How to be more kempt
June 29, 2022 8:49 AM Subscribe
I feel like I come across as being an unkempt person. How to be more kempt at work, especially when on the move?
I would like to look more kempt at work. My work requires a lot of face to face meetings, which require taking transport or walking from Meeting A to Meeting B.
Specifics:
I am overweight, which does not in itself mean I should be unkempt, but creates some challenges with internal temperature regulation.
When I am going from A to B at a quick pace, I sweat a lot more than the average person and the sweat doesn't evaporate. It just sits there on my face. Not a good look. I think this is the main problem.
I wear clothes that breathe so as not to overheat, but this means my working uniform skews a bit more casual than many people's. I simply cannot do tight, fitted, structured clothes. I also CANNOT with restricting underwear/'shapewear' but I know that this probably adds to my general look of not being very kempt.
I have troublesome feet as well, which means I can only wear trainers. Again, not exactly a professional look, although it's permitted within the bounds of my workplace culture.
This last thing probably doesn't stick out to people as much as it does to me, but I feel like I have an uneven skin tone. I have sallow skin with lots of freckles and while I look fine with make-up on, I don't wear it on busy days because I know I'm just going to sweat it off.
Things I do:
Give myself a LOT of time between meetings so that I'm not rushing or out of breath
Try to plan meetings so they're not too far away from each other in terms of distance
Be well-groomed in general (facial hair always under control, personal hygiene is fine)
Wear clean comfortable clothes of the correct size
Wear trainers, but nice trainers
Be hydrated and fed properly
Be well-prepared for meetings so that I'm feeling confident
I would feel like I was coming across a bit more professionally if I didn't sweat so much and if I could wear professional-looking clothes while remaining comfortable. Can mefites suggest any hacks?
I would like to look more kempt at work. My work requires a lot of face to face meetings, which require taking transport or walking from Meeting A to Meeting B.
Specifics:
I am overweight, which does not in itself mean I should be unkempt, but creates some challenges with internal temperature regulation.
When I am going from A to B at a quick pace, I sweat a lot more than the average person and the sweat doesn't evaporate. It just sits there on my face. Not a good look. I think this is the main problem.
I wear clothes that breathe so as not to overheat, but this means my working uniform skews a bit more casual than many people's. I simply cannot do tight, fitted, structured clothes. I also CANNOT with restricting underwear/'shapewear' but I know that this probably adds to my general look of not being very kempt.
I have troublesome feet as well, which means I can only wear trainers. Again, not exactly a professional look, although it's permitted within the bounds of my workplace culture.
This last thing probably doesn't stick out to people as much as it does to me, but I feel like I have an uneven skin tone. I have sallow skin with lots of freckles and while I look fine with make-up on, I don't wear it on busy days because I know I'm just going to sweat it off.
Things I do:
Give myself a LOT of time between meetings so that I'm not rushing or out of breath
Try to plan meetings so they're not too far away from each other in terms of distance
Be well-groomed in general (facial hair always under control, personal hygiene is fine)
Wear clean comfortable clothes of the correct size
Wear trainers, but nice trainers
Be hydrated and fed properly
Be well-prepared for meetings so that I'm feeling confident
I would feel like I was coming across a bit more professionally if I didn't sweat so much and if I could wear professional-looking clothes while remaining comfortable. Can mefites suggest any hacks?
A couple questions:
1) what do you mean by troublesome feet? Wide? Orthopedically in need of correction? In need of additional traction?
2) Is it a problem if the top is semi-fitted but the rest is loose? This is how I manage the professional clothing problem - through Eshakti dresses that are fitted to my size on top and then loose on bottom. They are very comfortable - if you are interested I am happy to memail pictures of what I’m talking about!
For a quick put-together addition, I usually add earrings/a tasteful statement necklace - they make me look like I tried much harder than I actuallly did.
posted by corb at 9:03 AM on June 29, 2022 [4 favorites]
1) what do you mean by troublesome feet? Wide? Orthopedically in need of correction? In need of additional traction?
2) Is it a problem if the top is semi-fitted but the rest is loose? This is how I manage the professional clothing problem - through Eshakti dresses that are fitted to my size on top and then loose on bottom. They are very comfortable - if you are interested I am happy to memail pictures of what I’m talking about!
For a quick put-together addition, I usually add earrings/a tasteful statement necklace - they make me look like I tried much harder than I actuallly did.
posted by corb at 9:03 AM on June 29, 2022 [4 favorites]
I bike as my main mode of transportation, including to the office and so I think I probably have a lot in common with you in trying to look polished in the workplace - though I don't always succeed!
I think something that would help you in this situation is to carry a small towel or handkerchief with you so that you can blot yourself when you arrive, ideally taking a few moments in a washroom to get yourself back in order and calm down. A handkerchief, especially if you picked up several fashionable ones that match your style, would on its own help you seem polished and put together, even if you were to use it in front of people.
I don't think makeup is an essential part of looking put together, but some ideas - you could also use a tinted moisturizer to help even out your skin tone if you're concerned about it. Other types of long-wear makeup are indispensable to me as someone who bikes every day, including long-wear eyeliner - I have used this one forever and it stays put no matter what. Also, lipstick quickly applied after you arrive does wonders to make a person look put together.
On a larger scale, and because I am a bike evangelist at heart, would an e-bike to use between appointments be feasible for you (cost, safe routes you would feel comfortable using, etc)? That would remove the requirement to move so much between appointments and give you reliable and fast transportation on which you would sweat less.
posted by urbanlenny at 9:04 AM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]
I think something that would help you in this situation is to carry a small towel or handkerchief with you so that you can blot yourself when you arrive, ideally taking a few moments in a washroom to get yourself back in order and calm down. A handkerchief, especially if you picked up several fashionable ones that match your style, would on its own help you seem polished and put together, even if you were to use it in front of people.
I don't think makeup is an essential part of looking put together, but some ideas - you could also use a tinted moisturizer to help even out your skin tone if you're concerned about it. Other types of long-wear makeup are indispensable to me as someone who bikes every day, including long-wear eyeliner - I have used this one forever and it stays put no matter what. Also, lipstick quickly applied after you arrive does wonders to make a person look put together.
On a larger scale, and because I am a bike evangelist at heart, would an e-bike to use between appointments be feasible for you (cost, safe routes you would feel comfortable using, etc)? That would remove the requirement to move so much between appointments and give you reliable and fast transportation on which you would sweat less.
posted by urbanlenny at 9:04 AM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]
This very much depends on personal style, but I came in to echo what corb said - I get a lot of mileage out of throwing a necklace, maybe a cardigan if I want to be really wild, over one of my casual well-breathing tops. Occasionally I ponder going really wild and getting a brooch or two but I think that would pull me too far into Provost Chic for my current level of academic staff stature.
posted by Stacey at 9:10 AM on June 29, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by Stacey at 9:10 AM on June 29, 2022 [4 favorites]
Hi, I sweat a lot and my face gets extremely red. Lots of good advice here, but I alsogive myself enough time to go to the bathroom and dab a cold cloth on my face, neck, underarms, wherever I can, feasibly.
posted by jennypower at 9:11 AM on June 29, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by jennypower at 9:11 AM on June 29, 2022 [3 favorites]
For a quick put-together addition, I usually add earrings/a tasteful statement necklace - they make me look like I tried much harder than I actually did.
This is also great advice. I am a big accessorizer and I have a reputation for being very well put together even though my hair is often a mess and my clothing occasionally wrinkly or something. People get distracted by shiny things, honestly! I also always wear (comfortable) dresses, which people take as my being well dressed for the office even though I am functionally wearing something as comfortable as pyjamas.
posted by urbanlenny at 9:11 AM on June 29, 2022 [12 favorites]
This is also great advice. I am a big accessorizer and I have a reputation for being very well put together even though my hair is often a mess and my clothing occasionally wrinkly or something. People get distracted by shiny things, honestly! I also always wear (comfortable) dresses, which people take as my being well dressed for the office even though I am functionally wearing something as comfortable as pyjamas.
posted by urbanlenny at 9:11 AM on June 29, 2022 [12 favorites]
Another look that may come across as more polished than the effort involved warrants: a sleeveless dress with a porous (lacey or open-weave) shrug.
I happen to be wearing such an ensemble today (going to the doctor later and I expect arm-pokes), and while I was walking to work (long story, but you'd be sympathetic) someone rolled down their window just to say (in a totally non-stalkery, non-creepazoid fashion) how much they loved it.
The Pyramid Collection-verse (NorthStyle, the unfortunately-named Serengeti) often offers this kind of shrug.
posted by humbug at 9:12 AM on June 29, 2022 [5 favorites]
I happen to be wearing such an ensemble today (going to the doctor later and I expect arm-pokes), and while I was walking to work (long story, but you'd be sympathetic) someone rolled down their window just to say (in a totally non-stalkery, non-creepazoid fashion) how much they loved it.
The Pyramid Collection-verse (NorthStyle, the unfortunately-named Serengeti) often offers this kind of shrug.
posted by humbug at 9:12 AM on June 29, 2022 [5 favorites]
I see that you're wearing breathable fabrics, which is great. If you want to add items to your wardrobe consider searching "workleisure", which is athletic or tech fabric cut in more conservative work pieces. Like a blazer, button up, etc. I find putting on a blazer over an otherwise casual outfit reads business. I've been eyeing the Brooklyn Blazer at Athleta to fill this gap for me. I also like the sweater blazers at J Crew or ponte blazers at Talbots for this. I usually keep them on a hanger in my office or the car and put them on right before I go in.
posted by jennypower at 9:28 AM on June 29, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by jennypower at 9:28 AM on June 29, 2022 [3 favorites]
An expensive haircut/color, professionally done brows, and manicure all go a long way if the cost is manageable for you.
I'd also look into silk/wool scarves. Easy to toss in a bag, and they look polished even when worn as a loose wrap over a more casual top.
posted by veery at 9:39 AM on June 29, 2022 [9 favorites]
I'd also look into silk/wool scarves. Easy to toss in a bag, and they look polished even when worn as a loose wrap over a more casual top.
posted by veery at 9:39 AM on June 29, 2022 [9 favorites]
General advice, feel free to take on board or ignore as you see fit, some options depend on how much money you can spend on aesthetics. Get your hair professionally cut and styled every ~3 months. Keep your nails trim tidy, with polish if you like it. I am super lazy about my nails but usually try to get a manicure if I have an important work trip/presentation coming up. Gel polish lasts for >2 weeks but does trash your nails underneath so I only do this 1-2× a year. Earrings can add an element of dressiness. Or maybe a wristwatch? Hankerchief or blotting papers to deal with facial sweating. For trainers, go for stylish casual in neutral colours rather than athletic trainers. Professional looking bag. I have a comfortable but really nice looking black backpack that holds my laptop that I get a ton of use out of.
posted by emd3737 at 9:42 AM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by emd3737 at 9:42 AM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]
As a man, I've found a cloth handkerchief in the pocket at all times useful for face dabbing. Counterintuitively sport-coats/blazers also help me. They don't make you less sweaty, but they do make it far less visible.
posted by eotvos at 9:42 AM on June 29, 2022
posted by eotvos at 9:42 AM on June 29, 2022
I really hate it when people answer questions by questioning the Asker's premise, but that's what I'm gonna do here, so, sorry.
I want to make it clear, first of all, that you probably don't come across nearly as unkempt to others as you think you do. They're all too busy worrying about their own looks to care much about yours.
I also want to say that appearance matters even less if you're really good at your job. I used to work with a sales guy who looked like he got dressed from someone else's dirty clothes hamper. I'm pretty sure there were times when he wore the same clothes to the office multiple days in a row. Stains on his shirt, hair looking like he washed it with Vaseline, chomping on Doritos in every meeting, etc. But he sold more than our other two sales guys combined. It's amazing how much better you look when you're winning.
I'm also a guy, and I think there's a gender disparity, but there's a long history for guys of "rumpledness". Think of stereotypical college professors in like tweed jackets and corduroy pants. Not such a long history for women, unfortunately; I think the more common word for women is "dowdy", but let's change that.
To that end, I've found that I look better (which is to say, I subjectively feel better about how I look) when I lean more toward the "rumpled" end of the spectrum rather than the fashion-magazine end, and I've gotten good at identifying items that will help with that - items that degrade well, basically. Like a machine-washed oxford-cloth shirt, for example, instead of a pressed-and-starched dress shirt. I also wear athletic shoes, but if I'm making an effort, I'll wear a pair of Adidas Sambas instead of my everyday running shoes. (Not sure what you meant by "problematic feet", but I have problematic feet myself - plantar fasciitis - and I can get the Sambas to work for me.) I wouldn't say Sambas are particularly "kempt", but I think they're sharp. I stopped getting my hair cut by a barber and started doing it myself. My hair is curly, and while I keep it pretty short, it starts looking out of control about three days after getting cut. So rather than try to chase those three days where it looks somewhat kempt, now it just looks kinda ragged all the time, which is how it already looked 90% of the time anyway, and I save a bunch of money.
I think it helps that my personality is also pretty rumpled, if that makes sense. I'm the kind of person who makes a lot of dad jokes and pulls out random trivia. My train of thought doesn't travel on a linear track, and wearing a somewhat-wrinkly shirt kind of fits with that.
Ever since I had kids, I read questions like these and imagine my kids asking something similar, and it makes me a little sad. I just want to hug them and say "don't worry, you're wonderful as you are". There's probably going to be a time when my daughter, especially, tries to downplay some parts of her personality to fit in, and I'm really not looking forward to that. I assure you there are people who feel that way about you, who just want you to be who you are and not worry about what other people think. Lean into yourself rather than laying on some procrustean bed.
So that I don't avoid answering your question entirely, let me add that braiding your hair is a pretty easy upgrade. A couple years ago there was a fad for braiding the hair on half of the front of your head, which made literally everyone who did it look that much more put-together. Literally the ugliest, dumbest, worst personality in the world could show up wearing an offensive t-shirt but with their hair in a braid like that, and my first impression would be "oh your hair looks nice". Pretty much any braid is free, minimal hassle, and looks great. The sock bun trend from around the same time also looked good. On preview, +1 to scarves, which always make a good impression even when they're not explicitly trying to (i.e., when you're wearing one to keep warm in the winter - still looks great).
For clothing, a lot of overweight people go in one of two directions: Either they assume clothes made for skinny people will look the same on them, or they wear shapeless bedsheets. The key is to find clothes that work with your body. I have extremely broad shoulders and a bit of a potbelly, so if I tried to wear nearly any widely-available pants with a normal-fitting shirt, it would look like I had pencil legs. So I special-order loose-fitting (fka baggy) pants, which balance out my top-heaviness. I also don't ever tuck my shirt in, so as to avoid emphasizing the belly, and I tend to wear lighter fabrics as shirts - no big bulky sweaters for me. It's a bit more work than my friend who's 140 pounds has to do, but I like how I end up looking.
And the secret to looking good at the start of a meeting is to schedule enough time before the start to prepare yourself. Get to the meeting place fifteen minutes early to allow yourself to relax and stop sweating, then go to the bathroom, clean up a little, get a drink of water, and compose yourself.
Finally, in one more point against kempt-ness, let me just say that we live in a pretty casual, informal age, and as a result, I feel a bit weird when people are dressed too formally, with perfect makeup, hairs all perfectly placed, and no wrinkles. It's like when politicians speak in Big Important Orator Voice. I know you don't talk like that, dude. Just speak normally instead of emphazing! Every! Word! That's maybe just a me thing, but I do think the world would be better if everyone were a little more informal and, well, rumpled.
posted by kevinbelt at 10:04 AM on June 29, 2022 [6 favorites]
I want to make it clear, first of all, that you probably don't come across nearly as unkempt to others as you think you do. They're all too busy worrying about their own looks to care much about yours.
I also want to say that appearance matters even less if you're really good at your job. I used to work with a sales guy who looked like he got dressed from someone else's dirty clothes hamper. I'm pretty sure there were times when he wore the same clothes to the office multiple days in a row. Stains on his shirt, hair looking like he washed it with Vaseline, chomping on Doritos in every meeting, etc. But he sold more than our other two sales guys combined. It's amazing how much better you look when you're winning.
I'm also a guy, and I think there's a gender disparity, but there's a long history for guys of "rumpledness". Think of stereotypical college professors in like tweed jackets and corduroy pants. Not such a long history for women, unfortunately; I think the more common word for women is "dowdy", but let's change that.
To that end, I've found that I look better (which is to say, I subjectively feel better about how I look) when I lean more toward the "rumpled" end of the spectrum rather than the fashion-magazine end, and I've gotten good at identifying items that will help with that - items that degrade well, basically. Like a machine-washed oxford-cloth shirt, for example, instead of a pressed-and-starched dress shirt. I also wear athletic shoes, but if I'm making an effort, I'll wear a pair of Adidas Sambas instead of my everyday running shoes. (Not sure what you meant by "problematic feet", but I have problematic feet myself - plantar fasciitis - and I can get the Sambas to work for me.) I wouldn't say Sambas are particularly "kempt", but I think they're sharp. I stopped getting my hair cut by a barber and started doing it myself. My hair is curly, and while I keep it pretty short, it starts looking out of control about three days after getting cut. So rather than try to chase those three days where it looks somewhat kempt, now it just looks kinda ragged all the time, which is how it already looked 90% of the time anyway, and I save a bunch of money.
I think it helps that my personality is also pretty rumpled, if that makes sense. I'm the kind of person who makes a lot of dad jokes and pulls out random trivia. My train of thought doesn't travel on a linear track, and wearing a somewhat-wrinkly shirt kind of fits with that.
Ever since I had kids, I read questions like these and imagine my kids asking something similar, and it makes me a little sad. I just want to hug them and say "don't worry, you're wonderful as you are". There's probably going to be a time when my daughter, especially, tries to downplay some parts of her personality to fit in, and I'm really not looking forward to that. I assure you there are people who feel that way about you, who just want you to be who you are and not worry about what other people think. Lean into yourself rather than laying on some procrustean bed.
So that I don't avoid answering your question entirely, let me add that braiding your hair is a pretty easy upgrade. A couple years ago there was a fad for braiding the hair on half of the front of your head, which made literally everyone who did it look that much more put-together. Literally the ugliest, dumbest, worst personality in the world could show up wearing an offensive t-shirt but with their hair in a braid like that, and my first impression would be "oh your hair looks nice". Pretty much any braid is free, minimal hassle, and looks great. The sock bun trend from around the same time also looked good. On preview, +1 to scarves, which always make a good impression even when they're not explicitly trying to (i.e., when you're wearing one to keep warm in the winter - still looks great).
For clothing, a lot of overweight people go in one of two directions: Either they assume clothes made for skinny people will look the same on them, or they wear shapeless bedsheets. The key is to find clothes that work with your body. I have extremely broad shoulders and a bit of a potbelly, so if I tried to wear nearly any widely-available pants with a normal-fitting shirt, it would look like I had pencil legs. So I special-order loose-fitting (fka baggy) pants, which balance out my top-heaviness. I also don't ever tuck my shirt in, so as to avoid emphasizing the belly, and I tend to wear lighter fabrics as shirts - no big bulky sweaters for me. It's a bit more work than my friend who's 140 pounds has to do, but I like how I end up looking.
And the secret to looking good at the start of a meeting is to schedule enough time before the start to prepare yourself. Get to the meeting place fifteen minutes early to allow yourself to relax and stop sweating, then go to the bathroom, clean up a little, get a drink of water, and compose yourself.
Finally, in one more point against kempt-ness, let me just say that we live in a pretty casual, informal age, and as a result, I feel a bit weird when people are dressed too formally, with perfect makeup, hairs all perfectly placed, and no wrinkles. It's like when politicians speak in Big Important Orator Voice. I know you don't talk like that, dude. Just speak normally instead of emphazing! Every! Word! That's maybe just a me thing, but I do think the world would be better if everyone were a little more informal and, well, rumpled.
posted by kevinbelt at 10:04 AM on June 29, 2022 [6 favorites]
Paper tissues or even better purpose-made blotting papers will be better than a handkerchief at creating that matte freshly-powdered look. Or even handkerchief first for sweat and then blotting paper for sebum.
Also, dresses are generally more comfortable even if structured than two (or goodness forbid more) piece outfits. Often easier to get in breathable fabrics too. Some of my favourite all-day-meetings outfits are just wrap dresses in dark and/or plain fabrics, easily dressed up further with earrings and/or a necklace.
posted by I claim sanctuary at 10:09 AM on June 29, 2022 [7 favorites]
Also, dresses are generally more comfortable even if structured than two (or goodness forbid more) piece outfits. Often easier to get in breathable fabrics too. Some of my favourite all-day-meetings outfits are just wrap dresses in dark and/or plain fabrics, easily dressed up further with earrings and/or a necklace.
posted by I claim sanctuary at 10:09 AM on June 29, 2022 [7 favorites]
My face gets super sweaty and I recently bought some face cream that is supposed to help. It does but not an all day thing. I apply in the morning and then the tube is really small so I carry it in my bag and reapply as needed. Only takes a tiny dot.
Keeping your preferred breathable fabrics should be fine but I would look at your clothes and make sure that there are no unraveling seams, visibly worn areas or color fading.
Also depending on how hot you get I would consider carrying a second shirt in your bag and swapping after you walk to the next location.
posted by MadMadam at 10:12 AM on June 29, 2022
Keeping your preferred breathable fabrics should be fine but I would look at your clothes and make sure that there are no unraveling seams, visibly worn areas or color fading.
Also depending on how hot you get I would consider carrying a second shirt in your bag and swapping after you walk to the next location.
posted by MadMadam at 10:12 AM on June 29, 2022
You mentioned "trainers" so I will assume in the UK. The reality is that if you are concerned about upping your kempt-coefficient, that isn't helping. Nice trainers or not. I'm sure there will be plenty of other mefites from, I don't know, suburban Tampa who feel differently or people who don't care about upgrading their kemptitude and who happily wear trainers to their London jobs at Google. Very fine things all but if you work in England, that is the way of it.
I also have troublesome feet and have custom orthotics and custom made shoes, that may or may not be in your budget and maybe you've tried that and trainers really are the only shoes you can wear (definitely don't wear uncomfortable shoes!).
posted by atrazine at 10:13 AM on June 29, 2022 [9 favorites]
I also have troublesome feet and have custom orthotics and custom made shoes, that may or may not be in your budget and maybe you've tried that and trainers really are the only shoes you can wear (definitely don't wear uncomfortable shoes!).
posted by atrazine at 10:13 AM on June 29, 2022 [9 favorites]
I just got back from a vacation in a hot climate where I was constantly sweaty and felt very unkempt. One thing that helped a lot was carrying a small battery powered fan and blotting my sweaty face. It sounds dumb but it helped so much! I am talking about something like this. You can carry it while walking to your meetings. Mine was tiny and could fit in a purse.
There are differences in trainers, too. You can find ones that are both comfy and stylish. I've seen a lot of light colored Veja, Adidas, and Allbirds recently.
I don't know how you are set for undergarments, but ones that are quick-dry will help quite a bit in the summer.
posted by zoetrope at 10:17 AM on June 29, 2022 [2 favorites]
There are differences in trainers, too. You can find ones that are both comfy and stylish. I've seen a lot of light colored Veja, Adidas, and Allbirds recently.
I don't know how you are set for undergarments, but ones that are quick-dry will help quite a bit in the summer.
posted by zoetrope at 10:17 AM on June 29, 2022 [2 favorites]
+1 to blotting papers, dresses (so easy!) good hair and nails, earrings and upgrading your shoes. There are comfortable, supportive shoes out there that aren't trainers. It will take some time to find what works for you, but it's worth it!
posted by cyndigo at 10:17 AM on June 29, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by cyndigo at 10:17 AM on June 29, 2022 [4 favorites]
Find a tailor to do alternations on your clothes, so that they fit well on you.
posted by hooray at 10:20 AM on June 29, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by hooray at 10:20 AM on June 29, 2022 [2 favorites]
It's possible to get botox injections in your armpits/under your breasts (if you have breasts) to reduce sweating, if that's of interest to you. No idea about cost and how long it lasts. There is also a "neck fan" device that you might consider using en route to your meetings, again to reduce sweating/redness.
posted by Bebo at 10:23 AM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by Bebo at 10:23 AM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]
Hello fellow sweaty unkempt person! Man yesterday I was at the bus stop (93 degrees F) with my cutoff shorts that fit awkwardly and a tank that would look nice on someone with small boobs (whoops) and my dumb fine hair clinging to my sweaty face, and there was some asshole girl there with her perfect white Jackie O tank and big sunglasses and her completely matte face and a tidy headscarf and unsmudged lipstick and I was like OH COME ON NOW.
All of which to say, I feel you.
So when I'm not pushing a granny-cart full of all my earthly belongings onto a city bus in the armpit of June, these are my tricks for looking half-decent:
The main super number one thing is just:
-Always always leave time to cool yourself off. After a walk. A stair climb. After a shower. (Seriously, it helps so much to let myself fully, completely dry before I get dressed or do my hair or makeup.)
But since you know, the world is a vampire & will thwart you in your efforts to Take Your Damn Time, these also help:
-Face primer. Applied after your moisturizer has completely soaked in. Re-applied later if you're not wearing makeup. You will still feel like your face is sweaty, but lo! It will not be nearly as visible! The right primer will also even out your tone.
-Nthing haircuts and styling. Heat styling sounds counterintuitive when you're already overhot but when my hair is dried and curled, it does not frizz or cling or go limp as much. If that is super not your game, take a page from Bus Stop Asshole -- a nice headband or scarf to keep your hair smoothed down instead of sticking to your face.
- Minimal makeup: I use a cream blush to fake a lil' sun, an industrial strength brow pencil to polish up my brows, and a smudge-proof mascara. That's enough to pull it all together, but all designed not to sweat off. And also allows me to reapply primer if needed.
-Clothing with subtle patterns will mask any sweat better than solids. I like a sleeveless v-neck dress with a small pattern in muted colors for this sort of thing, but then I am also a sandals person.
- Definitely look into places like Title Nine and Athleta. Their clothes are really really comfortable, very good for temperature regulation and moisture-wicking, and they can look pretty sharp even with trainers.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 10:58 AM on June 29, 2022 [10 favorites]
All of which to say, I feel you.
So when I'm not pushing a granny-cart full of all my earthly belongings onto a city bus in the armpit of June, these are my tricks for looking half-decent:
The main super number one thing is just:
-Always always leave time to cool yourself off. After a walk. A stair climb. After a shower. (Seriously, it helps so much to let myself fully, completely dry before I get dressed or do my hair or makeup.)
But since you know, the world is a vampire & will thwart you in your efforts to Take Your Damn Time, these also help:
-Face primer. Applied after your moisturizer has completely soaked in. Re-applied later if you're not wearing makeup. You will still feel like your face is sweaty, but lo! It will not be nearly as visible! The right primer will also even out your tone.
-Nthing haircuts and styling. Heat styling sounds counterintuitive when you're already overhot but when my hair is dried and curled, it does not frizz or cling or go limp as much. If that is super not your game, take a page from Bus Stop Asshole -- a nice headband or scarf to keep your hair smoothed down instead of sticking to your face.
- Minimal makeup: I use a cream blush to fake a lil' sun, an industrial strength brow pencil to polish up my brows, and a smudge-proof mascara. That's enough to pull it all together, but all designed not to sweat off. And also allows me to reapply primer if needed.
-Clothing with subtle patterns will mask any sweat better than solids. I like a sleeveless v-neck dress with a small pattern in muted colors for this sort of thing, but then I am also a sandals person.
- Definitely look into places like Title Nine and Athleta. Their clothes are really really comfortable, very good for temperature regulation and moisture-wicking, and they can look pretty sharp even with trainers.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 10:58 AM on June 29, 2022 [10 favorites]
There is some good advice in this thread on managing excess sweating.
Personally I recommend Sweat Block, which works brilliantly. Use it every night on your face/head/neck for a few days, then eventually you'll only need to use it once a week/fortnight/month. Honestly, it changed my life.
Buy this fan which has a handle that splits so you can hold it or sit it on a flat surface. The battery is recharged via a USB cable so you can charge if from a laptop, power bank, or wall socket with adapter.
The biggest selling point I can think of is that I know several menopausal women who would recommend this above anything else (and certainly any other fan) for keeping themselves cool when they're flushing - it's quiet, has 3 power settings, and lasts for hours on a single charge, plus you can stick it on your desk when you're working (or watching TV or cooking or whatever) but carry it around with you when you're not.
You don't mention it so it might not be a problem, but well-groomed nails always help a person look more kempt. They don't have to be manicured or painted, just neat and not bitten. Carry a nail file with you and file off sharp bits rather than biting them off, and your nails will be lovely in a very short space of time.
Clothes-wise, I used to work with a slightly larger lady who always looked well put together by the simple approach of wearing a crisp white or light blue shirt/blouse and a block coloured skirt. She wore this combination every day (with smart trainers) and always looked together. It is a uniform that would work for pretty much anyone (you can swap out the skirt for a pair of smart trousers if you want). Plus it'll work perfectly with or without a cardigan or wicking undershirt, and you can accessorize as much or as little as you want. It's a hard outfit to mess up.
posted by underclocked at 11:12 AM on June 29, 2022 [3 favorites]
Personally I recommend Sweat Block, which works brilliantly. Use it every night on your face/head/neck for a few days, then eventually you'll only need to use it once a week/fortnight/month. Honestly, it changed my life.
Buy this fan which has a handle that splits so you can hold it or sit it on a flat surface. The battery is recharged via a USB cable so you can charge if from a laptop, power bank, or wall socket with adapter.
The biggest selling point I can think of is that I know several menopausal women who would recommend this above anything else (and certainly any other fan) for keeping themselves cool when they're flushing - it's quiet, has 3 power settings, and lasts for hours on a single charge, plus you can stick it on your desk when you're working (or watching TV or cooking or whatever) but carry it around with you when you're not.
You don't mention it so it might not be a problem, but well-groomed nails always help a person look more kempt. They don't have to be manicured or painted, just neat and not bitten. Carry a nail file with you and file off sharp bits rather than biting them off, and your nails will be lovely in a very short space of time.
Clothes-wise, I used to work with a slightly larger lady who always looked well put together by the simple approach of wearing a crisp white or light blue shirt/blouse and a block coloured skirt. She wore this combination every day (with smart trainers) and always looked together. It is a uniform that would work for pretty much anyone (you can swap out the skirt for a pair of smart trousers if you want). Plus it'll work perfectly with or without a cardigan or wicking undershirt, and you can accessorize as much or as little as you want. It's a hard outfit to mess up.
posted by underclocked at 11:12 AM on June 29, 2022 [3 favorites]
expensive haircut/color, professionally done brows, and manicure all go a long way if the cost is manageable for you.
Yes, this. If you can afford it get and maintain an excellent haircut and regular eyebrow and manicure. This goes a very long way toward looking kempt.
I don't wear any makeup, as i don't like it and no one else among my colleagues does. But if you feel you must, i would get some pro show me what to do.
I should add, I am tall, overweight, sweaty and prone to get a red face and cleavage.
Also my work is very much people/public facing. I created myself a sort of uniform of dark trousers and unlined jackets, and under the jacket a shirt or t-shirt, not totally loose fitting but not tight either.
The fabric that really works for me is linen. It is expensive but worth it because it is pleasant to wear and also if it is rumpled it is a feature not a bug.
I have several t-shirts and shirts at work to change during the day, also spare trousers and underwear to change if it is very hot.
For my personal comfort i only ever wear trousers to avoid chafing inside of my thighs. Skirts with the kind of pants meant to avoid chafing are too warm.
Also, i wear chunky jewellery, to break the monotony of my trousers with jacket.
posted by 15L06 at 11:42 AM on June 29, 2022
Yes, this. If you can afford it get and maintain an excellent haircut and regular eyebrow and manicure. This goes a very long way toward looking kempt.
I don't wear any makeup, as i don't like it and no one else among my colleagues does. But if you feel you must, i would get some pro show me what to do.
I should add, I am tall, overweight, sweaty and prone to get a red face and cleavage.
Also my work is very much people/public facing. I created myself a sort of uniform of dark trousers and unlined jackets, and under the jacket a shirt or t-shirt, not totally loose fitting but not tight either.
The fabric that really works for me is linen. It is expensive but worth it because it is pleasant to wear and also if it is rumpled it is a feature not a bug.
I have several t-shirts and shirts at work to change during the day, also spare trousers and underwear to change if it is very hot.
For my personal comfort i only ever wear trousers to avoid chafing inside of my thighs. Skirts with the kind of pants meant to avoid chafing are too warm.
Also, i wear chunky jewellery, to break the monotony of my trousers with jacket.
posted by 15L06 at 11:42 AM on June 29, 2022
I am also overweight and dealing with a lot of the same things you describe here.
For days when you're not wearing makeup, facial wipes can be kept at your desk and used as needed to freshen up. Body wipes are also a thing, if you need to swipe your pits or chest after your morning commute. I typically need a face wipe before the day ends, and sometimes right away as I'm starting it on especially hot days. On days when you're wearing makeup, the oil blotting papers or a translucent powder might help. I also used to sweat off my makeup, which may mean you're not wearing the right makeup, or that you may need to add primer or use less as other commenters have discussed. A makeup store like Sephora or a good makeup counter can help you determine your skin type and give you samples of things to road test.
For your feet, I would like to challenge you to go to a good shoe store and learn exactly what's going on here. Do you have high arches? A bunion? It doesn't sound like your office requires a certain kind of shoe (a blessing!) but you can vary this with slip-ons/shoes with the right support (maybe orthotics?) and potentially open toe shoes or certain kinds of sandals IF you know what your feet need. I swear that not all supportive/insole-compatible shoes are ugly! Even just adding in loafers or slip-ons in different neutral colors could help you with your shoe game.
Base layers can help mitigate sweat and need not be binding: a pair of soft neutral shorts is my best friend under a skirt or dress in the summertime and they'll help with chafing too. Check out these slip shorts (I love Universal Standard in general).
I wear a watch and I feel like it helps me look smart; it also is practical and doesn't go around my neck (if you feel like adding jewelry calls attention you don't want to your face/neck/chest).
I spend a lot of money on a good haircut (my stylist will see me for free for trims as well). In the summer time I also wear a cotton scarf around my head to keep the sun off and dust and dirt out of my hair and I feel like it helps my hair stay nice looking and feeling longer (it's really just a big piece of fabric; use what you have here). Even if you're not a hat person (and I get it, it's another thing that is troublesome to source and fit) a scarf can be folded and packed away in your bag (or tied to the outside) and is washable. There are tons of ways to wear/tie them too (Youtube is full of videos).
posted by koucha at 12:10 PM on June 29, 2022 [2 favorites]
For days when you're not wearing makeup, facial wipes can be kept at your desk and used as needed to freshen up. Body wipes are also a thing, if you need to swipe your pits or chest after your morning commute. I typically need a face wipe before the day ends, and sometimes right away as I'm starting it on especially hot days. On days when you're wearing makeup, the oil blotting papers or a translucent powder might help. I also used to sweat off my makeup, which may mean you're not wearing the right makeup, or that you may need to add primer or use less as other commenters have discussed. A makeup store like Sephora or a good makeup counter can help you determine your skin type and give you samples of things to road test.
For your feet, I would like to challenge you to go to a good shoe store and learn exactly what's going on here. Do you have high arches? A bunion? It doesn't sound like your office requires a certain kind of shoe (a blessing!) but you can vary this with slip-ons/shoes with the right support (maybe orthotics?) and potentially open toe shoes or certain kinds of sandals IF you know what your feet need. I swear that not all supportive/insole-compatible shoes are ugly! Even just adding in loafers or slip-ons in different neutral colors could help you with your shoe game.
Base layers can help mitigate sweat and need not be binding: a pair of soft neutral shorts is my best friend under a skirt or dress in the summertime and they'll help with chafing too. Check out these slip shorts (I love Universal Standard in general).
I wear a watch and I feel like it helps me look smart; it also is practical and doesn't go around my neck (if you feel like adding jewelry calls attention you don't want to your face/neck/chest).
I spend a lot of money on a good haircut (my stylist will see me for free for trims as well). In the summer time I also wear a cotton scarf around my head to keep the sun off and dust and dirt out of my hair and I feel like it helps my hair stay nice looking and feeling longer (it's really just a big piece of fabric; use what you have here). Even if you're not a hat person (and I get it, it's another thing that is troublesome to source and fit) a scarf can be folded and packed away in your bag (or tied to the outside) and is washable. There are tons of ways to wear/tie them too (Youtube is full of videos).
posted by koucha at 12:10 PM on June 29, 2022 [2 favorites]
I always want to look more polished too. A few things that I find help:
Be picky about your colour palette:
Either go cool - navy / blue / grey / black / white / silver jewellery and hardware
Or warm - brown / khaki / olive green / cream / gold jewellery and hardware
Do not deviate. That way everything matches.
Every day, wear only three colours, one of them twice. So for instance: grey shirt, navy pants, red sneakers, red purse. Wearing red twice makes the whole outfit look intentional.
If you wear glasses, get very stylish glasses. Go somewhere fancy like Warby Parker and have the employee help you. Stylish glasses pop the whole outfit.
Get your eyebrows shaped and tinted if they are pale, and shaped meticulously if they are dark. Makes a world of difference and doesn’t wash off.
Have a great easy haircut & colour that suits your hair texture so you can wash and go. Get it done every 8 weeks. If it includes colouring your hair, get them to do a “root shadow” so your natural root colour will blend with the hair colour as it grows out.
Always wear earrings - makes you look more polished.
Make sure your shoes are clean, replace as needed so they don’t look too chewed up.
Splurge a little on the high quality basics that your clients see first - glasses as mentioned, shoes, purse, jacket. Make sure they look fresh and clean and fit well. Stick to your colour palette religiously for these items.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 12:16 PM on June 29, 2022 [12 favorites]
Be picky about your colour palette:
Either go cool - navy / blue / grey / black / white / silver jewellery and hardware
Or warm - brown / khaki / olive green / cream / gold jewellery and hardware
Do not deviate. That way everything matches.
Every day, wear only three colours, one of them twice. So for instance: grey shirt, navy pants, red sneakers, red purse. Wearing red twice makes the whole outfit look intentional.
If you wear glasses, get very stylish glasses. Go somewhere fancy like Warby Parker and have the employee help you. Stylish glasses pop the whole outfit.
Get your eyebrows shaped and tinted if they are pale, and shaped meticulously if they are dark. Makes a world of difference and doesn’t wash off.
Have a great easy haircut & colour that suits your hair texture so you can wash and go. Get it done every 8 weeks. If it includes colouring your hair, get them to do a “root shadow” so your natural root colour will blend with the hair colour as it grows out.
Always wear earrings - makes you look more polished.
Make sure your shoes are clean, replace as needed so they don’t look too chewed up.
Splurge a little on the high quality basics that your clients see first - glasses as mentioned, shoes, purse, jacket. Make sure they look fresh and clean and fit well. Stick to your colour palette religiously for these items.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 12:16 PM on June 29, 2022 [12 favorites]
Scarves and loose cardigans / big shirts can pull any outfit together. I keep a neutral scarf in my office and another in my backpack so I can always throw one on for a meeting if necessary. Yes, they might make you hot - but you don't have to wear them constantly and the really lightweight ones are hardly noticeable. I am the eternal hot flash queen and I still believe strongly in the power of the scarf. Don't be afraid to mix patterns; it's the colors that count. They're cheap too - I have tons of them so there's always something there in the right colors. I also rely heavily on lightweight drapy cardigans and, particularly in the summer, giant oversized men's style shirts. If you're tall and heavy like me, they break up your silhouette and make you look more tall and slim.
If you really can't wear anything but trainers - and I too would encourage you to look into this because people really do notice shoes more than you think; I wear Alegrias which are super comfortable and yet supportive and grown up looking - then how about long loose wide leg pants to cover them up? Loose linen pants look great on everyone. You can wear a more fitted top (by which I mean a t-shirt, just not a giant one) and then throw a cardigan / big shirt / scarf over that and voila, you are all pulled together.
posted by mygothlaundry at 12:33 PM on June 29, 2022 [2 favorites]
If you really can't wear anything but trainers - and I too would encourage you to look into this because people really do notice shoes more than you think; I wear Alegrias which are super comfortable and yet supportive and grown up looking - then how about long loose wide leg pants to cover them up? Loose linen pants look great on everyone. You can wear a more fitted top (by which I mean a t-shirt, just not a giant one) and then throw a cardigan / big shirt / scarf over that and voila, you are all pulled together.
posted by mygothlaundry at 12:33 PM on June 29, 2022 [2 favorites]
So one look I like for being put together without really trying is sort of a loose, jersey style dress, with a skinny belt around the waist. The belt doesn't have to be super tight! But it helps give some shape, and I feel like the addition of the belt instantly makes your look seem more put together. If you add on a nice cardigan and/or a scarf and/or earrings or a statement necklace, this is a look that can seem very put together.
And like you, I have to wear sneakers all the time b/c of feet issues.
Also, I like dresses b/c I also overheat, and I find the right dress is the most comfortable thing. Plus, it doesn't take as much thought compared to pairing a top + pants/skirt. I feel like dresses always read as being put together, especially with a bare minimum of accessorizing.
Lastly, for the makeup, I use this sort of brow cream to fill in/shape my eyebrows, and I think that makes a big difference. I wear minimal makeup - just concealer under my eyes b/c I have dark circles, plus mascara, and the brow stuff. I have gotten a number of compliments on my eyebrows, which is sort of weird, but the brow cream really just makes me look a lot better. This is the product I use. It stays on really well. Sweat wouldn't affect it at all I don't think. Even wiping it with a wet cloth doesn't do anything.
posted by litera scripta manet at 4:24 PM on June 29, 2022
And like you, I have to wear sneakers all the time b/c of feet issues.
Also, I like dresses b/c I also overheat, and I find the right dress is the most comfortable thing. Plus, it doesn't take as much thought compared to pairing a top + pants/skirt. I feel like dresses always read as being put together, especially with a bare minimum of accessorizing.
Lastly, for the makeup, I use this sort of brow cream to fill in/shape my eyebrows, and I think that makes a big difference. I wear minimal makeup - just concealer under my eyes b/c I have dark circles, plus mascara, and the brow stuff. I have gotten a number of compliments on my eyebrows, which is sort of weird, but the brow cream really just makes me look a lot better. This is the product I use. It stays on really well. Sweat wouldn't affect it at all I don't think. Even wiping it with a wet cloth doesn't do anything.
posted by litera scripta manet at 4:24 PM on June 29, 2022
(1) If you wear a bra, bra liners soak up sweat. They can be removed without taking off all your clothes, which will leave you with a dry bra.
(2) Feeling dry makes me feel more kempt even if it's not visible, so I also used winged pantiliners that I can remove to leave me with dry underwear.
(3) Any chance that the Barking Dogs blog has suggestions for more formal shoes that will work for your feet? It's taken a ton of searching, but I've finally found a pair of sandals and a pair of boots that my difficult feet can tolerate.
(4) These are the cheap blotting papers I've been using for years.
posted by metasarah at 4:34 PM on June 29, 2022 [2 favorites]
(2) Feeling dry makes me feel more kempt even if it's not visible, so I also used winged pantiliners that I can remove to leave me with dry underwear.
(3) Any chance that the Barking Dogs blog has suggestions for more formal shoes that will work for your feet? It's taken a ton of searching, but I've finally found a pair of sandals and a pair of boots that my difficult feet can tolerate.
(4) These are the cheap blotting papers I've been using for years.
posted by metasarah at 4:34 PM on June 29, 2022 [2 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
As far as your skin tone goes, without seeing it myself I have a hard time making specific recommendations but definitely wash with a gentle cleanser morning and evening, and apply a good moisturizer at those times as well.
FWIW on the daily, I do not wear a full face of make up but I do concealer, a "blurring" finishing powder, and blush. It helps me feel like my face looks more even. For the blurring powder, I've liked HourGlass and Tatcha. It's much less to sweat through, and even by the end of the day when my face has gotten oily and a lot of it has worn off, I still look a tad more "finished."
posted by Medieval Maven at 8:58 AM on June 29, 2022 [6 favorites]