Comments on: You mean an $50 dinner isn't enough?

Question: You mean an $50 dinner isn't enough?

furtive — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 16:38:00 -0800

Apparently we're supposed to give a gift to the guests that attend our wedding. What to do?

There will be 100 guests. Do we give a gift to each guest or one to each couple. How much is appropriate? I think anything more than $5 per guest is too buch but what can you get for $5 that doesn't scream el cheapo? I'm willing to do a bit of manual work for this but I'm far from crafty. I'd be happy to elaborate more details if necessary.

By: Staggering Jack

Staggering Jack — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 16:44:29 -0800

Donating to a charity is always classy. You can leave a card at each persons place setting that says something like "A donation has been made in your name to" (insert your favorite charity).

I also have been to plenty of weddings and got nothing, nothing I tell ya, for my troubles so I don't think gifts are necessarily needed nor expected.

By: ChasFile

ChasFile — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 16:47:49 -0800

Yeah, I've never gotten one. What about a "Hits from the wedding" CD that includes a sample (like oh, say, 5 songs at $.99 each?) of songs from you had played during the reception?

By: amarynth

amarynth — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 16:51:00 -0800

It should be one per guest, and you don't have to spend anywhere near $5 per person.

Just do a google search for "wedding favors" and it should give you an idea of the kinds of things people give out.

I've gotten a lot of candles as favors. The only favors that I've actually ever used are a mix cd compiled by the bride and groom, and a stained glass votive holder that was made by the mother of the bride.

By: MeetMegan

MeetMegan — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 16:52:21 -0800

I also have been to my share of weddings. I think the best "gifts" are the ones that show the personality of the couple. My best friend gave Kit Kat bars that they had decorated with their names and the wedding date and quirky little things about each other - e.g. "Andrea curls her toes when she's cold; Mike bites his lip right before he cries, etc. I'm positive this is super cheap and easy to do. I still have the wrapper. It's a cute idea and it totally sums up their personalities. I know that they didn't pay more than $2 for each bar (since they had the wrapper done it cost more than the normal price). I don't know if you can do that anymore since Hershey has gone to the plastic wrapped bars, but it may be worth a try.

I think whatever you give should be either consumable or readily used by a cross-section of the population. For instance, a CD with your favorite songs, candy from your hometown, a photo frame with your engagement picture in it, etc. If whatever you give requires explanation (like a box of two candies from your local chocolatier), make sure you explain it with a little card or a short announcement.

By: I Love Tacos

I Love Tacos — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 16:53:08 -0800

Standard gift, in my experience, is a very inexpensive "keepsake", that nobody actually cares about.

The donation idea is way cooler than the crappy useless gifts I've received at most weddings. $20 for 100 business cards, and then a couple hundred bucks to a non-divisive charity.

By: ThePinkSuperhero

ThePinkSuperhero — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 16:56:19 -0800

I ditto I Love Tacos about how the standard gift is usually something crappy people just throw away. If you're throwing a fun party, that's gift enough. Save your money.

By: darsh

darsh — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 16:57:12 -0800

I've had prettily wrapped chocolates - one small package, wrapped in silver paper or ribbon, on each plate. Much better than a silly ornament or something which'll never be used.
If you do the wrapping yourself, shouldn't cost much

By: donnagirl

donnagirl — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 17:00:06 -0800

I attended an early fall wedding where each guest got a tulip bulb in a cute mini chinese-takeout-y box. The flowers-to-be were in the wedding colors, and there was a sentimental note about love blooming. Probably no more than a couple bucks each, depending on where they got the boxes, and the tulip still blooms in my yard, even though the marriage went swiftly south.

By: Gucky

Gucky — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 17:00:22 -0800

I've gotten lovely candies, pewter cups with a flower in it (purchased in bulk at about $2 each), seeds, tree seedlings ($1 each from some site if they're in season), a donation to Cystic Fibrosis Foundation, a comic book about the couple, a shot glass (it was a Western themed wedding), an inflatable monkey, a poker chip with the bride & groom's name on it attached to a scratch-off Lotto ticket (a reception after the couple got married in Vegas and won enough money to have a reception).

What I keep and like depends as much on the couple as what I get. It's a keepsake from their wedding more than anything I'd want to use. I still have the matches from my friend Kerri's wedding. I threw out the lovely candleholder from when a friend married an ice shrew.

However, I always seem to kill the plants or the seeds don't grow and then I feel guilty, like I've somehow killed their love.

By: willpie

willpie — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 17:05:38 -0800

Donate. At my wedding, we gave out nice bookmarks that explained that a donation had been made to a charity that was especially meaningful to us in lieu of favors. We got crazy compliments on them and my sister totally copied us when she got married a year later.
You can do a lot more with a $1-$3/guest donation to a charity than you can with $1-$5 trinkets that they will not give a shit about.

By: emelenjr

emelenjr — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 17:08:18 -0800

At the wedding I went to last summer in Colombia, the wedding favors were multi-colored Eggz shakers as a way to include all of the guests in the music at the reception. At another wedding a few months later in Vermont, the wedding favors were commemorative matchboxes.

At both wedding receptions, there was a disposable camera at each table.

By: gokart4xmas

gokart4xmas — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 17:08:25 -0800

We got married in Vegas and gave out packs of playing cards with our names and the wedding date on them. They were super cheap--way less than $5 a pop. Does your wedding have a theme you can get ideas from? What about the wedding city? If there will be a lot of guests traveling to your wedding, how about a souvenir?

By: Rubber Soul

Rubber Soul — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 17:09:10 -0800

Flower seeds are nice (www.americanmeadows.com makes special 'wedding packets' of seeds: http://americanmeadows.com/Wildflower-Wedding/WildflowerWedding.cfm#packets) ; one wedding where the bride was into making soaps/candles we got little gift soaps and lip balms. A photo of the happy couple is also nice.

By: juv3nal

juv3nal — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 17:12:57 -0800

candles & pencils are frowned upon by chinese superstition if you buy into that at all. things that diminish with use somehow being representative of either the lifespan of the marriage or the lifespans of those getting married.

By: scody

scody — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 17:26:32 -0800

I've also gotten chocolates and donations in my name (Amnesty International seems to be a popular choice amongst my crowd!). I certainly don't think it's mandatory, though.

By: evening

evening — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 17:29:59 -0800

I personally don't get the favors thing (in principle, and practically -- I too have never gotten anything that I even remember, so what's the point?). I'd save your money, or put it towards something better than favors.

By: Gungho

Gungho — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 17:55:52 -0800

IThe only favor I kept from a wedding was a string of bells that were somehow incorporated into the ceremony. They now hang on my front door.

By: PurplePorpoise

PurplePorpoise — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 18:01:40 -0800

At one wedding, they gave out little photo-frames (for wallet-sized photos) - instead of a photo inside the frames, it had the guest's name.

It made a nice way to tell people where to sit.

At other weddings, they just gave out little packages of quality candy (like, real truffle chocolates, "designer" jellybeans) in fancy little cardboard mini-baskets.

By: Sprout the Vulgarian

Sprout the Vulgarian — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 18:06:16 -0800

I had individually-wrapped chocolates with a bow with the date of the wedding on it. I've also seen oversize cookies that match the theme of the wedding - sea shells, flowers, whatever.
Seeds and candles are cute too.

Some couples can come up with something more personal; my sister is canning jam for all her guests (ambitious!), and at one wedding I went to, every guest received a matted photo of the couple and some also had a photo of themselves with the couple.

By: krix

krix — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 18:10:43 -0800

My fiance and I are figuring this out too. We're probably going with a mix CD of songs that are significant to us and our courtship plus most likely something edible. Although I like the bookmark and donation thing now. Arg.

By: j

Mon, 24 Apr 2006 18:13:30 -0800

I think a small box (like 2 or 3) of candies or chocolates would be fine. I agree that most gifts are usually things I end up throwing away.
My favorite, though was a small picture frame (that told us where to sit). They had hired a photographer who took polaroids that you could then put in the frame! Very cute.

By: nekton

nekton — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 18:18:20 -0800

My wedding reception was in my hometown, which is known for its apples. Our wedding favors were candy apples (it was a fall wedding.)

By: mmascolino

mmascolino — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 18:24:32 -0800

We did the charity route for our wedding and donated the money to the organization that ran the event where we had met. We didn't do placards at the table but rather had a nice 8x10 professionally printed sign in a really nice picture frame sitting next to the guest book. The nice part is that we got to use the frame for something else after the wedding was over.

By: oddman

oddman — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 18:28:11 -0800

I received small bamboo plants as a keepsake from a friends anniversary. The plants come in what basically amounts to a double sized shot glass filled with rocks (not soil). The only care that they need is filling with a bit of tap water every couple of weeks.

Great little gift.

By: oflinkey

oflinkey — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 18:35:28 -0800

I am one of the 5 people in America that likes Jordan almonds. they are pretty traditional for weddings. Just a few in a little net bag.

I have hated the CDs I have gotten.

I have always used the matches, however. Especially the wooden ones.

By: sLevi

sLevi — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 18:39:11 -0800

My husband and I do a lot of rock climbing, so we got these carabiner keychains with our first names on them, and I tied them to boxes of chocolate from Trader Joes (decent chocolate for not too expensive...) They're not too useful, but they're fun and have character and were in keeping with our beach wedding.

The other most common favor is some type of chocolate. You can buy nice chocolate covered almonds or cranberries or whatever strikes your fancy in bulk, then cut squares of tulle and wrap a handful of chocolate in a couple layers and tie with pretty ribbon.

But if it stresses you out to have to worry about it, I like the donation idea...but if it were me I'd either skip the favors or get some kind of fun toy...one friend handed out glow-sticks, they were a blast.

By: ROU_Xenophobe

ROU_Xenophobe — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 19:11:42 -0800

Donating to a charity is always classy.

Opinions differ. To me, this would be worse than simply not a favor, which I wouldn't notice. It would say "I didn't really want to give you a favor but felt obligated to, so I took a contribution I was going to make anyway and called it a gift to you."

Any manner of small thing that someone could conceivably retain as a keepsake is fine. The ones I remember from other people's wedding are jordan almonds (which I also like) and wee tiny bottles of bubbles that could not have cost more than $.50/each.

Was it here where someone wanted to buy like 500 Nunzillas as wedding favors?

By: amarynth

amarynth — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 19:44:38 -0800

ROU_Xenophobe, it was here, it was wind-up godzillas, and she did it.

(One of those pictures is on my Flickr favorites list, so it was easy to find.)

By: PurplePorpoise

PurplePorpoise — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 19:48:40 -0800

hmmm, I really like the small plant idea...

By: jellicle

jellicle — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 19:50:57 -0800

We didn't give out nuttin'. You're getting a party, a band, an open bar and a nice meal, and you want favors too?!

Things I've seen: nothing, Jordan almonds, bottles of bubbles with wedding date on them, CDs with wedding songs, chopsticks, chocolates, probably a few other things. I've still got the chopsticks.

By: hermitosis

hermitosis — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 20:39:23 -0800

A friend of mine bought every single secondhand paperback copy of "My Antonia" that she could find and gave them as gifts at her wedding-- this was the book that she and the groom had bonded over during their first few dates, and they wanted to share it with everyone.

The sight of all those mismatched copies of the same book was really very moving.

By: acoutu

acoutu — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 20:43:10 -0800

We gave prettily wrapped marzipan apples, because we had an apple theme and the apples were also on our cake. I know others who turned Hershey's Kisses into roses. Some people give sugared almonds. But the best "gift" I ever got was a handmade clay magnet that had a Celtic love knot on it. I still have it on my fridge and it comes in handy. So I recommend something useful (but small and inexpensive) or something people can eat after saying, "Aw, cute."

By: acoutu

acoutu — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 20:44:10 -0800

Oh, and my brother and his wife, who own a nursery, gave away pots of drought-resistant grass.

By: ikkyu2

ikkyu2 — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 22:18:38 -0800

I remember getting a small pink plastic mesh bag tied shut with some plastic flowers.

It contained something like 7 or 8 almonds that had been coated in chocolate and then dipped in a hard candy shell in white, pink or red. These almonds were unusually delicious.

This was a good wedding favor. You don't need to do anything more elaborate than this.

By: Sallyfur

Sallyfur — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 22:39:40 -0800

These things, full of these things.

I like those little watchmaker cases just for their own sweet small roundness, but with personalized M&Ms inside? How could you go wrong?

Cheap! Yummy! Fun! Yet strangely elegant.

By: Aknaton

Aknaton — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 22:54:19 -0800

I've gotten a few such at weddings that I enjoyed, not because they were $5, but as keepsakes.

We went to Chinatown and haggled (!) when buying 100 sandalwood fans. (Our wedding was in Southern California in the summer.) We still see our fans sitting on shelves when we visit friends who came to the wedding, which is rather touching.

By: polyglot

polyglot — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 22:55:28 -0800

I think what you're looking for is bonbonniere/bonbonieri. I was actually at a cousin's wedding just this Saturday and they left little takeaway cartons containing some fake chinese money ("ten thousand dollar" and what looked like mandarin - I don't know my chinese dialects), one of those good-luck beckoning cats (chocolate inside), a couple of fresia bulbs and a funny photocopied note from the bride & groom. Total cost maybe AUD3.

But then, the wedding previous to that (different cousin, paid for by rich italian parents of the bride), everyone got little porcelain espresso cups and they didn't look cheap. That was the wedding reception with the (no shit) 10-course silver-service meal for 350 guests.

Why yes, I do have a surfeit of cousins.

By: ranglin

ranglin — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 23:27:35 -0800

The suggared almonds are definately a traditional choice here in Australia. My fiancee and I liked the idea, but were concerned that not everyone likes nuts, so for our wedding (which is in two weeks!) we got white and pink "jelly belly" jelly beans and wrapped them in organza. I think the whole think cost us about $80-$90, which is only about $1 or so a guest.

At the wedding, they will place the jelly beans in the wine glasses for people to take home. We're also cutting our cake and sending it home, in the hope that people might be able to eat it with a cup of coffee/tea when they get home and discuss how lovely our wedding was! :)

By: Chunder

Chunder — Tue, 25 Apr 2006 01:46:36 -0800

We did the same as Sprout the Vulgarian - foil-wrapped chocolate hearts, with a fake-floral decoration, and a label with details of the wedding - specially picked to match the colours of the wedding. They were *very* tasty, and everyone seemed pretty pleased/impressed - although they may have just been being polite!
(There's a pic here on our Flickr 'stream)

Other weddings I've been to have provided things like sugar- or chocolate-coated almonds, or little selection packs of sweeties.

By: antifuse

antifuse — Tue, 25 Apr 2006 03:39:02 -0800

Best wedding favour I ever got was a mug full of Jelly Belly jellybeans. The mug was just a plain old purple mug, with purle jelly beans, and the couple's names/date written on the bottom in silver letters. I use the mug for my hot chocolate, and the jellybeans were yummy. You really don't need to go crazy on this.

By: Lucinda

Lucinda — Tue, 25 Apr 2006 05:53:02 -0800

Mr. Lucinda and I went the "two pieces of chocolate in a silver box" route.

My sister bought a bunch of cheap Matchbox-esque cars, painted them and decorated them with heart-shaped confetti.

By: mimi

mimi — Tue, 25 Apr 2006 06:02:47 -0800

Eesh, skip it! Like you don't have enough to stress out about?!

I've been to many weddings that skipped the "favors" (including my own) and been to many that didn't. Frankly, I didn't notice when I wasn't given a cheap trinket, but I noticed the stale candy, the 30 cent tea light, and the CDs that I would have enjoyed more had there be, oh, track listings (or even ID3 tags). The book idea above is very nice, though, and I'm glad I didn't think of it, because finding that many copies of Ulysses would have been a drag.

ROU_Xenophobe, I agree with you about the charity thing. I am now the proud sponsor of two goats somewhere in the world. W00+.

By: pinky

pinky — Tue, 25 Apr 2006 06:13:00 -0800

I skipped the favors at my own wedding, but at a wedding I attended last year, the couple had small round metal boxes with clear lids, filled with personalized m&m's in three colors. It was really very cute.

By: dagnyscott

dagnyscott — Tue, 25 Apr 2006 06:31:41 -0800

Hmm. I can think of twice I've received favors at weddings and they were both nice (and cheap) (I think). One was a box of Wilhemina mints (I have no idea if you have these specific ones, I think they're a Dutch thing -- but they sell in a nifty little pull out box for a few bucks each) and the other was a box of Japanese Green Tea (the bride was half-Japanese, goes to Japan, and had relatives coming from Japan).

By: MeetMegan

MeetMegan — Tue, 25 Apr 2006 09:21:03 -0800

Be warned that those personalized M&M's are super expensive - an 8 ounce bag is $11.25.

By: echo0720

echo0720 — Tue, 25 Apr 2006 09:30:51 -0800

I had a friend who had her reception at the zoo (fun!), and she gave out cookie cutters in animal shapes, which was very cute charming (and I still have). I've also gotten lots of the same things as everyone else (and personally, I like the charity thing, I'd rather you spend your money on a good cause than on something I'll eat or throw away). What I've liked most in the past have been things that either went along with the theme of the wedding or let the personality of the couple shine through.

By: ml98tu

ml98tu — Tue, 25 Apr 2006 10:33:45 -0800

As mentioned, you'd also be okay with not giving anything; I don't go to weddings in the hopes that I'll get a cool trinket. I go because I love and/or want to support the people that are getting married, and that is worth the plane ticket and hotel room (sadly for my bank account, I have not yet had any local weddings). Some give favors, which are nice, but I have never judged those that didn't, especially if I knew they were paying for the wedding themselves. I'd rather my friends have the extra $500 than me have some jordan almonds, even though I do love those jordan almonds.

On the side of the charity thing, I'm supportive of it in the event that it is a charity that is important to you two as a couple. For example, my SO and I met through a student group at university, and were we to get married, a large donation to them might be an option for us, since it has such a personal meaning and we would probably not make a large donation otherwise. Donating for the sake of donating appears to be frowned upon above, but if for example you both were gaga over pets, I would think something with the local shelter would be sweet. You could even explain the meaning in the donation card if you wanted (so it would seem less random to people), and it is a better token of your love and marriage than candy.

By: Sprout the Vulgarian

Sprout the Vulgarian — Wed, 26 Apr 2006 12:19:18 -0800

A followup to my previous comment:

I like the idea of favors as a way of sharing something personal with all your guests. If you can't come up with anything, it's OK to skip it. In fact, I think it's better to skip it than to do something that you don't like. I certainly would have been unhappy with spending money on a cheap, useless tchochke. Much less 85 of them.

Coincidentally, I spoke with my sister last night, and she was asking me the whole gift-for-individuals-versus-couples thing. She's the one making jam (!), and she's thinking about making two different size containers, one for couples and one for singles, but she doesn't know if that's OK. I suggested that she have enough jars on the table, but not in particular seats, so folks at the table have to divvy the jam themselves. Maybe a couple takes a small jar instead of a big one, or a single takes no jam at all.

By: jb

jb — Mon, 10 Jul 2006 05:38:57 -0800

We had rocket ship shaped bubble blowers ($70 USD for 150). They were very cool, but unfortunately, they didn't blow very good bubbles. Most people left them behind - I don't think they realised this was their favour. Oh well, we gathered up the extras and now are set for a cool pool party. But frankly, I'm pretty serious about bubbles, so I think I will just go out and get some really good blowers.