What do kids want to know about parents?
July 1, 2022 7:29 AM Subscribe
At some point kids grow out of the "teachers sleep at the school" stage and start being interested in the adults around them as people. From your memories or kids you've observed, what's particularly fascinating to them about their parents specifically, and at what age?
This is for a project I'm working on, but I don't have kids or a strong episodic memory myself so I'm crowdsourcing. I have a vague memory of being interested as a kid in the story of how my parents met, what they liked studying in school, animals from their past, funny stories, and their style choices including Halloween costumes, but I don't remember exactly what age I was at this time. I imagine (but am not sure) that I was less interested in things like what they did for work. I know from observing my under-8 nieces that they are unmoved by family relationships (e.g. knowing that their mom and I are sisters the same way they're sisters is utterly uninteresting to them).
What else do kids like to know, once they realize that their parents are people? What are they bored by?
This is for a project I'm working on, but I don't have kids or a strong episodic memory myself so I'm crowdsourcing. I have a vague memory of being interested as a kid in the story of how my parents met, what they liked studying in school, animals from their past, funny stories, and their style choices including Halloween costumes, but I don't remember exactly what age I was at this time. I imagine (but am not sure) that I was less interested in things like what they did for work. I know from observing my under-8 nieces that they are unmoved by family relationships (e.g. knowing that their mom and I are sisters the same way they're sisters is utterly uninteresting to them).
What else do kids like to know, once they realize that their parents are people? What are they bored by?
Learning that they were Santa Claus was somewhat crushing.
posted by Melismata at 7:38 AM on July 1, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by Melismata at 7:38 AM on July 1, 2022 [1 favorite]
what always interested me was: what was different in life, small things, while my parents were growing up versus now; childhood injury/scar stories; what books my parents read as kids; the story of my birth (I had traumatic birth that involved a medivac so my mom often told it ritualistically every year anyway lol) and my older siblings births.
posted by wellifyouinsist at 8:06 AM on July 1, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by wellifyouinsist at 8:06 AM on July 1, 2022 [2 favorites]
Best answer: My kids were interested in funny stories about things I did when I was their age, whatever age they were at the time, i.e., "When I was 5, grandpa convinced me that eggs could evaporate," or "When I was 9, I fell off a horse that was standing still." Now that they're in their late teens/early twenties, they are simultaneously fascinated and horrified hearing about how I used to pay bills by mailing a check, or even more horrifying, going to an actual building and paying with cash.
posted by SamanthaK at 8:26 AM on July 1, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by SamanthaK at 8:26 AM on July 1, 2022 [4 favorites]
Best answer: My nieces and nephews love hearing about the ways in which my childhood was "the olden days" compared to theirs. Like how when I was their age, tablets hadn't been invented yet, so we just had to look out the window and talk to each other on long car rides. Or how I used to call my mom from a pay phone, collect, and when asked for my name, say really fast "pickmeupfromsoccerpractice" and then she'd decline the call and come get me. My 8 year old niece, in particular, was fascinated by how the Columbia House cassette tape club worked, because she's used to just asking Siri or Alexa to play whatever song she wants to listen to.
posted by decathecting at 8:28 AM on July 1, 2022 [7 favorites]
posted by decathecting at 8:28 AM on July 1, 2022 [7 favorites]
Yes, our favorite stories were always ones about when our parents were children themselves.
posted by probably not that Karen Blair at 8:33 AM on July 1, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by probably not that Karen Blair at 8:33 AM on July 1, 2022 [3 favorites]
Best answer: I liked hearing about what my parents as kids had in common with me, where my traits came from. My mom hated swimming lessons. My dad loved to read. I also liked hearing from my grandparents about shocking or surprising or naughty things my parents did. They seemed so infallible and perfect so it was really fun to imagine them misbehaving.
I was interested in my parents' wedding because it was a major fun event with tons of people I knew, but younger versions of them and I wasn't around yet. I wanted to hear about their first date, and how my dad proposed. I was also interested in who they dated before they met each other, and why those relationships ended (they didn't date much, though).
I loved finding out about hidden talents of my parents. My mom was a really good artist; my dad knew morse code and had a ham radio license and could juggle, things like that.
My own kids are 3 and 7; the 7-year-old mostly likes hearing from his grandparents about times when I or my spouse misbehaved (the time my spouse climbed on the roof and dropped nails down the chimney at age 6 is a BIG HIT).
posted by castlebravo at 8:41 AM on July 1, 2022 [3 favorites]
I was interested in my parents' wedding because it was a major fun event with tons of people I knew, but younger versions of them and I wasn't around yet. I wanted to hear about their first date, and how my dad proposed. I was also interested in who they dated before they met each other, and why those relationships ended (they didn't date much, though).
I loved finding out about hidden talents of my parents. My mom was a really good artist; my dad knew morse code and had a ham radio license and could juggle, things like that.
My own kids are 3 and 7; the 7-year-old mostly likes hearing from his grandparents about times when I or my spouse misbehaved (the time my spouse climbed on the roof and dropped nails down the chimney at age 6 is a BIG HIT).
posted by castlebravo at 8:41 AM on July 1, 2022 [3 favorites]
My dad/uncle/grandfather were all in the army - I always wanted to know if they killed anybody. They were real quiet their time in the service, except my uncle who was an army ranger and did lots of para-trooping.
I always found it kind of strange in contrast to my aunt, who was a nurse and later ran AIDS hospice where people regularly died, and she wasn't shy about talking about surgeries, injuries, etc, on a daily basis.
Also what they ate, as it was surprisingly different.
The times they caused mischief, and what tv shows they liked to watch.
posted by The_Vegetables at 9:23 AM on July 1, 2022
I always found it kind of strange in contrast to my aunt, who was a nurse and later ran AIDS hospice where people regularly died, and she wasn't shy about talking about surgeries, injuries, etc, on a daily basis.
Also what they ate, as it was surprisingly different.
The times they caused mischief, and what tv shows they liked to watch.
posted by The_Vegetables at 9:23 AM on July 1, 2022
I liked hearing cooking stories - stories about the foods my parents grew up with, what they liked or didn't, how their parents liked to cook, when they first encountered something I took for granted as a "normal" food - I remember being fascinated by the fact that my dad had never eaten broccoli until he met my mom.
posted by darchildre at 9:24 AM on July 1, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by darchildre at 9:24 AM on July 1, 2022 [1 favorite]
My mother loved to tell about her childhood, so rather than wanting to know more, I was full up with stories about what life was like when your only toy was a tin can, a piece of string and a stick. However, my parents had a strict rule about not telling us how old they were (they embarked on marriage and kids rather late) so I was curious about their ages from about age 7 and stunned when I found out, at age 11, that my father had just turned 50. I don't remember how old I thought he was, it just seemed incredibly ancient.
posted by zadcat at 9:29 AM on July 1, 2022
posted by zadcat at 9:29 AM on July 1, 2022
I loved hearing about how much of troublemaker my mother was. She was born in '55, had 3 brothers, and they all did wild stuff around their Los Angeles neighborhood. As an only child who longed for older siblings (ahahaha) and the opportunity to do mischief, it was fun to live vicariously through the bedtime stories she told me about her childhood.
posted by The Adventure Begins at 9:36 AM on July 1, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by The Adventure Begins at 9:36 AM on July 1, 2022 [4 favorites]
Best answer: I remember very distinctly when my 4th grade teacher came into school with his hair all wet. I asked him why it was wet and he told me that he goes surfing before school (on LI) whenever he can. It blew me away on many levels. One, he could surf. Two, he had time before school to go surfing. Three, he had a life outside school. Four, that he promised to take the class to the beach one day near the end of the year (it rained that day and we never rescheduled). Fast foward 40+ years and I decided to look him up. I found him as a principal at a school on LI. I wrote him an email telling him about his influence on me (I learned to surf a few years after his class) as both a teacher and as a male teacher who talked about channeling your energy into something fun or productive. We exchanged a few emails.
My grandfather used to tell me stories starting with, "When I was your age,..." His father died when he was young and he would tell me how when he was 10 he went to work in a factory in Brooklyn to help support the family. I was scared that my parents would put me to work at 10. For about a year, I would tell my parents not to buy me new shoes or whatever. I was worried that I was spending too much and they would put me to work. I did get a job when I was 16 and have worked steadily since.
My kids loved to hear stories about college when they got to HS. Telling them G rated fraternity stories or my grades never ceased to interest them. I was and am a big Deadhead. I have been to over 150 Grateful Dead concerts. They listen to it whenever in my car. Mom's car is kid music or whatever they were listening to at the time. My car was Grateful Dead bootleg tapes or eventually Sirius 23. About when they were in HS, it occurred to them that if I had gone to that many shows, I must have done drugs. They asked about that.
Interestingly, my brother's kids always asked me for stories about their dad at Thanksgiving and Christmas. I had taken over possession of the family photos (my mom did not want to deal with it anymore). They always asked about pictures of their dad at their age and about wheat a psycho he was. He was nuts. Most intense person I know.
I badgered my mom to put all of her mother's and her grandmother's recipes into a book so I would have them. She would tell stories of her grandmother, my great-grandmother, cooking and singing. I finally asked my great grandmother to sing her songs into a tape recorder. I would fall asleep listening to her most nights.
I loved hearing about the stories my dad told about when he worked as a vendor selling "dirty water" dogs at Ebbets field.
My kids went to the same summer camp I did as a kid so they loved hearing me tell stories of when I did the things they were doing like the camping trips we took, etc.
I would say it was around the age of 8-10 when I became aware of the world around me and the same for my kids.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 9:43 AM on July 1, 2022 [2 favorites]
My grandfather used to tell me stories starting with, "When I was your age,..." His father died when he was young and he would tell me how when he was 10 he went to work in a factory in Brooklyn to help support the family. I was scared that my parents would put me to work at 10. For about a year, I would tell my parents not to buy me new shoes or whatever. I was worried that I was spending too much and they would put me to work. I did get a job when I was 16 and have worked steadily since.
My kids loved to hear stories about college when they got to HS. Telling them G rated fraternity stories or my grades never ceased to interest them. I was and am a big Deadhead. I have been to over 150 Grateful Dead concerts. They listen to it whenever in my car. Mom's car is kid music or whatever they were listening to at the time. My car was Grateful Dead bootleg tapes or eventually Sirius 23. About when they were in HS, it occurred to them that if I had gone to that many shows, I must have done drugs. They asked about that.
Interestingly, my brother's kids always asked me for stories about their dad at Thanksgiving and Christmas. I had taken over possession of the family photos (my mom did not want to deal with it anymore). They always asked about pictures of their dad at their age and about wheat a psycho he was. He was nuts. Most intense person I know.
I badgered my mom to put all of her mother's and her grandmother's recipes into a book so I would have them. She would tell stories of her grandmother, my great-grandmother, cooking and singing. I finally asked my great grandmother to sing her songs into a tape recorder. I would fall asleep listening to her most nights.
I loved hearing about the stories my dad told about when he worked as a vendor selling "dirty water" dogs at Ebbets field.
My kids went to the same summer camp I did as a kid so they loved hearing me tell stories of when I did the things they were doing like the camping trips we took, etc.
I would say it was around the age of 8-10 when I became aware of the world around me and the same for my kids.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 9:43 AM on July 1, 2022 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I of course knew on some level that my parents and grandparents were people with lives and hopes and dreams and struggles separate from me but it was so very hard to imagine as a child and even as a teen and young adult. I'd say I didn't fully grasp it until I became a parent myself, hahaaaaaa.
I remember being most interested in stories about my parents as kids, what their house and bedrooms were like, what my grandparents were like when they were young parents, and especially the pets they had growing up. I liked hearing my grandma call my dad by a cute nickname that only she used for him. I was curious about my parents' wedding, and the many places they moved before settling into the house where I grew up. Anytime we drove by a place that they had some previous connection to (a neighborhood, a store, an old job), they would volunteer the backstory on it. My mom didn't have a happy childhood so her stories were much harder to come by. My dad did and so was more free with information, and was better at folding us into activities and hobbies that he liked. Being taken to the bookstore with them was always a special treat as well as an insight into what they were interested in at the time. My dad brought work home most nights and so often we'd end up sharing the dining room table while I did my homework, but his job was completely inscrutable to me. I knew it was science-y and that's it. My mom worked at a school in various admin roles and so that was much more relatable, but I still had no idea what she actually did most days and can't remember ever asking.
My daughter is eight and is only just now starting to request more stories about my childhood and think to ask about the particulars of my grown-up life that's separate from her. She LOVES anything where I got in trouble or made mischief or rebelled against authority in particular, and will repeat these stories back to my parents quite often. I talk a lot about growing up pre-Internet and how I learned to manage boredom. I share my musical tastes with her and the books I'm reading and volunteer a lot of information about my job and my day overall and what I do with my time when I'm apart from her whether she asks for it or not.
posted by anderjen at 9:59 AM on July 1, 2022 [2 favorites]
I remember being most interested in stories about my parents as kids, what their house and bedrooms were like, what my grandparents were like when they were young parents, and especially the pets they had growing up. I liked hearing my grandma call my dad by a cute nickname that only she used for him. I was curious about my parents' wedding, and the many places they moved before settling into the house where I grew up. Anytime we drove by a place that they had some previous connection to (a neighborhood, a store, an old job), they would volunteer the backstory on it. My mom didn't have a happy childhood so her stories were much harder to come by. My dad did and so was more free with information, and was better at folding us into activities and hobbies that he liked. Being taken to the bookstore with them was always a special treat as well as an insight into what they were interested in at the time. My dad brought work home most nights and so often we'd end up sharing the dining room table while I did my homework, but his job was completely inscrutable to me. I knew it was science-y and that's it. My mom worked at a school in various admin roles and so that was much more relatable, but I still had no idea what she actually did most days and can't remember ever asking.
My daughter is eight and is only just now starting to request more stories about my childhood and think to ask about the particulars of my grown-up life that's separate from her. She LOVES anything where I got in trouble or made mischief or rebelled against authority in particular, and will repeat these stories back to my parents quite often. I talk a lot about growing up pre-Internet and how I learned to manage boredom. I share my musical tastes with her and the books I'm reading and volunteer a lot of information about my job and my day overall and what I do with my time when I'm apart from her whether she asks for it or not.
posted by anderjen at 9:59 AM on July 1, 2022 [2 favorites]
My daughter, as a high school senior, did an interview with my dad on his life. I remember some of her questions, and his answers. My dad, who was in the military, was asked:
1) Why did you choose the career you did?
2) What are you most proud of that you've done?
3) Anything you might do differently?
It was in the answer to this last question that my dad admitted he had a relationship with a woman in Vietnam. Let's say that the answer derailed the interview.
My daughter was old enough to handle the answer. I was stunned that my dad had admitted this to his granddaughter. (My brother and I knew for years.)
I share this only as a warning that some stuff may come out that is unexpected.
posted by Colonel Sun at 10:33 AM on July 1, 2022 [2 favorites]
1) Why did you choose the career you did?
2) What are you most proud of that you've done?
3) Anything you might do differently?
It was in the answer to this last question that my dad admitted he had a relationship with a woman in Vietnam. Let's say that the answer derailed the interview.
My daughter was old enough to handle the answer. I was stunned that my dad had admitted this to his granddaughter. (My brother and I knew for years.)
I share this only as a warning that some stuff may come out that is unexpected.
posted by Colonel Sun at 10:33 AM on July 1, 2022 [2 favorites]
This is somewhat tangential, but: As a child of an elementary school teacher (my mom taught art K-5), I always found the shocked look of other kids when they discovered my mom was an actual person in the world utterly hilarious, even as a small kid myself. Totally mindboggling that kids would be shocked by my mom in a grocery store!
posted by coffeecat at 12:21 PM on July 1, 2022
posted by coffeecat at 12:21 PM on July 1, 2022
Pictures had this effect on me more than anything I think. When I was mid-teens, I remember seeing a picture of my dad as a little boy and kind of realizing I'd never thought of him as being a little boy before and wondering what he was like.
posted by Gravel at 12:47 PM on July 1, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by Gravel at 12:47 PM on July 1, 2022 [1 favorite]
When I was 8 or 9, I asked my mother about living in the "Roaring Twenties" (she was born in 1921) and she laughed and told me it was just like the Depression in rural Northwest Minnesota.
We lived in Los Angeles and it was amazing to me that she lived on a farm, rode in a horse pulled wagon when her family went into town and nearly froze or starved during the winter. After that I often asked her to tell me stories of her earlier life
posted by a humble nudibranch at 12:57 PM on July 1, 2022
We lived in Los Angeles and it was amazing to me that she lived on a farm, rode in a horse pulled wagon when her family went into town and nearly froze or starved during the winter. After that I often asked her to tell me stories of her earlier life
posted by a humble nudibranch at 12:57 PM on July 1, 2022
Best answer: The thing I most remember in this category are my mom's stories about what life was like when she was the same age as I was during the telling. I remember being astonished that she was required to wear skirts to school when I was 8 and weird random things like the fact that her school had a swimming pool. As an older teenager in the late '90s, stories about what it was like to be a queer teenager in the early '60s were really fascinating.
posted by eotvos at 1:03 PM on July 1, 2022
posted by eotvos at 1:03 PM on July 1, 2022
Four-year-old daughter asked me today if we had Netflix when I was a boy.
posted by johngoren at 1:39 PM on July 1, 2022
posted by johngoren at 1:39 PM on July 1, 2022
early teen me: "my parents say to NEVER do drugs"
my uncle: "what?! your dad sold me my first joint!"
early teen me: "...I N T E R E S T I N G"
my mom: *glaring daggers at my uncle*
posted by Jacqueline at 4:25 PM on July 1, 2022 [2 favorites]
my uncle: "what?! your dad sold me my first joint!"
early teen me: "...I N T E R E S T I N G"
my mom: *glaring daggers at my uncle*
posted by Jacqueline at 4:25 PM on July 1, 2022 [2 favorites]
When my kid was small (say, 2-4) his very favorite stories were about me taking care of his aunts when they were small (I was a teenager when they were born). I think the idea that he was not the first preschooler I’d made grilled cheeses for blew his mind.
In early elementary school age, he alternated between asking for stories of his dad and I pre-kid, and writhing with jealousy at us spending time together without him.
Later elementary school and now middle school, he is curious about comparing and contrasting our childhoods, particularly when he comes out ahead. :) But he’s been interested in things like what I did for summer break growing up, how we afforded college, how various bits of technology worked, how my childhood pet differed from his, and a report card my mom found from 5th grade.
posted by tchemgrrl at 5:04 PM on July 1, 2022
In early elementary school age, he alternated between asking for stories of his dad and I pre-kid, and writhing with jealousy at us spending time together without him.
Later elementary school and now middle school, he is curious about comparing and contrasting our childhoods, particularly when he comes out ahead. :) But he’s been interested in things like what I did for summer break growing up, how we afforded college, how various bits of technology worked, how my childhood pet differed from his, and a report card my mom found from 5th grade.
posted by tchemgrrl at 5:04 PM on July 1, 2022
I wanted to know about my mother's life when she was the same age as me, but she didn't have many stories unless we were watching a soap set in her childhood years. My kids didn't seem interested in my history until they were trying to cope with adult life and wondered if I'd faced similar issues. Now that they are both more than 7 years older than when I had the first one, they can't imagine being responsible for a family.
posted by b33j at 8:33 PM on July 1, 2022
posted by b33j at 8:33 PM on July 1, 2022
My six year old asked what my favourite app was when I was a kid. When I had to explain to her that not only did we not have apps, we didn’t even have devices! We had to watch tv. And not just that, if you missed out on an episode of your favourite tv show, that was it, back then you couldn’t record it and they didn’t show it again sometimes for years! Wow, life was hard back then.
posted by Jubey at 11:53 PM on July 3, 2022
posted by Jubey at 11:53 PM on July 3, 2022
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posted by raccoon409 at 7:32 AM on July 1, 2022 [1 favorite]