of course if you are spending the two and a half minutes between stirring the onions on your phone, or doing something else like that, you'll resent not getting to check your mentions. Your problem with cleaning as you go could actually be that you don't have time to clean because you are over scheduled, or because you are dealing with anxiety by doom scrolling, and fill any spare moment with activities that momentarily reduce your anxiety, but leave you unable to deal with empty space and a chance for the rumination to creep in.
posted by Jane the Brown at 10:37 AM on March 13, 2023 [8 favorites]
Seconding podcasts or TV shows. But for me, that's less about using something I actively enjoy as an incentive to do something dull, and more about giving my brain a narrative to glom onto so that it's not getting inconveniently emotional about the situation (which leads to panic and meltdowns, which in turn lead to giving up and also hating myself).
I should add that I absolutely do not have this problem solved - I also have less space than I need for my possessions, no realistic pathway to a larger home, very little scope for adding more storage space within the existing one, a not-great work-life balance, and executive functioning issues. I just happen to have a viable workaround for that one single part of the problem.
posted by ManyLeggedCreature at 10:38 AM on March 13, 2023 [1 favorite]
I should add that I absolutely do not have this problem solved - I also have less space than I need for my possessions, no realistic pathway to a larger home, very little scope for adding more storage space within the existing one, a not-great work-life balance, and executive functioning issues. I just happen to have a viable workaround for that one single part of the problem.
posted by ManyLeggedCreature at 10:38 AM on March 13, 2023 [1 favorite]
I'm in basically the same situation as you, except my cleaners come every week instead of every two.
And, let my tell you, having a hard deadline every Wednesday at 3pm (or even that morning if I'm going to the office ) of making sure the house is "pre-tidied" before they show up is a great motivator. Sometimes I am finishing up as they they are ringing the bell, and other times I get it 90% done the night before. But since it has to get done by a certain time (otherwise, our stuff will get put away, and since we aren't paying them enough to think hard where to put it, it might as well just be put into a black hole because we'll never think to look for things in their new homes, lol), it always gets done.
posted by Back At It Again At Krispy Kreme at 10:38 AM on March 13, 2023 [1 favorite]
And, let my tell you, having a hard deadline every Wednesday at 3pm (or even that morning if I'm going to the office ) of making sure the house is "pre-tidied" before they show up is a great motivator. Sometimes I am finishing up as they they are ringing the bell, and other times I get it 90% done the night before. But since it has to get done by a certain time (otherwise, our stuff will get put away, and since we aren't paying them enough to think hard where to put it, it might as well just be put into a black hole because we'll never think to look for things in their new homes, lol), it always gets done.
posted by Back At It Again At Krispy Kreme at 10:38 AM on March 13, 2023 [1 favorite]
One thing that totally fucks me when I'm tidying is when I pick up something that belongs in another room, then I go in the other room, and suddenly there's a whole other room that needs to be tidied, and I can't put thing down because the place it goes has thing in it from some other room etc etc and my brain just locks up with things being pushed onto the to-tidy stack and I just finally freak out standing there with things in my hands and no idea how to deal with them.
The only way I've found to beat this is to pick up a basket or shopping bag and when I'm in room A if I need to put something in some other room, I put it in the basket instead, then I can keep working on room A until perhaps the basket is full. Then I go to the room with the most basket items in it and dump out the basket and start again, hopefully putting away items that I brought in and making finding things to put in other rooms in the basket.
I may get to three rooms before I lock up with that method, but it's a lot farther than I'd get before.
posted by seanmpuckett at 10:56 AM on March 13, 2023 [9 favorites]
The only way I've found to beat this is to pick up a basket or shopping bag and when I'm in room A if I need to put something in some other room, I put it in the basket instead, then I can keep working on room A until perhaps the basket is full. Then I go to the room with the most basket items in it and dump out the basket and start again, hopefully putting away items that I brought in and making finding things to put in other rooms in the basket.
I may get to three rooms before I lock up with that method, but it's a lot farther than I'd get before.
posted by seanmpuckett at 10:56 AM on March 13, 2023 [9 favorites]
It truly is amazing what you can get done in 10 minutes. I strongly recommend the timer method.
A few other things that work for me (but I'm 100% still a work in progress) are these mottos:
--"Don't put it down ; put it AWAY."
--Which is very closely related to "a place for everything and everything in its place". You really have to find a home for everything. Even if it's just "all paperwork goes in this bankers box under my bed until I have time to sort otherwise.
--Most importantly: "don't let perfect be the enemy of good." Meaning: Maybe you can't do a perfect job, but if you can get it 80% better than it was, that still makes a huge difference.
posted by hydra77 at 10:58 AM on March 13, 2023 [5 favorites]
A few other things that work for me (but I'm 100% still a work in progress) are these mottos:
--"Don't put it down ; put it AWAY."
--Which is very closely related to "a place for everything and everything in its place". You really have to find a home for everything. Even if it's just "all paperwork goes in this bankers box under my bed until I have time to sort otherwise.
--Most importantly: "don't let perfect be the enemy of good." Meaning: Maybe you can't do a perfect job, but if you can get it 80% better than it was, that still makes a huge difference.
posted by hydra77 at 10:58 AM on March 13, 2023 [5 favorites]
Because I start the day with a better/clearer mindset if I wake up to a tidy home, I always try to spend 10 minutes at the end of the day just tidying up before I go to bed, bc it's a mostly mindless activity I can do when I'm tired. 5 minutes washing the dishes, then 5 minutes folding the sofa blanket and putting the pillows back and putting dirty clothes in the hamper and shoes back in the closet, then a minute wiping down high-use surfaces (kitchen, desk, coffee table) etc. Have it piggyback onto another chore you do at the end of the night (like brushing teeth) so you trick your mind into thinking 'it's time to brush my teeth AND tidy up before bed'.
posted by greta simone at 11:00 AM on March 13, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by greta simone at 11:00 AM on March 13, 2023 [2 favorites]
I like cleaning the bathroom, because it's an enclosed space and thus achievable. I have a much harder time cleaning the rest of the apartment because it's too easy to take thing A to place B, and then notice all the things in Place B that need work, which goes into Place C... and then it's overwhelming and unending. So I try and break up tasks into smaller components. For example: I have functional but decorative baskets in each area, so cleaning Area A means tidying and putting everything that doesn't belong there into the basket. Then the area is clean. The next task is emptying the basket, and that can wait this can wait until you have another block of time if needed.
In the kitchen, this could look like getting a dish bin that all the dirty dishes go into. Then the task of clearing up the cooking dishes is done, it doesn't interfere with the cooking by taking up the sink, and the kitchen can look tidy. The task of cleaning the dishes can happen after dinner. Or whenever. I really try to separate what I should do with how things work best for my brain.
posted by platypus of the universe at 11:06 AM on March 13, 2023 [1 favorite]
In the kitchen, this could look like getting a dish bin that all the dirty dishes go into. Then the task of clearing up the cooking dishes is done, it doesn't interfere with the cooking by taking up the sink, and the kitchen can look tidy. The task of cleaning the dishes can happen after dinner. Or whenever. I really try to separate what I should do with how things work best for my brain.
posted by platypus of the universe at 11:06 AM on March 13, 2023 [1 favorite]
I'm a big fan of "Unfuck Your Habitat" which you can find on FB, tik-tok, Instagram, Patreon, and also she published a book. My biggest takeaway from her is to work a 20+10 -- which is 20 minutes of tidying + a mandatory rest of at least 10 minutes. And if that's all you can do, you stop there. So you never get into the vibe of OMG I HAVE TO CLEAN EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW and it all becomes massively overwhelming.
So I put on some music or a podcast, and I can totally knock out 20 minutes, because 20 minutes just isn't all that long. And when the timer goes off, I can stop.
posted by BlahLaLa at 11:31 AM on March 13, 2023 [2 favorites]
So I put on some music or a podcast, and I can totally knock out 20 minutes, because 20 minutes just isn't all that long. And when the timer goes off, I can stop.
posted by BlahLaLa at 11:31 AM on March 13, 2023 [2 favorites]
This is not a personal failing if you literally do not have the space to put everything you need away, so please stop thinking of it as one.
Yes to drying racks, that will at least give the clothes a space to be.
I have spent many years in a loft-style apartment where I can see everything I own at all times and it's maddening for sure. I have a lot more dressers/armoires/shelving bins than the average person. This helps, more things have places to be.
A thing I did last year was get some under-bed and closet storage bags and just pack away all but the most essential clothing. So what I do wear has space on the bedroom garment rack + 2 dressers (this holds shockingly little clothing). A lot ends up on the drying rack. At least it's not all over the house, I do not fold laundry that often, honestly.
I feel you on the living space that's not suited to your needs, I am in that boat, too. I have a lot packed away, tetris-ed in the closet.
Also, a lived-in space tends to be kind of cluttery. On top of this, you are paying cleaners so you know that keeping a house clean is valuable labor. You do not have the time or energy to do your job and also the second job of maintaining an above-average-ly clean home. Please be kind to yourself.
posted by jeweled accumulation at 11:59 AM on March 13, 2023 [4 favorites]
Yes to drying racks, that will at least give the clothes a space to be.
I have spent many years in a loft-style apartment where I can see everything I own at all times and it's maddening for sure. I have a lot more dressers/armoires/shelving bins than the average person. This helps, more things have places to be.
A thing I did last year was get some under-bed and closet storage bags and just pack away all but the most essential clothing. So what I do wear has space on the bedroom garment rack + 2 dressers (this holds shockingly little clothing). A lot ends up on the drying rack. At least it's not all over the house, I do not fold laundry that often, honestly.
I feel you on the living space that's not suited to your needs, I am in that boat, too. I have a lot packed away, tetris-ed in the closet.
Also, a lived-in space tends to be kind of cluttery. On top of this, you are paying cleaners so you know that keeping a house clean is valuable labor. You do not have the time or energy to do your job and also the second job of maintaining an above-average-ly clean home. Please be kind to yourself.
posted by jeweled accumulation at 11:59 AM on March 13, 2023 [4 favorites]
Would it help to schedule short daily cleaning sessions? Say, at 9pm every night you spend a few minutes loading the dishwasher and general picking up. That way you can continue to not worry about it every day, but also not let it become big and overwhelming?
posted by rabbitrabbit at 12:20 PM on March 13, 2023
posted by rabbitrabbit at 12:20 PM on March 13, 2023
I highly recommend Unfuck Your Habitat (website and book) for starting to learn how to think about cleaning (and also literally how to do the tasks, for things you may not have ever learned), plus it is cognizant of neurodiversity, disability, and gender bullshit.
But agreed with everyone else that the bottom line is a timer. You will not believe until you see it HOW MUCH YOU CAN GET DONE IN 5 MINUTES. And then you kinda have to work through the shame spiral from that and just decide no shame, this is actually super cool. Given what you can do in 5, you may even find yourself doing a breezy 15 no sweat since you're on a roll.
This is a thing that just literally only gets done putting one foot in front of the other, ON a regular basis, NOT waiting to "feel like it" because that day will never come. I recommend lightly dipping into (but don't rabbit-hole) youtube videos about cleaning FOR people with ADHD because whether you are diagnosed or not if you are having this kind of struggle with cleaning you probably at the very least have thought patterns about cleaning and maintenance that are very similar to us.
And I highly recommend a two-prong reward system for doing the thing, on a regular basis, not waiting to feel like it: first an actual treat of some sort (doesn't have to be food, can be content or extra playtime for whatever constitutes play for you), but also stand back and ENJOY the thing you just cleaned. Doesn't matter if it was one corner of the bathroom counter, stand there super proud of yourself for making it so nice, because you want to encourage that dopamine ping and also rewrite the shame stuff. No shame for not doing it, but big pride for doing it. It IS actually its own reward, in reduced chaos and being able to find things and having room to work, in clothes and bedding that suffer less poor-handling damage, in things you don't have to replace because you "lost" them.
A lot of us with executive function issues, or adhd, find that a rolled-in distraction like a podcast or audiobook is VITAL to being able to focus out of the corner of one's eye, so to speak, on the cleaning work.
As far as an actual process, mine is:
Either Trash out first or Dishes to sink first, depending on which is most in the way
Then the other thing from above
Take the things that don't belong and put them in the place they belong
Find/make homes for everything that should be in that place; put the things there
Beyond that, look for efficiencies you can roll in. If you generate a lot of recycling at your desk (soda-drinker, you open the mail/packages there, etc) put a recycling container by your desk. Try not to walk from one room to another empty-handed, always check for things that need teleportation - if you're going to the fridge take your dishes/cans, if you're going to the bathroom there's probably something along the way that needs to be put back in there.
Put laundry hampers where you need them, make a place to hang re-wearable clothes in the bathroom or wherever you tend to undress. Put a tiny plastic mesh wastebasket in the bathroom so that wet washcloths* can be draped over the side immediately after use and then tipped into the container 12/24 hours later when they're dry. You mention a drying rack but also being in a small space that doesn't really serve your needs - could you put up a clothing rack to take advantage of vertical space? Can you wall-mount a pull-down rack?
Don't do ALL the cleaning at the end of the day. Do 10 minutes in the morning before coffee, and 3 minutes of that can be a swoop of dirty laundry into the hamper, any dirty dishes/trash from the bedroom taken to the kitchen, and wipe out the sink and dust the toilet after you brush your teeth. When you're about to start work at home or leave for work, take out a trash bag as you leave or take 5 pre-work minutes to tidy your desk. If you work from home, wedge a couple of 5-ers into your day just on the premise of needing to stand up and move around. If you're coming home from work, keep moving for an extra 10 minutes when you walk through the door, then change and put away your work clothes, have a bit of a rest, and then take 5 to do a quick tidy before making dinner, watch a little TV and then take another 5 to clean up from making dinner. Chip away at it in nearly-unnoticeable tiny batches of work.
*Buy 20 gray washcloths, or 40 if you use them to clean your face too. Once a day, wet a washcloth or grab a bottle of spray cleaner and wipe down all your sinks, the accessible parts of counters, and dust the toilet. Throw the washcloth over the edge of the little wastebasket so it'll dry without molding. Run the brush around the toilet (you've got cleaners doing the big clean, all you have to do is maintain with a quick swish).
Once you're doing the super low-level stuff frequently enough that you often have cleared spaces, your desire for more clear spaces will grow, and you'll also have enough brain bandwidth to consider limited ways in which you might be more minimalist knowing that right know your space doesn't really meet your needs. When your laundry is getting done frequently enough that you routinely have clean clothes to wear, the stuff you don't really like and rarely wear will start to stick out as toss-able. You will also start to reap the benefits of correctly putting things away instead of scattered/piled, you will be able to think of ways to more efficiently store them.
posted by Lyn Never at 12:26 PM on March 13, 2023 [1 favorite]
But agreed with everyone else that the bottom line is a timer. You will not believe until you see it HOW MUCH YOU CAN GET DONE IN 5 MINUTES. And then you kinda have to work through the shame spiral from that and just decide no shame, this is actually super cool. Given what you can do in 5, you may even find yourself doing a breezy 15 no sweat since you're on a roll.
This is a thing that just literally only gets done putting one foot in front of the other, ON a regular basis, NOT waiting to "feel like it" because that day will never come. I recommend lightly dipping into (but don't rabbit-hole) youtube videos about cleaning FOR people with ADHD because whether you are diagnosed or not if you are having this kind of struggle with cleaning you probably at the very least have thought patterns about cleaning and maintenance that are very similar to us.
And I highly recommend a two-prong reward system for doing the thing, on a regular basis, not waiting to feel like it: first an actual treat of some sort (doesn't have to be food, can be content or extra playtime for whatever constitutes play for you), but also stand back and ENJOY the thing you just cleaned. Doesn't matter if it was one corner of the bathroom counter, stand there super proud of yourself for making it so nice, because you want to encourage that dopamine ping and also rewrite the shame stuff. No shame for not doing it, but big pride for doing it. It IS actually its own reward, in reduced chaos and being able to find things and having room to work, in clothes and bedding that suffer less poor-handling damage, in things you don't have to replace because you "lost" them.
A lot of us with executive function issues, or adhd, find that a rolled-in distraction like a podcast or audiobook is VITAL to being able to focus out of the corner of one's eye, so to speak, on the cleaning work.
As far as an actual process, mine is:
Either Trash out first or Dishes to sink first, depending on which is most in the way
Then the other thing from above
Take the things that don't belong and put them in the place they belong
Find/make homes for everything that should be in that place; put the things there
Beyond that, look for efficiencies you can roll in. If you generate a lot of recycling at your desk (soda-drinker, you open the mail/packages there, etc) put a recycling container by your desk. Try not to walk from one room to another empty-handed, always check for things that need teleportation - if you're going to the fridge take your dishes/cans, if you're going to the bathroom there's probably something along the way that needs to be put back in there.
Put laundry hampers where you need them, make a place to hang re-wearable clothes in the bathroom or wherever you tend to undress. Put a tiny plastic mesh wastebasket in the bathroom so that wet washcloths* can be draped over the side immediately after use and then tipped into the container 12/24 hours later when they're dry. You mention a drying rack but also being in a small space that doesn't really serve your needs - could you put up a clothing rack to take advantage of vertical space? Can you wall-mount a pull-down rack?
Don't do ALL the cleaning at the end of the day. Do 10 minutes in the morning before coffee, and 3 minutes of that can be a swoop of dirty laundry into the hamper, any dirty dishes/trash from the bedroom taken to the kitchen, and wipe out the sink and dust the toilet after you brush your teeth. When you're about to start work at home or leave for work, take out a trash bag as you leave or take 5 pre-work minutes to tidy your desk. If you work from home, wedge a couple of 5-ers into your day just on the premise of needing to stand up and move around. If you're coming home from work, keep moving for an extra 10 minutes when you walk through the door, then change and put away your work clothes, have a bit of a rest, and then take 5 to do a quick tidy before making dinner, watch a little TV and then take another 5 to clean up from making dinner. Chip away at it in nearly-unnoticeable tiny batches of work.
*Buy 20 gray washcloths, or 40 if you use them to clean your face too. Once a day, wet a washcloth or grab a bottle of spray cleaner and wipe down all your sinks, the accessible parts of counters, and dust the toilet. Throw the washcloth over the edge of the little wastebasket so it'll dry without molding. Run the brush around the toilet (you've got cleaners doing the big clean, all you have to do is maintain with a quick swish).
Once you're doing the super low-level stuff frequently enough that you often have cleared spaces, your desire for more clear spaces will grow, and you'll also have enough brain bandwidth to consider limited ways in which you might be more minimalist knowing that right know your space doesn't really meet your needs. When your laundry is getting done frequently enough that you routinely have clean clothes to wear, the stuff you don't really like and rarely wear will start to stick out as toss-able. You will also start to reap the benefits of correctly putting things away instead of scattered/piled, you will be able to think of ways to more efficiently store them.
posted by Lyn Never at 12:26 PM on March 13, 2023 [1 favorite]
Read How to keep house while drowning, which is entirely about staying on top of things while facing executive function challenges like ADHD, being exhausted from work / parenting, etc. A big part of it is not actually about cleaning at all, but helping you disentangle the actual act of cleaning from self-talk like “why can’t I keep my house clean” and “everyone else has a much easier time cleaning than me”. I found it helpful both in terms of concrete cleaning advice, and in letting go of some unhelpful expectations about what “clean and tidy” looks like when you only have a very limited amount of cleaning energy available to you.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 12:31 PM on March 13, 2023 [13 favorites]
posted by Jon Mitchell at 12:31 PM on March 13, 2023 [13 favorites]
I am also an untidy person who is terrible at putting things away as I use them. Three things that have helped: 1. rather than 'tidy for 10 minutes' I make myself put away 10 items. Takes less time and effort but still helps. I still find it boring and tedious though. 2. Listening to a good podcast while I tidy / do boring chores. 3. Prioritize a clean kitchen. This comes more naturally to me because I find dirty dishes and counters unhygienic unlike laundry on the floor and papers left around which look messy but aren't going to get moldy or attract bugs. I've also lived in old apartments where mice could be a problem so am wary of crumbs etc.
Anyhow, the struggle is real!
posted by emd3737 at 12:33 PM on March 13, 2023 [1 favorite]
Anyhow, the struggle is real!
posted by emd3737 at 12:33 PM on March 13, 2023 [1 favorite]
Seconding the suggestion of How to Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis. It's a very short book that is designed to let you make it even shorter by skipping selected chapters. As an audio book, the whole thing runs 3 hours.
What I really like about it is the great balance of practical tips and its empathetic -- but not syrupy -- supportive perspective. For example, check the first video on her resources page (also on YouTube) to learn about the 5 Things tidying method: "How do you pick up a room when you’re too overwhelmed to breathe? By remembering there are only 5 things in any room 1. Trash 2. Dishes 3. Laundry 4. Things with a place and 5. Things without a place. By cleaning in categories, it's easier to stay on task and avoid paralysis and overwhelm." In less that 4 minutes of sped-up video, you can see her successfully tackle a huge and super-cluttered suburban space where she's raising two small children and being supervised by at least two cats.
posted by maudlin at 1:10 PM on March 13, 2023 [3 favorites]
What I really like about it is the great balance of practical tips and its empathetic -- but not syrupy -- supportive perspective. For example, check the first video on her resources page (also on YouTube) to learn about the 5 Things tidying method: "How do you pick up a room when you’re too overwhelmed to breathe? By remembering there are only 5 things in any room 1. Trash 2. Dishes 3. Laundry 4. Things with a place and 5. Things without a place. By cleaning in categories, it's easier to stay on task and avoid paralysis and overwhelm." In less that 4 minutes of sped-up video, you can see her successfully tackle a huge and super-cluttered suburban space where she's raising two small children and being supervised by at least two cats.
posted by maudlin at 1:10 PM on March 13, 2023 [3 favorites]
Lots of great advice here, but since this is an unusually stressful and overwhelming time for you, I thought I'd also mention that professional declutterers are a thing! It's not a replacement for developing a better relationship with tidying, since you'll eventually have to take things out and then put them away again, but it might offer a baseline clean slate and remove some of the psychological heft of cleaning. I'm not sure how much it costs but vaguely remember it being less expensive than I expected when a friend used one.
posted by babelfish at 1:31 PM on March 13, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by babelfish at 1:31 PM on March 13, 2023 [1 favorite]
A fairly inexpensive set of Bluetooth can-style headphones has been a welcome addition to my cleaning routine. I'm able to stay with the audio better and not get distracted, and it keeps the brain weasels at bay when they're going at it.
If you have the space for a drying rack, I have one very similar to this that, while regrettably cheaply made, is where my drying clothes live until I can deal with them. It fits behind a door when folded flat. When I was in a drier climate than I'm in now, I could get away with a smaller one in the shower overnight.
If you have stuff that doesn't have a place, it's hard to tidy, and the stuff-to-space relationship is complicated. A few "placeless stuff" boxes really helped when I moved recently and was struggling with things being everywhere. I'm down to just a few now - and they're just cardboard shipping boxes, nothing pretty - while I don't love having them around, they do keeping me from tearing my hair out over clutter.
posted by EvaDestruction at 1:45 PM on March 13, 2023 [1 favorite]
If you have the space for a drying rack, I have one very similar to this that, while regrettably cheaply made, is where my drying clothes live until I can deal with them. It fits behind a door when folded flat. When I was in a drier climate than I'm in now, I could get away with a smaller one in the shower overnight.
If you have stuff that doesn't have a place, it's hard to tidy, and the stuff-to-space relationship is complicated. A few "placeless stuff" boxes really helped when I moved recently and was struggling with things being everywhere. I'm down to just a few now - and they're just cardboard shipping boxes, nothing pretty - while I don't love having them around, they do keeping me from tearing my hair out over clutter.
posted by EvaDestruction at 1:45 PM on March 13, 2023 [1 favorite]
Lots of good recommendations already, nth'ing ufyh and how to keep house while drowning.
Another good one is Clutterbug, the quiz is good. https://clutterbug.me/what-clutterbug-are-you-test basically do you need big or small categories in your storage and do you need to see it or hide it. (Especially as someone who shares a space with the opposite style person)
Meal prep can help batch the dishes and let you enjoy the meals later on.
posted by freethefeet at 3:00 PM on March 13, 2023
Another good one is Clutterbug, the quiz is good. https://clutterbug.me/what-clutterbug-are-you-test basically do you need big or small categories in your storage and do you need to see it or hide it. (Especially as someone who shares a space with the opposite style person)
Meal prep can help batch the dishes and let you enjoy the meals later on.
posted by freethefeet at 3:00 PM on March 13, 2023
My idea is so silly but it works for me sometimes and maybe you can add it to your toolkit.
When something has to be done, I think "how long will it take?" and then I think "if I could turn off my brain and have my body perform the required tasks, would I be willing to sacrifice the time required?" usually the answer is yes. So then I DO that. Think about the tasks you're going to do to "clean up after dinner" - just spend a minute thinking of what you'll do in what order, and then set the timer, slap on the headphones with music or podcasts and just execute the assigned programming.
I think it just reminds me that my body is going to do all the work but for some reason it's my brain that's stopping me. Well it doesn't really need to help, it's usually just distracting me anyways.
posted by euphoria066 at 3:01 PM on March 13, 2023 [3 favorites]
When something has to be done, I think "how long will it take?" and then I think "if I could turn off my brain and have my body perform the required tasks, would I be willing to sacrifice the time required?" usually the answer is yes. So then I DO that. Think about the tasks you're going to do to "clean up after dinner" - just spend a minute thinking of what you'll do in what order, and then set the timer, slap on the headphones with music or podcasts and just execute the assigned programming.
I think it just reminds me that my body is going to do all the work but for some reason it's my brain that's stopping me. Well it doesn't really need to help, it's usually just distracting me anyways.
posted by euphoria066 at 3:01 PM on March 13, 2023 [3 favorites]
I've lived in small apartments for my entire life and I am now nearly 50. I have never had a washing machine or dryer and my current rental has my very first dishwasher, which is roughly 20 years old and works about as well as you can expect. I have serious mental health issues, so keeping my home uncluttered can be a real challenge at times. The *only* thing that has worked long term for me is what I call the "container system."
The most essential element of the container system is that acquisitions must fit into the storage solution, container, or area that is designated for it, and the moment that containment is too small I must prune the contents. So, for example, I bought a nail polish storage container that holds like 48 bottles. I cannot acquire any more polish until I prune my collection. Ditto fountain pens, crafting supplies, stationery, books, kitchen appliances, dishware, clothing, etc.
To deal with the fact that I have a lot of hobbies and interests and very little space, I also have a general acquisition philosophy I call "sensible minimalism." For example, I am a single person who *rarely* entertains, so my dishware and silverware and mug sets are limited to 4 settings each. I don't drink so I have just a tiny set of wineglasses suitable for guests that will serve both reds and whites equally well. I have an instant pot and a separate slow cooker lid. My toaster and my airfryer are the same device. I have two sets of sheets--one that is on the bed and one that is in the dirty laundry. My bedding is set up so that I use the quilt in the spring and summer and the comforter in the winter, but they are all on the bed all the time--I just rotate which is spread out and which is folded up at the end of the bed.
And last but not least, the one task I make sure I do every single day is to go to bed with an empty kitchen sink. Cleaning and cooking can't happen when the sink is full of crap.
posted by MagnificentVacuum at 3:23 PM on March 13, 2023 [3 favorites]
The most essential element of the container system is that acquisitions must fit into the storage solution, container, or area that is designated for it, and the moment that containment is too small I must prune the contents. So, for example, I bought a nail polish storage container that holds like 48 bottles. I cannot acquire any more polish until I prune my collection. Ditto fountain pens, crafting supplies, stationery, books, kitchen appliances, dishware, clothing, etc.
To deal with the fact that I have a lot of hobbies and interests and very little space, I also have a general acquisition philosophy I call "sensible minimalism." For example, I am a single person who *rarely* entertains, so my dishware and silverware and mug sets are limited to 4 settings each. I don't drink so I have just a tiny set of wineglasses suitable for guests that will serve both reds and whites equally well. I have an instant pot and a separate slow cooker lid. My toaster and my airfryer are the same device. I have two sets of sheets--one that is on the bed and one that is in the dirty laundry. My bedding is set up so that I use the quilt in the spring and summer and the comforter in the winter, but they are all on the bed all the time--I just rotate which is spread out and which is folded up at the end of the bed.
And last but not least, the one task I make sure I do every single day is to go to bed with an empty kitchen sink. Cleaning and cooking can't happen when the sink is full of crap.
posted by MagnificentVacuum at 3:23 PM on March 13, 2023 [3 favorites]
Something that has really helped me reduce visual clutter is to attack the “visual” part rather than the “clutter” part. I put doors on my bookcases, and now they look like one object (“bookcase”) instead of like 100 objects (books, papers, legos, boxes, etc). I corralled all objects that sit out on surfaces onto trays, so now they also read as one object instead of many. I bought opaque boxes of many sizes (some decorative, some plain), and even when they have to sit shoved against a wall or beside the bed, they are still only one thing, even if their placement is not ideal.
Plus, once every object has a home (a place it returns to and lives after every time you use it), tidying is soooooo much easier and less stressful because it involves no decisions! Just put a thing where it goes, no thinking required. I cannot stress the massive difference this has made.
I also think I might clean-as-I-go a bit differently than you. When cooking, for instance, cleaning as I go means that I get out all the ingredients and tools I need, and then put them individually away as I use them. I don’t ever put anything back on the counter unless I will need to use it again. And whenever there is a spare moment during the cooking process (waiting for the soup to come to a boil, etc), I also use that time for cleaning or to get a jump start on the dishes. By the time I have finished “cooking,” there is usually not much cleaning and only a few dishes left for after the meal.
A few years ago I took the advice of someone on the green (can’t remember who, sorry!) and have mentally reframed tidying as “puttering.” I usually will be listening to a podcast, or daydreaming, or arguing with someone in my head, and just kind of roam/wander the apartment. I’ll fiddle with stuff that isn’t squared away, tidy loose objects, collect things for the laundry, maybe swipe at a bit of dust or wipe down a table, whatever. The point is I am mentally chilling/appreciating the space and just, like, futzing with my stuff. Sometimes I am just pacing out extra energy or get lost in my head and only end up putting one thing away, but the point is I am just spending happy time in my space. The puttering framing feels wayyyy better and more cosy than “I am going to do the Dread Clean now.” (Bonus: telling myself I am puttering makes me feel like a crotchety elder.)
Finally, I second that another huge help is plain doing less that makes a mess. If cooking is too tiring and overwhelming, eat convenience foods. If dishes are impossible, use disposable. Depending on your location, laundry service might be an option.
Take care! This is an endless and exhausting part of being a human, and you are not at all alone in struggling with it.
posted by CtrlAltDelete at 4:00 PM on March 13, 2023 [7 favorites]
Plus, once every object has a home (a place it returns to and lives after every time you use it), tidying is soooooo much easier and less stressful because it involves no decisions! Just put a thing where it goes, no thinking required. I cannot stress the massive difference this has made.
I also think I might clean-as-I-go a bit differently than you. When cooking, for instance, cleaning as I go means that I get out all the ingredients and tools I need, and then put them individually away as I use them. I don’t ever put anything back on the counter unless I will need to use it again. And whenever there is a spare moment during the cooking process (waiting for the soup to come to a boil, etc), I also use that time for cleaning or to get a jump start on the dishes. By the time I have finished “cooking,” there is usually not much cleaning and only a few dishes left for after the meal.
A few years ago I took the advice of someone on the green (can’t remember who, sorry!) and have mentally reframed tidying as “puttering.” I usually will be listening to a podcast, or daydreaming, or arguing with someone in my head, and just kind of roam/wander the apartment. I’ll fiddle with stuff that isn’t squared away, tidy loose objects, collect things for the laundry, maybe swipe at a bit of dust or wipe down a table, whatever. The point is I am mentally chilling/appreciating the space and just, like, futzing with my stuff. Sometimes I am just pacing out extra energy or get lost in my head and only end up putting one thing away, but the point is I am just spending happy time in my space. The puttering framing feels wayyyy better and more cosy than “I am going to do the Dread Clean now.” (Bonus: telling myself I am puttering makes me feel like a crotchety elder.)
Finally, I second that another huge help is plain doing less that makes a mess. If cooking is too tiring and overwhelming, eat convenience foods. If dishes are impossible, use disposable. Depending on your location, laundry service might be an option.
Take care! This is an endless and exhausting part of being a human, and you are not at all alone in struggling with it.
posted by CtrlAltDelete at 4:00 PM on March 13, 2023 [7 favorites]
Another issue is that I have a lot of stuff and a small apartment.
This isn't really another issue. This is the issue. It sounds like not everything has a place. No wonder tidying is so hard -- there's nowhere for things to go! I have struggled myself with having too many things for the space, and it makes it so much harder. And then visual clutter becomes mental and emotional clutter.
My kid is now struggling with that, as he wants his one bedroom to be a space for his desk, his bed, his clothes, his books, and his hobby, which takes up a fair amount of space. There's no magical solution for this.
Lately, what I've been doing when I don't have time to clean: I put lots of little piddly things into a box or other container, and then make enough of those to make my place feel tidy. That gives me some real needed visual rest. And then I slowly tackle the containers. It's pretty easy to let the containers pile up, so I have to make sure I don't just ignore them forever. But, when I ignore things long enough and eventually look through them, I often don't actually need that stuff and can get rid of it.
posted by bluedaisy at 4:17 PM on March 13, 2023 [1 favorite]
This isn't really another issue. This is the issue. It sounds like not everything has a place. No wonder tidying is so hard -- there's nowhere for things to go! I have struggled myself with having too many things for the space, and it makes it so much harder. And then visual clutter becomes mental and emotional clutter.
My kid is now struggling with that, as he wants his one bedroom to be a space for his desk, his bed, his clothes, his books, and his hobby, which takes up a fair amount of space. There's no magical solution for this.
Lately, what I've been doing when I don't have time to clean: I put lots of little piddly things into a box or other container, and then make enough of those to make my place feel tidy. That gives me some real needed visual rest. And then I slowly tackle the containers. It's pretty easy to let the containers pile up, so I have to make sure I don't just ignore them forever. But, when I ignore things long enough and eventually look through them, I often don't actually need that stuff and can get rid of it.
posted by bluedaisy at 4:17 PM on March 13, 2023 [1 favorite]
And here's a helpful article from the New York Times, which includes quotes from some of the folks mentioned throughout comments: "‘Depression Rooms’ and ‘Doom Piles’: Why Clearing the Clutter Can Feel Impossible"
posted by bluedaisy at 4:37 PM on March 13, 2023
posted by bluedaisy at 4:37 PM on March 13, 2023
Nthing How to Keep House While Drowning. I love her emphasis on cleaning and care tasks being morally neutral, because there can be so much shame and guilt in being untidy. I'm a naturally clutter-prone, pretty messy person. Here are two things that have helped me, and why:
Home organizer--I've had one mediocre experience and one great experience here, so I'd suggest getting a recommendation from someone you trust or doing a phone call to see if you're a good match. My great experience involved an organizer who combined the know-how of making spaces look less cluttered AND helping me figure out how to make my space work for me. So, for instance, when I mentioned some things I was hanging onto because they're fun or cute or sentimental, but I don't have a great way to use/display them, she helped me think through why I was keeping them, what's fine to keep in storage long-term (e.g., grief-related items I don't want to see every day), what I can use creatively (e.g., a set of tea cups became office/craft room storage), and what I don't actually want to keep but feel guilty getting rid of (e.g., a nice gadget I never ended up using).
Housecleaner--either for a big re-set, or recurring. I currently have someone come every two weeks. It's really helpful because I don't have to start from chaos, I can just maintain what's already tidy. I also have an incentive every two weeks to de-clutter because my cleaning person is great at cleaning, but if I leave clutter out it gets organized in the way that's most expedient for cleaning, not actually in the way that's most sustainable. I know regular housecleaning is a financial commitment, and that may not be an option for you, but even if that's the case, just having someone come once to do a reset might be worthwhile if that's financially accessible.
posted by theotherdurassister at 5:11 PM on March 13, 2023 [1 favorite]
Home organizer--I've had one mediocre experience and one great experience here, so I'd suggest getting a recommendation from someone you trust or doing a phone call to see if you're a good match. My great experience involved an organizer who combined the know-how of making spaces look less cluttered AND helping me figure out how to make my space work for me. So, for instance, when I mentioned some things I was hanging onto because they're fun or cute or sentimental, but I don't have a great way to use/display them, she helped me think through why I was keeping them, what's fine to keep in storage long-term (e.g., grief-related items I don't want to see every day), what I can use creatively (e.g., a set of tea cups became office/craft room storage), and what I don't actually want to keep but feel guilty getting rid of (e.g., a nice gadget I never ended up using).
Housecleaner--either for a big re-set, or recurring. I currently have someone come every two weeks. It's really helpful because I don't have to start from chaos, I can just maintain what's already tidy. I also have an incentive every two weeks to de-clutter because my cleaning person is great at cleaning, but if I leave clutter out it gets organized in the way that's most expedient for cleaning, not actually in the way that's most sustainable. I know regular housecleaning is a financial commitment, and that may not be an option for you, but even if that's the case, just having someone come once to do a reset might be worthwhile if that's financially accessible.
posted by theotherdurassister at 5:11 PM on March 13, 2023 [1 favorite]
I lived in exactly your situation: tiny flat, too much stuff for the space, a lot of internal angst about why I wasn’t able to get things in order, a long line of previous failed attempts. And then I read the Marie Kondo book cover to cover, took notes, did her method exactly as prescribed exactly one time, and succeeded to the point that I have never rebounded. The book is a gentle and quick read and you’ll feel like you have a path forward afterwards, I promise. Good luck.
posted by mdonley at 12:48 AM on March 14, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by mdonley at 12:48 AM on March 14, 2023 [2 favorites]
I love the idea of Unfuck Your Habitat but it didn't work for me. What has worked is the Tody app. It takes a little while to set up to your liking (and sometimes needs tweaking), but it is task based rather than time-based. I break down all my cleaning into individual tasks and set up different intervals for doing them. For example, "clean the bathroom" is too big and vague. "Clean the sink," "clean the mirror," "clean the toilet," etc. are all discrete tasks. The key is not to put them all on a seven day (or whatever) cycle so you do not end up doing the same set of tasks on certain days. Every day I will have a list of tasks pop up, I check them off, then I'm done for the day. I do have a few vague tasks on there like "tidy the living room," but I have given myself permission that as long as I have picked up a few things, I can check it off the list. I also have some bigger tasks that come up at longer intervals. Every four weeks the app tells me to clean/reorganize one shelf in a particular closet, which means I do not have to be concerned with any other shelves, just that one.
What I really like about this system is that I don't have to think about what I need to do that day, the app tells me, and for the vaguer things like "tidy the living room" I know that it will come back up in the rotation so I don't have to stress if I don't completely finish it. The other nice part is that the house stays cleaner overall. Instead of blitzing one room and then having the whole thing gradually get bad again, I'm working in different rooms every day.
posted by Preserver at 7:29 AM on March 14, 2023 [3 favorites]
What I really like about this system is that I don't have to think about what I need to do that day, the app tells me, and for the vaguer things like "tidy the living room" I know that it will come back up in the rotation so I don't have to stress if I don't completely finish it. The other nice part is that the house stays cleaner overall. Instead of blitzing one room and then having the whole thing gradually get bad again, I'm working in different rooms every day.
posted by Preserver at 7:29 AM on March 14, 2023 [3 favorites]
For whatever it's worth, I have less stuff than average and moved to a bigger home, and still struggle with mess.
I like Marie Kondo for making decisions about stuff and UFYH for carving out time. I also have a weekly punchlist that keeps things mostly under control - I might look into that Tody app for better scheduling.
posted by mersen at 8:31 AM on March 14, 2023
I like Marie Kondo for making decisions about stuff and UFYH for carving out time. I also have a weekly punchlist that keeps things mostly under control - I might look into that Tody app for better scheduling.
posted by mersen at 8:31 AM on March 14, 2023
You definitely need to declutter. Your place can literally never ever ever be tidy if there isn't space for your stuff. So you need more space or less stuff. "More space" is expensive to achieve.... "Less stuff" is free to achieve.
To declutter: Put on an upbeat song and declutter 3 items a day. Don't plan to donate or re-sell them. Just put them either straight into the trash, or right out onto the street for someone else to take (this is to avoid creating doom boxes). At the end of the year, that's 1100 items gone, which is an amazing start. Even small stuff is ok although the ultimate goal is big stuff. (Another option of the same thing is to declutter one trash bag of stuff per weekend).
To stay on top of mess: Put on an upbeat, energetic song you love, and tidy up for the duration of the song. When it's done, you're done.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 9:49 AM on March 14, 2023
To declutter: Put on an upbeat song and declutter 3 items a day. Don't plan to donate or re-sell them. Just put them either straight into the trash, or right out onto the street for someone else to take (this is to avoid creating doom boxes). At the end of the year, that's 1100 items gone, which is an amazing start. Even small stuff is ok although the ultimate goal is big stuff. (Another option of the same thing is to declutter one trash bag of stuff per weekend).
To stay on top of mess: Put on an upbeat, energetic song you love, and tidy up for the duration of the song. When it's done, you're done.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 9:49 AM on March 14, 2023
There’s already a ton of good advice here, so I will only add one thing: make yourself a landing strip. If you’re like most people, you come into your house with a certain numbers of things you are holding and tasks you do immediately. If you carry a purse, mask, or hat, put up hooks for them (command hooks are easy). If you take off your shoes, make sure there is a place by the door for those shoes . If you are bringing in the mail, make sure there is an ‘inbox’ or something like that for the mail to go, and/or a basket for magazines, and a hook or small bowl for your keys. I actually have a wall-mounted mailbox with hooks on it by the door for both adults. This looks much better than having those things on various random surfaces and the added benefit is that you don’t need to wonder where your keys/mask/purse are, and you don’t feel defeat3 as soon as you come in because you’ve just created a giant pile of mail on the table.
posted by bq at 11:57 AM on March 14, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by bq at 11:57 AM on March 14, 2023 [2 favorites]
Treating home care as self care was a big help to me.
I've lived in the same 425 square feet (on a good day) apartment for 36 years, for many years with one cat, and then with two cats. Really. I was in similar sized apartments for 10 years prior. Actually, one was the size of a camper. I was always like you as stated in your post. Once, I was trying to find something years ago, rummaged around, and broke a Waterford pedestal salt shaker that had been a gift. I did a lot of stuff like that. I got cited once and warned once.
I gradually changed my ways, including decluttering. I've been using a spreadsheet with task lists for daily, weekly, monthly, and quarterly tasks for 22 years now. I gamify it by checking off things and hiding the rows for a room completed. I established routines, which I refer to as "anchors." I decorated without spending a lot.
In 2016 I did Konmari to the absolute letter. I was in a Facebook group that did this also, and a larger FB group that ... did not always do this.
I would really start with that. Read TLCMOTU and Spark Joy. There are posts here on AskMe you can refer to. Keep in mind that KM is about what to keep.
I have not rebounded, and people in the former FB group I mentioned have not either. The key is a thorough, well-considered vision statement. It was genuinely life changing for me, and for others I was in contact with online.
I look around and am amazed. It has created such ease of living for me. If things get out of order, as they will during a periodic closet review or using tools or whatever, it takes nothing reset the place.
In the last few years I've been super fortunate to get a few pieces of new furniture and spend a bit on framing and generally refreshing rather than redoing the place. But I couldn't have done that without my anchors and KM. I was really gratified when a year or two ago a friend said, "Jgirl, do you ever look around your apartment and just say 'Ahhhh'?" Yes, I do!
While doing KM, you can use brief task lists from UFYH to clean. I can send you stuff if you like. Just start with the basics.
After KM, you can consider the exercise in this previous AskMe answer of mine.
Between my anchors and spreadsheets, KM, and that exercise, my life is worlds different.
Good luck, and enjoy it! MeMail if you like.
posted by jgirl at 4:13 PM on March 14, 2023 [2 favorites]
I've lived in the same 425 square feet (on a good day) apartment for 36 years, for many years with one cat, and then with two cats. Really. I was in similar sized apartments for 10 years prior. Actually, one was the size of a camper. I was always like you as stated in your post. Once, I was trying to find something years ago, rummaged around, and broke a Waterford pedestal salt shaker that had been a gift. I did a lot of stuff like that. I got cited once and warned once.
I gradually changed my ways, including decluttering. I've been using a spreadsheet with task lists for daily, weekly, monthly, and quarterly tasks for 22 years now. I gamify it by checking off things and hiding the rows for a room completed. I established routines, which I refer to as "anchors." I decorated without spending a lot.
In 2016 I did Konmari to the absolute letter. I was in a Facebook group that did this also, and a larger FB group that ... did not always do this.
I would really start with that. Read TLCMOTU and Spark Joy. There are posts here on AskMe you can refer to. Keep in mind that KM is about what to keep.
I have not rebounded, and people in the former FB group I mentioned have not either. The key is a thorough, well-considered vision statement. It was genuinely life changing for me, and for others I was in contact with online.
I look around and am amazed. It has created such ease of living for me. If things get out of order, as they will during a periodic closet review or using tools or whatever, it takes nothing reset the place.
In the last few years I've been super fortunate to get a few pieces of new furniture and spend a bit on framing and generally refreshing rather than redoing the place. But I couldn't have done that without my anchors and KM. I was really gratified when a year or two ago a friend said, "Jgirl, do you ever look around your apartment and just say 'Ahhhh'?" Yes, I do!
While doing KM, you can use brief task lists from UFYH to clean. I can send you stuff if you like. Just start with the basics.
After KM, you can consider the exercise in this previous AskMe answer of mine.
Between my anchors and spreadsheets, KM, and that exercise, my life is worlds different.
Good luck, and enjoy it! MeMail if you like.
posted by jgirl at 4:13 PM on March 14, 2023 [2 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by Blue Jello Elf at 9:53 AM on March 13, 2023 [10 favorites]