New rescue dog blues
June 30, 2022 8:58 AM Subscribe
I'm fostering a rescue dog and slowly losing my mind. Advice and comforting stories needed!
This is not my first time fostering but this is my first time fostering this challenging of a dog. She's a one year old mixed breed (maybe pitbull?) and I wasn't really up to fostering her because I am used to fostering small dogs. The foster org asked if I could consider because she was going to be euthanized, so I said yes. It's only been 5 days since we brought her home. She's a very sweet dog but attached to me at the hip (understandably.) I think I would be just fine if she could go on walks, but she is too fearful to leave the house or backyard. They are doing construction near my house which I think has spooked her, but really, anything outside spooks her. We walk a little past the front yard, she pancakes, whale eyes, and bolts home. I tried driving her to a quieter place but that still put her in panic mode, so I've just been keeping her at the house and in the backyard.
But she has so much energy, it's hard to get it out without a walk. She will chase a ball in the backyard for about...1 minute, and then get disinterested or lay down. We let her sniff and roam out there for 20 minutes before she asks to go back inside. Inside, she hasn't really learned how to play with toys. We tried simple nosework of hiding some treats around the house but that seemed to only entertain her for a bit and then she's back to high energy. She's gone through 3 strong chew toys since she's been here! I can't keep giving her a frozen kong since she will go through that quickly, and I don't want to overfeed her. Every time I pull out her leash, she seems eager to get outside the house, and then she'll freeze and bolt back once we're outside, even with hot dog treats. And then she's a ball of energy inside, and it feels like I've run out of options to do right by her. She did well in her previous foster home that had a dog, but we have no dogs. We have a friend who has a dog but they don't live close by.
I work from home so I feel like I'm constantly trying to engage her. She will go down for naps from time to time, but I'm anxious that I haven't given her enough play. If only she would be able to go on walks, I think this would make time easier.
I'm thinking of reaching out to the foster org that I can't do this, but I know foster homes are short and adoption times are slow, so I think I'd still be taking care of her. I've thought of asking them for help, but they've told me to give it more time and she might get better. I don't see her wanting to go outside to walk within the next few weeks.
I feel ridiculous feeling this way, but I feel stir crazy and somehow like a mom of a toddler and I want to cry. My partner works late recently, so I don't get much of a break until late at night. I'm thinking of going to work at a coffee shop for a chunk of the day to get away from home, but I feel bad leaving her in her crate for a few hours when she hasn't got much stimulation from the things we've tried. Maybe I am doing this wrong? Or have some unfair expectations? Truly, every other dog I've fostered before this has been a breeze and/or a small dog, so I could pick them up and try another place. She's bigger and stronger and also much more fearful.
Any tips, or even stories of dog blues, and if there's any hope here, I'll take all of it.
This is not my first time fostering but this is my first time fostering this challenging of a dog. She's a one year old mixed breed (maybe pitbull?) and I wasn't really up to fostering her because I am used to fostering small dogs. The foster org asked if I could consider because she was going to be euthanized, so I said yes. It's only been 5 days since we brought her home. She's a very sweet dog but attached to me at the hip (understandably.) I think I would be just fine if she could go on walks, but she is too fearful to leave the house or backyard. They are doing construction near my house which I think has spooked her, but really, anything outside spooks her. We walk a little past the front yard, she pancakes, whale eyes, and bolts home. I tried driving her to a quieter place but that still put her in panic mode, so I've just been keeping her at the house and in the backyard.
But she has so much energy, it's hard to get it out without a walk. She will chase a ball in the backyard for about...1 minute, and then get disinterested or lay down. We let her sniff and roam out there for 20 minutes before she asks to go back inside. Inside, she hasn't really learned how to play with toys. We tried simple nosework of hiding some treats around the house but that seemed to only entertain her for a bit and then she's back to high energy. She's gone through 3 strong chew toys since she's been here! I can't keep giving her a frozen kong since she will go through that quickly, and I don't want to overfeed her. Every time I pull out her leash, she seems eager to get outside the house, and then she'll freeze and bolt back once we're outside, even with hot dog treats. And then she's a ball of energy inside, and it feels like I've run out of options to do right by her. She did well in her previous foster home that had a dog, but we have no dogs. We have a friend who has a dog but they don't live close by.
I work from home so I feel like I'm constantly trying to engage her. She will go down for naps from time to time, but I'm anxious that I haven't given her enough play. If only she would be able to go on walks, I think this would make time easier.
I'm thinking of reaching out to the foster org that I can't do this, but I know foster homes are short and adoption times are slow, so I think I'd still be taking care of her. I've thought of asking them for help, but they've told me to give it more time and she might get better. I don't see her wanting to go outside to walk within the next few weeks.
I feel ridiculous feeling this way, but I feel stir crazy and somehow like a mom of a toddler and I want to cry. My partner works late recently, so I don't get much of a break until late at night. I'm thinking of going to work at a coffee shop for a chunk of the day to get away from home, but I feel bad leaving her in her crate for a few hours when she hasn't got much stimulation from the things we've tried. Maybe I am doing this wrong? Or have some unfair expectations? Truly, every other dog I've fostered before this has been a breeze and/or a small dog, so I could pick them up and try another place. She's bigger and stronger and also much more fearful.
Any tips, or even stories of dog blues, and if there's any hope here, I'll take all of it.
So, I live in one of the noisiest neighborhoods of one of the loudest cities on Earth, and I adopted a fearful rural dog. For all the reasons you mentioned, it's a lot. However, two things helped: (1) simple passage of time, to allow him to gain more familiarity and comfort with the environment; and (2) a $$$ private trainer, who taught me to use clicker training for a game called "engage-disengage" where the dog learns to turn away from the scary stimulus to look at you in return for a tasty treat. If you like, MeMail me and I will send you the instructions (but note it will be a two-step process, as you first have to teach them that a click is good and means a reward). I'm sure there are probably demonstrations available online too. I would not say that the problem has vanished by any means, but at least I can get little man around the literal block now most of the time without incident and!!! occasionally recently he has evinced an interest in exploring a little further. Counter-conditioning can work. And, bonus, any training you can give the dog will help his adoptability and his chances at happiness in his ultimate forever home.
posted by praemunire at 9:12 AM on June 30, 2022 [6 favorites]
posted by praemunire at 9:12 AM on June 30, 2022 [6 favorites]
Some ideas:
-spend some time hanging out on your front step if she's not too freaked out there, with occasional treats and something for you to read. If this is too much you could try hanging out inside near the open front door, with her leashed of course.
-flirt pole is great for a physical energy outlet
-feed most of her meal kibbles as puzzles: scatter feeding, snuffle mats, treat hints like you're doing, puzzles if you have any, etc.
-meal kibbles can also be mixed with water or broth and frozen in kongs (or just put in dry), just measure out all the meal kibbles at the start of the day so you aren't over feeding. You can also mix with veggies for a low calorie option if the dog likes it
-also use some of that kibble for teaching basic commands or tricks for more mental simulation
-maybe the rescue could help you coordinate a dog playdate at your home, or you could ask on social media, either your friends or local dog groups? Assuming no known dog aggression.
-relaxation protocol is very helpful for teaching calm once their needs are met, but energetic dogs may struggle if you don't give them enough physical/mental stimulation first
posted by randomnity at 9:12 AM on June 30, 2022 [3 favorites]
-spend some time hanging out on your front step if she's not too freaked out there, with occasional treats and something for you to read. If this is too much you could try hanging out inside near the open front door, with her leashed of course.
-flirt pole is great for a physical energy outlet
-feed most of her meal kibbles as puzzles: scatter feeding, snuffle mats, treat hints like you're doing, puzzles if you have any, etc.
-meal kibbles can also be mixed with water or broth and frozen in kongs (or just put in dry), just measure out all the meal kibbles at the start of the day so you aren't over feeding. You can also mix with veggies for a low calorie option if the dog likes it
-also use some of that kibble for teaching basic commands or tricks for more mental simulation
-maybe the rescue could help you coordinate a dog playdate at your home, or you could ask on social media, either your friends or local dog groups? Assuming no known dog aggression.
-relaxation protocol is very helpful for teaching calm once their needs are met, but energetic dogs may struggle if you don't give them enough physical/mental stimulation first
posted by randomnity at 9:12 AM on June 30, 2022 [3 favorites]
I have a fearful, anxious mixed breed rescue dog. I love her. And I do think there are things to try if you want to. Puzzle toys (pet store purchases or homemade using egg cartons or cardboard tubes) can give enrichment indoors. Frozen kongs in the crate can be a lifesaver. Connecting with a dog trainer who works with fearful/reactive dogs can be hugely helpful. But also: you took this on as a favor, against your gut. It’s ok if this is too much. It’s ok if you aren’t a good fit. It’s better (for you and for future rescue dogs) to be a joyful foster for small dogs long-term than to be a burnt-out former foster.
If I were you, I’d offer the foster org two options: 1) find a new placement for this pup because I’m not equipped to give her the care she needs, or 2) set me up with (and pay for) a dog trainer who can help me help this dog. Both are reasonable asks with different costs—and they put an appropriate amount of the burden on the org.
posted by theotherdurassister at 9:18 AM on June 30, 2022
If I were you, I’d offer the foster org two options: 1) find a new placement for this pup because I’m not equipped to give her the care she needs, or 2) set me up with (and pay for) a dog trainer who can help me help this dog. Both are reasonable asks with different costs—and they put an appropriate amount of the burden on the org.
posted by theotherdurassister at 9:18 AM on June 30, 2022
I just wanted to +1 all the sound/outside desensitization ideas. My admittedly much lazier, smaller rescue was terrified of outdoor city noises when we adopted her 2 years ago, but she loves walks and sniffing the sidewalk now. What got us there was a combination of time, sitting outside our apartment building at quiet times on weekend mornings and giving her a treat every time there was a loud noise, and gradually increasing the distance of her walks so she could get to know the neighborhood. She’s still skittish around construction sites and unexpected loud noises, but it only took a week or two to get her over her fear of cars driving by.
posted by A Blue Moon at 9:20 AM on June 30, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by A Blue Moon at 9:20 AM on June 30, 2022 [1 favorite]
Is there a dog park nearby? Maybe having some playmates will help to distract her from the noises that she's fearful of and help get her more comfortable being outside.
posted by mezzanayne at 9:22 AM on June 30, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by mezzanayne at 9:22 AM on June 30, 2022 [1 favorite]
My very anxious dog loved the dog park, because she felt free to back away from things that confused/worried her, and that gave her more confidence. She also noticed that some of the things that scared her didn't bother other dogs, and she started taking cues from them. My friend's new anxious dog is the same way. I wonder if you can find a dog park and go at a time it's usually empty, and let her run around a bit in an empty space with fun new smells. Then maybe the rescue can tell you about her ability to socialize with other dogs, and if it's fine, you can give it a try with your friend's dog, and then later expand to strange dogs.
posted by PussKillian at 9:30 AM on June 30, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by PussKillian at 9:30 AM on June 30, 2022 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thanks for the answers so far! Our foster org doesn’t allow us to take her to the dog park :/
posted by socky bottoms at 9:56 AM on June 30, 2022
posted by socky bottoms at 9:56 AM on June 30, 2022
Could you try gradually desensitizing her to that kind of noise? Use a long recording, start it off very quietly, give her treats, pets, naps, play, and gradually raise the volume over the course of a few days and include some turning on and off (so the suddenness happens also). Once she's comfortable with the noise _inside_ the calm/safe house, you can try excursions that get juuuust to the edge of her comfort zone outside -- but safely removed enough that she never gets really scared. Give her treats right there so she's reassured that it's a good place. Gradually increase her exposure/distance/time in an ultra safe way so that the hard fear never gets a foothold -- you should be able to work through this.
posted by amtho at 10:01 AM on June 30, 2022
posted by amtho at 10:01 AM on June 30, 2022
We live in the city and adopted a 12 month-old dog who had only been in rural environments last December. Like you, it was a LOT and we struggled for the first couple months.
I would separate the idea of walks and getting her used to the environment from her needs for physical and mental stimulation.
For the latter, a flirt pole is great, and you can really burn a lot of energy with a game of tug. For mental work, seconding hiding kibble in cardboard boxes, or rolled up bath towels. If it's too easy, tie a knot in the towel. A licky-mat with yogurt is also very soothing and lower calorie, and takes 10 seconds to put together. Same with a snuffle mat, or just scattering kibble in the grass, will also work her brain.
Also +1 to those saying you need to get her used to the scary outside world very gently. We also worked with a trainer and did the engage/disengage game. The gist is that the world is scary and new for her, and you are helping her FEEL better about it by showing her that scary things = treats. The key for us was highest value treats, like bits of beef, American cheese slices, or stinky soft treats. You can also use a spoon of peanut butter - whatever she absolutely loves. Take it nice and slow, with less-scary things first, and at a distance. You want to set her up for success one baby step at a time vs reinforcing her fears if something is too scary or too close
We didn't realize at first how scary and stressful walks were for our pup. As long as she has somewhere to potty, she doesn't need to go for walks. Unless they are super long, she won't get enough exercise from walks anyway. Our trainer told us to make them super short or skip them until our dog was more comfortable in the city environment.
Thank you for working with this little lady!
posted by foodmapper at 10:21 AM on June 30, 2022 [1 favorite]
I would separate the idea of walks and getting her used to the environment from her needs for physical and mental stimulation.
For the latter, a flirt pole is great, and you can really burn a lot of energy with a game of tug. For mental work, seconding hiding kibble in cardboard boxes, or rolled up bath towels. If it's too easy, tie a knot in the towel. A licky-mat with yogurt is also very soothing and lower calorie, and takes 10 seconds to put together. Same with a snuffle mat, or just scattering kibble in the grass, will also work her brain.
Also +1 to those saying you need to get her used to the scary outside world very gently. We also worked with a trainer and did the engage/disengage game. The gist is that the world is scary and new for her, and you are helping her FEEL better about it by showing her that scary things = treats. The key for us was highest value treats, like bits of beef, American cheese slices, or stinky soft treats. You can also use a spoon of peanut butter - whatever she absolutely loves. Take it nice and slow, with less-scary things first, and at a distance. You want to set her up for success one baby step at a time vs reinforcing her fears if something is too scary or too close
We didn't realize at first how scary and stressful walks were for our pup. As long as she has somewhere to potty, she doesn't need to go for walks. Unless they are super long, she won't get enough exercise from walks anyway. Our trainer told us to make them super short or skip them until our dog was more comfortable in the city environment.
Thank you for working with this little lady!
posted by foodmapper at 10:21 AM on June 30, 2022 [1 favorite]
With her breed, I doubt you could carry her, but how about: riding in the car to a park where there _isn't_ construction, and walking around the block there? Maybe with those small 'training treats' for completion of one side of the block?
A dog I adopted would not walk on a leash at all, planting his feet obstinately - so I walked the other dog around the block, then carried this one all the way around, showing him there was nothing to worry about. Only took one time, then he would walk with me and the other dog. Now his is 'point', leading us around. I doubt it would work with a dog the size of yours though :-)
posted by TimHare at 11:46 AM on June 30, 2022
A dog I adopted would not walk on a leash at all, planting his feet obstinately - so I walked the other dog around the block, then carried this one all the way around, showing him there was nothing to worry about. Only took one time, then he would walk with me and the other dog. Now his is 'point', leading us around. I doubt it would work with a dog the size of yours though :-)
posted by TimHare at 11:46 AM on June 30, 2022
As long as she has somewhere to potty, she doesn't need to go for walks.
Yeah, my little guy didn't take anything resembling an actual walk, as opposed to a quick trip around the corner to the "pee park" (aka tree well), for a good seven months. Even now, his walks are short, and occasional, and I let him end them and return home whenever he wants. The only real issue is making sure he doesn't put on any more weight than the 1.5 pounds he needed when he came to me, both because he doesn't do much walking and because he gets plentiful training treats. So I can't really give him more than the occasional crumb of human food, but oh well.
posted by praemunire at 11:59 AM on June 30, 2022
Yeah, my little guy didn't take anything resembling an actual walk, as opposed to a quick trip around the corner to the "pee park" (aka tree well), for a good seven months. Even now, his walks are short, and occasional, and I let him end them and return home whenever he wants. The only real issue is making sure he doesn't put on any more weight than the 1.5 pounds he needed when he came to me, both because he doesn't do much walking and because he gets plentiful training treats. So I can't really give him more than the occasional crumb of human food, but oh well.
posted by praemunire at 11:59 AM on June 30, 2022
Seconding the dog park. Getting out to play with other dogs and run around like a big goober can drain excess energy enough to last several days.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 12:50 PM on June 30, 2022
posted by DirtyOldTown at 12:50 PM on June 30, 2022
Re: leaving the house, start with the tiniest wins. Open the door but stay inside and treat her for anything resembling relaxed behavior or looking at you for a signal of next steps. Next time go to the threshhold. Next time just across it. Build up.
I hate dog parks and most trainers don't love dog parks, and it's really dangerous for a large fearful dog to be in the large dog section of a dog park. It is pretty traumatic and often expensive and possibly fatal when that doesn't work out okay. Do not be tempted to break the rescue's rule, they have it for a good reason.
Now, if someone from the rescue was able to bring over a compatible dog for them to have a good romp in the yard, and maybe eventually the dogfriend could help model that it's fun and not scary to go for walks, that would be amazing.
I am pretty fond of trainer Zack George on youtube, and he has a new puppy that he's working on bravery with in a new series. Plus check his back catalog for fearfulness, and enrichment to wear out a nervous dog.
posted by Lyn Never at 12:59 PM on June 30, 2022 [1 favorite]
I hate dog parks and most trainers don't love dog parks, and it's really dangerous for a large fearful dog to be in the large dog section of a dog park. It is pretty traumatic and often expensive and possibly fatal when that doesn't work out okay. Do not be tempted to break the rescue's rule, they have it for a good reason.
Now, if someone from the rescue was able to bring over a compatible dog for them to have a good romp in the yard, and maybe eventually the dogfriend could help model that it's fun and not scary to go for walks, that would be amazing.
I am pretty fond of trainer Zack George on youtube, and he has a new puppy that he's working on bravery with in a new series. Plus check his back catalog for fearfulness, and enrichment to wear out a nervous dog.
posted by Lyn Never at 12:59 PM on June 30, 2022 [1 favorite]
Can she go on Prozac? Behavioral interventions are great but sometimes their anxiety is so severe the strategies can’t work until you get their anxiety to a manageable level.
posted by Amy93 at 2:27 PM on June 30, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by Amy93 at 2:27 PM on June 30, 2022 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thank you all so much for the answers! I wanted to give you an update that surprised us!! So we did try the clicker engage/disengage kind of thing with her tonight (but maybe a simpler version) where we just rewarded her for being curious with the door. We didn’t have a harness on her because we didn’t think she would go outside. We opened the door and click and treated and I was SHOCKED that she walked through the door and started sniffing around on the front porch, then started to inch to the yard. Not wanting to lose momentum, I started clicking and treating like some kind of human pez dispenser while my partner got the leash. And she just started walking around! Like sniffing, scared, but walking around!!! I think it was her harness that made her freeze (that is literally the only different thing we could identify…well other than it being a bit quieter bc night time) and maybe the harness made her more scared? I have no clue. But she saw a car go by, and was fine. She didn’t bolt back to the house until a couple mins after, but it was less frantic than before. I don’t know if it was the askmetafilter gods, but thank you all for the suggestions. I think they’ll still be applicable but I can’t tell you how relieved I am to see her explore.
Is it bad if we don’t use her harness for a while?
posted by socky bottoms at 8:17 PM on June 30, 2022 [8 favorites]
Is it bad if we don’t use her harness for a while?
posted by socky bottoms at 8:17 PM on June 30, 2022 [8 favorites]
Not surprised at all by your update! A lot of dogs who go through abuse have come to fear harnesses and collars because they remember being hurt while wearing them, or being jerked around by them. I'm glad yours is doing better, best of luck!
posted by invincible summer at 6:23 AM on July 1, 2022
posted by invincible summer at 6:23 AM on July 1, 2022
Is it bad if we don’t use her harness for a while?
My only concern is that a spooked dog can back out of a collar and bolt. I would start some clicker training around the harness, and make sure you let her explore it off her body because part of the issue may be that here's this thing I don't really understand and I can't see it and it gets wrapped around my body in a weird way. You might wash it to get it to a neutral-ish scent and then let her see it on the floor and click-treat her for being curious about it. And then lots of click-treating for letting you put it on her unfastened for a moment and then take it off again, working your way up to wearing it around.
In the meantime, consider using a martingale-type collar, possibly even a head collar (gently introduced).
posted by Lyn Never at 6:37 AM on July 1, 2022
My only concern is that a spooked dog can back out of a collar and bolt. I would start some clicker training around the harness, and make sure you let her explore it off her body because part of the issue may be that here's this thing I don't really understand and I can't see it and it gets wrapped around my body in a weird way. You might wash it to get it to a neutral-ish scent and then let her see it on the floor and click-treat her for being curious about it. And then lots of click-treating for letting you put it on her unfastened for a moment and then take it off again, working your way up to wearing it around.
In the meantime, consider using a martingale-type collar, possibly even a head collar (gently introduced).
posted by Lyn Never at 6:37 AM on July 1, 2022
You can also do a dual-collar setup. You can buy a short strap to attach the two together. That gives you a bit of backup if she manages to slip one. My dog's rescue highly recommends using two methods even if one is a harness.
So glad she had a little success!
posted by praemunire at 7:54 AM on July 1, 2022
So glad she had a little success!
posted by praemunire at 7:54 AM on July 1, 2022
My mixed breed rescue was so freaked out by the harness. We were told to use the harness as much as possible when we rescued him because he had heartworms. We talked with our vet about his anxiety with the harness and she said to try the leash on the collar and be very aware while walking so he did not pull. Things improved immediately once we went with collar and leash. He still has other anxiety issues but we solved that one. And it was very stressful the first week we had him. He was a nervous wreck and followed us everywhere but he slowly settled in as we all learned together. Good luck and you are doing a wonderful thing!
posted by narancia at 9:33 PM on July 2, 2022
posted by narancia at 9:33 PM on July 2, 2022
This thread is closed to new comments.
It's been about two weeks now and he's improving greatly. He "smiles" now and wags his tail most of the time. One thing my BFF did was get him some comfort/relaxation chews. That helped him feel more comfortable and confident in his new environment.
Like with any dog that may have been abused or neglected, sometimes it takes a little longer for them to regain their confidence and start acting like a dog again.
Good luck to you and good job! Don't be disheartened. You'll both get there!
posted by snsranch at 9:11 AM on June 30, 2022 [4 favorites]