Why won’t I feed myself?
January 29, 2023 2:01 AM   Subscribe

I’m really hungry right now. I have ground beef in the fridge and I bought brioche hamburger buns and sliced sharp cheddar cheese the other day and I’m reading the news and MeFi with part of my mind running through explicit fantasies about opening the ground beef and splitting it in half and putting a patty into my George Forman grill which I’ll place to the right side of my sink while I put a bun in the toaster and can I melt the cheddar onto the burger somehow? My mouth is watering.

I have cereal in the cupboard and milk too, good enough for a Saturday first-thing-in-the-morning.

I just don’t do it and I don’t know why. For much of the lockdown I got Doordash deliveries every freaking day and I’d eat much or most of my food but leftovers would just get thrown out.

I’ve signed up for Hello Fresh a couple times (meal kit delivery) and I wind up overwhelmed by the amount of food. Last time it ended I threw away a bunch of stuff and I’’m about to do it again.

At TJs last week I bought whole-wheat spaghetti and sauce which I’d been fantasizing about for weeks, just performing the simple act of opening the package, sliding the pasta into the water, waiting 5 minutes and feeding myself. Have I done this? No, the spaghetti and sauce are still sitting on the counter.

On some level this feels like an eating disorder but I don’t have any concern about my weight and I don’t monitor it at all. I weigh a bit more than I’d like but it doesn’t affect my daily interactions.

Not eating affects my energy for everything- I make random excuses about not doing things because I’m too hungry to focus. I need to get some shit done and this isn’t helping.
posted by anonymous to Food & Drink (40 answers total) 44 users marked this as a favorite
 
Not to armchair diagnose or anything, but this is very textbook ADHD.
posted by creatrixtiara at 2:20 AM on January 29, 2023 [30 favorites]


Task initiation is a component of executive function, and for some people that one component can be wonky even if they're ok at the other components.

There could be other things going on for you (for example: is anticipating needing to do dishes afterwards a deterrent?) but I know this has been a thing for me.

It's totally OK to get snack food if this is an ongoing thing for you--I cook but I also try to buy things that I can snack on while still eating the way I want to nutritionally: cherry tomatoes, snap peas, raspberries, nuts, pieces of cheese, etc.
posted by needs more cowbell at 2:24 AM on January 29, 2023 [9 favorites]


Agreed that this might be a neurodivergence thing. I'm autistic and will sit and fantasise about foods I own and want to eat for several hours, until I'm so hungry I have no energy to make the fantasy food and end up making the quickest possible compromise food, which is always kind of a disappointment compared to the fantasy food.

Sometimes I find I can short-circuit the process by eating a small amount of very plain, salty food like crackers or tortilla chips, which reminds my body that eating food is good, actually and gives me enough of a short-term energy boost to get going with cooking.
posted by terretu at 2:36 AM on January 29, 2023 [20 favorites]


For me anxiety and depression are also factors when this happens.
posted by trig at 3:58 AM on January 29, 2023 [5 favorites]


I have to admit I buy food I don't prepare all the time. For me at least part of it is not that I am reluctant to start to prepare food (I quite enjoy cooking) but effort required to get to a point where I can prepare it. Because to my great shame, I end up in situations where the dishwasher is full of clean dishes that need putting away...for days. As a result the sink fills up with dirty dishes that need to go into the dishwasher...and there is stuff on the counter that would belong in the sink or dishwasher...so I can't start to prepare food before I empty the dishwasher so I can then fill and run it again. And I guess that is a lot less fun then cooking. Also, my cupboards are cluttered and some of my kitchen stuff is in desperate need of re-organising so everything has a good home so emptying the dishwasher is a reminder of lots of other stuff that needs doing.

There is also the fact that I'll buy fruit and veg that would require minimal 'prep' to eat such as washing it and sometimes cutting it up to portion it out but these very basic extra steps are real hurdles to getting things done.

So this morning, I made a point of emptying and filling the dishwasher whilst waiting for my expresso machine to make my coffee. This was to ensure I'd not have any 'reason' not to cook that pot of chilli I plan to eat this coming week and have bought ingredients for last night. If I start to do that there is an extremely high chance that the snack fruit and veg that has been sitting in the fridge for a week will also be washed, sliced and portioned out because I'm already washing and slicing things.

It turns out I am quite happy to take a portion of prepped stuff out of the fridge and eat it so once it is ready to eat, I tend to eat it, not waist.

So if you have any hurdles to stop you feeding yourself, figure out what they are.

And be realistic about what will/won't happen. I am looking at an 80+ hr work week this week. So as I was wondering round my supermarket I tried very hard to be realistic about how much time and effort i was going to be able to put into feeding myself. So a very simple to cook batch of chili, prepping the existing snack fruit and veg and supplementing that with tubs of yogurt, some ready to eat nut bars and babybel cheese is what I had to settle on.
posted by koahiatamadl at 4:38 AM on January 29, 2023 [12 favorites]


Other people are concentrating on the why (which is important and what you asked!) but can you tamp down your expectations some? I love to cook, am good at it, and have periods when I cannot cook and repeatedly look at the stuff in my fridge and pantry and just…can’t. Part of it for me is all the steps, part of it is the knowledge of cleanup, and part is I’m hungry now and my brain is affected by that. I make bad decisions when I’m hungry.

So I turn to hand food! Rules for hand food:
1. I must be able to eat it out of my hand, no cooking, no dishes.
2. It has to be nutritious in at least one way (this rule is so flexible: the peanuts in a snickers bar count.)
3. I have to replenish the hand food regularly.
4. It must be something I love. I will never eat baby carrots and hummus if I’m in a state, even though I like them otherwise. Only yummy stuff.

Things I like: olives, protein bars, premade protein shakes, granola, trail mix, seaweed snacks, premade cheese and spinach bars (I usually make these in advance, but recently asked a friend to make me some because I needed the help.) Cherry tomatoes, fruit, dried fruit. Human bodies need fuel and the quality of the fuel matters less, if the choice is between lower quality and none at all.

A couple other things - can you ask someone to come over to cook with you? Or to drop off food and sit with you and eat it? Heck, if it’ll help with that burger, message me and we can jump on a call. Sometimes it’s helpful to have a buddy.

Also, if it helps to alleviate the guilt, I work for a regional food bank and we all regularly waste food (not intentionally! It just happens.) Everyone plans imperfectly, has stuff come up, just doesn’t actually want to< eat something. Food waste is an issue at the corporate and organizational level, not the individual. I hate wasting food because ughhhhhh I paid money for that! But if any of this is made worse by a voice saying “there are starving people who would love this food” try to ignore it. Food insecurity is a complex issue and not one solved by managing your refrigerator.

But seriously, memail if you would like to have a voice to talk to today or anytime.
posted by punchtothehead at 4:50 AM on January 29, 2023 [28 favorites]


Give Freshly a try. Unlike Hello Fresh, there's no cooking you have to do. The meals just arrive ready to heat and eat. Unlike Doordash, they're reasonably priced (use a promo code). I've ordered a week or two of Freshly meals several times in the past few years, during times when I know I won't have time to think about feeding myself.

Maybe once you've made it easy to establish a regular pattern of eating during the day, and fueling your body and brain, you'll be better equipped to sort out the whys and hows of feeding yourself. You can baby step yourself into this. You don't have to solve your whole problem at once.
posted by phunniemee at 5:47 AM on January 29, 2023 [4 favorites]


Freshly just closed, unfortunately - "It is with a heavy heart that we announce the Freshly meal delivery service will be ceasing operations. This is a difficult time as we say goodbye to our incredible community. "
posted by true at 6:28 AM on January 29, 2023 [5 favorites]


Phunniemee makes a great point (as usual!), you are currently poorly equipped to solve this very complex problem. First step is to eat food regularly and get your energy back to par. So order a bunch of snacking foods, ask friends to invite you to meals, eat whatever and whenever and wherever you can for at least a few days. Then approach the larger issues with a clearer mind and the energy to make changes.

I highly suggest those prepped and washed veggies from fancy produce sections, like snap peas, little bell pepper, cherry tomatoes, broccoli florets. Washed blueberries and strawberries are also often available. You can literally keep these in a cooler by your bed and not even have to go to another room or get a dish to eat these. Pita is great for snacking on plain, and having alongside typical mezze things like nuts, olives, cheeses, pickles, and fruits, all of which also are single step foods that you can have with your hands, or combine on the pita in flavorful ways. Like, if putting sauce on boiled pasta is too many steps right now, don’t expect to be able to spread hummus on toasted pita, either. But maybe you can eat some nuts and some olives straight from jars, then eat half a fresh pita, then have some cherry tomatoes or blueberries, finish up the pita, etc. Sliced charcuterie is also good for this, and in my grocery store at least I can usually find a container of pre-shredded chicken ready to snack upon for flexible fast protein good at most temperatures. The only step you want to have to do for the next few days is opening a package, basically.

I agree with people above that it sounds like an executive dysfunction thing. I do sometimes get like this during periods of extreme anxiety or depression. For some people depression is hard to detect, even within themselves - are you also maybe having trouble sleeping at regular hours, or sleeping too much? Do you find that other things that used to bring you pleasure are no longer doing so, like maybe you’ve lost interest in a show you were a fan of or a hobby you were into? January is super hard for a lot of us and having some things ping incorrectly in our brains about food is just as common as insomnia or misanthropy, really.

You don’t need to solve this whole dilemma all at once. Focus on putting calories in first.
posted by Mizu at 6:37 AM on January 29, 2023 [7 favorites]


This is not a moral issue. If you believe it is a moral issue, which could be read into the tone of your question, try to let it go and any guilt or shame you may feel around it. Go to the the easiest level to help yourself get to a place where you feel better. There are several good suggestions in the answers already. You don’t have to do this the hard way, whatever gets you fed is fine.
posted by meijusa at 7:34 AM on January 29, 2023 [10 favorites]


You deserve the calories and any calories is a starting step to better eating. You deserve nice calories and you're worth the effort of assembling them.

Maybe you need people around you to help you get that message -- we're not islands and social eating is a solid way to have other people endorse you as a person.
posted by k3ninho at 7:38 AM on January 29, 2023


No screens until you've eaten at least one bite of something.
posted by aniola at 8:05 AM on January 29, 2023 [3 favorites]


As others said, I say address the energy problem first. Stock up on easier food, that can be eaten within a minute of feeling hungry. I also have this problem. One staple is pre-sliced cheese, and crackers. I often will get muffins since these are easy. Carrots and hummus. Granola bars and nuts. Trays of fruit. I try to sometimes order grocery delivery of these things (via Doordash often instead of take-out via Doordash).
posted by lookoutbelow at 8:05 AM on January 29, 2023 [1 favorite]


I know your question is about that getting-moving stage, and I think people have addressed that really well. I just want to mention as a resource the recently-published Sad Bastard Cookbook, which is free as an ebook. It's aimed at people who are having trouble feeding themselves, and it is 100% shame free (one recipe is for a pickle eaten from the jar while standing in front of the open refrigerator door). It's been helpful to me.
posted by Well I never at 8:44 AM on January 29, 2023 [10 favorites]


I have issues like this (ie with this and exercising) and I maybe maybe maybe might have autism or adhd but I DEFINITELY have had a traumatic childhood and am going through some trauma therapy and I think part of it is that I don’t like to be controlled or told what to do…not by a recipe, not by a work out routine, not by a healthy goal, not even by my own needs. It also doesn’t help that I don’t like the way food tastes as much after smelling it when I cook it. So That is one perspective. It’s much easier to get something from the freezer I made before and to bulk buy frozen stuff I know I like/order take out because I can do these things on impulse.
posted by pairofshades at 8:45 AM on January 29, 2023 [4 favorites]


Wasn’t there a really good thread on no cook eating without just relying on takeout a while back? I have no idea how to find it though. I remember someone really detailing “I do take out two days a week, I do frozen meals two days a week, I do cheese and crackers and pre-cut food fruit two days a week, I never cook, but I eat good.”
posted by joycehealy at 9:03 AM on January 29, 2023 [3 favorites]


I have this issue, probably related to ADHD. Two things that help:

1) Cooking is boring. I need to do something to occupy my brain while I'm cooking to make it less boring. This is normally a podcast or an audio book, although occasionally can be a call.

2) For the days my brain won't do it at all- a pizza to shove in the oven, some snacks I can eat straight from the bag. Microwave meals. Anything that's minimal effort.
posted by Laura_J at 9:23 AM on January 29, 2023 [4 favorites]


In the deli area, some grocery stores have precooked meals that just have to be microwaved, and pre-made salads and sandwiches. They might also have cook-and-eat meals that you just have to put in the oven. I use these all the time.
posted by rakaidan at 9:29 AM on January 29, 2023 [2 favorites]


A friend of mine wrote an ebook called Cooking is Terrible with ways to get yourself fed when you either hate cooking OR physical or mental challenges mean it just isn't happening very well or very easy right now.

What you describe sounds about like me when my exec function is failing due to depression/anxiety. I've had several periods of dried-up resilience over the years of the pandemic, as well as injuries that have made standing/moving around in the kitchen difficult in the first place. I may well be one of those middle-aged women who had hidden ADHD until menopause + pandemic stripped away my high-functioning, and certainly one of the things that works for me to kickstart the cooking subroutine is to put on a youtube cooking video as a form of body doubling.

I can also often entice myself into chores like these with the "treat" of listening time for a podcast or audiobook, since I dislike doing nothing with my hands while I listen to those.

I just want to say, generally, you're not broken. You're just currently short on resources and stuff is harder. You may not know why right now, or may not want to know why right now, or maybe you do know and just need to be kinder to yourself. Hopefully posting about it here has been helpful for venting so you feel less stressed about it and you can find a way to get in there and make the burger or the spaghetti (this seems like a better option as you can make multiple servings so there's something to reheat later). And if it helps as a form of body doubling, as soon as I finish my coffee here I'm going to go make a breakfast casserole to eat all week, so imagine yourself cooking along with at least one - probably more - fellow mefites who may also be struggling a bit with these tasks.
posted by Lyn Never at 9:32 AM on January 29, 2023 [11 favorites]


This happens to me, and it's the fucking worst. When it's very bad I live off ramen and protein bars. This stuff can be triggered by anxiety or depression, but for me it just sort of happens. It's definitely related to neurodivergence for me, it's very much made worse by autistic inertia. It's worse on weekends, because on weekdays I have work to schedule me.

Here's my general rule, and I think this is important: eating anything is better than eating nothing. When I start feeling like I'll just skip a meal because it's too much of a pain, I try to redirect that into eating literally anything instead. Usually a big protein bar or something.

Habits somewhat help. Always getting the same takeout, so I don't have to decide. Always getting the same deli sandwich. Using a meal kit service and always cooking what they give me, even if it's not my favorite food. Picking one breakfast food. When I'm actually up for it, cooking the simplest possible chili or lentils in a pressure cooker and freezing the results. Basically, I try to make food as simple and as automatic as possible. This is not my ideal way of living but at least it keeps me functional enough to participate in other aspects of my life, and means that food is not actively dragging me down all the time. Only some of the time. My current effort recently is to reliably not leave dirty dishes out overnight, because the effort to get rid of them before cooking can defeat me.

None of this has solved the problem. Not at all- it's still hard. But it mostly works at keeping me fed.
posted by BungaDunga at 11:26 AM on January 29, 2023 [2 favorites]


The hungrier you get, the less energy your brain has. So: make it a rule that when you first start thinking about food, eat something quick and simple, ideally out of the jar/package (do you like peanut butter and crackers?). This will give you the energy to complete your thoughts about preparing further food. If necessary keep these energy supplies in reach of places you hang out in your place, so you don't even have to get up. There's nothing wrong/wierd about doing this. Brains need lots of energy, ideally sugars, to work efficiently, and if you haven't eaten in hours, there's not much glucose in your blood. Snack it up!
posted by seanmpuckett at 11:26 AM on January 29, 2023 [2 favorites]


Oh, one thing we do for my roommate is keep a list of immediately edible food on a whiteboard in the kitchen, so if she is operating on zero brain she doesn't have to do a scan/inventory about what's in the fridge/pantry, just pick something off the list. (At least once she's locked up in front of the fridge with the door open simply unable to make a decision and had to be rescued.) Make eating require as little original thought as possible so you can just Do It. This may mean doing a little advanced prep when you have the mental energy for it, so you can just heat/eat later.
posted by seanmpuckett at 11:31 AM on January 29, 2023 [6 favorites]


God, sorry for the third comment, but what my partner and I do, though we don't have as much executive disfunction but still cannot be motivated to Prepare Meals is prepare starches and meats and soup bases ahead and put them in containers in the fridge so making a meal is just A+B+Sauce+Spice+Microwave. I'll do things like make six pounds of meatballs and fry them and put them up in containers in the fridge and freezer and take three out and that's the meat, and slice some cheese on, and maybe add some of the pre-cooked rice, that's a good healthy food. Or some browned ground beef plus some rice plus a dash of yogurt plus some curry powder and some peanuts and soy sauce and that's really tasty. OK THANKS I'M DONE HOPE it helps
posted by seanmpuckett at 11:35 AM on January 29, 2023 [2 favorites]


When I was a bit like this, I used to mainly eat food that took minimal effort to require and then for preparation, only required opening the packet and putting it in my mouth. For example, nearly every day my dinner was a sandwich I bought from the shop on the way home from work. I was fed. It was fine.
posted by plonkee at 11:57 AM on January 29, 2023


If getting reasonably inexpensive frozen meals delivered sounds good, check out Mom’s Meals. I learned about them from ADHD Twitter, have not used it personally.

I did buy soylent a couple weeks ago and it was fine. It has more calories than Boost/Ensure/slim fast and a decent balance of macros, and it’s reasonably available at convenience stores/Target/etc. Don’t eat it for every meal.
posted by momus_window at 1:55 PM on January 29, 2023


I have this and I basically address it by always having a bunch of Progresso soup around. It’s often on sale so I’ll get like 12 cans at a time and any time I just can’t bring myself to cook, I’ll just microwave one of those. There’ve been weeks where that was most of my dinners - but they’ve got enough stuff in them that that feels ok.

For what it’s worth, your description of the steps it would take to make those burgers sounded exhausting, and I like to cook! But from the way you describe it, you would love the result of cooking but currently absolutely dread the cooking. And that’s ok!
posted by showbiz_liz at 2:00 PM on January 29, 2023 [5 favorites]


I have this and I basically address it by always having a bunch of Progresso soup around. It’s often on sale so I’ll get like 12 cans at a time and any time I just can’t bring myself to cook, I’ll just microwave one of those.

I was just about to suggest this, I'm actually eating their Chicken and Sausage Gumbo at this very moment. I keep a variety of flavors on hand so I've usually got something that sounds reasonably good. The aforementioned gumbo is good for when I want something spicy. Chicken Pot Pie style is comfort food. Lasagna style is good for when you kinda want pasta but can't be bothered.

If you're concerned about getting veggies/fruits in, buy from the pre-washed & cut section. Literally hand to mouth. Instead of salad, I've taken to slicing a chunk of lettuce off the head and dipping it into ranch dressing, with some grape tomatoes on the side.

Sometimes when I need to eat but nothing sounds good, something sour & salty will hit the spot. Green olives, pickles or V8 juice almost always tastes good to me, with zero prep involved. Once I get that down sometimes I'll discover more of an appetite, but even if not at least I got something in me so I'm not starving and hangry.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 2:43 PM on January 29, 2023 [2 favorites]


Sometimes I don't have the energy even for easy cooking. I have frozen meals in the freezer, Amy's Kitchen Indian Samosa Wrap takes 2 minutes in the microwave, tastes great, and is small, so sometimes I grab a salad or make more food since I'm in the kitchen. They make some non-dairy/ vegan burritos, too. There are some good Lean Cuisines and Curry meals. Progresso soups. I consider corn chips, salsa, and guacamole a complete meal. Hummus, baby carrots, and wheat thins, same. Frozen butternut squash comes pre-cooked in a kind of brick. Microwave it, stir in butter, salt, pepper. Or microwave a sweet or white potato, same.

This is often a depression thing - no energy, no initiative, self-care is esp. difficult. Spoon theory. I think the inability to just go to the kitchen is a shortage of dopamine, and have not founds legit ways to resolve this. Be good to yourself.
posted by theora55 at 2:58 PM on January 29, 2023 [1 favorite]


Oh, I remembered a thing I used to do pre-medication. I have an electric kettle and enjoy tea, so I would fill the kettle up all the way to the top with fridge-cold water and set it to boil. For some reason it is often much easier for me to take a tea bag and plonk it in a mug than it is to decide what to eat from my kitchen, even though I have like twenty different teas to choose from at any given time.

So anyway, I’d managed to get myself into the kitchen and then deliberately tricked myself so I have over fifteen minutes until the full kettle is boiling, as opposed to the couple minutes it would take if I’d just put enough water in for one mug of tea. So then because I’m standing there, I have a set window in which to either decide on what I’m eating and plate it, or put something in the oven or microwave, or some other food related thing. I would often use this time to wash the dishes in the sink, if the deciding and cooking wasn’t the issue as much as dirty dishes was.

Anyway, it worked pretty often and I figured out why after the fact. It’s because the set window of time really gave me the structure I needed. I knew how long it took the kettle to boil, and I knew that once it had I could entirely stop my kitchen activities. So that gave me the ability to say, just wash one pan and zap a frozen meal, instead of feeling bad about not cooking the chicken I should have really put in the freezer and completely emptying the sink. And, if I couldn’t do anything in that water boiling window, at least I tried and also I had tea to assuage me.

Quite often, once I’d made my tea but didn’t have food ready, I would pour the rest of the kettle into a pot on the stove and keep it boiling and use that for pasta with jarred sauce.
posted by Mizu at 3:43 PM on January 29, 2023 [10 favorites]


Cooking is time consuming, stinks everything up, and then you have to do dishes. Your hamburger fantasy, in real life it's nearly an hour of work for maybe 10 minutes of enjoyment.

It's possible that your detailed cooking fantasies are tricking your brain into thinking that you already made dinner. Visualization can be counterproductive.

It sounds like doordash was working for you, so you may as well stick with that. Maybe keep some protein bars around for when you get hungry and distracted--just keep one next to you while you work.
posted by betweenthebars at 5:47 PM on January 29, 2023 [1 favorite]


As with any task that has become unmanageable, do tiny steps. Instead of beating yourself up for not making the burger, congratulate yourself for having hamburger and buns in the house at the same time!. Go get a glass of water. Is the grill a pain to clean? It's okay to use a pan on the stove. Open the fridge. Look, there's hamburg. You could have it. Or have a can of soup. Ok, I'm not great at putting your task in manageable parts, can barely do mine, but it does help.
posted by theora55 at 6:12 PM on January 29, 2023 [1 favorite]


This is familiar to me and many of the whys others mention ring true.

It’s hard to want to cook when you’re not hungry, and it’s just as hard or harder to cook when you are hungry. So I try to do it in the sweet spot when I could eat but it’s not urgent. Sometimes I have some chocolate right before/while I cook which gives me a quick boost. I don’t eat a dessert so this doesn’t feel like I’m spoiling anything. I tried this with wine but it just made me want to drink more wine, ymmv.
posted by kapers at 7:43 PM on January 29, 2023 [1 favorite]


Oh, I have this issue! It is a very ADHD and executive dysfunction thing. One little thing I have found that has helped me a lot with getting tasks like this started is having a friend tell me to do it. For some reason that flicks a switch in my head, because I do not want to let my friend down, or maybe because it makes me acknowledge that thinking about the task is not the same as doing the task.

Anyway, if you can get a friend to prompt you, give it a shot! It may work for you!
posted by HypotheticalWoman at 11:53 PM on January 29, 2023 [2 favorites]


Hi! I am ADHD/autistic. When I absolutely cannot bear dealing with cooking or eating, I pick from a list of 'safe foods' that I will always eat no matter how terrible it is. Usually it is some favorites from childhood, so currently on the list is chicken nuggets, Red Baron frozen pizza, and Lunchables, either the actual brand or the DIY version I make from Trader Joe's. There should be no stigma about always keeping these on hand, although it can be hard for those with executive dysfunction to remember to keep it on hand!!

Food is fuel at its minimum, and always being able to have reliable fuel is so important for us. I'm also a pretty big foodie as well, and cooking is one of my special interests, so this is me giving you permission to not cook, if that is helpful!

I was in grad school and just graduated and did my thesis during the pandemic, so practically half the time I was in grad school, I basically just ate these. It also came in handy during times of extreme weather, like when I was dealing with 115 degree heat for multiple days in a row and had a power outage, and I just couldn't even.
posted by yueliang at 12:20 AM on January 30, 2023 [1 favorite]


Oh wow now I can blame my ADHD for my making-dinner-snack (the first step in making dinner for me is to eat something and I always laugh at myself but those crackers or orange or leftovers eaten cold directly out of the fridge do get me moving).

+1 for "visualization is not helping", I can't be the only one here whose brain will feed me a dream of going through my morning routine to lull me into going back to sleep. It's ok, you don't have to move, you're already doing the thing! (Relatedly, how's your sleep?)

When you notice it happening, the feeling you describe here, do something that disengages you from the internet. Like turn your phone around so you're starting at the back, or look at the ceiling (and set it down once you're unhooked). And just lay wherever you are, not on your phone or computer, until you can gather enough brain to make a conscious decision what to do next.
posted by Lady Li at 12:30 AM on January 30, 2023 [2 favorites]


I have short circuited the scroll hole/executive dysfunction/getting stuck in a task I don't need or want to do by doing a silly fun lvl 1 task. Last time it was putting on black lipstick so I could release myself from my phone and go for a bike ride.

I can suggest:
  • shred a small pile of that cheddar so you have ~•°*snacking cheese⁠。°•~
  • interact with something that smells good (hand lotion, light a candle, fragrance)
  • demand the attention of a pet
  • play with something visual (bright pens, put on a good hat, turn on a different light, look out a window to evaluate the goings on out there)
My theory for why this works is:
It stimulates your senses and introduces a small chemical change in the brain to break your attention to the screen.
posted by meemzi at 7:07 AM on January 30, 2023 [2 favorites]


I will mention a couple more things I thought of as I puttered around yesterday: I find most kitchens, if you're not lucky, have horrible glaring overhead lights that are not welcoming. I put lamps in the kitchen, including in the current place the cheap torchiere + reading lamp from Target, with damn-near-yellow bulbs.

The snack trick other people have mentioned will work for me too - a spoon of peanut butter or a few slices of cheese (cracker-cut cheese is one of my luxury items, because it's grab-and-go) eaten IN the kitchen can often jump-start my full meal process.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:13 AM on January 30, 2023


I have this problem sometimes because of Long Covid, it's an executive function problem and for me it goes away with rest (and returns quickly if I overdo things).

Some of the things I can still manage to eat are
- those sachets of instant porridge
- instant noodles
- cup a soup
- frozen cooked chicken or meatballs
- tinned fish
- avocados (plain with a spoon if necessary)
- instant mash
- bananas
- frozen berries that I blend with milk
- cous cous
- dried fruit
- nuts
- tins of rice pudding
- cheese and crackers
- fresh filled pasta (add butter and grated cheese)
- cereal for dinner

When I do get some ability to make food, I try and make a big Instant Pot vat of something and freeze it in portions (silicon muffin trays are good for this). Or I make a lot of mash or rice, or eight hard boiled eggs, and stow them in the fridge. I keep frozen chopped onions, frozen mince, frozen spinach, jarred sauce and so forth on hand so they're right there when I finally find the oomph.
posted by quacks like a duck at 9:17 AM on January 30, 2023


Regarding the burger in the specific: you can eat the individual elements without needing to assemble the entire thing into a burger shape. Fry up the patties and eat them on their own. Make a cheese sandwich with the bread. Make a burger salad where you just combine the elements into a bowl. Whatever combo you like! Ingredients can be flexible like that.
posted by creatrixtiara at 8:43 PM on January 30, 2023 [2 favorites]


Hmm, when I had this issue, it was pernicious anemia, i.e., vitamin B deficiency without a known cause. More common for vegans, which I'm not. Being couch-stuck is a common indicator, one that my doctor put together with the tingly toes I had on one foot and went right to a bloodtest for B levels. It was easily corrected with the supplemental B I was prescribed.

In my case it was out of character, not a lifelong issue. Being couch-stuck kept me from eating and from doing other productive things after work, but I was still able to get through the workday itself.

If any of that sounds like what you've got going on, you might try getting a blood test.
posted by daisyace at 5:34 PM on February 1, 2023


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