From DINKS to SINKS
July 14, 2022 8:49 AM Subscribe
How would you spend your time in a meaningful way if you didn't have to/couldn't work? There's a 75% chance I will be in this position in the near future, and I am kind of at a blank!
In my previous question I asked about the value of not being married. Well dear reader, turns out I'm getting married for immigration purposes, to follow my loved one to Zurich! I'm unlikely to get a job immediately and I can't move my current role remotely due to pay parity issues with CH. I'm just finishing up a master's degree now (my second). We don't have children and thankfully my partner will be supporting me. I feel like some of my day can be dedicated to language... But other than that? Volunteering; do people do that remote nowadays? What do FIRE people do? What would you do with endless freedom?
In my previous question I asked about the value of not being married. Well dear reader, turns out I'm getting married for immigration purposes, to follow my loved one to Zurich! I'm unlikely to get a job immediately and I can't move my current role remotely due to pay parity issues with CH. I'm just finishing up a master's degree now (my second). We don't have children and thankfully my partner will be supporting me. I feel like some of my day can be dedicated to language... But other than that? Volunteering; do people do that remote nowadays? What do FIRE people do? What would you do with endless freedom?
Exciting, congrats! I was in a similar position about 10 years ago (different city) for about 8 months. I spent my time doing exactly what you're thinking: volunteering (but double check if it's allowed on your visa - because sometimes even unpaid work counts as work to the government) - particularly in museums. And then I spent a lot of time exploring the city on foot and bike - I visited to every museum I could (I was lucky - most were free) and every park, cycle path etc. just to get a good feel for the new city/country. And I took some adult education classes - languages, cooking, etc.
Bella Donna - I think FIRE is 'financially independent, retire early'.
(Also OP just double checking - you say you don't have children but not if you want to stay that way? If you're even considering it, it's a good time to think about it because that's also an easy way to get an instant social circle in a new place).
posted by atlantica at 9:03 AM on July 14, 2022 [2 favorites]
Bella Donna - I think FIRE is 'financially independent, retire early'.
(Also OP just double checking - you say you don't have children but not if you want to stay that way? If you're even considering it, it's a good time to think about it because that's also an easy way to get an instant social circle in a new place).
posted by atlantica at 9:03 AM on July 14, 2022 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: (Bio-kids look like they aren't going to happen for us for medical reasons. But I'm open to DOGS!)
posted by socky_puppy at 9:14 AM on July 14, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by socky_puppy at 9:14 AM on July 14, 2022 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I retired (early, I’d guess you’d call it) to Mexico a few years ago.
Service is important to me so one day a week I volunteer at a small non-profit English library/event center where my very modest computer skills (like knowing how to upgrade from Windows 10 to Windows 11) are highly valued.
Other than that most days consist of learning Spanish, watching YouTube explainer videos, playing video games, and fixing up the house. I have a small social life consisting mostly of expats.
Occasionally I’m tempted to do small money-making activities like teaching English online or taking a contract in my old industry, but it doesn’t take long for me to think “Nah." and go back to farting around.
Something you should know is that right now The Matrix has you. You can make plans all day but they will all be based on a you that is highly adapted to a particular environment (academia, it sounds like). It can take months if not years to shake that off and figure what you personally want. So it’s good to look for ideas but don’t get too attached — finding out who you are without a structure imposed on you is half the fun.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 9:24 AM on July 14, 2022 [10 favorites]
Service is important to me so one day a week I volunteer at a small non-profit English library/event center where my very modest computer skills (like knowing how to upgrade from Windows 10 to Windows 11) are highly valued.
Other than that most days consist of learning Spanish, watching YouTube explainer videos, playing video games, and fixing up the house. I have a small social life consisting mostly of expats.
Occasionally I’m tempted to do small money-making activities like teaching English online or taking a contract in my old industry, but it doesn’t take long for me to think “Nah." and go back to farting around.
Something you should know is that right now The Matrix has you. You can make plans all day but they will all be based on a you that is highly adapted to a particular environment (academia, it sounds like). It can take months if not years to shake that off and figure what you personally want. So it’s good to look for ideas but don’t get too attached — finding out who you are without a structure imposed on you is half the fun.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 9:24 AM on July 14, 2022 [10 favorites]
This doesn't directly answer your question, but may provide some thoughts:
When I was ten, my family moved overseas to Germany for a couple years. My father had the job, my mother did not. She was absolutely miserable for the entire time that we were there. Most of that, admittedly, was her own fault (various reasons I don't need to get into here), but some of it stemmed from isolation. She took some language lessons but never really pursued it well enough to be able to operate independently (this was just after English was a mandated course in German schools, so most adults still did not speak any English). She also didn't drive and would not learn how to use the transit systems, so she frequently was stuck in our small town. There were few other adults to talk to, again because it was a small town but also because we were ausländer and there were some definite attitudes towards foreigners.
So beyond all that, you're still in a position like the rest of us where someone has to be responsible for the day-to-day stuff that make life possible. It's probably worth having a discussion with your partner about what the plan is going to be for handling life at home - cooking, cleaning, upkeep. Are you going to pick up more housework because your partner will be working? Will you be able to afford help for that? Are you going to become a Hausfrau? How many days a week do both of you want a home cooked meal? We've toyed with the idea of one or both of us leaving the workforce or reducing hours, and when I've tallied up the amount of work required to keep a home in my ideal style it starts getting close to a full time job.
posted by backseatpilot at 9:35 AM on July 14, 2022 [2 favorites]
When I was ten, my family moved overseas to Germany for a couple years. My father had the job, my mother did not. She was absolutely miserable for the entire time that we were there. Most of that, admittedly, was her own fault (various reasons I don't need to get into here), but some of it stemmed from isolation. She took some language lessons but never really pursued it well enough to be able to operate independently (this was just after English was a mandated course in German schools, so most adults still did not speak any English). She also didn't drive and would not learn how to use the transit systems, so she frequently was stuck in our small town. There were few other adults to talk to, again because it was a small town but also because we were ausländer and there were some definite attitudes towards foreigners.
So beyond all that, you're still in a position like the rest of us where someone has to be responsible for the day-to-day stuff that make life possible. It's probably worth having a discussion with your partner about what the plan is going to be for handling life at home - cooking, cleaning, upkeep. Are you going to pick up more housework because your partner will be working? Will you be able to afford help for that? Are you going to become a Hausfrau? How many days a week do both of you want a home cooked meal? We've toyed with the idea of one or both of us leaving the workforce or reducing hours, and when I've tallied up the amount of work required to keep a home in my ideal style it starts getting close to a full time job.
posted by backseatpilot at 9:35 AM on July 14, 2022 [2 favorites]
Best answer: Kurt Vonnegut, autobiographically:
“[…] Then I go down the steps and my wife calls, 'Where are you going?'
'Well,' I say, 'I'm going to buy an envelope.'
And she says, 'You're not a poor man. Why don't you buy a thousand envelopes? They'll deliver them, and you can put them in the closet.'
And I say, 'Hush.'
So I go to this newsstand across the street where they sell magazines and lottery tickets and stationery.
I have to get in line because there are people buying candy and all that sort of thing, and I talk to them. The woman behind the counter has a jewel between her eyes, and when it's my turn, I ask her if there have been any big winners lately.
I get my envelope and seal it up and go to the postal convenience center down the block at the corner of Forty-seventh Street and Second Avenue, where I'm secretly in love with the woman behind the counter.
I keep absolutely poker-faced; I never let her know how I feel about her.
One time I had my pocket picked in there and got to meet a cop and tell him about it.
Anyway, I address the envelope to Carol in Woodstock. I stamp the envelope and mail it in a mailbox in front of the post office, and I go home.
And I've had a hell of a good time.
I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you any different."
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 9:36 AM on July 14, 2022 [52 favorites]
“[…] Then I go down the steps and my wife calls, 'Where are you going?'
'Well,' I say, 'I'm going to buy an envelope.'
And she says, 'You're not a poor man. Why don't you buy a thousand envelopes? They'll deliver them, and you can put them in the closet.'
And I say, 'Hush.'
So I go to this newsstand across the street where they sell magazines and lottery tickets and stationery.
I have to get in line because there are people buying candy and all that sort of thing, and I talk to them. The woman behind the counter has a jewel between her eyes, and when it's my turn, I ask her if there have been any big winners lately.
I get my envelope and seal it up and go to the postal convenience center down the block at the corner of Forty-seventh Street and Second Avenue, where I'm secretly in love with the woman behind the counter.
I keep absolutely poker-faced; I never let her know how I feel about her.
One time I had my pocket picked in there and got to meet a cop and tell him about it.
Anyway, I address the envelope to Carol in Woodstock. I stamp the envelope and mail it in a mailbox in front of the post office, and I go home.
And I've had a hell of a good time.
I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you any different."
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 9:36 AM on July 14, 2022 [52 favorites]
I'd heavily focus on language. There have been studies in the language pedagogy world that claim that 20hrs a week at minimum to make significant progress - the point isn't that you can't progress with less, but more that something magical starts to happen once you commit that much time to it.
After that, I'd focus on building good habit/adjusting to the move. International moves are stressful even if the circumstances are relatively cushy. So I'd really commit to getting 8hrs of sleep every night, making new friends, getting into an exercise routine that works for you (there is a lot of gorgeous hiking around Zurich if that appeals), exploring the city, reading for fun, taking the time to cook my favorite meals, etc.
Of course, these are the sorts of habits that help me feel grounded and with a sense of wellness. Your own are almost certainly different. But I wouldn't worry too much about "accomplishing" anything other than feeling settled and adjusted to a new country.
posted by coffeecat at 10:20 AM on July 14, 2022 [2 favorites]
After that, I'd focus on building good habit/adjusting to the move. International moves are stressful even if the circumstances are relatively cushy. So I'd really commit to getting 8hrs of sleep every night, making new friends, getting into an exercise routine that works for you (there is a lot of gorgeous hiking around Zurich if that appeals), exploring the city, reading for fun, taking the time to cook my favorite meals, etc.
Of course, these are the sorts of habits that help me feel grounded and with a sense of wellness. Your own are almost certainly different. But I wouldn't worry too much about "accomplishing" anything other than feeling settled and adjusted to a new country.
posted by coffeecat at 10:20 AM on July 14, 2022 [2 favorites]
I would explore my new area, language, history, culture. I would write. I would take photos. I would cook and bake. I would garden. I would craft. I would create. I would learn - there are SO MANY things I want to learn and I will never have enough time. I would hike/walk/bike. I would exercise. I would meet people.
I'm pretty sure I could fill up several lifetimes with all the things I want to do, if it weren't for things like keeping a roof over my head and taking care of small ones.
posted by stormyteal at 12:41 PM on July 14, 2022 [3 favorites]
I'm pretty sure I could fill up several lifetimes with all the things I want to do, if it weren't for things like keeping a roof over my head and taking care of small ones.
posted by stormyteal at 12:41 PM on July 14, 2022 [3 favorites]
If I were living in Switzerland with no work obligations, I would find some rock climbing partners and spend the warm months climbing rocks, hiking mountains, and staying in picturesque mountain huts. Just the right mix of socialization, physical and mental challenge, and natural wonder.
posted by jedicus at 1:33 PM on July 14, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by jedicus at 1:33 PM on July 14, 2022 [4 favorites]
Oh, and if you haven't spent much time in Europe (and your wife will tolerate it) then travel, travel, travel. Give me a Eurail Pass and Atlas Obscura and I could easily spend 6 months wandering Europe. Much longer if I had a home there.
If you go that route, make sure to arrange the Eurail Pass before you move.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 1:35 PM on July 14, 2022 [2 favorites]
If you go that route, make sure to arrange the Eurail Pass before you move.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 1:35 PM on July 14, 2022 [2 favorites]
I've recently been reading This is Where You Belong; she suggests many tips for learning about, giving back, and appreciating a new locale
posted by olopua at 4:42 PM on July 14, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by olopua at 4:42 PM on July 14, 2022 [3 favorites]
Write a book and publish it on Kindle. Take up a sport you have never even thought about trying, one that takes years to learn. Get an advanced degree in something you don't plan to do for a living. Learn to knit, crochet, cross-stitch, embroider, or needlepoint. Join a quilting group. Take long walks for the purpose of running small errands, and take a different route every time.
posted by Peach at 6:39 PM on July 14, 2022
posted by Peach at 6:39 PM on July 14, 2022
Volunteering. There is an incredible need, and nothing makes you feel quite as alive as helping another human being just because you can.
posted by Pwoink at 4:50 AM on July 15, 2022
posted by Pwoink at 4:50 AM on July 15, 2022
Find three lifelong hobbies:
Something to engage your mind.
Something to engage your hands.
Something to engage your feet (or other exercise-related activities).
Ideally these hobbies will be things you can do in old age, will lead to a healthier mind-body lifestyle, bring new acquaintances into your orbit, etc.
It's nice (but not necessary) to include the dear spouse in these hobbies. You can share. You can go solo.
And you can change up to new hobbies as your interests wax and wane.
Staring into space has many names, but at its base is a nice change to relentless activity. Mix it up a bit.
posted by TrishaU at 6:45 AM on July 15, 2022 [6 favorites]
Something to engage your mind.
Something to engage your hands.
Something to engage your feet (or other exercise-related activities).
Ideally these hobbies will be things you can do in old age, will lead to a healthier mind-body lifestyle, bring new acquaintances into your orbit, etc.
It's nice (but not necessary) to include the dear spouse in these hobbies. You can share. You can go solo.
And you can change up to new hobbies as your interests wax and wane.
Staring into space has many names, but at its base is a nice change to relentless activity. Mix it up a bit.
posted by TrishaU at 6:45 AM on July 15, 2022 [6 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by Bella Donna at 8:56 AM on July 14, 2022