Nearly effortless self care?

September 9, 2022 11:39 AM

I have a disease that makes me achy, brain-fog-y and deeply exhausted when I am in a flare. Many of the things I used to do to feel better are no longer possible. For example, taking a walk, reading a book, even calling a friend. I'm looking for things I can do to make myself feel good and cared for on really bad days, but they need to require almost no effort physically or mentally which seems...impossible? Perhaps you can help!

(I am in therapy with a wonderful person who specializes in debilitating illness. I am well supported by my partner. I have decent medical care. )

Examples of what I'm looking for are things like--

Put on really comfortable pajamas

Don't judge yourself for watching epic amounts of TV

Make sure you are drinking enough water and maybe put it in a pretty glass

But I'm pretty stalled out after that and even TV can end up being too difficult when my brain fog is bad.

I want to avoid things like...meditate or yoga or avoid screens because they just set me up for failure.

(I am able to throw money at the problem within reason if that is helpful.)

posted by jeszac to Health & Fitness (47 answers total)

Herb teas? That's a riff on the "water in a pretty glass", but you've also added a nifty flavor as a bonus.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:43 AM on September 9, 2022 [7 favorites]

I have a friend who has a similar condition, and I know that podcasts were really a lifeline for her when things were at their most difficult. She told me that she didn't recall most of them because of her brain fog, but they were easier to just float along and listen to because they were less stimulating than television.

A pretty glass for water is nice and I've also found that having a sippy cup/thermos that can't be spilled is really useful.

If scent doesn't bother you consider candles or oils that give the room you're in a pleasant scent. Luxury sheets, fancy pillow, soft blankets that are nice to touch etc that you use when you aren't feeling well can be nice. My grandmother used to tuck an ironed sheet on the couch when I was ill and it was so nice and made me feel so cared for. Consider something to fidget with - a bowl of seashells or large glass beads, for example. Basically, making your environment as pleasant to your senses as possible.
posted by twelve cent archie at 11:53 AM on September 9, 2022 [4 favorites]

If your appetite and energy level allows, ordering a favorite or special food for delivery, and asking your partner to put it on the good china (or whatever your household equivalent is)?
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 11:54 AM on September 9, 2022 [3 favorites]

A loved one who deals with a similar-sounding medical issue usually just leans hard into "okay, this is a day for lots of TV that doesn't require a ton of brainpower, and ordering in something, ideally something that can cover multiple meals so I only have to think about this once." Like two meals' worth of Chinese food, or a pizza at lunchtime to pick at for dinner as well, or whatever. More recently he decided to throw some money at this and got a VR headset and now when the brain's really bad he goes and sits on a cliff in Virtual Iceland and enjoys a change of scenery that way. Or something shorter than TV shows, like short YouTube videos or the sort of podcast that has short episodes or multi-segment episodes you can dip in and out of.'

In a past period when I had a lot of brain fog and no concentration I did a lot of coloring and indulged myself in buying lots of nice colored pencils and markers.

Are you someone who would find it luxurious or at least pleasant to take a long bath with some fancy bath stuff, paint your nails, do something like a face mask, or otherwise do some relatively low-effort spa-like pampering sort of thing?
posted by Stacey at 11:55 AM on September 9, 2022 [3 favorites]

Can you come up with a really simple breathing exercise that's tailored to your own capabilities? Or just... take a few, slow breaths, and enjoy that feeling?

Also:
- shiatsu massage pillow

- heating pad that you can turn on, under your shoulders and/or back, whenever you feel like it

- kettle that will let you specify its target temperature, so you can make green tea that's delicious and not bitter

- plants outside that you can tend and enjoy. You'll get sun and fresh air, and you can set them up at whatever height is most convenient for you. I strongly suggest using big planters if possible; those will buffer the plants' moisture levels if you fall behind on watering.

- Kitty!
posted by amtho at 11:56 AM on September 9, 2022 [4 favorites]

During my achy brain-fog days of Covid what I loved was:
-Naps. Just constant, anytime naps.
-Slippers. A sturdy kind--So nice for sore feets.
-A youtube playlist. For me it was, weirdly, skincare/makeup videos? Which normally I don't like but oh, the lighting and the music and the voices were all so chill. And they're short, and you totally don't need to pay attention.
-Putting on real nice hand lotion--combo of the soft and good smell and a little massage action
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 11:57 AM on September 9, 2022 [5 favorites]

I have a chronic illness which does this.

I find reading books on Kindle or on my laptop with GIANT PRINT (the biggest possible print) easier than print books

Graphic novels/comics easier again. Young Adult graphic novels are easier than graphic novels aimed at older adults.

TV easier again (English language, with English captions I find easiest)

But when all of that is too hard,

I cuddle my cat or

I play low effort computer games like Stardew Valley or Boundless. I also play Oxygen Not Included in the sandbox mode where you can add resources with a click.

Stardew Valley can be made even easier with downloadable mods, too.

Also an electronically adjustible bed where you can put the back of the bed up and sit up in bed with your legs stretched out in front of you and your laptop on an over-bed table on wheels is really helpful. If an adjustible bed is too $$$$, you can buy all sorts of foam backrests designed to help you sit up in bed.
posted by carriage pulled by cassowaries at 11:58 AM on September 9, 2022 [5 favorites]

When I had a round of surgeries, I splurged and bought myself a Spotify Premium account. I've since kept it. I also have Long Covid.

On high energy days, I can research podcasts and make playlists of music I like, so on low energy days? I have something readily available to listen to that is both relaxing and entertaining. On low energy days, I usually can't handle visual or written mediums, but listening to things is fine.

Spotify Premium also lets you save playlists and podcast episodes on your local device, for offline use, if you don't have internet for whatever reason. I use that whenever I need to take public transportation anywhere.
posted by spinifex23 at 11:59 AM on September 9, 2022

I also enjoy watching film trailers on youtube.
posted by carriage pulled by cassowaries at 12:00 PM on September 9, 2022

I also have a paid version of the phone app radio.net, as sometimes I just find it pleasant to listen to NPR or the local Classical music station, without worrying about ads. They also have a great Sleep function, that I use nightly.

Last but not least, I have a JBL Bluetooth portable speaker that I wear on a lanyard, so I can listen to my phone apps easily, and also carry it around with me while I wander around the apartment.
posted by spinifex23 at 12:03 PM on September 9, 2022

I found the podcast a history of the world in 100 objects interesting but also relaxing

Link here
posted by carriage pulled by cassowaries at 12:06 PM on September 9, 2022 [1 favorite]

I really love the show How It's Made for days that need something mildly interesting but that doesn't require thought.
posted by SeedStitch at 12:08 PM on September 9, 2022 [2 favorites]

Sit outside.
posted by aniola at 12:11 PM on September 9, 2022 [10 favorites]

Put some luxurious hand cream on your hands

Cool damp washcloth on your face

Hot or cold shower (seated if necessary)

Light a scented candle (if scent isn’t irritating for your condition)

Small bowl of expensive ice cream from the freezer

Weighted blanket

One of those face mask sheets that comes in a pouch

Head massager (i.e. one of these things)


Also, I’ve found that having nice, warm, low lighting available really helps me feel relaxed and calm at home. You’d have to prep this during times when you’re feeling well — make sure you have nice lamps available in every room so you don’t have to use the harsh overhead lighting. Color changing bulbs are also fun so you can change them to fit your mood.
posted by mekily at 12:15 PM on September 9, 2022

Podcasts. I mean you can pretend that you are listening to enriching content but God I love a true-crime podcast.

It's nice to have a stash of emergency foods that don't make you feel terrible for eating them. Oatmeal in a cup, microwave meals, whatever.
posted by DarlingBri at 12:15 PM on September 9, 2022 [1 favorite]

Fave candy (childhood favorite? gummy vitamin? one of those snack subscription boxes?)

Scalp massage (with a dedicated scalp massager, either the one that looks like a weak sauce claw or the hairbrush nubby kind?), on preview, what mekily suggested!

However, unlike mekily I am someone who droops in darkness, and if you are similar, light therapy lamp.

Online thrifting/window-shopping (if you have an account at ShopGoodwill you can save "favorites" and have a little bit of that dopamine bump from heart-ing it, but without the hit of actually buying it.)

Eye pillow (the kind stuffed with seeds or similar to apply a little soothing pressure).
posted by spamandkimchi at 12:22 PM on September 9, 2022

Do you have a microwave? I ask because we didn't have one for about a decade, and when we finally got one it was a shock to realize just what a wide variety of microwaveable meals I could have in my freezer and then get onto my plate in a matter of minutes. (I'm currently dealing with a broken ankle -- no match to your situation, of course -- but having a microwave has made it so much easier for me to have enjoyable meals.)
posted by BlahLaLa at 12:24 PM on September 9, 2022 [3 favorites]

I have a chronic illness and was having a flare; my metabolism was way out of whack. Got a Nintendo Switch & Animal Crossing to play with a family member who is lonely and has communication issues. For unclear reasons, he isn't playing, but I am having great fun with it. Switch + game = 400, plus a few dollars a month for an account, so might not be in your budget. The Animal Crossing subreddits are incredibly helpful & generous. The game is task-driven(harvest stuff for $, build stuff, etc.), but if you don't do tasks today, you can do them tomorrow. It's sweet and cheery and has been fun, which I needed. I enjoy the graphics with beautiful sunsets and occasional lightning storms, ocean diving. Also creative, once you start being able to do more stuff.

During Covid isolation, I made some playlists on youtube, and listening to music helps with how depressing chronic illness can be, and with mustering up enough energy to make tea or lunch.

NPR and PBS pretty much always have something worthwhile on, and if I don't remember who Terry Gross interviewed, who cares. When I have no energy, time gets fluid, and that's not helpful to me, so radio and tv programming helps me get anchored in time, if that makes sense.

I agree that time outside can be really helpful if you can manage it. It helps to have sleepwear that can go outside with no side-eye. It's okay if you watch tv, eat a microwaved meal, and don't wash your face until suppertime. Guilt and self-blame don't help you feel better.
posted by Mom at 12:27 PM on September 9, 2022 [4 favorites]

If the texture of plush appeals to you, I recommend some nice plushy blankets, or maybe even a few plush stuffies to hug. I got a furry weighted blanket, which is both good for weighted-blanket reasons and nice to pet.

If you run warm/hot, stick with getting stuffed animals, and don't do the fuzzy blanket, obviously.

I hope you find things that help you feel better!
posted by SaharaRose at 12:35 PM on September 9, 2022 [1 favorite]

I like to read cookbooks when I am really tired and can’t even follow a plot.
posted by haptic_avenger at 12:45 PM on September 9, 2022 [7 favorites]

I have flares of varying intensity from time to time.
I had a friend/handyman replace the worn-out, unattractive flooring in my bathroom with new flooring. Makes it nicer to be there.
Sudoku from the daily paper for mindless distraction (I rarely play Sudoku when I'm feeling well.)
A backrest that I put at one end of the sofa, and comforters to nap under.
A pantry/fridge stocked with safe foods like eggs, bread, rice, applesauce, and teas.
posted by apartment dweller at 1:11 PM on September 9, 2022

Chronic illness here too. Podcast or Audiobook laying down with a cozy blanket and a blindfold on was the only thing that I can do that make me feel restored or at least not worse.
posted by Res0ndf7 at 1:12 PM on September 9, 2022 [1 favorite]

Switch from (or add) tea to broth. Whether that's "bone" broth or better than bouillon (I'm a vegetarian and spend the winter afternoons sipping on mugs of BTB low sodium vegetable, and the fake chicken one), there's something very different and warming about a savory warm drink.
Also, depending upon legality and health needs, edibles.
posted by atomicstone at 1:23 PM on September 9, 2022 [2 favorites]

If you can find a Let's Play-er you like, it's like a podcast with pictures. I've often had one on in the background during pandemic times. There's a broader range of styles than you might think. It's not just a bunch of fifteen-year-olds swearing and giggling.
posted by praemunire at 1:32 PM on September 9, 2022

Long covider here. For me, the softest fabrics possible are super-comforting. I just bought a fleecy blanket from the supermarket household section for £12 that is like touching a cosy cloud. And this fluffy fleece from Uniqlo is so comforting I'd never take it off if it weren't for the perimenopausal hot flushes *rolls eyes at my body's endless shenanigans*.

Other stuff -
* Having somewhere to hang out that's as comfy as my bed, but elsewhere, so I can chill there but still "go to bed" at the end of the day and sleep OK.
* Staring out the window at the trees. YMMV but if you have a place you can easily look at nature, it can be more restorative (or at least more relaxing and soothing) than just staring into space or watching TV. The Brain on Nature podcast is interesting on this topic, though her situation is not yours and YMMV.
* I got one of those galaxy lamps that projects cool swirly patterns of light on the ceilings and sometimes when everything else was too much (or when it was too dark out to watch the trees) would just lie back and watch that for a bit. I splashed out a bit on one which reviews said didn't have a noisy motor and it's pretty cool.
* Podcasts and audio about being in nature - I listened to loads of episodes of the Ramblings podcast with Clare Balding when I had actual Covid and it was perfect. Took me out of my indoor world; had no plot, so I could fall asleep and she'd be up Snowden with a vicar, and wake up to her on the South Downs with a lion tamer (or whatever) and it didn't matter. The audiobooks of Wild and A Walk in the Woods scratched the same itch for me (though AWITW does have a lot of "Here's all the terrible things that we've done to the natural world" which is less relaxing).
* If your partner or shopping allows, having some snackable vegetables or something like that around makes me feel like I'm at least looking after my body in one respect and stops me just eating junk when I'm bored and fed up. YDRMV (dietary requirements!).
posted by penguin pie at 1:43 PM on September 9, 2022 [3 favorites]

When I am too ill to do much else, I like to put on comfy PJs, light a nice-smelling candle, and cuddle or play with the cat. Sometimes music or chill podcasts (the kind where it feels like chatty friends are over, and you don't have to pay much attention or really even follow the storyline to enjoy them) can be nice too. I also like sitting in a zero gravity chair on the porch with my feet up and watching the birds, on their own or at a bird feeder or hummingbird feeder.
posted by cnidaria at 1:53 PM on September 9, 2022

Colouring makes me feel like I'm doing something, (print off pages from Pinterest) and watching Bernadette Banner on YouTube is very soothing. I love her voice, and she makes Victorian clothes, which I do not aspire to do, so is entirely entertaining and doesn't make me feel like I "should be doing something."
Seconding ebooks with the lettering huge.
posted by Enid Lareg at 2:06 PM on September 9, 2022 [2 favorites]

I recently started paying for a Dropout.tv account and a couple Patreon accounts for podcasts I like. It adds up to like $15/month and feels very worth it to be able to put something on that I know I'll enjoy. I especially like the silly game shows on Dropout because they don't require mental energy to enjoy.

I have a Theraflow foot massager under my desk and love it, though I have to be sure to use it one foot at a time or else my knees get sore.

Rejecting my "don't drink your calories" indoctrination has also been hugely helpful. I don't drink much alcohol but having a tasty non-alcoholic beverage in the evening can be very soothing, whether it's a decaf coffee with cream and sugar, fancy instant cocoa, or fruit juice with seltzer.

Monument Valley is a mobile game that I've returned to a few times when I need something a little engaging but not stressful.
posted by theotherdurassister at 3:27 PM on September 9, 2022 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: These are all wonderful. Thank you.
posted by jeszac at 3:29 PM on September 9, 2022

A double-walled steel tumbler with a metal straw for ice water!

They are so well-insulated that:
1) There's no condensation on the outside, no water ring on the table.
2) The water is ice-ice cold every time you pick it up.
3) The ice itself lasts forever!
When I had a horrible sore throat with covid, I would put a tray of ice into my tumbler, and then would refill it with cold water three times before the ice was used up. And it was so great to have cold water by my bedside that stays cold until morning!

I don't know why the metal straw makes such a big difference, but for me the texture is much nicer than plastic, and the straw itself being nice and cool is soothing, somehow.

I have this kind, it has a bendy straw, even!
posted by BrashTech at 3:48 PM on September 9, 2022 [4 favorites]

Re-watch favorite movies and re-read favorite books (get them in an audio version so you don't have to tire your hands holding a book or screen.) The familiarity is comforting, and if you zone out or fall asleep, you don't really feel like you missed anything.

When I get really achy and tired from "overdoing" I take some CBD gummies along with a wee little (1 mg) THC tablet, a couple of acetaminophen, 600 mg. of L-theanine and go to bed. I usually get a few hours of good sleep and feel better when I wake up... less sore, and less of the bone-deep tiredness. Obviously you'll want to clear anything you take with your doctor, that is just what I found works for me.

TikTok is really good for some low-effort entertainment. No decisions to be made, no commitment to watch for any length of time... videos are presented to you and you either watch or scroll. The thought-free nature of it really relaxes me when I just can't with everything.

I have this little mini fridge and I really like it. It holds six drink cans (if you take out the little plastic basket on the door) and keeps them really cold, so you could have your favorite soda or seltzer or mini-bottles of water at bedside ready to go. If you find cold to be soothing you could also use it to store face masks, or a face roller and some lotion to give yourself a little refreshing facial.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 5:02 PM on September 9, 2022 [1 favorite]

I find that low-effort sensory novelty keeps me in a better mood and helps me get back to normal cognitively when I deal with fatigue. I have a hammock that provides a nice place to rest with different sensations than a bed. I also like to do jigsaw puzzles. I don't experience brain fog of the severity you do.

Maybe you could bring nature to yourself with a fish tank. It would require some research beforehand, though. I wonder whether you'd find some kind of soothing sound beneficial such as a chime, a singing bowl, or a tongue drum. Play-Doh could be satisfying.
posted by Comet Bug at 8:02 PM on September 9, 2022

A foot massager you keep by the couch. I have this one and it's the best. Along those longs, a massage chair, or a hand massager.
posted by never.was.and.never.will.be. at 8:36 PM on September 9, 2022

A hammock, hammock chair or porch swing. A really comfortable cot or lawn chair so you can nap outside.
posted by The Toad at 8:58 PM on September 9, 2022

Sometimes I just lay there and watch the drone flyby screensavers on the AppleTV because that’s all my brain can handle. Just the right amount of movement and imagery. If I’m up for it, I also like making abstract paintings using the iPad pencil and Procreate. I can’t draw or paint but just making lines and shapes with oil brushes is relaxing and fun.
posted by bigbigdog at 10:30 PM on September 9, 2022 [1 favorite]

Listen to audiobooks, not necessarily new to you books but ones you know so you don’t have to concentrate much. Or nice music. If your setup for listening to things is not good what would make it better?

Nice coffees, teas, hot chocolate or flavoured waters or nicely chilled water. Nice cups/glasses.

Nice socks, scarfs, blankets.

Pretty flowers in easy view, perhaps nice smelling.

Nice scented candle, nice reed diffuser or similar scent if you like that kind of thing.
posted by koahiatamadl at 11:28 PM on September 9, 2022 [1 favorite]

It's definitely not for everyone since I know some people can't handle scents, but I personally find perfume or cologne to be a really pleasant form of self-care. I dunno, it's nice to smell nice and it's super low-effort.
posted by Nibbly Fang at 7:39 AM on September 10, 2022 [1 favorite]

A galaxy lamp has really been key for mw. The patterns are mindless pretty things that fill the gap between “too brain dead for tv” and “too awake for sleep.” Great for watching while podcast or music.
posted by Bottlecap at 9:00 AM on September 10, 2022 [1 favorite]

I got a string of color changing led lights, but the galaxy light is quite appealing.
posted by theora55 at 11:48 AM on September 10, 2022 [2 favorites]

I recently was introduced to "where we call home" on Discovery plus, which has several benefits -- very calm discussions of renovations of non residential buildings into homes (not excitable at all), segments that are only 10 to 15 minutes long, and episodes that can be re-watched without feeling as though you're losing your mind. So, interesting and thoughtful but not at all strenuous.

If you have a music program that supports playlists, on days when you have the energy to do so, I recommend making several that include music that you think of as guilty pleasures or as whatever your version of "easy listening" might be, so that you can have a variety of music playing at any given moment without having to use any energy to think about what you might want.

I find mynoise.net really fun and not at all taxing to play around on -- it is a library of white noise generators that is more complete than you can imagine. If you donate $5, you can have unlimited access and the ability to mess around with the presets. I pay $5 per month and it's a steal at that rate. So you can find the best relaxing soundscapes for yourself as well as trying out new ones and then doze off to which ever you like.

Also, I can't tell you how important it has been throughout my adult life to be sure that my bed and bedroom are soothing and relaxing. As little clutter as possible, all white bedclothes, a years-long search for the perfect sheets (which in my view are 300 to 400 thread count cotton percale), the perfect pillows for sleep, for reading, for sitting up, etc. and also a large wardrobe of pj's and nightgowns so that I can always wear fresh ones. Those are the things that give me comfort when I can't use my brain.
posted by janey47 at 2:00 PM on September 10, 2022 [1 favorite]

soft blankets
posted by Jacqueline at 6:02 PM on September 10, 2022

Rocking chair or porch swing so that you can sway. Rocking yourself is often comforting.

If you have personal outdoor space such as a balcony or deck, going outside.

Comfort food of whatever sort works for you that can be purchased ready-to-serve, or microwave-and-serve - rice pudding, warm milk, mashed potatoes, cereal, baked squash, soup, refried beans, whatever.

Nostalgia food, and nostalgia music and nostalgia shows and nostalgia books. Rereading a chapter book you loved when you read it in elementary school can be soothing. Goosebumps or other formula books work well with a brain that just can't.

Romance novels, if you can find any that suit you - they are designed to lead you through a predictable arc in a way that triggers good feelings, ending with feeling, loved, recognized and chosen.

Things that reduce the light and incoming stimulus - sleep mask, sunglasses, hood, noise cancelling headphones, big soft socks, a over sized long sleeved shirt that hangs over your hands, weighted blanket, getting naked under the covers, etc.

Love objects such as rag dolls, that can be cuddled and rearranged and sat up and tucked in but don't actually need care taking, and don't get damaged if you roll on them or they fall out of bed. They can provide less demanding companionship than the cat, who will wake you up to be fed.

Working with patterns, such as stringing beads - nothing too fiddly - or colouring. Colouring pixels on Steam. Knotting fleece blankets, folding laundry, mindless repetitive actions that show progress after awhile.
posted by Jane the Brown at 8:09 PM on September 10, 2022

I have a similar illness. Call the Midwife is my favorite comfort TV. Imagine having people whose job it was to come to your house and help you feel better! I also play games while the comfort TV is going. In addition to Stardew Valley and Oxygen Not Included, I have been enjoying Timberborn, and I play some of the Conceptis puzzles each week (some of them are too hard and I've never learned how to play them).
posted by hydropsyche at 6:46 AM on September 11, 2022

Blackout curtains are a godsend for me when I have a migraine. I like my weighted blanket and it has a cover that's a cooling material on one side and a fuzzier one on the other.
posted by kathrynm at 8:03 AM on September 11, 2022

If you have hair that's long enough to tie up, upgrade your hair tie game. I feel so much better when I put my hair up in a satin scrunchie rather than a dollar store hair elastic!
posted by yawper at 7:42 PM on September 11, 2022

Jigsaw puzzles!! Don't need a screen, don't take much thinking, low stakes, satisfyingly tactile. Recommended with tea and your fave playlist.
posted by emeiji at 8:26 PM on September 11, 2022 [1 favorite]

The Bedbound Activity Masterlist
posted by jocelmeow at 4:51 PM on September 12, 2022 [1 favorite]