omgz, so tall

April 24, 2006 8:47 AM

I'm 6'8". People are always asking me how tall I am. Instead of telling the truth, what are some witty, non-confrontational responses I might use?

In consideration of your time, I will share this story: I was next to a guy carrying a young child, and the kid pointed at me and said "look dad, a monster!" The father replied, "That's not a monster; monsters don't wear jeans." Teehee.

posted by trevyn to human relations (95 answers total)

You could always just say that height is in the eye of the beholder. Or that height is only skin deep and it's more important how tall you are on the inside.
posted by spicynuts at 8:49 AM on April 24, 2006

How about "I'm 6 foot, not including my head"
posted by poppo at 8:50 AM on April 24, 2006

Hmm... How about:

"What?? You'll have to talk louder! I can't hear you up here."

Alternatively, answer in obscure units. "Oh, about 4.44 cubits."

Or actually, it looks like you're almost exactly 2 meters. That's sorta fun.
posted by JMOZ at 8:50 AM on April 24, 2006

I know someone who is about that tall, and he responded once with "oh, I dunno, about three?" I thought that was the funniest thing I ever heard, although I'm still not sure I get it.
posted by danb at 8:51 AM on April 24, 2006

Tell them that you stopped counting after you were tall enough to ride all the good rides.
posted by Jart at 8:55 AM on April 24, 2006

I (about 6'5") sometimes wave my hand around the top of my head and say "Ooh, about that high." I usualy feel like an ass though shortly after I do it. Answering in obscure units is solid if you don't mind that you will (in the states anyway) be asked to convert it to feet.
posted by Shutter at 8:58 AM on April 24, 2006

"tall enough to kill Batman"
posted by dong_resin at 8:58 AM on April 24, 2006 [1 favorite]

If it's a kid, hold up seven fingers and say, "I'm this many."
posted by MrZero at 9:00 AM on April 24, 2006

You could paraphrase Abraham Lincoln (Q: "how long are your legs?" A: "long enough to reach the ground")

Q: How tall are you?
A: From my head I'm tall enough to reach the ground.
posted by MonkeySaltedNuts at 9:01 AM on April 24, 2006

Tall enough to look down your shirt without being too obvious. Tall enough to know that you're thinning on top.
posted by electroboy at 9:02 AM on April 24, 2006

Tell them that tragically modern science has yet to successfully measure your height although several respected scientists have proposed theories.
posted by oh pollo! at 9:06 AM on April 24, 2006

You could paraphrase Chiun: "For a cabbage, I am very tall. For a mountain I am barely begun. For a man, I am just right."
posted by The Bellman at 9:10 AM on April 24, 2006

a leap
twenty hands
a bit over twenty billion angstroms
20, 320 hair's breadths
a bit more than half a mark twain
two million microns
35 nails
27 Roman minor palms
1156 pearls
7.2 Texas pies
75 pouce
two-thirds of a stick
more here.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 9:10 AM on April 24, 2006

"Dunno. It keeps varying with atmospheric pressure."
posted by RMALCOLM at 9:13 AM on April 24, 2006

"I don't know. How bad at conversation are you?"
posted by jon_kill at 9:16 AM on April 24, 2006

Tall enough.

Taller than you.

Five foot, three inches.
posted by alan at 9:17 AM on April 24, 2006

My uncle always used to say: "I'm five foot twenty."
He would occasionally get the response: "You look taller than that."
posted by Floydd at 9:19 AM on April 24, 2006

My dad always says "Does it matter? Your just going to tell people you come up to my elbow". Though I kind of like Shutter's response, I think I would say obviously wrong heights, ala 3'7", 4'11", etc.
posted by blackkar at 9:20 AM on April 24, 2006

Just to modify a couple posted above, how about,

"Depends on where you start measuring."
posted by ImJustRick at 9:22 AM on April 24, 2006

I don't have a witty comeback for you, but I'm sharing this with my boyfriend, who is 6' 6". He also gets this in stores all the time, along with all sorts of other "witty" comments. He normally deals politely with questions from kids, but questions like this (or comments like "how's the weather up there" -- I'm not kidding) from grownups make him crazy. I'm hoping he'll pick up some suggestions from y'all.

In consideration of letting me jump into your question and vent, I will share this story:

We went to pick up a friend who was staying with his parents. Friend's 4-ish year old niece was visiting. Niece stares at my boyfriend for a few moments, mouth agape, and then runs at top speed up the stairs.

We find out later that she had run up to her mother, and, breathlessly reported "mamma, mamma, there's a giant in the living room!"
posted by anastasiav at 9:22 AM on April 24, 2006

How about .. I'm actually 5'8" but I'm wearing 1 foot lifts in my shoes.
posted by duckus at 9:28 AM on April 24, 2006

"With or without heels?"
posted by konolia at 9:29 AM on April 24, 2006

Tell them to figure it out themselves. Promise to hold still while they use that related-triangle and reflecting pan method the Mr. Wizard used to figure out the height of a tree.
posted by pmbuko at 9:29 AM on April 24, 2006

I am 6'7" and I am interested in this thread too. My typical response is to ask the questioner how tall they think I am. I am amazed at the range of variation. I have gotten everything from six- to seven-feet, but most people usually end up guessing 6'4" or 6'5". In response to their answer I get to tell them how tall I actually am and how they are either better at guessing than most or just as poor as most. This can be a nice way to start a conversation. If I don't really want to talk (and hear stories about their sorta tall brothers, nephews, or uncles), I will just tell them.
posted by Tallguy at 9:36 AM on April 24, 2006

6'5" here. I love Tallguy's response. I think I'll start using "How tall do you think?"

It's such a weird question. It's sorta meant as a compliment, which is silly, since, you know, I didn't really do anything to be this way. But there's a definite freak show vibe a lot of the times, isn't there?
posted by MrMoonPie at 9:42 AM on April 24, 2006

I dunno, how short are YOU?
posted by blue_beetle at 9:42 AM on April 24, 2006

"I fell down once in New York, and hit my head in New Jersey."
posted by horsewithnoname at 9:42 AM on April 24, 2006

"I have to wear a blinking red light on my head whenever I'm near an airport."
posted by horsewithnoname at 9:44 AM on April 24, 2006

I'm 2'3" shorter than the tallest man in the world. That's how freak'n tall I am. Thanks for pointing out one more thing that I'm not the best at. Please go away.
posted by blue_beetle at 9:44 AM on April 24, 2006

"When I'm looking down, I'm still looking up."
posted by horsewithnoname at 9:45 AM on April 24, 2006

I'm jealous, but...

"Tall enough. (Asshole.)" if you're in a particularly good mood.
posted by callmejay at 9:51 AM on April 24, 2006

"6'8". How tall are you?"
(optional: smile smugly at their answer)
posted by fidelity at 9:52 AM on April 24, 2006

Or: "No soap, radio."
posted by fidelity at 9:53 AM on April 24, 2006

At a mere 6'4" I usually tell people it's my shoes.

The other wierd thing I get is that people don't comment until (for whatever reason) they stand right next to me. Then I get "wow. how tall are you anyway?". I must slouch or something.
posted by GuyZero at 10:04 AM on April 24, 2006

I'm 6-4, but I used to work for a guy that is 6-8. He always said he enjoyed being so tall, as it always provided an initial icebreaker in conversations -- and he was right. It always gave people something to talk about. He blamed his height on drinking too much Guinness.
posted by frogan at 10:10 AM on April 24, 2006

I'm totally going to use the "with or without heels?" comeback the next time someone asks me how tall I am (which happens at least once a week).
posted by mathowie at 10:13 AM on April 24, 2006

A friend of mine os just over 7' (I think 7'1" or something) and people always ask him who he plays for (as in "basketball"). As a reply he either gives the name of his chess club, or a random well-known team.
posted by easternblot at 10:13 AM on April 24, 2006

"Ten foot six, but I'm wearing special shoes."
posted by Faint of Butt at 10:16 AM on April 24, 2006

put it in terms most people can understand:

"5 inches shorter than Shaq"
posted by ab3 at 10:25 AM on April 24, 2006

I just blink a few times like they're idiots and reply.
posted by jedrek at 10:35 AM on April 24, 2006

He blamed his height on drinking too much Guinness.

I love it.

The phrase "fe fi fo fum" might be good to have on hand for the little ones. If you don't mind playing along...
posted by salvia at 10:35 AM on April 24, 2006

It is very amusing to me that at 6'1" (6'2" in shoes), I never ever get asked how tall I am. But 4 extra inches in height gets people asking how the wheather is.

Just respond: "it doesn't matter."
posted by falconred at 10:35 AM on April 24, 2006

"666 centifeet"

That way you get to poke fun at silly (hard-to-use) units and people's strange attachment to numerology at the same time.
posted by Mr Stickfigure at 10:36 AM on April 24, 2006

If you answer in either centimeters (203) or inches (80), you're being accurate and polite but the conversion isn't immediate for most people, in my experience. Centimeters is worldwide, too, for the bonus points.
posted by cgc373 at 10:39 AM on April 24, 2006

Oh, and bonus points each time you explain that a centifoot is "just over 3 millimeters".
posted by Mr Stickfigure at 10:39 AM on April 24, 2006

People used to ask if I played basketball (I'm only 6'-5", so this was more back when I was in school). My response: "No. Do you play miniature golf?"
posted by LionIndex at 10:39 AM on April 24, 2006 [1 favorite]

I can't help but think of the tall archeologist Monty Python bit, but as a reasonable tall person I like things like...

"well you know what they say about men with long legs? (pause) they have long pants"
posted by edgeways at 10:41 AM on April 24, 2006

"Why on earth would you need to know that?"
posted by agregoli at 10:44 AM on April 24, 2006

I like JMOZ's idea of telling the truth in some obscure units. How about microns? Or even furlongs? 6'-8"=.0101 furlongs=2.03x10^6 microns.
posted by JJ86 at 10:56 AM on April 24, 2006

"Very."
posted by haqspan at 11:07 AM on April 24, 2006

I'm fond of dong's answer, myself. Gotta remember that one.
posted by donpedro at 11:08 AM on April 24, 2006

6'5"; 6'8" with the Afro
posted by kirkaracha at 11:31 AM on April 24, 2006

Oh, I'm exactly average... for the NBA.

(I had a roommate who was 6'10", so I was motivated to look up the fact that the average at the time was 6'8".)
posted by Aknaton at 11:38 AM on April 24, 2006

A little late to the party and nothing to add... but I have to say, I'm rather impressed with the majority of these answers. Good stuff.
posted by Witty at 11:40 AM on April 24, 2006

After honostly telling people that I am 6'2" or 6'3" I would get people saying "No way! I'm 6' and you are way taller than me."
posted by Chuckles at 11:40 AM on April 24, 2006

if you are the self deprecating sort

"i may be tall, but i 've got a lot of growing up to do.'
posted by domino at 11:41 AM on April 24, 2006

I'm 6'5" and I get this a lot. Just tell them your height and then when they say, "Wow, that's tall", say "Yeah, I know".
Then get on with the conversation.
Hey, it beats being short right?
posted by greytape at 11:51 AM on April 24, 2006

Actually scratch that. Some of these are great, be funny.
posted by greytape at 11:55 AM on April 24, 2006

I once saw a very tall guy with a t-shirt that read:

I'm 6'9"
The weather is fine up here
and NO, I do NOT play basketball

I thought that was brilliant. You could get a whole bunch of them made and never wear any other style shirt. Just an idea.
posted by mcstayinskool at 12:04 PM on April 24, 2006

Had a 7ft math teacher once who would would answer "6 ft 12".

A tall friend would occasionaly answer "right now?" or "standing or sitting?"
posted by alikins at 12:20 PM on April 24, 2006

I had a friend who was 6'8" and he'd answer that question with, "My driver's license says six foot eight, but morally I'm only five-six."
posted by BitterOldPunk at 12:44 PM on April 24, 2006

In the right company, and with a wicked grin, "Proportionate to my penis"
posted by tula at 12:45 PM on April 24, 2006

also, if attacked by a tall person, go for the knees! The KNEES!
posted by BitterOldPunk at 12:46 PM on April 24, 2006

I'm 6'5" and get that question a lot. I'm totally using some of these when I get my next chance. Thanks for the ideas, everyone! Off to research obscure unit conversions...
posted by educatedslacker at 12:51 PM on April 24, 2006

This isn't really a problem for *me* but, if I were tall I'd answer "I'm not sure, but i have a team of Dutch scientists working around the clock to get an exact number." Optionally, you can add "I'll can get back to you on that..."
posted by indiebass at 1:00 PM on April 24, 2006

So many tall guys around here. *swoon*
posted by cilantro at 1:03 PM on April 24, 2006

Wrong wrong wrong, JJ86. He seems far bigger than .0101 of one of these
posted by elr at 1:36 PM on April 24, 2006

Another good response to "Do you play basketball?" is "Are you a jockey?"
posted by exogenous at 1:36 PM on April 24, 2006

I'm 6'3", and generally when someone says "Howzitgoin', big guy?" to me, I generally respond, "Oh, pretty good, medium-size guy..."
posted by AJaffe at 1:40 PM on April 24, 2006

If I'm not in the mood for their nonsense, I have been known to say "I don't know, I never measured." I've also used 79 inches or just 79, but I might try some of the more obscure measurements listed here.

I usually just answer accurately and patiently, since most people don't seem to realize that they are annoying me.
posted by Lame_username at 1:42 PM on April 24, 2006

"is that a wig you are wearing?"
posted by Izzmeister at 1:47 PM on April 24, 2006

"3 inches. But this robotic exoskeleton I'm driving is 6'8". Now quiet or I'll vaporize you.
posted by kookoobirdz at 1:49 PM on April 24, 2006

What I find odd, is I'm 6'5" like several of the other posters, but I don't get asked this question too often. I do get the occasional "Holy crap you're huge!" though. Maybe I'm just scarier then the rest of you or something, not really sure.

I will tell you one thing though, I sure as hell get asked to pull stuff down from store shelves all the time.
posted by KirTakat at 2:28 PM on April 24, 2006

One Smoot eleven inches.
posted by gauchodaspampas at 2:29 PM on April 24, 2006

"Nice combover"
posted by cellphone at 3:18 PM on April 24, 2006

"I don't know... it's not finished yet."
posted by Dunwitty at 3:24 PM on April 24, 2006

I am 6'9" my response is "ERrrr"

when they say "Errrr"?

I say "Tall-Err" than you


alternately I say 4'11"

or I'll say 205.5 cm (more accurate than 6'9 anyway)


that question doesnt bother me, what gets me is "You're tall!"
how do you guys respond the the flat statement "You're tall"
posted by Megafly at 3:53 PM on April 24, 2006

I once saw a very tall guy with a t-shirt that read:

I'm 6'9"
The weather is fine up here
and NO, I do NOT play basketball

I thought that was brilliant. You could get a whole bunch of them made and never wear any other style shirt. Just an idea.

At 6'8" I've always said I want to make this exact shirt. You short guys don't realize how annoying it is for every single person on earth to present these questions and imagine they're some kind of wit. Generally they're only halfway there.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 4:13 PM on April 24, 2006

how do you guys respond the the flat statement "You're tall"

I'm not quite 6 feet tall, so the question doesn't apply to me, but I've grown a beard on a few occasions. After I shaved it off, somebody would invariably say to me, "You shaved your beard!"

I'd just reply, "I know."
posted by diddlegnome at 5:44 PM on April 24, 2006

"Tall enough that I don't like to fall down."

"??..."

"Takes too long to get back up here."

Also, when my dad (6'3" and size 13 shoes) gets comments on his big feet/shoes, or on his height, he says, "I would have been even taller if so much hadn't been turned down for my feet." Maybe you can use that somehow. In fact, he once almost got in trouble at the airport - a TSA officer remarked on his shoe size while wanding his feet (the metal stays had set off the alarm) and didn't catch Dad's response (after all, the guard was down at his shoes, six feet away from his mouth). TSA snaps, "What was that?" and Dad repeats, "I have a good understanding." Get it?

Also, I like to do the same as Shutter. I'm surprised that response isn't more common among us tall folks. "About yay high."
posted by attercoppe at 6:13 PM on April 24, 2006

So many tall guys around here. *double swoon*
posted by zia at 6:35 PM on April 24, 2006

I'm 6'3", and generally when someone says "Howzitgoin', big guy?" to me, I generally respond, "Oh, pretty good, medium-size guy..."

Yeah same height, same comment. I'm stealing your line...
posted by meech at 6:48 PM on April 24, 2006

"Put it this way, Shaquille O'Neal calls me 'big fella'".
posted by AmbroseChapel at 6:48 PM on April 24, 2006

I witnessed the following exchange between 2 guys at the urinal, one small, the other very tall.

Small: "huhuh, bet you have trouble aiming from up there!!?"
Tall: (deadpan): "Nope"

Took me a second. Genius.
posted by daveyt at 6:56 PM on April 24, 2006

Um, why not just say you're 6'8? No need to be an asshole. While plane travel might be a pain, you've got plenty of advantages already.
posted by TonyRobots at 7:06 PM on April 24, 2006

TonyRobots: the poster asked for witty, non-confrontational responses and hardly seems to be complaining, given that he seemed amused at a little kid calling him a monster.
posted by dmo at 7:20 PM on April 24, 2006

5' 9", but I've got really good posture.
posted by Guy Smiley at 10:59 PM on April 24, 2006

I'm not quite 6 feet tall, so the question doesn't apply to me, but I've grown a beard on a few occasions. After I shaved it off, somebody would invariably say to me, "You shaved your beard!"

I'd just reply, "I know."

What else can you say? It's just one of those stupid, obvious statements, isn't it? Of course you shaved your beard, you remember doing it!

I guess you could do something like look shocked, reach hesitantly towards your chin, rub it and then run screaming from the room! Would only work with certain crowds though...
posted by ranglin at 11:19 PM on April 24, 2006

A good friend of mine (about 6'5") always blames it on his father being a pig-farmer, they were always ankle deep in the pigshit they were shovelling... "my brother is even taller because he fell over more often".
posted by polyglot at 11:37 PM on April 24, 2006

I get the EXACT same thing, Chuckles. There's either a lot of people out there who are shorter than they think, or who don't recognize that 2" is still a fair difference in height. I always tell those people who are 6' compared to my 6'2 to think of the difference between themselves and somebody who is 5'10. That usually seems to de-flabbergast them.

As for witty comebacks... I like to use "as tall as" some random not-too-well-known celebrity. For 6'8, you could use Richard Moll.
posted by antifuse at 3:09 AM on April 25, 2006

I'm 6'2" and was already 6' at age 12. I appreciate your irritation. I'm also stocky, and the questions about football drove me nuts. Yet, I am one who would ask such a question. I'm merely calculating how tall a man must be to make me feel diliciously small.
posted by Goofyy at 6:32 AM on April 25, 2006

"How tall are you?"
"Oh, about three midgets."
posted by poq at 2:09 PM on April 25, 2006

Also, I find that if somebody calls me "Tiny" it is always best to nip that in the bud by immediately calling him "Smart" in return
posted by Megafly at 4:31 PM on April 26, 2006

Re: "you're tall," I have a friend who responds to overly-obvious statements by making a really funny bewildered face. "Whaaa?" Wrinkle your eyebrows, cock your head, feel concerned you have no idea what they're talking about, just look totally confused. You could even look over your shoulder like s/he might mean someone else... You have to be able to act serious while you're doing it and have the energy to ham it up for a second. (Would probably only entertain you the first couple times you do it.)
posted by salvia at 5:21 PM on April 26, 2006

My dad is 6'9" - er, he was that tall. The last few years he's been answering that question by explaining quite seriously that he used to be 6'9" but has shrunk a couple inches since he got older (he's 58).

I don't know how old you are, but I'm guessing you will need to wait a few decades before using this one. At least you can look forward to eventually being not as tall.
posted by clarissajoy at 7:16 PM on April 26, 2006