Want to help me figure out how to figure out what I like to do?
April 18, 2006 6:55 AM Subscribe
I have a lot of free time now that I'm single again, but I don't really know what to do with it. Help?
I was talking to my therapist today about how to fill my time now that the guy I was dating has exited my life without explanation, and she suggested that I spend more time on my interests and hobbies. But I realized that I can't think of any interests or hobbies that I have. I waste away my free time taking walks, readings books/mags, and surfing the internet. And formerly with this boy. Now that the boy is out of the picture, I have much more free time on my hands. I'm hoping to motivate myself and to use some of it to begin going to the gym regularly (I could stand to lose about 15-20 pounds, suggestions on how to do that are also welcome), but mainly I'm wondering -- how do I figure out where my interests lie, what sorts of hobbies I might want to pick up, and where I should meet people (not just guys, but also new friends). I realize that it's strange that I don't know what I like, but I really was at a loss when asked about them.
I was talking to my therapist today about how to fill my time now that the guy I was dating has exited my life without explanation, and she suggested that I spend more time on my interests and hobbies. But I realized that I can't think of any interests or hobbies that I have. I waste away my free time taking walks, readings books/mags, and surfing the internet. And formerly with this boy. Now that the boy is out of the picture, I have much more free time on my hands. I'm hoping to motivate myself and to use some of it to begin going to the gym regularly (I could stand to lose about 15-20 pounds, suggestions on how to do that are also welcome), but mainly I'm wondering -- how do I figure out where my interests lie, what sorts of hobbies I might want to pick up, and where I should meet people (not just guys, but also new friends). I realize that it's strange that I don't know what I like, but I really was at a loss when asked about them.
Don't be so hard on yourself, you've listed at least three interests. If I were in your position I would consider doing two things: joining a bookgroup and making some kind of project out of taking walks.
For the first, I'd look at the local independent bookstore to see if they have a series of bookgroups you could look over and join. This combines reading and meeting people. You might also check at the local library if there isn't an independent bookstore near you.
For the second, I'd consider where you like to walk and make up something to get you doing more of it. Do you like to hike in the woods? What about traveling to hiking in all of the state parks you can get to from where you live? What about visiting every cuty park? What about exloring on foot a new neighborhood each weekend? What about getting a cute dog to take on walks and attract earnest affectionate boys?
Other than that, is there something that you've wanted to try before that you've felt like you didn't have time to do? Yoga, Pilates, pottery, painting? Learning Spanish, cooking? Now is the time to pick something that isn't now a hobby, but which you've been vaguely interested in before, and pursue it. Eating creates the appetite.
posted by OmieWise at 7:19 AM on April 18, 2006 [1 favorite]
For the first, I'd look at the local independent bookstore to see if they have a series of bookgroups you could look over and join. This combines reading and meeting people. You might also check at the local library if there isn't an independent bookstore near you.
For the second, I'd consider where you like to walk and make up something to get you doing more of it. Do you like to hike in the woods? What about traveling to hiking in all of the state parks you can get to from where you live? What about visiting every cuty park? What about exloring on foot a new neighborhood each weekend? What about getting a cute dog to take on walks and attract earnest affectionate boys?
Other than that, is there something that you've wanted to try before that you've felt like you didn't have time to do? Yoga, Pilates, pottery, painting? Learning Spanish, cooking? Now is the time to pick something that isn't now a hobby, but which you've been vaguely interested in before, and pursue it. Eating creates the appetite.
posted by OmieWise at 7:19 AM on April 18, 2006 [1 favorite]
Does making something with your hands appeal to you? I love listening to WNYC or the BBC World Service while knitting or making beaded jewelry, and I want to start making soap one of these days, too.
posted by leapingsheep at 7:22 AM on April 18, 2006
posted by leapingsheep at 7:22 AM on April 18, 2006
If you ever ice skated, rollerblading is a breeze and really fun. You set your own pace.
posted by Ferrari328 at 7:33 AM on April 18, 2006
posted by Ferrari328 at 7:33 AM on April 18, 2006
Did you ever miss anything about yourself when you were with him? Stuff that you liked to do that he could absolutely not stand? Now you can do whatever you want! If you have a local community college, I would check out their Continuing Ed catalog. For 20 dollars you can learn to make Asian appetizers or your own ceramic mug. I don’t think your reading or taking walks is a waste of time. Breakups are hell, so don’t feel bad about taking it easy for a bit. There’s a reason why you read the books you do, and you could always branch out your interest based on what you’re reading. Reading about it? Try doing it!
posted by pieoverdone at 7:36 AM on April 18, 2006
posted by pieoverdone at 7:36 AM on April 18, 2006
I did a lot of volunteering after my break up. It kept me busy, pulled me out of my funk, made me feel capable and useful ... and I met a terrific guy. Idealist.org is a good place to start looking for opportunities.
posted by hamster at 7:42 AM on April 18, 2006
posted by hamster at 7:42 AM on April 18, 2006
Photography whilst walking is a great way to enjoy yourself - and gives you the option to get involved in communities like Flickr... after a while, you'll be amazed at how many great photos you can "see" in everyday locations.
posted by Chunder at 7:45 AM on April 18, 2006
posted by Chunder at 7:45 AM on April 18, 2006
I do not presently do this, but if I had the time and were single and childless, I would do this in a heartbeat.
Also, in a lot of areas, people who are active Red Cross volunteers get some benefits from the community, such as cars a dealer invoice.
Mostly what you would be doing is helping people who have lost their houses through fire, getting them what they need in the first few days. And if a disaster hits, you would fill up a lot of that free time. . .
posted by Danf at 7:54 AM on April 18, 2006
Also, in a lot of areas, people who are active Red Cross volunteers get some benefits from the community, such as cars a dealer invoice.
Mostly what you would be doing is helping people who have lost their houses through fire, getting them what they need in the first few days. And if a disaster hits, you would fill up a lot of that free time. . .
posted by Danf at 7:54 AM on April 18, 2006
Because I missed going to live music shows when I moved, doubly so after my last break-up, I signed up for the email lists of all the various music venues and theaters and museums in the area that looked interesting (basically a day or two of websurfing to find them). Every week I get a list of potentially cool things going on in the city, and -- and here's the trick! -- I write down *all* the events that interest me on my calendar.
I certainly don't always *go* to everything I've written down, but it's much easier to glance at my calendar and get motivated to go out when I see "Oh, that show's going on tonight at the bar down the street" rather than having to sort through my email to actively find the listing.
I also subscribed to a bunch of new magazines. There's something about the portability of magazines that makes me go out to cafes or bars to read them -- which, while not the most social activity, at least gets me out of the house.
posted by occhiblu at 8:14 AM on April 18, 2006
I certainly don't always *go* to everything I've written down, but it's much easier to glance at my calendar and get motivated to go out when I see "Oh, that show's going on tonight at the bar down the street" rather than having to sort through my email to actively find the listing.
I also subscribed to a bunch of new magazines. There's something about the portability of magazines that makes me go out to cafes or bars to read them -- which, while not the most social activity, at least gets me out of the house.
posted by occhiblu at 8:14 AM on April 18, 2006
Oh, and I second volunteering or classes -- or even classes where you learn how to volunteer. Places like museums or historic sites might be able to train you to be a guide, or hospitals or hospices might be able to train you to be some sort of patient services volunteer, etc. I think it's nice to find a volunteer activity that requires a bit of training commitment, both because I've found you meet people more easily during class than during the actual volunteering activity and because it makes me feel a bit more masterful at the activity rather than just "random kid off the street working in soup kitchen for the morning."
posted by occhiblu at 8:17 AM on April 18, 2006
posted by occhiblu at 8:17 AM on April 18, 2006
Lots of good ideas here. If you like to walk and read, then walk to someplace new every day, sit on a bench/stoop/lawn and read for a bit. Then get up and walk somewhere else. Or walk to the park and stop at a different spot each day and read. Buy an inexpensive camera and tak photos of the places you read at. Join a book club. Revisit old hobbies from your youth. If you played sports as a child then volunteer to coach. Get a bicycle and bike to farther away parks/green spaces and walk/read/take pictures there. Babysit the small children of family and/or friends on a regular basis and take them out to the playground/park. If you do the camera thing get a digital or a scanner and create a website of your photos, or a blog of your daily excursions with a link to flickr photos.
There are literally tons of things you can do with minimal financial input.
posted by ChazB at 8:17 AM on April 18, 2006
There are literally tons of things you can do with minimal financial input.
posted by ChazB at 8:17 AM on April 18, 2006
If you like to walk, maybe you could join a hiking or outdoors club, the kind that bus or carpool all the members to a diffeent location every saturday morning or whenever . . . great exercise, meet new people, enjoy some beautiful local scenery. And Chunder is right, a great way to enjoy photography.
posted by jamesonandwater at 8:24 AM on April 18, 2006
posted by jamesonandwater at 8:24 AM on April 18, 2006
I'd second the bicycle idea, exploring new places is a great way to get through breakups.
posted by Sreiny at 8:46 AM on April 18, 2006
posted by Sreiny at 8:46 AM on April 18, 2006
To lose the weight: assuming your ideal weight accords with medical opinion each of the 15-20 pounds is being stored as fat and each pound stores about 3,500 calories. Now check here to work out the approximate number of calories you should be taking in per day By creating a calorie deficit of 500 calories per day relative to this figure you can loose a pound a week. You could go as high as a 1,000 calorie daily deficit but if you go higher you risk disrupting your metabolic rate and causing other problems. The best bet is to create the deficit via a combination of diet and exercise. Some types of exercise will burn calories faster than others but 5 one hour long sessions per week should be enough. Schedule to reach your target weight some time in September. Go for a sensible diet and exercise regime that you can maintain indefinately. I'm loosly following a recipe I found here.
posted by rongorongo at 8:47 AM on April 18, 2006
posted by rongorongo at 8:47 AM on April 18, 2006
This may sound kinda dumb, but...
Theme nights.
Monday - go out to a movie night
Tuesday - yoga night
Wednesday - etc. etc. etc.
The specific events and nights are entirely up to you, but if you schedule something for the same night every week, the cool thing is you can make an event of it - tell your friends that every Monday's movie night, and people will come along with you. Before you know it you're going out with a group of people at least once a week.
The only way to discover new interests is to try things - if you like it, it's a new interest; if you don't, it was a good experience anyway. I'm happily engaged, and will be happily married next year, but damn I loved being single. It's a lot of fun, doing whatever you want.
Remember, there's no success or failure here, just degrees of success. There are no wrong answers. Go have fun!
posted by pdb at 9:27 AM on April 18, 2006
Theme nights.
Monday - go out to a movie night
Tuesday - yoga night
Wednesday - etc. etc. etc.
The specific events and nights are entirely up to you, but if you schedule something for the same night every week, the cool thing is you can make an event of it - tell your friends that every Monday's movie night, and people will come along with you. Before you know it you're going out with a group of people at least once a week.
The only way to discover new interests is to try things - if you like it, it's a new interest; if you don't, it was a good experience anyway. I'm happily engaged, and will be happily married next year, but damn I loved being single. It's a lot of fun, doing whatever you want.
Remember, there's no success or failure here, just degrees of success. There are no wrong answers. Go have fun!
posted by pdb at 9:27 AM on April 18, 2006
A friend of mine went through a similar situation and she ended up taking breakdancing classes, which seemed to help her take up her time, lose weight, and meet single guys.
posted by empath at 9:48 AM on April 18, 2006
posted by empath at 9:48 AM on April 18, 2006
I second the Red Cross. It can be a lot of fun.
You know what I did last time I was single and feeling miserable? I sat around, watched TV, surfed the web, and downloaded more porn than you can shake a stick at.
Then I said "This has to change." - and I picked up my iPod, my camera, the GPS, and went Geocaching. I personally think that getting up and getting out of the house is very important. It's also a great way to meet people. Maybe you could start a local Geocaching group or join one that already exists?
MixerMixer is a way to meet people too. It's not a dating thing, just a "random people that hang out" setting. (Might be just a Bay Area thing, tho..I'm not sure)
posted by drstein at 11:00 AM on April 18, 2006
You know what I did last time I was single and feeling miserable? I sat around, watched TV, surfed the web, and downloaded more porn than you can shake a stick at.
Then I said "This has to change." - and I picked up my iPod, my camera, the GPS, and went Geocaching. I personally think that getting up and getting out of the house is very important. It's also a great way to meet people. Maybe you could start a local Geocaching group or join one that already exists?
MixerMixer is a way to meet people too. It's not a dating thing, just a "random people that hang out" setting. (Might be just a Bay Area thing, tho..I'm not sure)
posted by drstein at 11:00 AM on April 18, 2006
I could stand to lose about 15-20 pounds
Then obviously you need something that isn't sedentary. Stay away from the kitchen, out of the house, out of restaurants, out of your seat. Keep sky above you and you'll lose weight and be happy.
If you're in the Northern Hemisphere, it's spring, time for biking, hiking, running, swimming, sailing, climbing, camping, gardening. Join a club that does one or more of these things and you'll have more fun and meet people.
posted by pracowity at 12:23 PM on April 18, 2006
Then obviously you need something that isn't sedentary. Stay away from the kitchen, out of the house, out of restaurants, out of your seat. Keep sky above you and you'll lose weight and be happy.
If you're in the Northern Hemisphere, it's spring, time for biking, hiking, running, swimming, sailing, climbing, camping, gardening. Join a club that does one or more of these things and you'll have more fun and meet people.
posted by pracowity at 12:23 PM on April 18, 2006
Take a class in something vaguely interesting to you. It's a great way to discover what you like, meet people who also have a certain amount of free time, improve yourself, and maybe a gateway into an entire new interest. Plus it's a commitment of a few weeks, after which you can decide to go further or try something else.
If you want, you can take a dance class - different types of dance use different amounts of energy, but it could potentially help you with the fitness issue.
posted by amtho at 1:03 PM on April 18, 2006
If you want, you can take a dance class - different types of dance use different amounts of energy, but it could potentially help you with the fitness issue.
posted by amtho at 1:03 PM on April 18, 2006
I think trying a few new things helps with working out how you want to spend your free time. I found the weekly newspaper brought to my attention some new interests. For exercise I do Bikram yoga and walk.
posted by Chimp at 1:55 PM on April 18, 2006
posted by Chimp at 1:55 PM on April 18, 2006
Take up a martial art. (See also: "What kind of martial arts should I do?" and "What practical martial art to use?".)
posted by ajp at 4:25 PM on April 18, 2006
posted by ajp at 4:25 PM on April 18, 2006
wine tasting classes, cooking classes, learn to play pool, learn squash, learn glassblowing, learn figure drawing, learn pottery, yoga, learn lipreading, learn a language, woodcarving, learn to shoot a pistol, learn to ride a motorcycle, go skydiving, learn scuba diving, learn to sail, fly a kite, go hiking, caving, take an art history class, go to all the art galleries/museums in your area, deliver meals to the elderly, work at a soup kitchen, work at a hospice, take salsa lessons, take swing dancing lessons, learn to sing, learn an instrument, learn a genre of music in depth, join a book club, choose a group from meetup.com, learn tantric sex, learn to meditate, go bowling, take classes in how give good blowjobs,
take pole dancing classes, get a cat 2 driving license, learn web design, learn to sew, learn jewellery making, get teaching english as a second language TESL qualification, take acting classes, join an improv group, take a writers workshop, learn self-hypnosis, learn to critique poetry, learn first aid, learn printmaking, learn painting with watercolors
posted by tranceformer at 7:49 AM on April 19, 2006 [2 favorites]
take pole dancing classes, get a cat 2 driving license, learn web design, learn to sew, learn jewellery making, get teaching english as a second language TESL qualification, take acting classes, join an improv group, take a writers workshop, learn self-hypnosis, learn to critique poetry, learn first aid, learn printmaking, learn painting with watercolors
posted by tranceformer at 7:49 AM on April 19, 2006 [2 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by tristeza at 7:05 AM on April 18, 2006